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1.
It’s the kind of late where it feels like the darkness has muffled the whole world. Like Leo could throw a boulder down a hill and it would barely make a thud. Leo is particularly fond of nights like these. They’re peaceful, meditative. Sometimes, when Leo was particularly stressed or exhausted or strained, he would walk for miles in the quiet until he could hear his thoughts again. Most times, if he’s honest. After a job ends, it’s always hard for Leo to switch gears from a hunter, a predator, to just Leo.
But that was before Julian.
Tonight, Leo drives through the darkness until he reaches Julian’s house. The door is locked, but the lights are on, which makes him smile. He texted Julian to tell him he was on his way, so it shouldn’t be surprising that Julian’s waiting up for him, but it leaves a warm fuzziness in his chest nonetheless. All of Julian’s care and attention, focused just on Leo… it’s addictive. And terrifying.
He unlocks the front door with his key – and if that isn’t enough to make the warm fuzziness get downright fizzy – and steps inside, bending over to untie his boots.
“Hey, sweetheart,” Julian says, and Leo glances up to see Julian walking towards him with a smile. “C’mere, baby boy, sit down. Let me take care of you.” He guides Leo to the couch and crouches at his feet, deft fingers quickly unlacing the knots. “Did everything go well?”
Leo nods. “It was clean job. It just took forever to get the perfect shot.”
Julian chuckles. “And I know you don’t mean that like photography.”
Leo fidgets a little. Julian’s been so inexplicably accepting of Leo’s source of income, and Leo finds himself waiting constantly for the other shoe to fall.
“Sweetheart.” Julian reaches up to cup Leo’s face. “Your work is important to you, so I want to hear all about it. And I’m always happy when your…jobs are long distance, so to speak. Less chance of you getting hurt, yeah?”
Leo nods and tugs Julian’s shirt twice.
“My sweetheart.” Julian kisses his collarbone. “I have a little surprise for you.”
Leo straightens. “A surprise? For me? What kind?”
“You’ll just have to come with me and find out.” Julian stands and extends a hand, wiggling his fingers playfully. He leads Leo down the hall to the bathroom, where the tub is full of steamy water and so many bubbles.
Leo tugs at Julian’s shirt, feeling himself already sliding into the headspace he now associates with Julian and safety. He’d confessed to Julian weeks ago that he sometimes misses a good old-fashioned bubble bath. “Daddy,” he whispers.
Julian hums and sits himself on the edge of the tub. “Does my baby boy want to soak in the bath?”
Leo nods, biting his lip. “Yes, please.”
Julian smiles. “Arms up, baby.” He undresses Leo with gentle efficiency, which is a relief. Leo’s always been nervous of disrobing with others, both for the vulnerability and for the expectation that comes with it – when the people watching aren’t captors or killers, that is. But Julian’s been on the same page as Leo from the moment they met, as far as sex is involved, and the night that he bandaged Leo’s scrapes after a particularly brutal slide down the side of a building eradicated any lingering remnants of fear Leo might have had.
That was maybe one of the awesomest things to come of Leo’s injuries – it unlocked so many new routines with his daddy. Bedtime, band aids time, and now bathtime.
“Don’t slip,” his daddy cautions as he guides Leo into the tub. The water is toasty warm, and the bubbles are so silly and fluffy. Leo giggles and grabs a handful of them just to watch them jiggle and bounce and burst.
Daddy sits on the bathroom floor at the side of the bath and holds out a toy boat, wiggling it enticingly. “Hm?”
Leo ponders it for a moment, then nods and takes it. It’s one of those windup ones, and he starts trying to see how far it can go in one burst. Then, he starts aiming it towards particularly tall mountain of bubbles and laughs when it runs out of energy halfway through.
“What if a hurricane comes?” daddy asks, and he reaches a hand in to make a small wave.
“Daddy!” It’s hard to pout through a laugh, but Leo thinks he manages. “They were navigating.”
“Well, they’ll need to do it faster next time.” Daddy dips a soft washcloth into the sudsy water and extends his other hand, smiling when Leo takes it. “I could watch you all night, baby boy,” he says as he starts gently washing Leo’s arm, “but the water’s getting cold and your fingers are pruney.”
“No, they’re not,” Leo mumbles.
Daddy chuckles and nibbles his fingertips. “Yep,” he says, “they even taste pruney.”
“That’s impossible.”
“Oh,” daddy says, drawing out the word with a grin, “you’re arguing with daddy?”
Leo scrunches up his nose. “No…”
Daddy leads in and kisses the tip of his nose. “Tilt your head back, baby boy, and let daddy wash your hair.”
Leo darts in to kiss him back, then tilts his head back and lets his daddy massage sudsy shampoo stuff into his hair.
He can feel his words slipping away from him with each rinse of water, but that’s okay. Blindly, he reaches out and squeezes daddy’s arm twice.
“I love you too, baby boy,” he daddy says, and oh, his voice is so warm and cozy. “I’m so glad I can take care of you like this.”
Me too, Leo thinks, and he smiles as daddy presses a kiss to his cheek.
2.
Leo doesn’t really like any of his dreams. Most nights, he falls asleep and doesn’t remember anything until he wakes up again. But sometimes, Leo’s mind plays tricks on him. Mean tricks, scary tricks. And it always happens when he’s sleeping.
The dreams always start out fine. That’s the scariest part. They’re happy and comfy and easy. Lately, they’re of Julian – of him cooking for Leo, smiling at Leo, hugging Leo.
And that’s what makes them so scary. Because Leo’s dreams always, always end badly.
Sometimes it’s a militia group that’s come back for revenge. Or a mark’s spouse, child, parent. Or someone after Leo who realizes Julian’s a weak spot.
The dreams always end badly.
Tonight, Leo's hurtling out of bed before he’s even fully awake again, gasping for air with his hands outstretched. He’s drenched in sweat, his shirt sticking so much it makes his skin crawl, but he doesn’t stop to fix it. He’s at the second door in his bedroom before he can even blink.
It was a ridiculous amount of silly drama when Leo set up a bedroom for Julian in their house. Remington was the most vocal, saying that Leo could’ve just put a smaller bed in his own room, but Leo was adamant and the others all agreed. So Julian has his own room in a house filled with assassins and mercenaries and thieves, and he sleeps in it every night Leo isn’t at Julian’s.
The most important thing about Julian’s room, though, is that it has a secret door connecting it to Leo’s.
Leo scrabbles at the knob, hand slippery with sweat, nerves on edge from what he just woke up from, but he finally gets the knob to turn and he stumbles into Julian’s room.
And that’s where he freezes, because this is all new and he’s awake enough now to realize that. The door has been there all this time, and Julian’s even said he would be overjoyed if and when Leo ever decided to use it, but. Well.
He stares at the curve of Julian’s shoulders under the blankets, watches them rise and fall. He counts Julian’s breaths until his own heart starts to slow.
Julian’s okay. He’s here. He’s alive. And that’s all Leo needs to know, so really, he should turn around and go back to his own bed.
But.
He steps deeper into the room, instinctively walking with his assassin stride to be as quiet as possible. He hovers at the side of the bed, then lowers himself to the floor. If he sits just right, he can lean against the bed and stare at Julian’s face.
He does that for a few minutes, maybe more. The moonlight is gentle on Julian’s cheeks, and Leo is a little captivated. He reaches out and tries to trace it, to follow the moon on Julian’s skin, but he misjudges the distance and touches Julian’s face instead.
“Mm,” Julian mumbles, and he blinks awake. “Leo?” His voice is raspy from sleep, his eyes bleary, but they quickly sharpen with concern. “Baby boy, why are you on the floor? What’s wrong?”
“I’m sorry I woke you,” Leo says, and he means it. “I was trying to touch the moonlight.”
Julian smiles and sits up in bed, extending a hand towards Leo. “Come here, sweetheart. I want you closer to me.”
Leo climbs onto the bed and sinks into Julian’s arms.
“Oh, sweetheart,” Julian murmurs, and he rubs a thumb under Leo’s eyes. “What were you crying about?”
Leo shakes his head. He hadn’t even realized he was crying. “Just a bad dream.”
Julian hums and nudges Leo’s arms. “Arms up, baby. This shirt needs to be changed.” He pulls it off and gets up to grab another one. “Stay right there, sweet boy. I’ll be right back.” He ducks into his ensuite and emerges with a damp cloth.
It’s amazing, really, how much Leo loves Julian’s care. With anyone else, he’d be crawling out of his skin just letting them so close when he’s feeling this uneven. But with Julian… he leans into Julian’s touch, hums softly at the gentle drag of the cloth against his skin.
“There,” Julian murmurs, kissing his forehead. “That feel better?”
Leo nods and reaches out for a hug.
Julian bundles him into another shirt then tucks them both under the covers, Leo in his favorite position with his head on Julian’s chest and Julian’s fingers tangled gently in his hair.
“Rest, sweetheart,” Julian murmurs. “I’m right here.”
Leo kisses the nearest patch of skin and closes his eyes. He doesn’t remember falling asleep.
3.
There are days when the act of speaking is just more than Leo can muster. The words are all there, just…stuck. Silent.
When he submits, when he lets himself sink into that headspace where it’s just him and his daddy, the words stop coming out too. But that’s different when it’s part of a scene. At least, it feels that way.
Leo hasn’t had a day like this in months, but today it hit him out of nowhere. Normally, it wouldn’t matter – everyone in the house is fluent in ASL, and Leo can kill someone regardless of how verbal he is on a given day – but today it’s terrifying.
Because today, Julian is coming over.
He’s been to the house several times now, bravely weathering the collective scrutiny – and overt threats – from Leo’s friends. Remington fell in love almost immediately, and Maison softened as soon as he saw how gone they both were for each other, but it wasn’t until Denver served Julian afternoon tea from her third-favorite set that everyone fully welcomed him into the family. Since then, they’ve been trying to divvy up their time together between Julian’s home and Leo’s – and today is a Leo’s Home day.
But today, Leo can’t speak. And he’s afraid to find out how Julian will react to that.
He tries to text Julian to cancel, but the text doesn’t send. A minute later, Rem barges into his room and perches on the end of his bed.
“You’re not allowed,” Rem declares. “If he’s a dick about this, then he doesn’t deserve to be your daddy and we’ll have Maison kill him.”
Leo stares.
“But he’s a great daddy. So don’t be scared.” Rem shrugs and stands. “Oh, and he’s ten minutes out, so you better get ready. Bye!”
Leo flips Rem off with a sigh. It’s a thirty-minute drive from Julian’s place, so Rem knew that this whole time – and clearly ate whatever message Julian had sent to say he was heading out. Meddling jerk.
Leo climbs out of bed and pulls on some soft sweatpants and a worn-out tee. That’s all he’s doing to get ready. Julian’s seen him like this before. Hell, he’s probably seen Leo like this more often than not in all their time together.
“Leo,” Finley shouts from the front door, “Julian’s here.”
Leo smiles despite himself. Years ago, Rem made an intercom system for all of them, and he’s still mad that nobody uses it.
“We have a damn intercom for a reason!” Rem shouts, right on cue.
Leo nervously tugs on the hem of his shirt and steps into the hall just in time to see Julian round the corner. He smiles at Leo so, so widely. “Hey, sweetheart. I’ve missed you.”
Leo raises a hand to sign that he feels the same. His heart is pounding, just a little.
Julian walks over, arms open in invitation, and Leo folds himself into them. Julian hugs are the best hugs in the world.
“Am I hanging out with my quiet baby boy today?” Julian murmurs in his ear.
Leo shakes his head and leans back just enough to sign, “Not speaking.”
Julian hums and kisses Leo’s collarbone. “Just having a quiet day? That’s okay. I think more people need quiet days than they want to admit. What do you want to do today, watch a movie? Play a board game or two? Or something else?”
Leo hesitates, still waiting for some catch. It feels too easy, how seamlessly Julian accepted this and moved on without missing a beat. “Movie?” he signs, then adds, “Godfather.”
“Ah, true.” Julian smiles. “We never did watch the sequel, did we? Let’s do it. Go get it queued up, and I’ll grab the snacks.” He kisses Leo’s collarbone one more time before letting him go.
Leo gets the TV set up and curls up on one end of the couch, watching Julian walk in with a literal armful of snacks. Leo can’t help but smile. Always a daddy, even if it isn’t a scene. “I grabbed a water, a juice, and a soda. Whatever you don’t want, I’ll take.”
Leo takes the soda and the bowl of popcorn and curls into Julian’s side as soon as he’s seated.
“Ready?” Julian asks, finger hovering over the remote.
Leo nods and shoves a fistful of popcorn in his mouth. “Ready,” he signs.
The sequel, Leo decides, is as good as the first one. He gets sucked into the movie, barely noticing when Maison and Kennedy join them. They must have wrapped up their job, Leo realizes. It’s good to have them back.
When the end credits roll, Maison stretches and ruffles Leo’s hair on his way out of the room. Kennedy smiles and says, “Hey, whatever you do, don’t watch the third one, okay? We pretend it doesn’t exist.”
Julian chuckles. “Duly noted.” He kisses Leo’s head, forehead, cheek. “You awake, sweetheart? You got awfully still towards the end there.”
Leo nods.
“How about something to eat?” Julian stands and reaches out for Leo’s hand, and they walk to the kitchen together.
Julian immediately raids the fridge – or, at least, the portions of the fridge that are not marked For Denver Only. He learned very early on that Denver doesn’t like anyone who might interfere with her daily meal and tea services for Rowan.
As Leo watches from his perch at the kitchen island, Julian creates three small piles of ingredients – peanut butter and jelly, sandwich fixings and cold cuts, and a container of leftover meatloaf from last night.
“Sorry,” Julian says sheepishly, “you can absolutely get something else. I can’t ever fully shut off the daddy in me, not around you.”
Leo just smiles and points at the peanut butter and jelly pile, taking the knife from Julian and slicing himself some bread from Denver’s latest homemade loaf. Across the island, Julian works on putting together a BLT.
They sit side by side as they eat their sandwiches, and then they stand side by side as they tidy up the kitchen. They’re putting the last of the dishes away when Leo feels his words start to bubble back. Well – one word, specifically.
“Julian,” he says softly.
Julian closes the cabinet door and turns to him, smiling. “Yeah, sweetheart?”
Leo bites his lip and reaches out to squeeze Julian’s wrist. Twice.
Julian’s eyes soften, and he leans in to hug Leo so, so tightly. “Oh, my love. I know you were probably worried about today, about what I’d think. And I’m so proud of you, sweetheart. Thank you for trusting me with this. For trusting me with everything. It takes my breath away how much you trust me.”
Leo hums and bends down to better bury his nose against Julian’s neck and shoulder. “Daddy,” he whispers into that soft space between them.
Julian hums and kisses his ear. “I’m all yours, baby boy. Forever and ever.”
4.
It’s entirely Remington’s fault, but also most things are. He thought zombie tag would be a good idea in a house full of people trained to kill and maim – and also Kennedy, who will do literally anything to win.
Maison’s the one who brought the armory of nerf guns, to be totally fair. And Finley’s the one who stole the nerf sniper rifle, which Leo is simultaneously annoyed and relieved about. If Kennedy had gotten it, this would have been a very different afternoon. Kennedy may not be trained to kill, but they are a menace with a nerf sniper rifle.
But at the end of the day, it’s all Rem’s fault because he was bored and decided the others were responsible for keeping him entertained.
Which means it’s also Rem’s fault when Kennedy bodily tackles Leo and crashes them both through the door of Denver’s studio.
Denver looks up, annoyed, and sighs.
“Sorry,” Kennedy signs. “Zombie tag. Rem wanted to play.”
Danver shakes her head and goes right back to the still life she’s forging. “If you broke my door,” she signs, brush still in her hand, “you’re fixing it. And keep those stupid nerf guns out of my studio!”
Kennedy crosses their heart solemnly, then turns and sticks their tongue out at Leo. “You’re a zombie now.”
“No shit,” Leo says.
*
All things considered, Leo really adores zombie tag. But the rough landing left him all bruised and battered, and now he has a daddy to take care of those kinds of ouchies for him. Even more conveniently, Julian’s already planning on coming over tonight after work.
He ends up walking in the door right as Finley takes aim and shoots Maison right between the eyes. The nerf bullet bounces off and flies into some nook or cranny, to be found at an extremely inopportune moment.
Julian watches the chaos – Finley celebrating wildly, Maison pouting, Rem laughing – with a smile and a raised brow. “Sweetheart,” he murmurs when Leo skirts the madness to pull Julian into a hug, “you should’ve told me you were having a nerf night. I’d have brought mine.”
Leo leans back slightly, eyes wide. “You have a nerf gun?”
Julian grins. “Oh, baby boy. I have five.”
Leo giggles and bends down to kiss Julian’s cheek. “Next time, we’ll make sure you’re here to play too. But, daddy?”
“Yeah, baby boy?”
“I have some ouchies now.”
Julian smiles. “Then it’s a good thing daddy’s here to make it all better.”
He offers to look at it in Leo’s room, but Leo shakes his head and sits on the couch. The bruising is all along his side, mostly his arm. Julian hums and makes a gentle fuss over it, just enough to make Leo feel warm inside at how well his daddy takes care of him, then places a band aid covered with cartoon lions on a cut that will probably be healed in two days.
“And a kiss,” Julian says, pressing his lips to the band aid, “to help it heal even faster.”
“Wait a minute,” Rem says, spilling over the back of the couch to sprawl over them both, “I want a special band aid and a kiss on it too.”
Julian smiles softly. “Do you have a boo-boo?”
“No,” Rem admits. “But next time I do, will you kiss it better?”
Julian glances at Leo in response, and Leo smiles. “I like it,” he admits quietly. “That you can take care of my friends too.” He hesitates. “But only band aids. I’m the only one who gets cuddles.”
“Of course,” Julian agrees, pulling Leo into his arms. “And Remington,” he says, “if you purposefully get yourself hurt to get a band aid from me sooner, I’ll be very unhappy.”
“Shit.” Rem blinks, then scrambles off the couch. “Leo, when your daddy means business, he really means it.”
Leo laughs and curls up even more in Julian’s arms.
(The next time Julian comes over, he has extra band aids with him. Some have little doggy bones on them.)
5.
Leo can barely see the road ahead of him, but he knows he’s almost at Julian’s. He can feel it in his bones. He isn’t sure when exactly his mind started associating Julian’s home as safety over his home with the others, but it’s gotten to the point where he could navigate himself there blindfolded.
Which is extremely helpful now, when he can barely stay upright.
It’s bad this time. He knew it as soon as the knife went in. But it’s different in the moment, when the adrenaline is rushing through him fast enough to be sickening, when every second, every movement is the difference between life and death.
Now, though, as he parks and stumbles out of the car, one blood-drenched hand still pressing against the wound, he thinks that maybe he’s going to be joining tonight’s mark in the afterlife really soon.
He shouldn’t have come here, actually. To Julian’s. If he’s going to die tonight, he shouldn’t make Julian see that.
But this is where Leo feels safest. And like any injured predator, he needs to feel sheltered somewhere safe when he’s this badly injured.
The front door swings open and footsteps thunder down the stairs. Leo would look up, but he’s still sagging against the hood of the car trying to decide if he can feel his legs anymore.
“Leo?” Julian says, voice shaking. “Oh, baby. Shit. Shit. I’m here, I’ve got you, sweetheart. Let’s get you inside, yeah? Okay?”
Leo blinks and leans into the arm that wraps around him, greedily inhaling Julian’s familiar scent. Home, he thinks. Safe.
Somehow, Julian gets them both up the stairs and into the house. He aims for the couch, but Leo whines. “Bathtub,” he slurs. “Blood.”
He really, really loves that couch. He can’t ruin it with bloodstains. He won’t.
Julian sighs but doesn’t argue, and the two of them stagger into the bathroom. Julian tries to sit Leo on the toilet seat but Leo doesn’t let him. He pours himself into the bathtub, ruined clothes and all, and tries to pick at his holsters in there.
“Let me,” Julian murmurs, his gentle hands curling around the straps and buckles. “Baby,” he says, voice wavering, “I don’t know how to fix this. There’s so much blood. What can I do?”
“Maison,” Leo whispers. “He’s coming. Called him.”
Julian kisses his forehead gently and starts undoing all the holsters more quickly. “Okay. Can you move your hand, sweetheart? I’m going to start wiping up the blood.” He laughs weakly. “I started saving old clothes for this.”
Leo moves his hand and smiles when Julian squeezes it gently before peeling back Leo’s clothes to find the wound. He’s still wiping away blood when Maison thunders through the house.
“Hey Jules,” he says, immediately kneeling at Julian’s side and unslinging the bag from his shoulders. “Damn, Leo, she got you good.”
Julian does a double take. “I thought I locked the door.”
“Leo gave me a key,” Maison says. He pauses. “For emergency use only, man. Promise I’m not gonna break in and, like, go through your underwear drawer. Anyway.” He nicely but firmly makes Julian move over a bit more and starts laying out tools on a clean cloth from his bag. “This is definitely going to need stitches, buddy. Bravo. Did you get her, at least?”
Leo musters his dwindling energy to glare at Maison for that.
Maison smirks. “Hey, had to ask. Alright, Jules, you want to learn how to stitch your boy up or do you just want to keep me as your on-call doc?”
“I want to learn,” Julian says immediately. “Of course I want to learn.” He reaches out and takes Leo’s hand again.
“Alright.” Maison washes his hands at the bathroom sink and directs Julian to do the same. “And don’t hold his hand afterwards, you’ll just get bloody all over again.” He gets out the sutures and needle and starts explaining the process, but Leo lets his mind begin to drift. He and Maison learned how to do this around the same age, and both of them could do this in their sleep. He startles, though, when he hears Julian’s tone change.
“No, we need to numb it, isn’t there an anesthetic or something? A, a local? He’s already been hurt more than enough, I won’t make him hurt more.”
Leo blinks slowly and stares at Julian. Daddy, he thinks softly.
Maison stares at Julian for a long moment, then sighs and turns to Leo. “Leo,” he says, “do you want a local anesthetic?”
“No,” Leo whispers immediately.
“What?” Julian crouches over the edge of the tub and takes Leo’s hands, ignoring Maison’s loud sigh. “Baby, why not?”
“I can stay still,” Leo whispers. “I promise.”
“That’s…” Julian clenches his jaw. “That’s not it, sweetheart. I just…I can’t just stick a needle into you like this if you’re gonna feel the whole thing, I—”
“I can use it on myself first,” Maison offers quietly. “The local. Would that help?”
Leo shakes his head, headless of how dizzy it makes him.
“Leo, please,” Julian says, voice tight, and it cuts right through Leo. Daddy’s upset, daddy is scared, but Leo’s scared too, he’s hurt and bleeding and weak and he just can’t find the strength to push past the fear of an unknown substance getting injected into his body, he just can’t.
“No,” he says again, and when Julian opens his mouth to speak, Leo signs, “Yellow.” His hand is shaking, and he isn’t sure if he can blame that fully on the blood loss right now. He signs it again, then grips Julian’s wrist, squeezing without letting go. Their other-other nonverbal safeword.
Julian immediately backs down and slips halfway into his daddy headspace. “Shit, I’m so sorry sweetheart, I’m right here, what’s wrong? I’m here. What can I do?”
“You can watch me stitch this up,” Maison says, “so you can learn how to do it in the future. Or you can leave this wound open ‘til it gets infected, your call.”
Julian hesitates for a second, and Leo gently squeezes Julian’s wrist twice. “Okay,” Julian murmurs. “Okay, sweetheart. Fuck.”
Maison explains a few more things that Leo doesn’t try to follow. He nods, barely, when Maison warns him he’s about to start, and then the only thing on his mind is staying still and staying silent. Julian’s lips brush across his forehead, hair, temple.
By the time it’s over, Leo’s decidedly lightheaded. Maison helps Julian get him cleaned up and into bed, then gives Julian even more instruction. Leo hears the rhythm of Maison’s voice from under the covers and thinks it’s strange. Maison’s never been that much of a talker before.
His eyelids are heavy, and everything hurts, but he tries to keep listening so he can stay awake. He sort of succeeds. The next thing he remembers is Julian curling around him and kissing his jaw. “My brave boy,” he whispers as he runs his fingers through Leo’s hair. “My love. You were so brave. You can sleep now, sweetheart. Daddy’s here. He’ll keep watch.”
“Daddy,” Leo whispers, or tries to. He lets himself sag into the warmth of Julian’s body and finally sink into the darkness of exhaustion.
+ 1
Julian doesn’t sleep for the rest of the night. And he doesn’t move from Leo’s side.
Maison offered to wipe down the bathroom before he left, and Julian immediately accepted. He knows now what it takes to really, truly clean up blood. And he knows that tonight, he doesn’t have the energy to do that. Not when everything in him is desperate to just hold Leo and never let go again.
“Hey,” Maison says, so softly Julian barely registers it. “All done. I’m heading home.”
“Maison.” Julian shifts ever so slightly to look him in the eye. “Thank you. For all of this.”
Maison smirks and nods. “Hey, anything for Leo’s love-love. Call me tomorrow if you run into any issues, but he should be okay. He knows the drill, honestly.” He hoists his bag over his shoulders and sloppily salutes. “I’ll lock up on my way out.”
Julian doesn’t even watch him leave. He lays back down next to Leo and watches his chest rise and fall. It’s funny, really. He and Leo have been together for what feels like forever, in all the best ways, but there’s still so much he doesn’t know. Like Leo’s fear of needles.
That still sits wrong in him, the visceral fear in Leo’s eyes and the frantic way he’d safeworded. Julian closes his eyes and breathes. His baby boy, so scared of disappointing him. Julian fully intends to discuss it with Leo when he’s better – not to criticize the fear, but to eradicate any part of it that had to do with safewording.
He’s also beating himself up for pushing so far in his fear that he essentially backed Leo into a corner.
He knows better, as a dom and as Leo’s daddy. But there was…so much blood. He’s never seen Leo so pale.
Julian snaps his eyes open and stares at Leo’s chest again, waiting until he sees it move several times. “Shit,” he whispers to himself. He curls himself around Leo’s body then reaches down to rest his fingers over the pulse in Leo’s wrist. It beats steadily in his light grip, and Julian finally lets himself relax.
What a fucking night. He takes one minute to make sure tomorrow is Saturday – if not, he would get up right now to call out sick tomorrow from work – and then he lets himself collapse against Leo and sleep.
*
When Leo moves, Julian wakes up in a flash, heart already racing. “I’m right here, sweetheart,” he says, eyes half-open. “You’re with me. You’re safe.”
Leo shudders like he always does when he first wakes up. Julian’s gotten well-versed in handling Leo’s panic at waking up somewhere unexpected (even as he hopes that someday, maybe, his house won’t be an unexpected place for Leo anymore).
“Daddy,” Leo says softly, voice uncertain.
“I’m right here, baby boy.” Julian sits up so Leo can see him. “How are you feeling?”
“Hurts.” Leo licks his lips. “I’m sorry.”
Julian frowns. “What for?”
“For…” Leo swallows, then raises a hand to sign, “Yellow.”
“No,” Julian says immediately, reaching out to hold Leo’s hand. He squeezes it gently, then grips the wrist loosely, fingers falling to brush against his pulse again. “You’re not allowed to apologize for that. You’re never allowed to apologize for safewording, baby boy. Please don’t ever do that.”
“It wasn’t…” Leo licks his lips again, and Julian jumps up to get a glass of water. He brings it back and helps Leo sip at it. “It wasn’t a scene,” Leo says once he’s had enough to drink. “I shouldn’t have.”
“Leo.” Julian cups his face to gently turn it towards him. “You can always use your safewords with me. No matter what. And I’m the one who’s sorry, sweetheart. I should never have pushed that hard. You know what you need.” He kisses Leo’s nose gently. “On the bright side, if I can call it that, I learned something new about you last night. So now I know to avoid things with needles around you.”
Instead of smiling, Leo frowns. “It’s not needles,” he says slowly. “It’s…”
“You don’t have to tell me right now,” Julian says. “I wasn’t going to bring this up until you’d rested a lot more.”
Leo hums, but he doesn’t take the out. “It’s what’s in them. What might be in them. Anyone can switch out vials, sabotage me and Mais and we’d never know. And maybe it would be a sedative or something to make us vulnerable, but maybe it wouldn’t be. Maybe it’d be poison and it would’ve killed me, would’ve killed Mais. We’d never be able to tell until it was already injected and by then it’s too late.”
Leo pauses for air and Julian coaxes him to drink more water. Somehow, his hand on the cup is steady even though his heart is breaking.
Because it makes sense. It completely makes sense, and now even Julian’s leery of anything going into Leo’s body like that. But it hurts so much, because there’s no solution other than the one Leo already has – suffering through the pain. There’s nothing Julian can do to help this, no way to swoop in as daddy and make it better.
“Daddy?”
Julian looks at Leo and kisses his forehead. “Baby boy.”
“Why are you mad?”
Julian blinks away the sting in his eyes. “I’m not. Sweetheart, I’m not mad at all. I’m…I’m sad I can’t make it better. That’s all. You know I hate to see you hurting. But I don’t think there’s anything I can do to make it better.”
“You make it better,” Leo murmurs, trying to kiss Julian back. “You’re here. You’re holding me. You make it better, daddy.”
Julian sniffs and hugs Leo a little tighter, mindful of Maison’s careful stitches. “Okay, sweetheart. Then I’ll just have to make sure I’m always here, yeah?”
“Yeah,” Leo agrees, leaning into his arms. “Yes, please, daddy. Always.”