Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The yard was quieter than usual tonight.

Not silent, there would always be the random groans and grunts from trains and sheds alike; but the sounds were almost softer. It was like the world had lowered its voice, giving Pearl the space to be consumed by her thoughts.

She sat on the edge of some crates for who knows what, with her knees tucked under her chin. Her pastel pink paint now a dull muggy colour in the dark, barely illuminated by the yellow lights. Pearl chewed on her nails, restless, not even minding the nail polish chips falling onto her uniform. Her lashes were clumped together, smudges of mascara smeared on her face from drying tears.

It was a stupid thing to cry about.

It was just supposed to be a cosy date with her and Rusty, a relaxing movie night to celebrate getting through the dreadful week at work. At first that’s all it was, Pearl and Rusty cuddled under the blanket with some silly Rom Com on. Then cuddles turned into kisses and kisses turned into Rusty’s hand brushing against the inside of Pearl’s thigh. Her reaction was in seconds, Pearl’s whole body stiffened and her mouth went lax. Rusty probably didn’t mean anything by it, after all, it’s the natural progression after making out…

But it was close, way too close to Pearl’s secret.

And of course, Rusty the attentive, loving boyfriend he is noticed immediately. Even after assuring him she was fine, he continued to apologise up until they went to bed. Or well, he went to bed, Pearl couldn’t sleep. Not after that adrenaline spike anyways. So now she was here, crying, alone and ashamed of not being able to communicate to her boyfriend, while sitting on some dusty boxes. Great.

By the miracle of the Starlight however, Rusty soon saddled up next to her. “You alright, Babe?” He probed softly, giving Pearl enough space to leave if she wished. 

“I thought you were asleep?” 

“I was, but the bed gets lonely without you.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-” 

Rusty interrupted her before she could even finish, “You don’t need to be sorry for anything, you’re allowed to have as much space as you want.” Even in her sorrowful state she smiled, god she really did love him. After a while Pearl, finally broke the silence.

“I’ve just been thinking a lot.”

Rusty gently brushed his hand against hers, “Dangerous habit.”

Pearl laughed through her nose. “Yeah.”

Then she inhaled deep and slow, holding the breath in as if that would slow time itself. “I need to tell you something.” 

Rusty immediately turned serious but soft, his eyes squinted with worry and sincerity. “Whatever it is, I’m right here.”

“I’ve been keeping something from you,” Pearl finally revealed, rubbing her clammy hands together. “Not just from you, exactly but from everyone.” 

Without hesitation Rusty took her hands in his, squeezing as a sign of reassurance.

“I’m a girl. I’ve always been, Even when I didn’t have the words to tell people, or when I thought I was broken and confused.”

Rusty’s eyes widened slightly, not in shock, but in hope and love. “Pearl are you-” Pearl had to cut him off, she knew if she didn’t, she wouldn’t be able to finish her story off.

“I wasn’t always known as Pearl and it took a lot of work to get here, but now i’ve told you. I-I hope you understand that I have in my soul always been Pearl and that will never change, not even now.” 

There was a small smile on Rusty’s face, it wasn’t sympathetic but happy. 

“Please say something,” Pearl begged softly.

“I understand you.” Was all Rusty said in response and without meaning to Pearl raised her eyebrow in suspicion. As much as she adored Rusty, what would he actually know about being made in the wrong body? 

“I’m a guy, but I wasn’t always seen that way either,” he whispered.

“What do you mean?” She asked baffled, he wasn’t seen as a guy? Does he mean when Greaseball use to bully him?

“Pearl,” Rusty said deadpan. “Think about what you’ve just said and then think about what i’ve just said and how they correlate.”

Rusty knew the moment she hit the jackpot because, “Oh my Starlight! You meant you’re-you’re-”

“Yeah. Took me awhile to figure it out. Longer to say it out loud. But I knew something was wrong when nothing was fitting, until I got called Rusty. From then on i’ve always been me, just Rusty.”

Pearl’s shock turned into laughter, bright and disbelieving. “We’ve both been holding this in?” 

“Guess I was waiting for the right moment,” he murmured sheepishly. 

The relief emanated around them, as if their relationship got even stronger. “Thank you for understanding,” Pearl commented.

“Always,” he said. “You’re still the same Pearl i’ve always known, just more you.”

She beamed, “And you’re the same Rusty, just more you too.”

He groaned getting up, holding his calloused palm out to her. “Wanna take a lap together? Just you and me?”

Pearl nodded, a soft smile on her face, “Yeah, i’d like that.”

As the lapped around the track together, Pearl couldn’t have been happier to be around her amazing boyfriend, her heart felt lighter already.

Chapter Text

Hydra couldn’t place his finger on when his heart first started fluttering around the Electric Engine.

Maybe it was during the Final’s, when the proximity to Electra made his whole body tingle from voltage. Or it could’ve been after they started their little meetings at night, just two lonely trains finding comfort in their isolation with eachother. At least that’s all Hydra thought it was, before he noticed… Albeit it was quiet and buried deep there was something in him that jumped and flipped when near Electra.

Hydra fiddled with the gear on his belt, flipping the neon belt; up and down, up and down. It was the only thing he could do physically as his mind buzzed with the previous memories of the day. Electra had touched his shoulder. Yes, his shoulder. It was just a guiding touch, a gentle move to the side as Electra passed by but Hydra swore he felt it linger seconds longer than it should and Electra didn’t just touch anyone! After all, they didn’t need to and they’d rather not have their fingers come into contact with rust or dirt which means they thought Hydra was clean enough to touch!

But now, bathed in the last cracks of the sun as it slowly set with Electra by his side, Hydra found this was where he wanted to be forever. “Hydra,” they said low and smooth “Your form was impeccable today.” 

Praise from Electra was always rare. Deliberate.

It wasn’t just their words, it was the way their eyes went half lidded slowly trailing Hydra up and down, like he was their prey. Also, the way Electra leaned in ever so slightly, like a non verbal sign of ‘you’re in my presence now’.

He’d try to laugh it off, after all he was constantly getting berated in the yard for being a ‘Hydrogen Tanker’ so it felt good his pride being appreciated and acknowledged but also foreign. He supposed him and Electra shared common ground in that sense, both outcasts, a physical representation of the future that no one in the yard wanted to accept. Hydra couldn’t help but long for these precious minutes near Electra, without the spying eyes of their components. 

Were all these feelings even normal? I mean Hydra was never taught about all these complex, astounding emotions, but there was an undeniable desperate yearning.

Gosh, he wished he could race with them.

Don’t get Hydra wrong he liked Rusty! After all, they were very good friends, but if Electra asked Hydra to race with him? As much as he prides himself on loyalty this desire just couldn’t be satiated. Was all this foolish? Most likely, Electra doesn’t need anyone but their components, they were electric, powerful and wrapped in arrogance. 

But sometimes, Hydra swore he saw something underneath, what Electra truly felt, their loneliness. 

Electra’s yawn shook him out of his thoughts, “Oh shit, are you tired? I can go.” He sputtered out flustered.

“Stay,” was all Electra murmured as they laid their head on his shoulder at quite an awkward angle due to the height difference. Hydra’s whole body went rigid, right don’t mess this up! “Hydra, can I ask you something?” They said softly, barely audible.

“Of course!”

“If I were to ask you to work for me, what would you say?”

Silence.

“I don’t… I don’t really know, I guess maybe? It’s just me and the freights come in a group-” 

Electra scoffed, rolling their eyes and moved away from him just a smidge. Hydra couldn’t tell what he was more hurt by; the fact they moved away from him or the way they scoffed at the only trains he could call family.

“What’s that meant for?”

“Because Hydra you are just a punchline to them! When have they ever taken you seriously?”

Hydra couldn’t even respond, just gawking and sputtering.

“I would never do that to you.” Electra said with finality, “We are both alike, meant for greatness and the future. Why can’t you see that? Haven’t you felt our connection?”

“What are you talking about?” Hydra responded confused, yes they felt the connection but what was else were they prattling on about?

“Oh don’t be dense, you think I like coming out here when the sun drops and it becomes ice cold and i’m away from my components? I come here for you!”

Oh my. Oh my Starlight!

Are they? Are they basically saying they like him? No fucking way, oh shit mate you’ve got to respond!

“I- I didn’t even know! I’m so sorry I thought everything was a coincidence, honest!” 

“Really?”

“Yes!”

“Oh, I assumed you just wanted me to stop my advances. After all, i’ve been flirting with you for months now and you haven’t given me any recognition in my efforts.”

Hydra took their hand, trying to be gentle, “I didn’t even know you were flirting, I just thought you are being nice, but I think you’re really great.”

Electra went deadpan, “Just great?”

“Lots of other things too,” Electra actually smiled at that, or well more of a smirk.

“Well you know what this means, we are two very attractive people into eachother and meant for the future so we should obviously be together!”

Hydra’s face went brighter yes, gosh he didn’t even think Hydrogen Tankers were meant to feel this hot. “Oh yeah?” He said trying to keep up a semblance of confidence.

“Of course,” Electra purred smoothly, their little tantrum now quelled. “A kiss of gratitude to me for doing the work of confessing would be appreciated.” 

That’s what made Hydra relax, the confident Electra he knew. “Of course, wouldn’t expect anything less.” He said snorting, as he tried to figure out the best angle for him and Electra to kiss with Electra towering over him. 

Once he finally got a grasp on the best route, he successfully dipped Electra and kissed them, so gentle that it felt more like a caress. That just wouldn’t do now would it? Soft pecks and smooches soon turned into hunger as they became starving for one another.

“My shed?” Electra mumbled out in between gasps and kisses.

“Yes,” was the last thing Hydra said that night.

Chapter Text

 Poppa was the first.

They were both sat in Poppa’s shed, the comforting heat from their boilers encompassing the room. Still Rusty felt a creeping sense of unease, a twisting terrible feeling in their stomach. 

“You alright, Son?” Poppa’s deep voice questioned, almost sounding like a hymn.

It was an innocent question from an outsiders perspective, but to Rusty? It felt like sick jab. The nickname itself prodded at something they tried to keep hidden, a feeling they knew wouldn’t go away. Although they tried to forget about it, you can’t slap a plaster on a gaping wound and expect it to heal. There was always this feeling of being wrong, looking wrong, sounding wrong; everything about Rusty was just wrong. 

Soon they realised Poppa was still looking at them for an answer, now he had more of a concerned look on his face. 

“I need to tell you something,” Rusty blurted out.

Poppa hummed, “Go on then.”

“I’ve been… thinking about myself. A lot. For a long time really, even before the race.” Rusty took a shaky breath, wetting their lips, “I think I always knew. I just didn’t know how to say it.” 

Poppa listened intently, letting Rusty take their time. Although he was set in his traditional ways, he was a very good listener and advisor.

“I’m not going to be the Engine you’ve always seen,” their voice trembled. “I’m going to transition, to live as who I want to be. Poppa, i’m a woman.”

The silence that followed stretched. 

But then Poppa bumped their shoulder, “Soon you may not look like the same Engine i’ve always seen, but you will be the same Engine i’ve always known.” 

Rusty couldn’t help the tears that started to build. After all, Poppa was like a father to them and to have not only validation but acceptance from him? Rusty couldn’t even describe the feeling.

“I’ve already got a lot to thank the Starlight for and helping you realise who you truly want to be will be amongst them.”

“Oh, Poppa,” Rusty whimpered sniffling.

They hugged for a long time that day.

It was harder with Pearl.

Not because Pearl wasn’t kind; she was the best. But because Rusty loved her.

She’d practiced saying it a hundred times. Out loud. To herself. She had even started referring to herself as She/Her in her head!

But now, sat beside Pearl, who was bathed in the moonlight. All previous bravado had disappeared.

“Pearl, can I tell you something?” 

“Sure!” She chirped back, always merry even at the most mundane questions or actions.

“I’m not going to be the Rusty you see for much longer…”

Pearl’s head tilted to the side, “How? Not to sound impolite but once you’re corroded there isn’t really a way to go back.”

Rusty laughed awkwardly, praying for the butterflies to go away. “Let me explain it better, i’m still going to have rust physically but not i’m not going to look like the Rusty you’ve always seen.”

Pearl waited, her eyebrows scrunched in confusion.

“Pearl, i’m a woman and i’m going to start transitioning.”

Just akin to Poppa’s reaction there was silence. This time however, Rusty felt the need to fill it.

“I know i’m not fancy or sleek or modern; but when I look in the mirror, I feel so trapped under all these layers not from the rust but from looking so masculine. Pearl you may think this is out of the blue after all i’m quite old now but I have always felt this way, I just didn’t figure out what it was until recently and being a Steamer has been bad enough let alone wanting to transition too-”

Rusty stopped rambling as Pearl put her hand on her trembling fist.

“Pearl, i’m scared. That no one will believe I feel this way, that they’ll laugh, that i’ll be shunned for this.”

Pearl didn’t answer right away. Her eyes flicked down, pink lips parted, the gears in her mind turning.

Rusty braced for rejection. Even though Pearl was kind, she was naive and this was vulnerable news.

When Pearl finally spoke, her voice cracked. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” 

Rusty blinked, “I… What?”

“You were hurting this whole time and I didn’t know, that… I never want you to feel like that.”

Rusty’s throat tightened, “I didn’t even know why I was hurting so much myself until recently.”

Pearl turned to her and placed her own polished hands against Rusty’s calloused ones. “You’re still you. You’re still the brave Engine who stood up to Greaseball, who sang to the Starlight when no one else believed in…”

Pearl paused, “Her.” Rusty finished the sentence for her softly, just a gentle push in the right direction.

“Her,” Pearl repeated, “I quite like that.”

“Me too.” Rusty sniffled, “I thought you’d leave.”

“I’m not going anywhere. I love you, Rusty and i’m going to keep loving you.”

“Even her?”

“Especially her.” Pearl said softly before leaning in for a chaste kiss.

When Rusty pulled away she realised they were both crying. It was pretty fitting.

The next person who Rusty told was not who she had in mind.

The race was over. She came second, Electra was first. Rusty huffed sitting on a small grass patch as Electra skated around showboating. 

“You sulking, Steam Train?” They teased skating over; surprisingly without their components.

“No, well done.”

Electra’s lips pursed together, “I don’t believe you.”

“What?” Rusty questioned baffled.

“You’re sulking but…it’s not about the races, is it?” They questioned.

Rusty spluttered trying to find an excuse before Electra chuckled triumphantly. 

“I’m correct aren’t I? Well now you have to tell me, it’s the rules.”

“What rules?”

“The ‘I know you have a secret’ rules, now tell me!”

Rusty bit her bottom lip, “You ever feel like your whole body is screaming at you that it’s wrong? Like you were built backwards?”

That caught Electra and their brows furrowed, not in judgement but in thought.

“Electra, i’m transitioning. You can tell people, it won’t be a secret for much longer.”

“I understand,” Electra said softly.

Rusty stared.

“I’m fluid,” they said. “Gender is… too static for someone like me. I shift and i’m proud of who I am. But I found it hard to start telling people too.”

“I am proud of who I am, just scared of the reactions.”

“Don’t be. You’re becoming you. That’s one of the bravest things someone can do.”

This time the silence was comforting, no shock, no rambling, just a mutual understanding.