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In the end, they get a grace period of three days. During that time they don't do anything but laze around, eating and sleeping and just lying half on top of each other. Tony tries to introduce Loki to the TV but Loki isn't overly fond of sitting still and staring at a flat screen full of what to him has to be lifeless images. He much prefers lying in complete silence – or what Tony perceives as complete silence, he's fairly sure Loki is listening to his heartbeat and other stuff – or listening to Tony babble, answer all the little and not-so-little questions Loki has and just rambling at times. Loki himself isn't too enthusiastic talking about himself, but he does answer Tony's questions.
The picture he paints isn't a good one. Apparently Loki has known all his life that he's different. Especially the fact that he could hear and see better than others became obvious to him fairly early on but he had learned quickly to hide that, too afraid of standing out. He had never been taken serious; when he'd zoned out he'd been made fun of for "meditating" randomly. Eventually, far too late (as in, about a week ago, what the fuck), Loki had found out that he'd been adopted and ascribed all the ways in which he was different to the fact that he was Jötunn by birth.
"But wait," Tony says when Loki finally reveals the painful moment when suspicion became horrible truth to him. "I've been wondering about this. You… how you can be my Sentinel if you're not even from this planet."
Loki abruptly goes tense, gaze lowering, and Tony immediately knows what's going on; it's why he hasn't dared bring it up until now. "You are my Sentinel," he says firmly. "There's no doubt about that, it's impossible that we would both have this reaction to each other if you weren't. I just wonder if we're the only case, and how the hell this came about to begin with. There is a far greater proportion of Guides than Sentinels on Earth."
Calmed a little by the sureness in Tony's voice, Loki nods, then frowns. "I thought you said there is a match-up rate of ninety-four percent."
"There is – for Sentinels. Guides outnumber Sentinels by nearly thirty percent. Do you know any other Sentinels?"
"Perhaps. Not consciously." Loki's gaze turns absent as he gets lost in memories. "You have to understand, for the longest time I tried to suppress my… abilities, even the knowledge of them. But I think I did recognize some people I met on some level."
Tony hums thoughtfully. He has a theory, but he needs to know some more information first before he can tell how far off the mark he is, if at all. "Many?"
"No. Not at all."
"And are any of the species you know… what are the life spans like? Because I mean, humans live on average about 80 years, and you guys… well, considerably longer, right?"
"You are the people with the shortest life expectations," Loki readily supplies. "By the way you count years, I am about a thousand years old." He pauses. "Just so you are aware, I will not allow death to take you from me."
"Oh?" Tony lifts an eyebrow. "Is that so?"
"Yes." The thing about this that sends a heady shiver down Tony's back isn't just how possessive it is, it's how perfectly calm Loki looks, like it's a given fact. Tony won't be taken from him, even by death. He's very curious how this is supposed to work out, but he figures Loki knows more about this sort of thing than he does.
"Alright. Good." Tony starts carding his fingers through Loki's hair. "So… what are the life spans you know of like?"
"The shortest I'm aware of apart from Midgardians is around two hundred years with the way you count time."
Tony nods. "Did they have Sentinels?"
Eyes going unfocused again as he tries to recall memories he's always tried to suppress, Loki nods slowly. "More than other people, I believe."
Strike! Tony grins wildly. "Great. So what I'm thinking is that, well. Sentinels and Guides are an evolution thing and clearly, with longer life spans, evolution progresses slower. Though now the question is, how come this specific evolution – Sentinels and Guides – is common in several species in different realms, and the questions humans have been asking for centuries." When Loki raises a questioning eyebrow, Tony elaborates. "Why the whole codependence thing at all? How does bonding even work? And, now, how is it possible that we two are a mated pair when we're not even of the same species? Though it's clear both our species have the same origins, what with the whole humanoid shape thing and all the other similarities and all. This is all very interesting, you know."
"If you say so." Careless, Loki shrugs. He clearly isn't overly interested in discussing theories right now, but then, he isn't familiar with the topic at all and just learned about the existence of Guides and Sentinels a couple of days ago.
Then again, Tony is mostly interested because it did have such an impact on his life until recently. His life, frankly, fucking sucked, feeling like a lost part of a whole and believing that's how it was going to stay for the rest of his life. Not few Guides and Sentinels kill themselves eventually, and Tony can't say he hasn't considered it. But it doesn't concern him anymore now so he shrugs as well, drops that train of thought and concentrates on combing his fingers through Loki's hair instead. It's unruly; they had a shower before they went to sleep and the silky strands are tangled, curly and dented where Loki slept on them. Tony knows that as soon as Loki sees it in the mirror he's going to comb it back, make it flat and controlled. As he's learned, Loki is very conscious of how he looks – not in terms of wanting to look good but in terms of wanting to seem in control. Tony figures it's a symptom of him trying to control his senses and the way he reacts towards his surroundings.
It's getting better, though, that. Tony sort of shot his Sentinel's control to hell, made by his mere presence Loki's senses run wild and at the same time focused them on himself. Over the past three days, Loki has been exploring the extent of the impact Tony's presence has on him – tentatively, hesitantly, but with a sort of determination the origins of which Tony can't figure out. He's also become calmer, feels more stable and grounded now to Tony; feelings he himself echoes. The restlessness he felt all his life and didn't even ascribe to the whole unbounded Guide thing has waned, and he's in general feeling a lot more settled now. Gone are his inability to stay still for an extended period of time and his near-constant need for stimulation. And even physically he's doing better; he sleeps easier, eats more, doesn't feel that craving for alcohol anymore. Not that he would drink even if he did, their bond is way too fragile and new for him to risk unsettling it.
Loki, too, is doing better physically; rest and food have done their work and he looks healthier. The hunted look is gone from his eyes, though he still looks troubled, and sometimes he gets lost in thought and the look returns, but just Tony drawing Loki's attention will chase it away again.
"Sir," JARVIS draws Tony's attention, pulling him out of his languid musings. "Miss Potts is calling."
Huh. Tony completely forgot to have JARVIS let her know what's going on, but he figures that if JARVIS didn't tell her, SHIELD most probably did. He feels a little guilty about it – he should have told her himself, at least – but there is no way he could have contacted another person without creating problems between him and Loki. "Did you tell her what's going on?"
"You gave me no such orders, Sir," JARVIS stalls.
Tony huffs and tilts his body towards Loki when his Sentinel wraps an arm around his waist and pulls him close. "Not what I asked, JARVIS."
"Agent Coulson alerted her to the situation. I merely informed her that you are healthy and safe, Sir."
"As safe and healthy as can be, JARVIS," Tony replies and is rewarded with a long lick up his throat that makes him sigh and tilt his head back to give Loki room. His neck is an area Loki has been consistently fixated on, not that Tony is complaining. "Put her through." A part of him wants to ask for Loki's permission, to make sure he's alright with Tony talking to Pepper – he has talked about her a little – but he figures it should be alright, they had three days in total seclusion. Loki should be sufficiently grounded not to go possessive over a phone call. "Hey Pep."
"Tony," Pepper says carefully, keeping her voice regulated. "And Loki, right?"
Loki lifts his head, looking surprised but pleased at being addressed and acknowledged – something Tony can relate to, it sends a thrill through him that Pepper says their names in the same breath, as if they belong together. He thinks he should feel bad about that and he does, a little, but it makes clear to him once and for all that he and Pepper are very over, even if they were never really anything to begin with. "Yes. Miss Potts, correct?"
"Yes, that's me." Pepper takes a breath. "How are you two? Do you need anything?"
"Peachy," Tony replies. "But we could do with some food that doesn't come in tin cans." The two frozen pizzas were the only content of his freezer; they had to make do with tin food since that first meal.
"Sure, I can do that. Anything else?"
"Nah, we're good. How are you?"
Pepper seems surprised at the question. "I'm fine. I'm happy for you." She even sounds genuine.
Tony grins widely. "Thanks."
She clears her throat. "So, Loki. Your brother would like to speak to you, if that's okay?"
"I was wondering whether you were just going to pretend he isn't in the room with you," Loki drawls. When Tony glances at him in surprise he raises an eyebrow, then lifts his hand, four fingers raised. So there are four people in the room Pepper's in; Tony is fairly sure he can figure out who it is.
There's a brief moment of silence, then Thor speaks up. "Loki."
"Thor." Turning back to Tony, Loki nuzzles the side of his neck. "What do you want?"
"I was told… are you truly what the Midgardians call a Sentinel?"
"Yes."
Thor is silent for a long moment. "Brother, I am truly sorry."
"I am not your brother," Loki immediately protests sharply. He's gone still and Tony slides his hand down his spine, trying to calm him. It earns him a narrow-eyed look, Loki clearly knows what he's trying to do, but he doesn't protest.
"Loki-"
"No." Abruptly, Loki sits up. "If you wish to speak to me, Thor, get out from under your Director Fury's thumb." He glances sharply at Tony, enough of a message.
"JARVIS," Tony says, and JARVIS cuts the call off.
Looking pissed off, Loki lies down again.
"Hey." Tony rubs his hand over Loki's chest. "What's got you so worked up?"
Loki glares at him. "Thor is a liar. He keeps pretending nothing has changed, that nothing is wrong, when he knows very well that that couldn't be any further from the truth."
"What is wrong?" When the glare intensifies, Tony lifts his shoulders. "Hey, I know, you told me, but sometimes it helps to… I don't know, put it to words again."
"No," Loki says, hand cupping Tony's hip. "I do not wish to discuss this any longer."
A clear rejection, but the close contact of their bodies keeps the sting out of it. Tony sighs and stretches into the curve of Loki's body. He's honestly amazed how little he's done in the past couple of days; normally he can't sit still for an hour and now he's spent three days primarily in bed, and not even having sex. It can't be anything but the bond, Tony has read that it has a grounding effect but he would never have expected this. It probably extends to Loki as well. "You weren't jealous at all of Pepper, that was pretty good."
Loki stills. "Jealous?" He raises his head, eyes laser-focused on Tony. "Why would I be jealous of your friend?"
"Uh. Because she isn't- wasn't, wasn't, okay, used to be, past tense – just a friend?" Tony cringes at Loki's completely expressionless face. "I thought I made that clear."
"No." Grip on Tony's hip tightening, Loki narrows his eyes. "Make it clear now."
Tony feels a spark of annoyance at Loki's possessiveness, conflicting simultaneously with a wild sort of pleasure at the way Loki acts. Wow, this must be what it's like when his personality clashes with the Guide part of him. One of the things that would be easier if they had found each other sooner, and if that doesn't sound vaguely creepy, Tony doesn't know. "It really wasn't much of anything. We had sex sometimes and we're good friends, but that's all. No romantic feelings at all."
"None?" Loki raises an eyebrow, expression still cool.
In the interest of full disclosure… Tony has read countless material on bonding and Sentinel/Guide relationships over various bouts of needing to know as much as possible, and it all emphasized how important honesty is, especially in the beginning stages of bonding. This early on anything can cause discord in the bond and it could have far-reaching consequences for them. "Well, maybe a little?" He cringes again. "There isn't now, I swear. I swear, Loki. Come on." He cups Loki's stormy face and puts their foreheads together; Loki resists at first but then lets him. "It wasn't anything. Maybe a little, on my part, but I didn't- we never had a relationship, and we never talked about it, and I'm honestly not sure what it even was. It doesn't matter now, okay?" He hates how much he's apologizing, he's all but babbling, and the rational part of him keeps pointing out that Loki doesn't have any reason, any right to be annoyed; it was before they even knew each other. But there is the fact that he and Pepper didn't break up – never had the chance – even if it's entirely clear to both him and Pepper that they're completely over. And besides, nobody ever said that Sentinel instincts are at all rational, especially during the early stages of bonding.
Loki does not say a word, but pushes closer and shifts on top of Tony, face moving to Tony's neck again to ground himself on Tony's body. Legs falling open to let Loki between them, Tony wraps both arms around his Sentinel and holds him close. "It's really not anything, especially not anymore," he murmurs, pressing a kiss to Loki's temple.
"Sir," JARVIS says some indefinite time later, a bit hesitantly. "A representative of the SGC is at the gate."
Tony blinks. "What? Why?"
"Who?" Loki asks a moment later, pulling back a little.
"Sentinel/Guide Centre," Tony replies absently. "I don't know. They shouldn't even know. JARVIS?"
"It is a mundane," JARVIS informs him, "going by the name of Meredith Miller. She is bringing a… she calls it a hamper. It is a basket containing necessary nourishment and other emergency goods that might be required as a result of the bonding being unexpected and consequently unprepared for."
Ah. Pepper. "So, wait. They know I bonded? Who do they think I bonded with?"
"Ms. Potts informed them. She managed to let them know that you are bonded with an unregistered Sentinel without breaking any of her signed security clearances."
Only Pepper.
"What does this mean?" Loki interjects impatiently, sending Tony a disgruntled look at his proud smile.
"I'm not sure." Tony furrows his brows and thinks about it for a moment. "It's a good thing because it means Fury can't exploit the fact that we're not officially bonded, but on the other hand, now that they know we will have to get officially bonded. I'm really unclear on how that's supposed to work with all the security clearances, considering that you're not from around here and not even human. That's going to fuck things up for a lot of people." What an understatement. Tony has barely started thinking about what it means that he bonded with someone not from Earth; this just disproportionally broadened the pool of potential mates for as of yet unbounded Guides and even Sentinels. It's going to render all current data and statistics on the matter of bonding spectacularly obsolete.
Well, that's not really Tony's problem. He's never been involved in the community – half because they didn't think they'd want him, what with being unbonded and behaving atypically for a Guide, half because he didn't want them either anyway (except for the part where he wanted them, and they wanted him) – and he doesn't think that's going to change now. "Either way, we should go get that hamper now, I know you don't like the metallic taste of the canned food." Not everything in Tony's home is provisionally, optimistically Sentinel safe. He already has a list in his head of everything he needs to change now, and it might or might not be older than three days.
Loki takes a sharp breath; he looks frustrated and annoyed, his instincts clashing with his old habit of suppressing and ignoring them as much as possible. He's still learning to let them go, to let himself behave in ways he perceives as irrational – he's still getting used to being allowed, to not being ridiculed for it. "I do not…" he hesitates. Tony has an idea what he's going to say but he doesn't speak for Loki. "I do not want a stranger in here, and most certainly not around you."
"That's okay," Tony says immediately. "She's not going to come in here. She'll come only as close as you're comfortable with." He rubs his nose against Loki's and absently wonders when they'll move on from Eskimo kisses to real kisses. There have been a few, but not in any way that counts. "I know it's not rational, you've probably never really felt like this, have you?"
"Never," Loki replies. "This is a thousand times stronger than anytime I have even come close."
Tony nods, lips brushing across Loki's cheek. Three days ago Loki wouldn't have told him that so freely. "And then it was a touching thing, wasn't it? It disturbs you when someone you're close to smells of other people. Now just the thought of someone being in the same room as me disturbs you."
"Yes." Cupping the back of Tony's head, Loki pushes his Guide's face into his neck in a mirror image of the way he always noses at Tony's neck. Tony doesn't get the same thing out of it Loki does, he just doesn't have his enhanced senses, but he still likes the way Loki smells, clean and comfortable, and how warm he feels, his pulse strong and steady under Tony's lips.
After giving Tony a moment Loki asks calmly, "Do you wish for me to get that… hamper?"
"That's the plan," Tony murmurs. He really likes this, he's starting to get why Loki does it so often now, it's really intimate and comfortable and comforting.
But now's not the time for this, there is a woman waiting out there with food for them and while Tony is sure she'll wait a while, they can't exactly leave her without word for hours. A bit reluctantly, he pulls away from Loki and sits up to look him in the eyes properly. "Okay. She maybe won't even mention me, but she might. Try to hold it together if she does. I won't come outside, she won't come inside, she won't get to see me. If you want to I can give you a headset, I'll be watching on the security feed anyway and that way we can talk. You can do this."
Loki frowns at him. "I am rational. As long as you stay inside and this visitor outside there will be no problem at all."
Okay. Taking a deep breath, Tony nods. Loki won't attack her – he might feel threatened by her but she's a professional, she'll be able to recognize the signs and react accordingly. There really is no reason at all for him to be so nervous.
Way too quickly for his taste Loki is outside, headset in one ear as he walks towards the gate. Meredith Miller is waiting patiently behind it, car parked behind her and two big baskets at her feet. It takes Loki a while to get to her because he'd refused to take a car or anything (not that he could drive) and had wanted to properly scope out the property anyway. He says no word but Tony can see him on the various security cameras as he progresses towards the gate and looks around, taking in the area. Watching helps a bit with the increasing ache he feels the farther away from him Loki gets, and Loki seems to be doing okay. Tony tells himself firmly that he approves of that.
"Hello," Miller says when she finally sees Loki approach. Her body language is alert but deliberately non-threatening; she makes no move towards him. "I'm Meredith Miller from the Sentinel/Guide Centre. Congratulations on your bonding; we're very happy for you." She clearly is not waiting for Loki to reply; she says all this when he is still rather far off, knowing very well he can hear her perfectly but she wouldn't understand him unless he yelled. When he gets closer she adds, "The SGC asked for me to bring you food and some other things you might need."
"That is helpful and appreciated," Loki says once he gets to her. Meredith smiles slightly and takes a step back from the baskets, giving Loki space to collect them.
"If there is anything else you require, do not hesitate to contact us, no matter what it is." She waits until Loki is behind the gate again before speaking up once more, a bit hesitantly now. "If you don't mind, could you tell me how Mr. Stark is?"
"In perfect health," Loki replies, not easily but he doesn't growl, that's good. "He is sleeping better and his heartbeat has normalized." And wow, that's more information than Tony would have thought he'd give her. But it appears that's the extent of how much Loki is willing to let them in on what's going on between him and his Guide, because without another word he steps away from the gate and makes his way back to the house.
Miller says "Thank you" and without another word gets into her car and drives off. Tony might or might not breathe a sigh of relief, but he definitely does not startle when Loki huffs in his ear because he absolutely did not forget the headset.
"Well," he says to cover it up. "That went well."
"There are not many people in this area," Loki veers completely off-topic, not really one for talking about the obvious.
"Uh, no," Tony confirms, absently rubbing his chest below the arc reactor. Now that it's getting better again the ache of separation becomes even sharper, ironically. He's lucky there is nobody around; Miller is already too far to be noticeable. "I just wanted privacy. Admit it, you love it."
"Of course I do." Not caring for the topic any longer, Loki looks into the bag. "The food will not last for longer than a few days," he then reports, "And I really do not know what you were so worried about."
Tony rolls his eyes heavenwards. "You handled this well, which is good because now we know better how you'll react, but don't overestimate yourself. If I had been closer you'd probably have been less relaxed about it when she asked about me."
Loki is silent for a moment. Eventually he enunciates carefully, the way he does when he's frustrated with himself, "I do not understand why."
"It's instincts," Tony explains, then elaborates because Loki doesn't like that being the sole answer, even though they've talked about this a number of times already. "You need me. I'm your baseline, without me you won't be able to deal with sensory spikes, especially now that you've had me. You instinctively recognize that and react accordingly. While we're still at the beginning of bonding you'll be extremely jealous and possessive where I'm concerned. As our bond consolidates and strengthens that'll wane a bit, but how much depends on your personality and the nature of our bond."
"What does that mean? What nature?"
Running a hand through his hair, Tony thinks about how to put it. "Uh, well. Platonic or non-platonic, basically, at least generally speaking, but each bond is different, depending on personalities and proclivities and everything." For some reason he's nervous talking about sex with Loki – they haven't had it, haven't even come close, and while Tony really wants to a part of him shies away from that. They're forever, and not even in the romantic kind of way – at least not yet, and it's not even like that's a requirement – and that, to be honest, scares him. It's in no relation to how his relationships normally work, completely off the scale. He just has nothing to compare. And yes, he'd known it would be like that all his life, but knowing is different to actually living it. Besides, he had honestly not expected for it to happen anymore. His whole life is going to change now, and the ache in his chest at their separation brings that into sharp relief. He and Loki can never be separated anymore. Considering how strong their personalities are, how different their lives… it's going to be very difficult, and they're not always going to like it.
Tony closes his eyes and feels the ache fade the closer Loki gets, and he hopes that it will be worth it for more than just this. For more than the Sentinel/Guide thing.
"There is something not right with you," Loki suddenly says.
Blinking, Tony returns back to the presence. "What?"
"Your heartbeat is elevated," Loki tells him, sounding annoyed at having to spell it out. "I thought it was because you were worried about my reaction to meeting the woman, but your heart has not calmed down significantly since then. Tell me what's wrong."
Tony grimaces. He hadn't wanted to say it before because he'd worried that Loki would decide not to go (who knows how the whole possessiveness really works out? Tony certainly doesn't) and he'd hoped that there would be no reason to need to explain afterwards, but clearly that's not going to happen. "You're not the only one who has difficulties with separation. It just expresses itself differently for each of us."
"Explain," Loki demands sharply, definitely annoyed.
"Really," Tony snaps back. "You're not the only one who has stuff going on inside. Things affect me too, you know, just differently." He takes a deep breath to calm himself down, almost hoping Loki will take the chance to say something, but he doesn't. "I get that this is a lot bigger for you because of… basically everything, but it's huge for me as well, you know."
Still, Loki doesn't say anything; Tony is just rubbing his sternum wondering what's happening right now when Loki suddenly vanishes on the security feed and appears next to Tony in the lab. The ache in Tony's chest abruptly vanishes, leaving behind just an afterimage. Tony blinks and the next moment Loki has dropped the baskets and is cupping his face with both hands, leaning in close. "Tell me. What just happened with you?"
"It hurts," Tony says. Loki's face tightens in displeasure and he leans in, putting their foreheads together. That final contact disperses the last tendrils of pain in Tony's chest. "It wasn't that bad, it's just a defense mechanism," Tony explains, a little hoarsely. "I need you too. It'll get better once the bond is properly established." At least that's what his reading says.
"I do not want for you to hide anything from me ever again." Climbing into Tony's lap, Loki wraps his arms around Tony's neck and pulls his Guide's head into his neck. "I will be very angry if you do that again."
"Okay." Tony breathes in, smelling his laundry detergent, shower gel and a bit of the mixed scents of outside. Loki's really got something with this whole neck breathing thing.
"And I am sorry for…" Loki hesitates, struggling to put it to words.
"It's okay." Tightening his grip where his arms somehow automatically found their way around Loki's waist, Tony rubs his cheek against Loki's neck. "It really wasn't bad. And it's much bigger for you."
"But, as you said, it is huge for you as well, and I regret that that has not always been at the forefront of my mind," Loki says. "I will endeavor to change that for the future."
He's really sort of adorable with his formal way of speaking and all. Tony just nods; there's nothing more to say. It's a learning curve for both of them.