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It was dark.
So dark.
Like an infinite blur of memory that stretched out endlessly for as long as I could remember.
Voices like ripples of water, piercing the darkness on occasion. Tearful sobs and at times pitiful pleas.
I had been there
At the final battle
And I died
Atleast I thought I did.
I opened my eyes with difficulty, the blinding sunlight muting all colors white, but in that void I saw her. The person I used to hate the most in the entire world.
A person who knew nothing of my struggles, yet told me I wasn't struggling enough. A person that knew my pain, and told me I was useless despite that. A person who saw me dying and only then realized all her wrongs.
I had once thought, I would have had some sick pleasure seeing her expression from my death bed, seeing her regret from sacrificing my life last until long after I died.
I once had that thought, but her tears, tears of joy, were so blindingly beautiful that even in that muted white she shines brighter than the sunlight.
I had survived.
***
3 years
It had been 3 years since Cayer fell into a coma and in those 3 years, she had taken care of him each and everyday as if it were some duty or responsibility.
Many people had told Redina that she didn't need to do it, that taking care of him personally was unnecessary. They told her that she wasn't at fault, that she didn't bear any responsibility for what happened to Cayer.
But she did, everything was her fault. All the hurtful words, she had thrown at him all those years ago had come back to haunt her like some unending trauma.
'Why are you just lazing around? Don't you know that the Arc Crystal is the only thing you're good for?'
'Stop whining, all you do is put in a little Mana, I'm the one doing all the work.'
'You're just another power cartridge, so you might as well do your job properly like one!'
Redina covered her ears as her voice from the past haunted her. If she was already suffering like this from her own words, how much more had Cayer suffered on the receiving end of them?
Each cutting remark must've been like a dagger stabbed into his heart. How much had he suffered that he had said to her before the final battle:
'I really wanted to see you regret it for the rest of your life after I died'
That thought alone made her stomach churn, how horrible of a human being had she been to bring a person down to such a state?
In a life or death situation where hundreds or thousands were dying on the battlefield by the second, each ounce of mana was pivotal to ensure she could save even just one more life, cast just a single more spell.
And in the process of trying to save that one more life, she ignored the life of the companion that allowed her to do anything on the first place.
She belittled him and insulted him every time, in order to get just a bit more mana. She berated him and pushed him to the limit without knowing it was at the cost of his life.
Yes, she had saved thousands. Yes, she was considered a war hero. But now? Look where that got her.
And in a way wasn't he right? Looking at herself wallowing in regret besides Cayer's unconscious self, he had been spot on except...
He wasn't dead yet.
That's why she wouldn't, no couldn't give up. It was the very least thing she could do to atone for the scars she inflicted on him, in hopes of him one day waking up.
Even if that chance was slim, even if what she was doing was meaningless in the end. She wouldn't stop anymore, she would take care of him until he took his final breath on this bed or until he woke up.
She had that much resolve when she pushed him into this hell with her words, now she had to have the same resolve while waiting for him to return.
Taking a deep breath, clearing her tears and fixing her outfit, she stood up and crossed out another day on the calendar.
1211 days
That was the amount of time she had spent beside the bedridden Cayer. Everyday endlessly, she would be by his side patiently waiting and taking care of him.
Assisting the nurses in their tasks and pleading the doctors and priests to do anything. Naturally, nothing much could be done when it came to a coma patient except to wait and pray for a quick recovery.
So that's what she did, each passing day crossed out on that calendar on the wall, waiting and praying. She didn't know if what she was doing held any meaning or helped in any sort of way, but in the infinitesimal chance that it did. She owed it to Cayer to give her everything just like he had.
There was no limit to her persistence and perhaps because of that single-minded devotion, the Gods answered her prayers.
In that quiet room he stirred, first a twitch of his finger, the movement was small—just a flick. But it happened again.
Without knowing Redina had dropped everything on the ground, her pen, her bag, even the calendar she was just writing on and she ran to his bedside cautiously, her heart beating out her chest.
“Cayer? Can you hear me?” The tremor in her voice was unmistakable.
Nothing. Then… a flutter. His eyelids tremble, a sluggish effort, like lifting a weight he’s forgotten how to bear. Slowly, painfully, they crack open, just a sliver. His eyes, unfocused and watery, scan her and only her as if he were lost in the smile that bloomed.
Countless tears flowed from Redina's eyes as she stood there frozen in joy and fear. She had practiced day and night the procedure to do when he finally woke up, but it all disappeared like a cloud of smoke.
Relief, endless relief and happiness, that's all she felt as she cautiously embraced the waking Cayer, softly caressing and calming him down.
His breathing changes. It becomes uneven, like someone surfacing after being underwater for too long. A gurgling noise escapes his throat as he tries to speak. His lips move, forming a shape, but no words yet. Just a rasp of air and confusion in his eyes.
"It's alright." She whispered through her tears, her smile radiantly shining in the sunlight. "You're... back! You're finally back!" Her sobs cutting in between her words as she embraced Cayer ever so slightly tighter careful of hurting him
Her smile was blinding, as his lips trembled in difficulty before his voice finally escaped, ragged and hoarse.
"...Why... ?" It was a loaded question, perhaps even he didn't know what he was asking but...
Redina shook her head, tears flying everywhere, "I'm... sorry... I'm... so... sorry... It's all my fault..."
Redina apologized again and again, endlessly, embracing Cayer and sobbing into his chest and shoulder, still careful of his condition yet no longer caring about her own dignity, as she bawled in his arms.
His frame was thinner than it once was, muscles atrophied, and skin pale. Even the arm that was wrapping around her felt so light and frail as if it could break just from a little force.
"It's not your fault anymore..." his voice still came out hoarse and ragged but it was better than before.
Redina who was crying in his arms shook her head, as she tried to embrace him slightly tighter. Yet his body felt so weak and frail that she hesitated in embracing him any harder.
Cayer could only give a wry smile as he returned the embrace, his body barely responding to his will.
He had hated her, quite a lot in fact.
But he saw on that calendar on the floor, what that voice in the darkness had been. Who those sobs and pleas came from, for how long she had taken care of him, and the resentment just melted away.
In the first place they had already reconciled before the final battle, that final push was just something he had done on his own, to save just a single more life, with his mana in the hands of Redina. Even if it almost cost him his life, he felt that he wouldn't do anything differently a second time around.
So he had no reason to hate her or resent her any longer. Any grudges that he could have held, melted away in the face of her endless persistence. Perhaps had she not been there by his side, he would have never woken up.
No, deep down inside he felt a certain certainty in that thought. Without those sobs and pleas, he might not have even known he was alive and quietly accepted his death. It was only through those faint ripples in the void, her voice, that he could have known he was alive.
Ironic wasn't it? That the voice that drove him into his deepest despairs, the voice that used to grate at his sanity, had been the same voice that pulled him from the grips of death.
"Redina..." He called out to her in his embrace. As Redina hummed in his chest, making no move to meet his face.
"I... forgive you."
Forgiveness, perhaps it was the greatest gift he could give her in return for her devotion as Redina started to sob once again.
"So thank you... For everything... You saved my life." Redina shook her head, again and again as if she couldn't accept it.
"I didn't do anything. It was you who came back all on your own. So thank you... for coming back." She completed in between sobs
He had no intention of tormenting her any longer. All thoughts of revenge for her past actions had disappeared completely. He was simply glad to be alive.
He tried to move his body even just a little more but nothing worked. At most he could move his forearms by his elbow but that was it. Every bone and muscle in his body felt weak, and even now he has no confidence in ever going back to the way he was before but...
"You'll get better, no, I'll make sure of it. So just stay by my side and let me help you. Let me atone for my sins." Redina declared her eyes burning with unending determination
"You... don't have to do this for me anymore." He muttered on the verge of tears.
"You don't have to waste your life on me."
He had wished for her tears and regret in the past, but that was that and this was this. Besides, hadn't she already done enough for him by just taking care of him for these past years. She didn't need to do anymore, her debt was already repaid. She didn't need to waste her life on taking care of him anymore, she had done enough.
But Redina shook her head. "You can scream at me and berate me all you want but please... Don't talk to yourself like that." She was such a crybaby.
She buried her face in his chest, he was so thin she could already feel his ribs. "I pushed you into hell. I have to be the one to bring you out of it, so I'll stay by your side until the day we can both live our lives to the fullest."
Cayer remained silent. He wondered why? For what reason was she so adamant? She had done more than enough.
Who knew how long it would take for Cayer to make a full recovery so wasn't it time to say goodbye to their strained relationship?
They had only met through the Arc Crystal and they had no relationship beyond that. No it was sufficed to say that their entire relationship was built on the Arc Crystal. The reason they met, the reason they fought, the reason they fell apart and the reason they reconciled.
In the end, it was all just work, to save just a single more person before the end of the war. He had simply done his job and so had she. There was no reason to feel guilty anymore.
She had said horrible things in the past, things that made him want to die and torment her for some petty revenge. But in the end hadn't she taken care of him for past three years?
The debt was gone and Cayer had woken up, wasn't it time to call it quits and go their separate ways? They didn't have such a deep relationship beforehand. He saw no reason for her to be so single-mindedly devoted to him.
But in a way, wasn't that just who Redina was? She had always been an impudent senior who, though arrogant had always been caring and devoted to her friends.
"I won't take no for an answer." She declared with a confident smile finally clearing her tears which had seemed endless just moments before.
"...Why... ?" He was bewildered, he just couldn't understand.
They never had a relationship close enough to be friends in the first place. "You've done enough, don't wa-"
She cut him off.
"I'm not wasting anything. I'm just treating you how you always deserved to be treated. Without you, I couldn't have made such a difference, I see that now."
Though there were always other sources of Mana, it was Cayer that allowed her to be a pivotal difference in every battle. Without him she could never have operated at the same scale.
They had always been a match made in heaven, an enormous mana capacity with no firepower, and enormous firepower with no mana capacity. Together, they exerted influence greater than most Archmages on the battlefield.
That's why more than anything else in the world, she regretted each and every hateful word she spouted to Cayer. He didn't deserve any of it. It was only through him that she could make such a difference, only through him that she could save that many lives.
"You didn't deserve it, the way I treated you, the things I said, nothing I can do now can ever take back those words. I had taken you for granted and said those horrible things. So now and in the future, until you can stand by yourself, until you can live your life. I'll be by your side." It was a promise overflowing with charisma, one he didn't recognize from her.
"I can't... give you anything." His voice trembled uncontrollably, whether it was from the pain or from the emotions noone could tell.
She shook her head. "That doesn't matter, you're a hero, not just to everyone else, but also to me. Because you made me matter. Because you allowed me to make a difference."
She cupped his face in her hands, her smile bright no longer weighed down by guilt nor regret. No, the guilt and regret weren't gone, they were simply overshadowed by her single-minded devotion.
"So please... let me stay by your side."
And in the face of such a plea, Cayer couldn't say anything.