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Leo knew crying could hurt. But this much? These sobs made of broken glass that shred his body to pieces? These were new. It was a miracle he managed to keep them quiet and muffled.
His face was burning. Tears and embarrassment and self loathing painting each dip and curve of his cheeks. The tears had dried out a while ago, leaving him with dry sobs that burned his throat and made his mouth tingle.
He doesn’t even know what did it this time. What broke him into this mess curled up on the bathroom floor.
Maybe it was the teasing. You’d think one of the saviors of Olympus would be immune to bullying. Turns out the entire Ares cabin thought otherwise. Maybe it was the fact that nothing was going how it was supposed to. Everything he made, everything he did, always went wrong. Each piece of his soul he shaped into a gift ended up crumpling to the floor the moment he touched the finished project. At this point, his hands shook every time he picked up a hammer.
Or maybe, just maybe, it was today.
Today, all those years ago, when he watched as his mothers workshop went up in flames. Every time he closed his eyes he could see the flames. Each breath he took smelled of smoke and rotting plants. Every voice sounded like it was telling him it was his fault. He did this. It was his fire. His.
Blood pools from a cut on his inner arm. The type of mark he hadn’t made in almost a year. It didn’t even hurt anymore. Just dripped steadily down his arm in a cruel river.
You’re not worth it. Purred a voice in his ear, smooth like a summer breeze and soft like moss. You should have died in that fire. She hates you, you know that?
“Shut up!” He screamed, the begging in his voice pressing against the tile walls all around him. “Just shut up…!”
A laugh fades from his ears as a banging starts on the bathroom door. “Leo? Leo, are you okay?” Asked Nyssa, his sister. He felt terrible for making her sound so worried, but he couldn’t get any words past his lips. “I’m gonna get Jason. Don’t do anything stupid!” She called, footsteps storming off down the hall.
“No…” He tries weakly. Not Jason. He couldn’t pretend in front of Jason.
Nonetheless, he tried to force himself to calm down. All he manages is to breathe shakily rather than continue sobbing. The banging returns. No, it’s knocking this time. Kinder than the fists crashing against wood.
“Leo? I’m going to open the door. Don’t freak out.” Jason’s voice carries through the door, tone shaky but gentle. Leo watches as the doorknob twists, pushing towards him. Jason looks tired, but alert. He doesn’t even move. “Are you okay?”
Leo can’t help it. A manic laugh bursts from his mouth as he buries bloody hands in his hair. “I’m okay.”
Jason’s jaw instantly tightens, but he stays calm. “May I come in?”
A short nod that could’ve been easily missed. Socked feet carefully pad over the white tile floor, and then Jason is sinking to his knees quietly before Leo. The silence doesn’t last long. Leo’s sobs are back, this time accompanied with tears. “I’m sorry…”
“Don’t be.” The blonde says softly, hands fidgeting in his lap. “There's nothing for you to be apologising about.”
“There's blood on the tiles now.” He protests, scratchy and weak compared to Jason’s voice.
“I’ll clean it.”
“I woke everyone up.”
“They’ll fall back asleep.”
Something about the sincerity makes Leo want to scream again. Finally- “I killed her.”
Soft and sweet surrounds him, and he leans into Jason’s embrace like it was keeping him up. “But you lived.”
He breaks once more into tears, clutching at Jason and muffling his cries in the other boy's chest. Jason holds him for a long time. Maybe hours. He stops caring about the blood he’s getting on the white shirt.
When he opens his eyes, sunlight is beginning to filter through the foggy glass. He’d fallen asleep without knowing it. But Jason's chest rose and fell unevenly below his head. The signature snores that blew through the other weren’t there.
“Hey. Morning.” Jason says softly. His words are slightly slurred, coated in exhaustion. “How are you feeling?”
“Better.” Leo finally croaks after a pause. His arm is half stuck to the other’s shirt from where blood dried, and he gently pulls it away. Jason's arms loosen, but Leo doesn’t even attempt to sit up.
“Yeah? Can I take a look at your cut?” The blonde asks carefully. Leo can only nod.
Jason shifts Leo around until he can examine his arm, pale fingers careful against brown skin. A soft humming starts, seeping into Leo’s ears like honey. Jason uses the edge of his shirt to wipe as much blood away, making sure not to touch the wound directly. “I love you, you know.” He murmurs into Leo’s ear.
His heart skips several beats. Yes, he knew. But at the same time he didn’t. It was a shock that tingled through each nerve in his body. “I love you too.”
“I know.” He can hear the smile in Jason’s voice. “But I love you more.”
“Not possible.”
“Of course it is. I’ll say it so many times you’ll get sick of it. I love you.”
Leo melts, turning his face into Jason’s chest.
“I can’t get sick of that.”