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When Soobin woke up, his head hurt much more than he had anticipated when he was accepting drinks the night before. At least he wasn’t cold anymore. He was somewhat surprised to have made his way home by himself, but if his friends let him walk home by himself, he couldn’t have been too drunk, even if he ended up not remembering much.
Although his head protested, Soobin knew that there was no use trying to stay in bed any longer. At least it was his free day, so he didn’t have too many obligations to get done but he should at least have some water and a meal to fight off his hangover. With a groan, Soobin turned around, hoping he had put his phone to charge. But instead of feeling the other side of the mattress beneath his fingers, Soobin’s hands dropped through the air, almost hitting the side of the bed.
Confused, he finally forced his eyes to open, only to realise that he wasn’t in his own bed.
“Looking for something?” a painfully familiar voice asked.
Soobin lifted his head a little higher, where he was finally met with Yeonjun — his roommate — who was sitting at his desk a few steps away, looking at him with a raised eyebrow.
Scrambling for words, Soobin quickly sat up. How much did he drink that he got himself into Yeonjun’s room, which was on the absolute opposite side of their apartment.
Yeonjun spoke up again when he didn’t get an answer. “Your phone is on the bedside table,” he said, guessing what Soobin had been looking for.
“Th-thank you,” Soobin muttered in response. He quickly grabbed his phone and stood up. At least he was still dressed. “Sorry,” he pressed out, and quickly made a run for the door, across the apartment, and into his own room, locking the door before sliding down against it.
So many questions bloomed in Soobin’s mind. Although none formed into words. He tried to go over the last night again, trying to remember details that made him end up in Yeonjun’s bed.
He knew that he went drinking with some of his friends to celebrate Kai’s birthday, and by how foggy his memories were, Soobin could also guess that he had drunk a little bit above his usual limits, but seemingly not enough to worry his friends as he found no concerned messages of theirs on his phone. So maybe they brought him home after all? He just unlocked his phone to ask the group chat, when he saw that the last message that had been sent was actually from him, informing the others that he had made it to his dorm, which the other’s all simply reacted to with thumbs up emojis.
But none of that explained the mystery of getting into Yeonjun’s room.
He knew he couldn’t tell his friends about it. All they would do is tease him and not offer any help to solve the problem. So, the only thing he had left to figure it out would be to ask Yeonjun directly. Or stay in the dark forever.
It might become awkward if he asked Yeonjun, at least depending on what actually happened. Maybe it would be better if they kept it at Soobin having forgotten and Yeonjun pretended it never happened. But Soobin really wanted to know what had given him the courage to trespass into his roommates room and sleep in his bed.
Wondering how he could collect the courage to ask Yeonjun about it, Soobin stood up and walked over to his desk. Sitting down, he tried to rack his brain for a way to bring it up without feeling or making it awkward. He doubted that Yeonjun would bring it up, given that he didn’t even seem to question Soobin’s sleepover. Then again, why would he if he might possibly know the reason already and might think that Soobin did as well.
A knock on the door made Soobin’s thoughts stop for a moment. “Yeah?” he called.
“I made some breakfast,” Yeonjun said from the other side of the door.
If Yeonjun wasn’t being incredibly awkward, then whatever had happened couldn’t be half as bad. Trying to convince himself of that, Soobin stood up again and walked over to the door. Maybe it could come up in a conversation naturally. Although they weren’t the closest when it came to being roommates, both of them enjoyed having company and talking during their meals, and they must have had worse topics before.
Yeonjun was sitting at the kitchen table, having already started on his breakfast of scrambled eggs and rice. A smile played on his lips when he saw Soobin walk through the door and sit down across from him.
“Had a good night, yesterday, then?” Yeonjun asked, his voice soft as if he was unsure how loud he could speak.
Soobin put some of the food on his plate and nodded. “Although I can’t remember that much,” he admitted.
“Surprised you managed to get home all by yourself, then. I didn’t see your friends dropping you off,” Yeonjun said.
“No, they didn’t,” Soobin said. “I am actually surprised myself, too.” He tried to read Yeonjun’s face, to find anything that would give away what had happened without needing to ask, but Yeonjun played his poker face a little bit too well.
“About last night,” Soobin started, looking down at his plate as he pretended to arrange his food. “What exactly happened last night? When I got back, I mean.”
A soft chuckle had Soobin look up. Yeonjun looked as if he was recalling a precious memory rather than the previous night, where his roommate stole his bed.
“Well, when you came home, you stormed into my room, shitface drunk and on the verge of tears, demanding cuddles and whining about not being loved enough because everyone else but you is in a relationship,” Yeonjun explained.
Soobin felt a hot flush run to his cheeks. It was so much worse than he had imagined. “Oh god… I’m so sorry,” he stammered out, his eyes glued back onto his plate.
“Don’t be, it’s fine,” Yeonjun said. He said it so offhandedly as if it was an everyday occurrence for him.
It didn’t feel fine to Soobin. Of all people, why must it have been Yeonjun? Because he had no one else close, sure, but why did any fibre of his body allow it to happen, even with the excuse that he was drunk?
Soobin buried his face in his hands. “I swear to god, I’ll never drink again,” he muttered to himself.
“C’mon Soobin, it’s okay,” Yeonjun said, gently kicking his shin under the table. “At least you didn’t go out and got into trouble.”
But wasn't crying to your roommate about being touch deprived and sleeping in his bed just as much trouble?
“No need to overthink it. I got a good night’s sleep out of it, and you seemingly as well,” Yeonjun said with a shrug. “But if you want to, we can also just forget about it again.”
“Not like I remember much of it anyway,” Soobin muttered with a dry laugh. But Yeonjun was right. He hadn’t slept that well in ages, even despite having drunk way too much. What difference would it make if they chose to ignore it or just forget about it naturally in a few weeks time. “Worse things could have happened,” he then said.
Yeonjun only nodded. During the time Soobin sat at the table and wanted to bury himself in a hole, Yeonjun had peacefully finished his breakfast. He stood up with his empty plate in hand.
“I need to get to my class now. But for future reference: if you ever want a hug or anything, feel free to come to me, I don’t mind physical contact,” Yeonjun said as he was setting his plate in the sink. His voice was soft, maybe even a little playful but not in a way that would be poking fun at Soobin’s touch deprivation.
Swallowing a bite of food, which was suddenly much too big for his tight throat, Soobin nodded. “Thank you.”
And with that, Yeonjun gave him one last smile and disappeared from the dorms.
Staring at his food for a few moments, Soobin startled as if he just woke up from a dream. Maybe it was. But whatever had happened, there was no way he could tell his friends about what had happened just now.
Trying to ignore his overwhelming thoughts on the offer Yeonjun had made, Soobin finished his breakfast, which was already starting to get cold, before quickly washing up and escaping into his room again.
He was more than glad to not have any classes, so he finally got out of the clothes he had worn out the night before and threw himself onto his bed, hugging one of his pillows to his chest for moral support. He was certain he could never take Yeonjun up on his offer, no matter how much he wanted to. His sober mind would never think about going up to Yeonjun and asking for a hug. They weren’t really close enough friends to just up and do that. Then again, they also weren’t close enough friends for anything that happened the night before.
But wouldn't asking for hugs be an odd bridge to go from roommates to closer friends? He didn’t want to get drunk every time he felt like hugging someone and he needed the courage to ask Yeonjun. Maybe he should just ask his friends for it more often.
“You’re overthinking it,” Soobin mumbled to himself, hugging the pillow closer. “Maybe he’ll forget about it until the time comes anyway.”
Trying to keep his mind clear of more possible thoughts of hugging Yeonjun or not, Soobin closed his eyes, hoping he’d fall asleep again soon and maybe coming up with a more logical explanation as to why Yeonjun offered it in the first place.
When Soobin woke up, he wasn’t sure just how much time had passed, but at least his body felt a little less upset, so he forced himself to get up and move a little. Even if that was only moving from his bed to the couch in the living room and turning on the PlayStation.
While the game hub loaded, Soobin took out his phone and looked to see if anything had happened in the groupchat. However, seeing the lack of messages, Soobin could guess that the others felt equally sluggish, so he just sent a short late good morning message to at least signal that he was alive and well, before turning his attention back to his game.
He mainly decided to play some games to make sure that his brain was busy and to make sure that he wouldn’t sleep through the entire day, and soon enough, he heard the keys being turned in the lock of the front door.
“I’m back,” Yeonjun called.
Sooner than expected, he was standing behind Soobin, who tried to keep his eyes glued to the screen for a little longer as he tried to ignore the heat running through his veins. But it didn’t seem like Yeonjun noticed or cared.
So he just kept talking. “I was thinking of getting takeout for dinner, anything you want?” he asked.
Much to Soobin’s surprise, he felt a hand running through his hair, even playing with a few strands but not pulling back.
A bit unsure on what to do, Soobin tried to ignore the touch and turned to Yeonjun. “Anything but pizza is fine by me, I think I had too much of that last night.”
“Then how does chicken and fried noodles sound?” Yeonjun suggested with a little laugh.
Soobin nodded with an affirming hum, and with that, Yeonjun ruffled through Soobin’s hair once more before going to his room.
Left alone again, Soobin continued his game until he got to a safe-point and turned off the console. He instead went to the kitchen and started with getting plates and cutlery out, but before setting the table, he walked over to Yeonjun’s room. Knocking on the door but not opening it and asking through the wood: “Do you want to eat in the kitchen or the living room?”
He waited a few moments for an answer, wondering if Yeonjun might have not heard him, until he heard shuffling on the other side, before the door was opened. And although they stood a little closer than they probably should, Soobin didn’t feel like stepping away.
Yeonjun also didn’t seem to feel the need to bring more distance between them and simply leaned against the doorframe. “The living room should be fine,” he said after they finished staring at each other. “I will take a quick shower, so could you watch the front door?”
“Sure,” Soobin nodded and only then stepped back.
He picked up the plates from the kitchen and made his way back to the living room. Setting everything down, he changed the HDMI channel from the PlayStation to the next best streaming service and started looking through it for a movie or series they could put on in the background while eating.
The soft thrum of the running water didn’t last too long, but Yeonjun was correct with guessing that the food would come in the meantime, so Soobin took the liberty to plate some of it already and placed the rest in the middle of the table.
When Yeonjun came to the living room, his previous clothes had been replaced with a loose fitting shirt and some shorts, his hair was still slightly damp.
“What are we watching?” he asked as he sat down next to Soobin.
Soobin gave a quick synopsis of what he had read while choosing the movie, and with a short nod from Yeonjun, he pressed play.
They ate in comfortable silence, commenting on the plot of the movie every so often or trying to guess what might happen next. All the while, they sat next to each other, their knees ever so slightly touching if either of them moved even a little.
It wasn’t uncommon for those touches to happen. They were both tall and their sofa wasn’t incredibly large. However, with his mind still occupied with what had happened in the morning, Soobin couldn’t help but overthink them. Somehow, the touches felt more deliberate, like they lasted longer, although Soobin was almost certain that he was imagining that.
They finished eating far before the movie came to an end, so for the remainder of the time, they stayed on their respective sides of the sofa. Or so Soobin thought. He couldn’t help but feel like Yeonjun was sitting further in the middle of the sofa than usual.
He really needed to stop overthinking things. It wouldn’t bring him any further.
He felt a little stupid that he kept thinking about Yeonjun’s offer. He knew that he shouldn’t take Yeonjun up on it, no matter how unbothered he seemed. Soobin felt as if his touch-starvation was nothing short of childish, and it was only made worse that he finally had spent a night full of cuddles and he couldn’t remember a single thing, basically nullifying the effect again.
“Soobin?”
The voice startled Soobin, only then noticing that he had been staring at the almost finished credits, and when he turned his head, he was surprised at how close Yeonjun was.
“You feeling okay?” Yeonjun asked. “You’re a little pale.”
“Y-Yeah, I think so,” Soobin nodded.
Before Soobin could react, Yeonjun laid his hand on Soobin’s forehead. The touch was careful and soft, and Soobin had to tell himself to not lean into it.
After making sure that Soobin was not having a fever, he instead ran his hand up and through Soobin’s hair. “No fever, at least,” Yeonjun said, seemingly content.
When Yeonjun pulled his hand away again, Soobin wanted to protest to not lose the contact, but he stopped himself before he could even open his mouth. Before, he had never thought about asking his roommate for hugs or similar touches, but with the offer officially having been spoken out, it seems like something in Soobin’s mind wanted to cling to.
Maybe he should just give Beomgyu an exaggerated hug the next time they’d meet up to study. He could ignore the confused protests of his friends, they wouldn’t mind in the end, and it could help with the stupid itching feeling of needing to touch someone.
As Soobin was lost in his thoughts, Yeonjun had stood up and started to clear the table, putting the leftover food into the fridge and washing off the used plates and bowl. Soobin stood up, quickly helping with what little was left. He felt a little useless, not having done anything great throughout the day, having slept through most of it and gamed through the rest. Although, that was usually his routine the day after drinking.
Looking at the time, though, it was too late to start anything productive, at least if he wanted to be rested and get up on time for his lectures the next day. He decided that he should take a quick shower and then call it a day, fearing that he might mull over the wrong things if he stayed up too late.
He said his early good night to Yeonjun before he collected his things and hogged the bathroom. The shower was quick, and mainly used to wash off the rest of the slightly disgusting feeling of having slept with his normal clothes on. He hoped that he didn’t stink up Yeonjun’s bed too badly with the smell of booze, maybe he should apologise for that.
Laying in bed, he turned on some video for a little background noise, and buried himself under his blanket, shutting out the last bit of light that cracked through his broken blinds.
It turned out that he didn’t even need to stay awake long before he ended up mulling over words after all, even with the voices in the video talking in the background, which would usually distract him enough. As he laid under his blanket, a spare pillow clutched against his chest, Soobin couldn’t help but wonder how it had felt to sleep with Yeonjun in his arms. Or did he sleep in Yeonjun’s arms? Soobin was the taller of the two, so the more logical thing was the former. Then again, he seemed less reluctant about voicing his wishes when drunk, and there had always been this irrational want of his to just feel a little bit smaller, to be the one being held, and not the one who always had to do the holding.
He’d only find out if he asked Yeonjun for a repeat.
Frustrated with himself, Soobin groaned into the pillow, turning around and increasing the volume of the video, hoping to finally drown out the voices in his head. He closed his eyes and tried to follow the spoken words from his speaker to the smallest detail, until he finally fell asleep.
When Soobin woke up the next morning, a headache greeted him before he even opened his eyes. He was surprised that he hadn’t had one the day before, but then he could have had at least just let it fizzle out and not deal with it throughout a day full of lectures.
Regardless, he stood up. The apartment was still quiet. Yeonjun’s lectures wouldn’t start for a few hours, and since it seemed like he went to the gym the evening before, Soobin could guess that he would use those extra hours to sleep in.
In the quiet, Soobin walked over to the kitchen, preparing a small bowl of cereal for breakfast. He was only two lectures away from lunch, so he didn’t need something grandiose that early in the morning. After eating, he made quick work of preparing a sandwich for Yeonjun, putting it in a bag with a sticky note on it before placing it in the fridge. He knew that Yeonjun preferred taking his own lunch to eat rather than standing in the cafeteria lines, and it was the least Soobin could do.
With everything done, Soobin grabbed his bag and left for campus. The first he met was Kai, both of them taking the same early morning coding lecture.
Soobin was the first to speak. “How did your hangover treat you?” he asked. They had barely exchanged any messages in the group chat the day prior, all of them just checking in eventually to see that no emergency had occurred while they slept away the day.
“Good, actually,” Kai chuckled. “Tyunnie and Beomgyu seemed less affected, so they basically did anything I asked them to while laying on the couch.”
A laugh fell from Soobin’s lips. “Imagine having servants like that,” he said, shaking his head.
“You could have the same if you lived with us,” Kai suggested with a laugh.
“Thanks, but I am content not also third wheeling,” Soobin declined. Although, living with his friend would have been the best possible opportunity to still his constant need of cuddles and skin contact.
They got to their lecture hall, settling down at the back side of the room, close to power outlets, since both their laptops have been growing prone to dying mid-coding. With the class being so early in the morning, it wasn’t too full to begin with, but the two of them usually were one of the first to arrive every time.
Kai seemed a little reluctant before speaking. “How is it going with Yeonjun anyway?”
“Fine,” Soobin said. “Peaceful.” He tried not to think about anything that had gone down since he woke up the previous morning, and he tried even harder to not connect anything of it with the way Kai raised his eyebrow.
“He seemed worried about you,” Kai eventually said.
Soobin frowned. “How do you know?”
“He and Taehyun go to the gym together sometimes, if you have forgotten already. They met by chance yesterday evening,” Kai explained.
“Ah,” Soobin brought out. “Well, when I got home after the party I was apparently on the verge of tears, so maybe that’s why.” It wasn’t a lie. He just omitted part of the truth. And his friends knew that he was a rather emotional drunk, so it was believable enough to work without further questioning.
Soon enough, the rest of their meagre morning class arrived as well as their lecturer. It was the only class Soobin had ever been in over the course of his study in which it was truly silent after the first week, not wanting to have to fix an almost unfindable coding error if you were found talking off-topic.
The minutes ticked by silently once they were all given a short assignment, which were never actually short and would span until the end of the lecture, but Soobin didn’t mind. While he liked the course and the contents, he had for certain found a professor of which he didn’t want to ever be in a course in. Luckily, he could escape them anyway because the professor was specialised on Application Development, and Soobin knew that he would not go that direction with his degree any time soon.
He let out a relieved sigh when he closed his laptop. With the coding lecture over it felt as if he had already survived most of the day. Hearing a similar huff from beside him, he could guess that Kai was feeling the same way.
“I’ll see you at lunch break?” Soobin asked. They were heading in opposite directions, while Kai would go to the GamesLab, Soobin had to make his way to the maths department.
Kai nodded. “Taehyun will probably find a seat for us, he’s skipping his study group today.” With their agreement on hand, they parted ways for the next 90 minutes.
While Soobin wasn’t necessarily looking forward to his multivariable analysis course, it was interesting in parts, and it resulted in a lot of credits for the amount of homework he always had to do. The course was fuller than the one before, partially because it brought many credits but also because it was a little later and more people were awake enough to take in the material to take the exam at the end of the semester.
For a course that large, it was comparatively quiet, so Soobin could put his focus on getting his sketches right the first time after having to check his calculations way too often before even taking a ruler in his hand. And with none of his friends present, he could usually count on not being talked to throughout most of the lecture as well. If anything, the talking would come after, asking to compare notes or to study together, though Soobin usually tried to be through the door as quickly as possible, with the excuse of wanting to get to the cafeteria before the queue got too long.
Stuffing his pencil case and notebook back in his bag, Soobin was the first to leave after the professor dismissed them, hunger slowly getting to him even though it was a rare day on which he had already eaten breakfast.
On the way to the foyer, he met Beomgyu, laden with books he must’ve just gotten from the library.
“Need any help there?” Soobin asked as they fell into step next to each other.
Beomgyu shook his head. “I have a tote in my bag, so I just need a table and half a minute of time.”
“You could’ve done that when checking them out,” Soobin said with a raised eyebrow.
“Not if you would have seen the amount of people waiting behind me. Half the machines were broken again today, and with this amount of books it was already taking too long for comfort,” Beomgyu argued.
Walking into the cafeteria was an onslaught on all senses, most students were getting out of their lectures and using their time to catch up with friends, increasing the volume incredibly quickly.
Being able to look above most heads, Soobin quickly looked for Taehyun, finding him seated at the far end of the room and sending Beomgyu off to get his pile of books sorted before someone could get grease on them, while he himself joined the line for food.
By the time Soobin finally had his food and got to the table, Kai had also joined, so he must have been in front of Soobin in the line somewhere.
As they started on their meals, Beomgyu began recounting the happenings of Kai’s birthday. Having been the most sober of the group he had many more details to recount and didn’t spare any of them of their embarrassment. But with him living together with Kai and Taehyun, he had even more stories of them from after Soobin left as well as the next morning.
“I think they would have stripped each other naked right in front of me if I hadn’t left,” Beomgyu muttered. Leaning in to Soobin, he added. “They kept looking at me, so they must’ve known that I was right there.”
Soobin couldn’t help a chuckle, even though that half disappeared in a choke when he caught the glare from Taehyun on the opposite side of the table. Maybe Beomgyu wasn’t as much third-wheeling as he was oblivious.
“Can’t imagine you didn’t like watching though,” Soobin shrugged, getting a punch in the shoulder in return.
Their group stayed seated even after finishing eating, still having plenty of time before their next lecture would start. They talked about their plans for the upcoming weekend and the coursework they were still behind on or things they still needed to get done.
Eventually, Soobin and Kai were so invested in complaining about their coding professor that Soobin almost jumped out of his seat when a hand laid down on his shoulder.
When he turned around, he was met with Yeonjun’s apologetic smile. “Didn’t mean to scare you,” he said and turned to the rest of the group with a small hello before addressing Soobin again. “I wanted to say thanks for the lunch.”
“No problem,” Soobin returned, trying his best not to overly focus on Yeonjun's hand that still hadn’t left his shoulder.
He also tried to ignore the inquisitive stares of his friends, who didn’t even try to not look like they were staring.
“Anyway,” Yeonjun said, “I am going shopping for dinner ingredients, so if you need anything from the store just text me, alright?”
“So, any plans on what you’re cooking?” Soobin asked.
Yeonjun shook his head. “I hope that the shop will inspire me,” he admitted with a chuckle.
“Alright,” Soobin laughed. “Then, I’ll be looking forward to dinner.”
With a little mock salute, Yeonjun bid his goodbye. “Have fun with the rest of your courses.”
“You too,” Soobin returned. He didn’t want to admit to himself that he was somewhat looking forward to the hair ruffling Yeonjun had given him the day before, although he was also a little relieved that he didn’t do it in front of the others, certain that his friends would have questions about that.
But even without that, he caught the questioning looks from the rest of the group as Yeonjun left them. In an attempt to escape possible questions, Soobin glanced at his phone for the time. For once being lucky, it was late enough to excuse himself to get to his course, especially since his lecture hall was on the other side of the campus.
Packing his bag, Soobin was the first to leave the group, promising to join them for a game day on Sunday, where he knew he wouldn’t be able to escape questions if they hadn’t let go of that by then.
They had always teased Soobin a little bit since he moved into a dorm with Yeonjun and was quick to admit that his roommate was rather handsome, and maybe slightly his type. But even as they grew to be good friends, they had never been ones to be touchy with each other, which made the sudden touchiness probably even more suspicious because Soobin would certainly not give them the full explanation.
Being honest with himself, he was also surprised at the amount of fleeting touches coming from Yeonjun. They didn’t seem like they were meant in a teasing way, but Soobin was also not sure as to what else to interpret them as. He was well aware of Yeonjun’s offer, so he wondered if that was just his way of showing that he meant it, or if there was more to it than Soobin understood.
He passed the time of his last two lectures in his lonesome, avoiding conversations with other students as he noticed himself growing tired and unwilling to have any more social interaction than what was necessary. Which made him more than glad to have a rather quiet table during his course on Problem Solving Methods, and sat in a single front seat in Linear Algebra.
After class, he also had to go by the library to look for some books, although he was contemplating on doing that another day and to just put a hold on the books until then. After all, he knew his luck, and half of the books were probably going to be out of the library if he just walked in with good hopes. With that decision quickly turned over, Soobin made his way back to the dorms.
Unlocking the front door, he was quickly greeted by the smell of kimchi-fried rice, Yeonjun’s go-to meal when it was his turn to cook and he was running late.
Soobin couldn’t help but smile softly at the familiarity, at how easily he had gotten used to sharing his space and time with Yeonjun, knowing his schedule and many habits. Although it appeared that there were more habits of his that Soobin had yet to discover.
Taking off his shoes and letting the door fall closed behind him, Soobin trudged to the kitchen, where Yeonjun seemed to have momentarily seized his singing along to the radio to listen to what was happening at the front door.
“Hey,” he greeted once Soobin entered the room. “How was your maths day?”
Soobin sighed as he sank down on his chair. “Too long,” he said. Since he started studying, he had somehow managed to almost fully separate his two subjects throughout the week. While his maths courses would always be on Tuesdays and Thursdays, his bio-chem courses were all on Wednesdays and Fridays. And while he was usually glad to have only one subject throughout the day to not constantly having to run from one department to another, it quickly got tiring on the longer days. “How was yours?”
“Fine,” Yeonjun said. “One of the P.E. professors called in sick, so I could leave earlier.”
“Lucky,” Soobin sighed.
A small laugh fell from Yeonjun’s lip. “Yeah, but then I fell asleep on the couch for maybe a bit too long. So I was almost late with cooking,” he said slyly. “Nor did I manage to go shopping.”
“As long as there is food on the table,” Soobin shrugged. “And we’re not missing any necessities, I think shopping can wait for another day.”
“I just have to hope you don’t get sick and tired of kimchi-fried-rice,” Yeonjun smiled softly as he turned off the stove and took off the apron he had bound around his waist.
Soobin stood up and quickly helped set the table. “I don’t think I can.”
As he sat down again, Yeonjun started plating a generous portion for both of them. “Well, I’m glad, then.”
They ate in comfortable silence, Yeonjun still looking a little sleepy from his impromptu nap, and Soobin worn out from the day in general.
Since it was Yeonjun’s turn to cook, it was Soobin’s to clean the dishes, although Yeonjun still helped with clearing the table and boxing up their leftovers for one of them to eat the next day.
“Any plans for the rest of the evening?” Soobin asked. “Or just heading back to bed?”
Yeonjun leaned against the counter, shrugging. “I should probably do some of my homework so that not everything is left to be done on the weekend, but I might just laze around and watch some videos.”
At that, Soobin nodded. He should probably try and catch up with his own shows, as well as the games he had been neglecting the last few days in which unfinished missions were beckoning him to return. Still, something in the back of his mind wanted to ask Yeonjun to do something together for a little longer.
Fearing that asking that now would give away too many of Soobin’s thoughts, he simply nodded.
But Yeonjun also seemed to hesitate on something, not leaving the kitchen after sharing his plans, and instead biting his lips.
Soobin tried to put his focus on the dishes again, even though he caught himself glancing over at Yeonjun when he still stayed standing for a few minutes. But only when Yeonjun cleared his throat, did Soobin dare to fully look at him.
“Are you alright?” he finally asked, his eyes still purposefully scanning the ground.
“What do you mean?” Soobin asked, putting the dishes in the rack and turning to face Yeonjun.
He got a half hearted shrug in response. “You just seem…tense?”
“Ah,” was all Soobin managed for a moment. Maybe he had over-thought the last few days so much that it was noticeable on the outside. He had thought a lot about Yeonjun’s offer, as well as about Kai’s words. The way he had been noticing Yeonjun’s touches so much more even with so little time having passed and how much he longed for them. “It’s probably just stress.”
At last, Yeonjun finally looked up, meeting Soobin’s gaze. “Well, if I can ever do anything to help, let me know, yeah?” he said, giving Soobin a clap and squeeze on the shoulder before leaving the kitchen.
Outwardly, Soobin nodded. Inwardly, he cursed himself. That had been probably the best opportunity he would ever get to ask for a hug a bit more normally, to have some kind of reason to hide behind that couldn’t be tracked down as being touch deprived.
Sighing at himself, he quickly finished off the dishes and went to the living room. There, Yeonjun was laying on the couch, his feet dangling off the side as he scrolled through his phone, videos playing at minimal volume.
Soobin stayed standing for a moment, looking over at Yeonjun who didn’t seem to have noticed him leaving the kitchen. He wondered how weird it would sound if he asked. He tried to tell himself that it would be fine, Yeonjun had said that he could just ask, but he still felt so uncertain.
Even with the actual moment having passed, Soobin felt like it would be the only time in a while where he would feel close enough to asking, that if he chickened out now, he had no idea when he’d have a chance again without Dutch courage.
Telling himself it couldn’t possibly end as bad as the scenarios in his head were trying to convince him, he slowly approached the couch, walking around to the other side where he then stood next to Yeonjun.
Probably having seen Soobin’s approach, Yeonjun lowered his phone and sat up a bit, lifting himself onto his elbows. He looked at Soobin with a questioning look, one eyebrow raised, but instead of saying anything, he waited for Soobin to start.
“I…uh—” Soobin tried to find his words. The longer he’d hesitate the more easily he would end up just walking away, so he knew he needed to force himself through it. “Can I get a hug?” he managed, looking at Yeonjun for just a second before averting his eyes.
Only when a chuckle sounded from a couch, did his eyes snap up again. Yeonjun sat up properly, a soft smile on his lips. “Of course you can,” he said and pushed himself to his feet, opening his arms. Only half a step separated them, and when Soobin closed the distance and carefully wrapped his arms around Yeonjun’s torso, he felt close to melting when Yeonjun held him tightly.
He noticed how his eyes welled up and buried his face in Yeonjun’s shoulder. How stupid he felt crying about a single hug.
Yeonjun must have noticed, as he slowly started to stroke a hand up and down Soobin’s back, rocking left and right a bit.
For as long as the tears kept falling, Soobin didn’t dare to loosen the hug, even if Yeonjun already knew that he was crying, he didn’t think he could face him like that regardless. “Thank you,” he muttered against Yeonjun’s shoulder when he knew he wouldn’t choke on a silent sob mid-word.
“I told you, you can just ask,” Yeonjun said in a soft voice, leaning his head against Soobin’s. “I’ll give you all the hugs you can ask for.”