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That night everyone went home their separate ways. Gunil drove, Jungsu and Seungmin walked, Jooyeon and Jiseok were picked up by their manager and Hyeongjun walked alone.
The youngest omega yawned as he walked down the empty street. He always took this route back home since it was the most scenic and quiet compared to the bustling, loud main road. The weather was nice today, a little more on the humid side. The smell of wet earth and fog reminded him of Gunil.
He frowned.
It had only been a few hours since it happened, but Hyeongjun hoped everyone was a little calmer now.
Admittedly, his heart still raced when he thought of it.
It’s just the biological effect of his voice Hyeongjun tried to reason with his primal mind. But there was no doubt it still shook him to his core.
An Alpha’s voice was meant to evoke a flight or fight response, taking full control of an omega or beta’s autonomy in order to steer them away from danger. That was true. But when used in a situation that wasn’t life or death, it could inflict severe trauma. An Alpha’s voice is meant to be sacred .
Hyeongjun could only pray the others would forgive Gunil in time. The alpha would have to find a way to regain the trust of his pack members. And fast .
Afterall, life doesn’t wait for a broken pack.
Gunil purposely stalled his drive home, stopping by a lone convenience store to pick up a couple cans of beer. When he pulled into their parking lot, he reached into the plastic bag holding the beers and cracked open a can, chasing down his shame with a swig of alcohol.
But drinking wasn’t his only vice tonight.
The leader’s mind reeled as his memory replayed the incident. Jooyeon and Jungsu barking at each other ferociously, Seungmin trying to break them up, Jiseok’s failure to diffuse the tension, Hyeongjun’s stagnancy. It all led him to a breaking point.
Then the biting words that left his lips.
Stop it. Now.
Gunil grimaced. He took another drink.
The bubbly liquid settled in his stomach like a pile of bricks. Gunil instantly broke everyone's trust the moment he lost control; he immediately regretted it the moment he let it happen. The alpha was determined to win back the trust of his members no matter what.
But for now, he would stay here, in his car trying to numb the guilt and pain that weighed his heavy heart. He took another drink; the liquid went down too fast as the carbonated drink burned in his throat.
Tap, tap
The sound startled Gunil out of his pity party as he looked out the window.
It was Jiseok, tapping on the glass with his phone. Gunil unsettlingly rolled down his window.
“Hey, let me in” The younger alpha retorted. Gunil begrudgingly unlocked the passenger seat door.
Jiseok sat across, closing the door behind him.
“Geez, look at you...” The other alpha tutted, staring at the drink in Gunil’s hand and the other unopened cans of beer he stocked up on.
“What?” Gunil asked in annoyance, taking another gulp. Jiseok opened his mouth then paused and closed it, then faced Gunil with a determined gleam in his eyes.
“Listen, I know you know that you fucked up today,” He started, then paused again to think.
“I was really shocked too, I mean- seriously, you evoked your Alpha voice? That’s just low” Jiseok exclaimed as Gunil sank further into his seat, hugging the cool beverage to his lips.
“But you can’t let this screw everything up. You know I’m on your side, but you gotta admit you messed up. Big time. Alpha to Alpha; you gotta get your shit together, because if we’re out of line, everything’s out of line. You feel me?” Jiseok rambled on like a fervent pastor, waving his hands in the air.
He wasn’t wrong, but Gunil was too buzzed on beer to respond soundly.
“I know, Jiseok-ah, I know... I’m going to get their trust back.” Jiseok clapped intently,
“That’s the spirit! Don’t worry, I’ll help too but you gotta do most of the heavy lifting... You really fucked up you know?”
“Yes, I know I’m an asshole. Are you done now?” Gunil groaned, smacking both palms to his face.
“Kay, goodnight! And hyung,” A gaze of sincerity flashed upon the laid-back alpha’s face,
“Don’t be so hard on yourself.”
And with that, Jiseok exited the passenger seat and ran back into their apartment, slippers slapping against the concrete.
Gunil crushed the now empty beer can in his hand as he gathered the rest in a plastic bag, locking the car with his keys as it made a chirping sound that echoed in the dark.
He had always believed that every day was an opportunity for a brand-new slate and countless possibilities. But the leader didn’t wish for any groundbreaking realizations or epiphanies.
Only that tomorrow would be slightly better than today.
Gunil woke up with a pounding headache that reverberated throughout his skull. He drank way too much last night, and now he was facing the consequences of his actions yet again.
Hungover or not, the day wouldn't wait for him to sober up, so the elder alpha arose from the warm, fluffy confinements of his bed and dragged his feet to the bathroom to wash up.
Down the hall was also a half-awake Jooyeon walking towards the bathroom, the beta’s blonde hair resembled a bird’s nest as he yawned with his mouth open wide, rubbing his lidded eyes awake.
Jooyeon noticed Gunil at the end of the hall and abruptly stopped in his tracks, then sped up his pace.
“Good morning Jooyeon-” Gunil greeted as the beta rushed into the bathroom before he could reach first, slamming it shut on his face. The door locked with a click.
The leader stood dumbfounded as he stared in disbelief.
Just then, Hyeongjun walked out of the kitchen with a glass of water in hand.
“Oh- good morning” The omega, clearly caught off guard, greeted as he slipped past him and into his bedroom, the door softly shutting behind.
“Morning...” Gunil sighed, standing defeatedly in the now-empty hallway.
It was going to be a long day.
Surprisingly, everyone managed to make it out on time; there was no repeatedly nagging Jooyeon to get out of bed, Seungmin didn’t take forever to pick an outfit, Jungsu wasn’t whining about how bloated he was. The morning went by too smoothly, which made it even more unusual.
Like last night, everyone made their separate ways to the company. Gunil was thankful they decided in advance to make today an individual practice day instead of their usual writing session. That way, there could be some distance between him and the members to cool down from yesterday’s dumpster fire , the mere thought made Gunil shiver down to the bone.
As he walked out the elevator and towards his practice room a light shove greeted him from behind.
“Hey!” Jiseok poked his head out beside Gunil, a toothy smile on his face. How could someone be so energetic this early in the day?
“Sleep well?” the younger alpha asked, matching Gunil’s dragging pace.
“Mm, yeah. Just a little hungover though” Gunil admitted, rubbing his face.
“Got a battle plan yet?” Jiseok asked, curiosity piquing his interest. Gunil nodded,
“Yeah,” The alpha cleared his throat,
“I didn’t want to immediately sit everyone down at the ass-crack of dawn... Especially because I’m still hungover- but I wanted to give them some time and hopefully later today I can sit us all down for a meeting to talk things over and apologize.” Gunil announced as Jiseok nodded along.
“Sounds like a plan. I’ll make sure everyone’s out of the dorms for the day, so you get your chance. I’ll vouch for you too, of course- but the rest is on you.” Jiseok added with a satisfied grin.
“Thanks man, and by the way... How angry is everyone?” Gunil was afraid to hear the answer, but he had to find a way to gauge the vibe without directly asking them.
“Uh, pretty mad the last time I checked. But good news! Jungsu and Jooyeon aren’t fighting anymore since they have a common enemy now.” Jiseok commented cheerily as he continued his stroll alongside Gunil.
“But hey, no sweat. Good luck, hyung!” The raven-haired alpha waved goodbye as he went his own way to his private studio.
“Fuck me.” Gunil murmured as he entered the empty practice room, hoping the four walls would just swallow him up already.
Jungsu’s fingers bounced across his keyboard as he meticulously went over his part in Xymphony. But a momentary ding from his phone distracted him, making him miss a note.
“Damn it-” The omega cursed under his breath as he paused the music and snatched his phone to see who the culprit was.
It was a text from their group chat.
Gunil
hey everyone, hope practice is going well today 😊 we’re having a meeting in the recording lounge at 8:00 p.m. See you all then.
“The nerve of this knot head...” Jungsu rolled his eyes, sending Jooyeon a quick message.
Jungsu
you going?
Jooyeon
yeah it should be interesting 😛
Jungsu scoffed and switched his phone to silent mode, setting it on the ground.
It wasn’t like Jungsu was trying to be difficult on purpose, the situation had just shaken him up more intensely than the others. He knew Gunil would never intentionally abuse his power, which made it even the more frustrating to be angry at the leader; but Jungsu just couldn’t shake off the helpless feeling of his entire body being controlled with a single command.
The reality of it was terrifying.
It was a reminder of his status, his secondary gender, the nature of omegas and the expectations placed upon them. Jungsu didn’t want to submit like the pliant and willing omega society wanted him to be, he originally joined the band in order to choose his own path and defy the harmful stereotypes that plagued his existence.
And Gunil’s Alpha voice was a rude awakening. He had never felt so small in his life.
Jungsu felt the heat of tears prick his eyes.
Just then, a sharp knock resounded outside the practice room.
“It’s Seungmin, can I come in?” Jungsu cleared his throat and fanned his flushed face before responding,
“Yeah”
Seungmin walked in, his hair was hidden behind a black beanie and thick rimmed glasses sat on his nose.
“Just finished up with practice, how’re you coming along?” The omega asked, taking a seat near Jungsu.
“Eh, could be better, but I’m a bit distracted so...” The raven-haired omega trailed off, Seungmin noticed Jungsu’s hesitance as he turned his head in apprehension.
“What’s on your mind, Jungsu?” Seungmin softly pried, giving the older omega his undivided attention. He shifted uncomfortably, letting out a sigh.
“I just feel... insecure, I guess” Jungsu wearily looked at Seungmin, waiting for a response. But the omega stayed silent for a prolonged moment before he opened his mouth,
“Jungsu, you know there’s nothing wrong with being an omega, right? ”
“Yeah, tell that to the knot-heads who treat us like dolls, sinking their teeth in whenever they want, dragging us around like we’re made for them.” Jungsu seethed, the same sensation of heat crawled up his neck, but this time it was anger.
“Believe me, I know how you feel. I’m well aware of the bullshit we have to go through, but you’re not alone. We’re not alone.” Seungmin validated, his eyes radiated a glint of sincerity and warmth that cooled Jungsu’s defensive exterior.
“...I’m not excusing what happened yesterday, but what I do know is that isolating yourself from the rest of the members, especially our Alphas, will not do you any good.” Seungmin reasoned, treading lightly to not trigger Jungsu.
“I know, I just hate being reminded of the power they have over us.” Jungsu’s voice reduced to a low whisper as his head hung low. Seungmin inched forward, placing a hand on the dejected omega’s shoulder.
“I hear you, what Gunil did wasn’t appropriate at all. But we can’t abandon our Alpha, he needs us as much as we need him. We’re a pack, we move together or not at all.” Seungmin reminded, emitting a calming scent of jasmine as the tears that welled in Jungsu's eyes finally broke free.
“Yeah, you’re right” Jungsu cried as he wiped away the tears that ran down his round cheeks.
“You don’t even know how hard I’ve been trying to hold it in” Jungsu sniffled, an ironic chuckle leaving his lips as Seungmin laughed along.
“Please, I could tell you needed a good cry” Seungmin’s face jokingly contorted into an exaggerated pout as Jungsu gasped, playfully smacking the omega.
“I do not look like that when I cry!”
The clock hit 8:00pm as Gunil’s leg bounced in anticipation. Were they going to show up? Everyone viewed the message, Jiseok reacted with a thumbs up, but that was it.
How would he resolve this? Was this the right way to regain everyone’s trust? The alpha spiraled deeper in anxiety as he paced around the room.
Just then the door swung open, stopping Gunil in his tracks.
In walked Jiseok with Jooyeon trailing behind. The beta held a neutral scent and expression which calmed Gunil’s nerves. Not pissed, thankfully.
“Look who I brought~” Jiseok announced in a sing-songy tone as Jooyeon tsked from behind.
“Don’t test me, Alpha...”
“My bad, my bad” Jiseok put his hands up in defense, inching away from Jooyeon as the beta chortled, jokingly shoving his arm.
“Thanks for coming, have a seat” Gunil interrupted their teasing exchange as Jooyeon’s lips formed a thin line, yet he obeyed as Jiseok plopped down next to him on the couch.
“I think the omegas are on their way, I’m pretty sure I saw Hyeongjun at the cafe with Jungsu and Seungmin.” Jiseok updated as the anxious leader remained standing, picking his nails.
“Cold feet?” Jiseok suspected, raising his brow.
“No, of course not. I just want to do this right.” The alpha mumbled.
“Damn right.” Jooyeon commented sarcastically as Gunil chuckled, nodding in agreement.
Jooyeon’s steely front let up slightly.
“Listen, just say the usual mushy heart stuff you say! You’re good at that, hyung” Jiseok suggested with an emphasis on the mushy part.
“Glazing alone won’t save him” Jooyeon added with his arms crossed.
“Okay guys- I think I just need some quiet.” Gunil concluded as he took a sharp breath. Jooyeon and Jiseok shared a look of unease as they watched their leader pace back and forth, mumbling to himself.
Suddenly, the door creaked open as a head of poofy brown hair peeked in.
“Hi.” Hyeongjun squeaked, behind him stood Seungmin and Jungsu.
“Come in, come in” Gunil greeted, and the omegas entered one by one.
Tension spiked in the air; the last time they were all gathered like this was when the incident happened. Gunil tried to keep his nerves at ease.
“Sorry, I know it’s so cramped! But I won't waste any time” The alpha clarified as the rest of his band members stared at him attentively; Jooyeon was guarded yet intrigued, Jiseok was hopeful things would go well, Hyeongjun shared an earnest gaze, Seungmin was composed yet waiting in anticipation, and Jungsu’s eyes had a glossy sheen that never broke contact.
Gunil gulped.
“Anyways, the reason why I called this meeting was to apologize. It was never my intention to hurt you all, and I know I did regardless,” Gunil began,
“I know apologizing wont miraculously erase what I did, but I need you all to trust me again... And I’m willing to do whatever it takes to earn back that trust.”
Jiseok gave a look that said go on... Leaning in as if he was on the edge of a breakthrough.
"Well, you should've never done it to begin with.”
Jungsu’s voice cut through Gunil’s resolve as the omega continued,
“You call yourself a leader when you evoke your Alpha voice to control omegas? That’s pathetic!” Jungsu spat as Jooyeon let out a low whistle, tutting in disapproval.
“You know Gunil isn’t like that-” Hyeongjun advocated but was cut off by the upset omega.
“Do we? Do we really know? Because after that shit, I’m having second thoughts.”
Gunil panicked, looking over at Jiseok for moral support. He was praying the alpha who usually had a laissez faire approach would find it in his heart to give a damn and help him out.
Thankfully, his prayers were answered.
“Guys let’s hear what Gunil has to say” Jiseok soundly suggested as Jungsu finally piped down, turning his attention back to the nervous leader.
“Thank you, Jiseok.” The alpha took a deep breath and let it go. Jiseok’s voice echoed in his head as he remembered,
“Listen, just say the usual mushy heart stuff you say! You’re good at that, hyung”
Right.
“Jungsu, I hear you. I know by evoking my Alpha voice I abused my power and lost control. It shouldn’t have ended the way it did and if I could go back in time, I would redo it all... But I can’t. So, I figured the second-best option was to apologize to you all for causing so much chaos and discomfort. I hope you can all find the strength to see me as your Alpha- your leader again.”
He took their silence as permission to continue.
“Because... We’re more than just a band. We’re a family, we’re a pack . We stick together, and- and it just breaks me that I jeopardized our pack because the truth is... I need you all. I am fucking lost without us.” Gunil’s voice faltered as he remembered how low he felt last night. It was a kind of hurt and self-loathing like no other. Completely unique in its pain.
Having a dysfunctional pack dynamic had the ability to take a physical and emotional toll on a pack and its members, leading to depression, anxiety, irritability, and often times worse if the dysfunction was prolonged. This was also common knowledge, which made the self-pitying leader even more upset with himself.
This wasn't just Gunil's problem; it was everyone’s problem as well.
“If earning back your trust means I have to receive death glares from Jungsu, or deal with Jooyeon’s biting sarcasm, or silent treatment from Seungmin, then so be it. I don’t care how long it takes... Just that you can look at me the same, as a respectable Alpha that’s capable of leading his pack.” Gunil vowed as he kept his eyes glued to the hardwood floor of the studio, too afraid to look up at the faces of disappointment and disgust staring back at him.
“...You know we could never stay mad at you, Alpha.” Seungmin’s voice rang clear as a bell as Gunil’s head snapped up, meeting the omega’s doting eyes.
He felt as if the weight of the world was lifted from his shoulders.
“Easy for you to say, I could do this all day!” Jooyeon snapped back with sass.
“Jooyeon, I literally saw you on the verge of tears.” Jiseok called out the beta as he protested,
“Shut up- I was not!”
Gunil looked at Jungsu for confirmation; the omega was more composed than before yet still troubled.
“I think I was just scared.” Jungsu spoke, the room was back to a still once again.
“I’m afraid of the things being an omega will force me to go through. I fucking dread it. Which is why I had such a visceral reaction to this. I know that Gunil is truly not an asshole that is plotting to take advantage of omegas at every waking moment, but God- I just get so fucking scared sometimes.” Jungsu confessed as he closed in on himself, feeling vulnerable. Hyeongjun gently nuzzled his head in the crook of Jungsu’s neck, subtly scenting him in comfort.
“I don’t blame you at all for feeling on edge about your status, and I’m sorry that I triggered that fear in you. This is a reality for a lot of omegas, but it’s not something that you should be forced to accept. You deserve to feel safe in your skin, in your pack... in the world. Look- I can't guarantee that you won't feel this way anymore, but I’ll do my best to make you all feel safe and happy in this pack, even if it’s the last thing I do.”
And in what felt like the first time in ages, Jungsu genuinely smiled; his eyes formed crescent moons as the scent of a content omega peaked in the air. Gunil softly breathed in, feeling his Alpha become deeply satisfied.
“Thank God it doesn’t smell like shit in here anymore...” Jooyeon’s vulgar comment broke the intimate moment as the rest of the members burst out in laughter.
“Alright, it was getting a bit too touchy-feely for me anyways” Jungsu justified rather than instigating Jooyeon. The beta shot him a cocky smile from across the couch.
“I’m so glad you guys didn’t end up revolting against Gunil because I pulled all that advice outta my ass.” Jiseok admitted with relief as Gunil’s jaw dropped.
“Wow, you really have zero faith in me.” Gunil slumped down dramatically as Jiseok came over to pick the elder alpha off the ground.
“Oh, come on. I knew it would all work out in the end!” Jiseok justified with a toothy grin.
“I’m also glad this fight didn't exceed twenty-four hours... cause I was stressing” Seungmin admitted as he sprawled his limbs out on the couch in mock-exhaustion.
“Yeah, Seungmin literally had to become my therapist today, it was strangely comforting though?” Jungsu frankly noted as Seungmin stuck a ‘thumbs up’ in his direction.
Everything felt harmonious once again as Hyeongjun smiled and quietly laughed along, watching his packmates banter with ease. Even though the pack had been somewhat split up for just a day, the effect of their conflict was felt. But the presence of pain only served as a reminder of how much love and dependence they had on one another.
Hyeongjun had no doubt everyone would come around in the end; the omega just wasn’t sure how.
But here he was once again, sitting back in amusement as the members talked about meaningless topics and ranted about their days like they always do. The omega was glad it didn’t take long for them to find each other again. Afterall, they’re more than just a band.
They were a family.
“Hey, can we go home now?” Jooyeon interrupted the cacophony of noise. Gunil scoffed and shook his head in disbelief,
“I thought you’d never ask.”