Chapter Text
Is It Midnight Miscalculation or Deliberate Sabotage?
The keys to their new apartment glint tauntingly in Nie Huaisang's palm as he dangles them just beyond Lan Zhan's reach.
"Congratulations!" Huaisang chirps. "It's technically yours and A-Ying now.”
Lan Zhan's fingers twitch toward the keys. "Keep it a secret from him."
"Ah," Huaisang sighs dramatically, fan fluttering, "I thought I might need to mention the co-owner clause to A-Ying."
"That’ll be my line," Lan Zhan counters, trying to grab the key, but misses.
Huaisang leans in conspiratorially. "But he has to pay for this apartment. Not with money, of course, but with his body..."
Lan Zhan deciphers the double meanings well: the obvious hint of him selling Wei Ying as Huaisang exclusive model, and the far more insidious implication about the impending bodily fluid exchange that will happen tonight.
His vision tunnels at the mental image of Huaisang knowing about their untouched status.
Huaisang pats his shoulder. "Now! Let's shop for your new life together."
Lan Zhan is formulating his refusal when his phone buzzes. Wei Ying's text glows on the screen:
Hey Handsome!
Are we still going to rendezvous at my apartment?
Mn.
His reply is automatic, but Huaisang's sudden exclamation makes him look up sharply.
I'mma be late.
Wen Popo cooked for me.
Will be having an early dinner with the Wens.
Come with?
"By the way, there's a surprise birthday for my roommate tonight" Huaisang adds with faux innocence, having clearly peeked at his screen.
"What?" The word escapes before Lan Zhan can stop it. This is sabotage! A pure, calculated interference designed to delay exactly what Lan Zhan had planned for tonight.
“I told Wen Qing to hold him off so I can surprise him. You're invited. My apartment. 8 PM."
He grits his teeth, “Better end it at 11:59!”
“00:04. I promise!”
Don’t worry about me. I have errands to do.
Enjoy dinner.
"I'll manage shopping on my own," he tells Huaisang flatly.l
“I'll make your life easier! I'll gift him blackout curtains… for A-Ying's beauty sleep" he winks.
And apparently, he has also mobilized mass. "I'll also persuade our brothers to give him a new sofa set. Or do you prefer sound-proof walls?"
Lan Zhan's eyes narrow. The offer is too convenient. What if Huaisang colludes with his brother to install recording devices as well? In one swift motion, he successfully snatches the keys from Huaisang's hand. "You are not allowed to set foot in our apartment."
"Are you sure?" Huaisang's grin is terrifying in its implications as they part ways.
Three stores later, Lan Zhan stares down at his shopping cart. The practical items - cast iron pans (Wei Ying burns everything but these might survive), a cactus plant, and a set of blue and red towels, sit alongside more... telling purchases: a liter of chili oil, and three tubes of grapefruit-flavored lubricant (Wei Ying had been very specific in his ramblings last night about his trip with Mo Xuanyu to ‘try adult store’).
Then, the emotional items: two dozen blood-red roses, a bottle of champagne, and an elegantly decorated bunny cake.
Nie Huaisang finds him outside the new apartment, balancing his own cake. It’s something so aggressively pink and glitter it makes Lan Zhan's teeth ache just looking at it.
"I have a bunny cake," Lan Zhan says stiffly, shifting to block the view of the lubricant peeking from his bag.
"Of course," Huaisang says, “He’ll blow yours.”
Why does his brain provide a different image as Huaisang said the word ‘blow’? His ears blush.
“Mn.”
He might have the chance to reenact that image tonight.
“Got everything?” Huaisang teases, eyeing the roses. “Are you sure you don’t forget… something crucial?”
He stares at his future neighbor’s face and feels a nagging thought when that brat laughs at him mischieviously: What else am I missing?
The next hours pass quickly. The roses’ petals plucked to form a heart on the new apartment floor. The champagne chills beside Wei Ying's favorite chili oil.
He's just adjusting the angle of the jade plant when his phone buzzes. Wei Ying's text lights up the screen:
Where are youuuu??
I'm coming home soon…
ready to ravish me?
He hasn’t even replied to it when he receives another text:
Expect your first favor tonight.
Miauwww~~~
Lan Zhan's fingers tighten around his phone.
Tonight will be perfect.
***
The shout of "SURPRISE!!!" hits the moment Wei Ying steps through the door, his eyes welling up instantly at the sight. When Huaisang smashes the pink cake into his face, Wei Ying's laughter rings out, bright and unrestrained, before he launches himself at Lan Zhan, kissing him soundly in front of everyone, frosting smearing between them.
"I like seeing you messy," Wei Ying murmurs against his lips, and Lan Zhan welcomes both the declaration and the mess, knowing it serves as their official announcement.
No sooner has Wei Ying pulled away than Lan Zhan finds himself surrounded by a tribunal of his lover's friends.
Jiang Cheng materializes at his elbow, his scowl glaring ominously. "If you ever make him cry, I'll break your legs."
Lan Zhan blinks at the monotonous threat just as Jiang Yanli finishes sweetly, "I heard you drink your tea on an empty stomach every morning?"
"She means poison," Jiang Cheng clarifies unnecessarily.
Lan Zhan shudders as he watches the mischievous glint in Jiang Yanli’s eyes and the murderous intent on her brother’s.
Wen Qing intercepts him next, her smile deadly. "So. You and Wei Ying."
"Mn."
"He owes my brother a kiss."
Lan Zhan is painfully aware. "Wen Ning will be compensated."
Nearby, Wen Ning flushes scarlet, and Lan Zhan can't comprehend why anyone would find him handsome (he knows he is being jealous).
Wen Qing swirls her drink lazily. "My café needs a new espresso machine. Call it... emotional hazard pay."
When Lan Zhan stiffly agrees to send payment details, she produces a contract with alarming speed.
"Oh, don't give me that look!" she hisses as he scans the document. "It's just a tiny, binding detail…"
The document demands a ‘fair’ investment in her café's "Tipsy Fairy" and in exchange he’ll get some shares. It also has a clause guaranteeing visitation rights to "monthly inspection of Wei Ying's living conditions" and “weekly dinner at Wen Popo”.
It’s another form of I’m watching you!
On the last page is a string of clauses for every future mistake: from giving up his shares for Wei Ying if he so much looks at another human to losing a finger if he breaks up with him.
His pen is already moving.
Done.
The party swirls in increasing chaos.
A man shoves a drink into Lan Zhan's hands without a preamble. "Do you know who I am?"
Lan Zhan takes in the fire-print shirt, the chain-clad pants with matches dangling like ornaments. He can guess.
"I am your worst nightmare!" Xue Yang cackles, and the answering laugh when Lan Zhan asks "Why?" is pure, unadulterated evil.
He is truly hinged.
"WAIT, WEN RUOHAN IS THE SPECIAL DESSERT?" Wei Ying's shriek cuts through the noise, his face alight with scandalized delight. "I knew Uncle was dating him but…"
Nie Huaisang's fan flutters like a conspiratorial butterfly. "Oh darling, he’s not dating him. Uncle worships his HanHan!”
Before he could hear more about Huaisang’s gossips, Song Lan's imposing frame materialized beside them. "Have you spoken to Lan Qiren about proper courtship rituals?" he intones, face impassive.
An alarmingly cheerful Xiao Xingchen, lays a hand on Song Lan's arm. "Now now, let's not be hasty." His smile is beatific as he whispers to his husband, loudly. "I've got fifty thousand yuan riding on them eloping within the week."
Xiao Xingchen, the proper man with a monk-like persona, takes bets on their elopement potential is clear evidence of Xue Yang's corrupting influence.
Mo Xuanyu slithers into the conversation at just that moment, fingers plucking at Lan Zhan’s sleeve like a particularly persistent cat. “That catboy outfit from the calendar shoot,” he purrs, “Name your price. I’ll even throw in… rare, top-secret materials.” His wink is nothing short of obscene. “I know where Huaisang kept the pr...”
Xue Yang interrupts him and tosses something small and metallic to Lan Zhan, a USB drive containing "educational videos" of Wei Ying from last month’s rehabilitation program. "The one where he demonstrated knot-tying on your uncle," Xue Yang whispers. "So... instructive." His grin widens as Lan Zhan pales.
Through it all, Wei Ying glows, laughing, flirting, alive, and Lan Zhan aches with the need to claim him properly.
Nie Huaisang's "fruit punch" hits like betrayal. Lan Zhan doesn't realize he's drunk until his hands find Wei Ying's waist of their own accord, his mouth hovering over that infuriating pulse point on his neck.
“Will you be naked for my birthday?” Wei Ying gulps, and whispers to him.
“Now is good.”
“We still have guests,” Wei Ying gasps, rejecting him but arching into him at the same time.
"Try to wait until midnight, hmm, Lan Zhan?”
Unlikely.
As Wei Ying excuses himself to grab a blanket “absolutely not letting Lan Zhan flee the country again over something as trivial as an inconvenient boner”, a smug voice cuts through his daze. "You have no idea what you missed by not taking me shopping."
Nie Huaisang's fan fluttered near his smirking lips.
This. Again.
"A bed. You know... for all that defiling you're so desperate to do."
The realization crashes over Lan Zhan's alcohol-fogged mind too late. The missing bed is no oversight, but deliberate sabotage.
Huaisang cockblocked him!
His fist tightens as the first flicker of murder crosses his mind. He'll ask Jiang Yanli for recommendations.
Wei Ying, returning to Lan Zhan trying to steal Huaisang’s fan, lets out a breathless laugh. "Who knew my birthday would be so...intimidating?"
Lan Zhan's only response is to grab his boyfriend and bite down harder on that sexy lower lip. And whispers drunkedly, “Next time just sit on it.”
00:04 couldn't come soon enough.
But fate has other plans.
At 11:59 PM, the room spins violently.
At 12:00 AM, through sheer force of will, he rasps, "Happy birthday" against Wei Ying's lips and manages to deliver the filthiest of their kisses to date.
It lasts for 3 minutes and 58 seconds.
Then the world goes black.
(He never knew if the party really ended at 00:04.)