Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It had been about a month since Arthur lost his arm. It had been about a month since Vivi had lost her memories. And it had been about a month since Lewis had "disappeared."

Arthur couldn't remember much about that day, he remembered, of course, sitting in the back of his van. Staring at his best friends laughing and flirting. He was feeling bitter, and like the third wheel. Then they had stopped at a freaky cave, Arthur didn't want to go in. But as always he was talked into it anyway.

When they came to a crossroad inside the house Lewis had said with excitement that they should split up.

Arthur didn't like this idea, that's how people in horror movies died. And he honestly didn't want to be here. His left shoulder was starting to hurt and he was just feeling bitter and lonely.
But, he could never say no to Lewis, especially when he was all excited like this.

Lewis at first, obviously, wanted to go with Vivi and Arthur go with Mystery. But Arthur protested, saying if there were ghosts here Lewis would protect him better. And honestly, the idea of Vivi and Lewis going off alone made him feel terrible. Lewis had laughed at that, then agreed.

So Lewis and Arthur took the left path, while Mystery and Vivi took the right. This is where Arthur's memory started getting fuzzy.
He remembered grabbing Lewis's hand when he heard something in the distance falling. Lewis had laughed, saying "is the only reason you wanted to go with me so you could hold my hand?"
Arthur let go of Lewis's hand with a nervous laugh and red cheeks.

Then he remembered a terrible feeling in his left arm as they came towards a dead end.
"Whoa, this is a long fall. Be careful." Lewis had said, looking back at Arthur. Arthur just gave him a small smile, trying to ignore the excruciating pain in his left arm.
Should he tell Lewis he was in pain? No, Lewis wouldn't take him seriously. Call him a scaredy cat who was making excuses. So he tried to ignore the pain.

But, he was just feeling so terrible, tears welling up in his eyes as he grabbed at his left arm, trying to somehow stop the overwhelming pain. Jealously and envy was all the emotion he could feel before everything went dark.

The only thing he felt after that was the worst pain he could ever have felt, teeth clamped around his left arm and then tearing. He felt warm liquid spilling all around him, and all he heard was his hysterical screams. But it didn't feel like he was screaming, it was more like listening to someone else.

After that, nothing.

He had woken up in a hospital bed a few days later. Vivi was asleep on the chair next to him, she was always sleeping honestly. She was the deepest sleeper he had ever met.

So it took a few minutes of calling out her name for her to finally wake up.
When he woke up, she was instantly smiling.

"Arthur! You're awake! Finally."

"Where's Lewis?" Were the first words out of Arthur's mouth, and the next few words Vivi said made his heart plummet into his stomach.

"Who's Lewis?"

"Y-You know Lewis? Come on dude, you're joking right?"

"Arthur, you've just been through a traumatic experience, you're confused." Vivi said, looking seriously concerned.

What was going on?!

"T-Traumatic experience, what are you talking about?! Why am I here?!" Arthur said, getting angry now. Where was Lewis?! He had to find him. Vivi was obviously playing a trick on him.

Vivi was looking around nervously.
"Y...You don't remember?" She said softly, eyebrows raising in confusion, and concern.

"Remember what!?" Arthur spat out. This was very unlike him, he was usually never angry. He was honestly just so scared right now. Nothing made sense.

"Arthur..." Vivi whimpered, and Arthur noticed she was tearing up. This was very unlike Vivi. She never cried, she was honestly the strongest out of all of them. So, something must have been seriously wrong.

"Arthur, look at your arms."

"Look at my arms? Wh-" He had looked down, and his right arm was in his lap. But his left arm-
Everything was going in slow motion, he looked to his right hand, to the stump on his left shoulder that was all he had left of an arm.
He felt like screaming, he sure was in his head. But no sound came out.
When had he started crying? He didn't remember sobbing, but sure enough he saw tear drops falling down onto the blanket he was laying under.

He vaguely felt Vivi rush over and wrap her arms around him. But it was such a numb feeling, everything around him was static.

---

That had been a month ago, and since then he had been fitted with a prostetic. Made by him and his uncle. It was still one of the weirdest things he had ever experienced, it was so weird scratching at your arm and feeling nothing. He had tried stabbing at it a few times, just wishing he could feel something there, but, nothing. All he had done was damage his prosthetic and made his uncle yell at him.

He had told Vivi, after that night in the hospital, that he couldn't keep hunting ghosts with her. Not for a while. She had agreed after a while.
She had also kept asking him about the Lewis he had talked about.

Arthur had told her that he was an old friend, and that he must have been confused. It was apparent that she had lost all her memories of Lewis.
Why? Arthur didn't know. All he knew was Lewis was out there and he had to find him. He would be out looking for him now if he could. But his uncle was forcing him to stay out of harms way for a while. Until he was completely used to his prosthetic.

So Arthur had lived with his uncle for a while longer, about three weeks. Then said he had to leave, to find an apartment. He just had to be alone. While he did appreciate his uncles care, someone coming up to his room every thirty minutes to make sure he wasn't dead got a little tiresome after a while. He was sick of the pitying eyes, and nervousness that anything they said around him would set him off. He hated the nervous glances Vivi and his uncle gave him whenever he said anything negative. As if he would hurt himself.

The doctors had warned them of depression and suicidal thoughts that most people got after amputations. But Arthur wasn't going to give into any terrible thoughts. Not until he found Lewis and made sure he was okay.

---

Today was the day of the move, he didn't have that much stuff. A dresser of clothes, a laptop, and all of his ghostly detection stuff. And of course he had to bring his hamster, he wouldn't dare leave without him!

So he loaded up the van with Vivi's help and the two of them drove to his new apartment. A small place only a few minutes from the auto repair shop he and his uncle owned. He had agreed with his uncle that he would go in and help with work. And his uncle would pay for his apartment, since they were in fact, fairy well off, money wise.

And he was allowed to take whatever time he needed off to "cope", and by cope, Arthur meant he was going to go looking for Lewis.

Vivi and Arthur brought the few boxes up to Arthur's new apartment, then the bed, then the old TV and couch Arthur had bought a few days previously.

The place was nice, small, but nice. Lots of windows, one bedroom, one bathroom. Fairly nice sized living room and kitchen. Yeah, this was fine.

"This place is nice!" Vivi finally said, after the day had been spent mostly in silence.

"Yeah, I totally like it." Arthur said with a small smile, he raised his left arm and then winced as the cold metal touched the back of his neck. He kept forgetting not to do his normal nervous impulsive movements, since a lot of them now meant cold metal touching warm skin. Which is never fun.

Vivi looked concerned at the wince, and that just made Arthur feel terrible. He hated how bad she must feel, since it was her idea to go to that house anyway. Then something occurred to him-

"Hey, can we go on a trip?" He asked, looking over at Vivi. Vivi instantly looked more excited, she had stated him never leaving his house had been worrying her. So this was good, he assumed.

"Yeah! Of course! Where do you want to go?" She said with a grin.

"I want to go back to that cave, the place where I lost my arm." He said quietly, and Vivi's smile instantly faded.

"What? Why?" Vivi said, concern leaking into her voice.

"I dunno', like...I guess I'm just drawn to that place or something..." He said awkwardly. "I think it would really help me, yaknow?"

Vivi gave him a small smile.
"Yeah! Sure! Let's go, when do you want to go?" She said with fake excitement.

"How about tonight?"

"Wha- tonight? Really?"

"Yeah, I just feel like this is something I need to do."

"I mean...If you really want to. Then sure, lets go."

---

They had set up his apartment nice and tidy (though it wouldn't stay that way long.) And then went to pick up Mystery from Vivi's house. And the three of them headed to the cave.

Arthur knew Vivi's smile was fake when he turned to her and she grinned. But he grinned back, a real grin. This was the first time he had been excited all month. He just felt like something had to be answered about Lewis if he went back there.

The place honestly wasn't too far away from town, maybe about an hours drive.
When the three of them got to the cave Arthur instantly felt like an electric shock had hit his left shoulder. He knew he must just be remembering the pain of losing his arm, so he ignored it.
They got out of Arthur's van and walked towards the house.

"It's super weird being back here." Vivi said softly, and Arthur nodded in agreement. He instantly feeling anxiety raising in his throat and stomach, but he felt like he was closer to getting some clues. He couldn't stop here.

They walked into the house, Arthur basically clinging on Vivi. Who, now that they were actually in the spooky place, was extremely excited.
"This place is super creepy, I wonder if we'll see any ghosts!"

"Hope not."

"Oh hush, you're such a scaredy cat." She joked.

This was nice, it was nice being teased by her again. It felt normal, if only- Arthur let out a soft shaky sigh.

---

He felt like someone was watching him, the entire time he was in that place he felt like something was staring at him. Like someone was literally looking down his back, and he felt anger radiating off that "someone." It made the entire thing all the worse when they left, and Arthur had no clues as to where Lewis might be.

And when they left, he still felt like someone was watching him.

"Do you feel it too?" He finally said, looking at Vivi who was nodding off in the passengers side of the car.

"Hmm, feel what?" Vivi murmured.

"Like someones watching you." Arthur said, his voice coming out a little shaky.

"Huh? Why? Do you?" Vivi said, instantly looking more awake.

"Yeah...Kinda." Arthur admitted, placing his right hand on his left shoulder, and again, wincing at the cold metal before pulling his hand away.

"Weird, maybe a ghost followed you!"

"What?! Like, no way, don't even /joke/ about that." Arthur said, and Vivi laughed and his scared reaction.

"Awh, maybe the ghost likes you!" Vivi teased.

"Shutup." Arthur said, fighting back a smile.

Vivi laughed, and Arthur tried not to take the ghost following too seriously.
But from the back of the car, Arthur heard a small growl come from Mystery.

---

Arthur dropped Mystery and Vivi off at her house, she said he could come in and have some tea or something before leaving. But Arthur was tired, and now the failure of the trip was settling in and he just wanted to go to bed, he felt terrible.

So he declined, and said goodnight to her before leaving for his apartment, the feeling of someone being with him didn't leave though.

He parked his van, and walked up to his apartment. Locking the door behind him, paranoia starting to settle in.
He instantly went over to his computer, turning it on and opening up a map on an art program he had. Marking the area with the haunted house with an X, no sign of Lewis. He saved the Doc and closed down the program, letting out a shaky breath as he looked at his desktop wallpaper. It was him, Lewis, Vivi, and all of Lewis's sisters, all together and Lewis's families diner. Arthur's hands started shaking as he looked at Lewis's face in the picture.

He closed the laptop before he started crying.

Setting the laptop down on the couch he decided to head over to the kitchen, deciding to get something to eat before bed. He honestly couldn't remember the last time he ate.

He decided to make a sandwich, since bread and peanutbutter was about all the food he had at his house so far. He grabbed a knife and then set it on top of the fridge while he went to get the bread. He set the bread on his counter and then opened the fridge, grabbing the peanutbutter. Just as he was turning away, the knife on top of the fridge fell. Luckily Arthur was quick enough to (mostly) dodge the falling weapon. But his right arm was a little too slow, and a small trickle of blood started running down his arm.

"Shit," He muttered softly as he rose his arm to see the blood.
"How'd that like even happen?" He said, talking to himself.
He didn't even think a knife falling from a fridge could really hurt him? So it drawing blood was really odd.

He headed to his bathroom, grabbing a rag and putting it on the wound to wipe up the blood. He realized he wasn't doing much more than just spreading the blood around, so he headed to the sink to wet the rag. He did so, then looked up in the mirror above the sink.

Shock and fear coursed through his entire body and he jumped back a foot, crashing into the bathtub. He hit his head on the wall, causing everything to go dark for a moment. When he came to, he looked over into the mirror. There was nothing there, but for a moment, he could have sworn on his /life/ that he had seen someone standing right behind him in the mirror.

He slowly raised himself up from the bathtub, his arm bleeding more now before of the pressure he had put on it. He picked up the wet rag from the tub and pressed it against his arm again, and left the bathroom as quickly as he could.

What if there was a ghost following him?! No, no way. Ghost's don't follow people they aren't attached to, and no one around him had died. It was impossible.

He walked into his kitchen, deciding he wasn't hungry anymore. He put the knife in a drawer where it couldn't fall on him again, and put everything else away.

Letting out a sigh, he turned around. And then stayed there- frozen. His entire body shaking as a purple light filled his entire apartment.
A floating figure with bright purple flaming hair was towering over him- Arthur would have let out a scream if he could. But his entire body was frozen, like he had been submerged into ice.

"Fuck- you." The ghost said, and suddenly Arthur blinked, as if he was being woken up.

"W-....what?"

"FUCK YOU." The ghost yelled.

Arthur's eye's widened, and his body began shaking again.

He began slowly walking away, but soon his back was against a wall and the ghostly figure was approaching.

"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!" The ghost was screaming now, and Arthur was on the verge of tears. He had /never/ interacted with a ghost by himself.

"DO. YOU. KNOW. WHO. I. AM." The ghost repeated, his voice growing in volume and anger.

"N-No!" Arthur finally shouted back, closing his eyes and cowering away. He knew he was going to die, he felt it in his everywhere. He was about to start crying when the ghost spoke again-

"You don't? Funny..." The ghost said, his voice lowering.
Then the ghost was gone.

Arthur was shaking, worse than ever before, his entire body was tense and he was too afraid to move. What the fuck was that?!

Chapter Text

Arthur spent at least ten minutes in the position he had been in when the Ghost arrived. Trying to calm himself down from his panic attack after the flaming figure had left. When he finally calmed down he stood up and rushed over to his bedroom, grabbing his phone off his bed, and rushing out of his apartment.

He ran down the hallway to the elevator and got on, heading down to the lobby while he frantically dialed Vivi's number.

It took three times dialing it to finally get Vivi to pick up.
It was obvious she had been sleeping from her annoyed and tired voice.
"Arthur? Whats up? It's like 3 in the morning..."

"S-Sorry, Viv, b-but can you come o-over. P-Please?" Arthur said quickly, his voice shaking.

Vivi's tone instantly was concerned, "yeah, of course. Is everything alright?"

"Y-Yeah...I'll explain when you get there."

He hung up before Vivi could respond, his voice was shaking too much to keep talking right now. He wanted to leave, but honestly he was in no fit state to drive. His eyes were blurry with tears and his entire body was wracked with panicked shivering. But he needed to leave his apartment for now, so he waited in the lobby for Vivi to show up. Hoping whatever that thing was wouldn't follow him.

He walked to the sofa in the lobby and sat down, trying to think of what he should do.

What exactly /was/ that thing? The memory was already starting to fade as Arthur's mind tried so hard to block out the feeling of absolute panic.

The figure was glowing, fire like, and skeletal. Nothing like Arthur had ever seen before, but honestly he had never really /seen/ a ghost before. Just talked to them.

Why did the ghost ask if Arthur knew who they were? And why did the ghost repeatedly say "fuck you." As if he had a personal vendetta against him? It didn't make any sense.

Arthur put his head in his hands, trying to figure out what the fuck was going on. He had never had to deal with anything like this before. He hoped Vivi knew what to do, she was a lot smarter, a lot braver, than him when it came to all this stuff. She must know what to do.

Arthur didn't realize he had fallen asleep until Vivi was shaking him awake. He woke with a start, instinctively falling back onto the other half of the sofa, trying to get away from an unreal attacker.

When he realized it was only Vivi he let out a sigh of relief, but Vivi looked anything but relieved.

"Arthur, are you alright?" She said, her tone worried.

"Huh?...oh, yeah. Just a nightmare." Arthur murmured, rubbing at his eyes. He had been getting those a lot lately.

"What's up?" Vivi asked, sitting next to Arthur.
"What on earth could be so important that you would have to wake /me/ up." She joked.

Arthur let out a nervous, half laugh, half sigh.
"You were right."

"Right? About what?"

"There's like...totally a ghost following me."

"What?! No way!" Vivi said, sounding excited. But then she realized how upset Arthur looked and her enthusiasm instantly faded.
"What's wrong? You're not hurt, are you?"

"It cut my arm." Arthur said, lifting his right arm to show the, still caked in dry blood, cut.

"Oh my god!" Vivi exclaimed, "did it do anything else?" She asked, her curious nature taking over her caring instincts.

"It...he...yelled at me? A lot..." Arthur said, "said 'fuck you' and asked if I knew who he was?"

"Weird...." Vivi said, "Do you want to come over to my place tonight?" She asked, to which Arthur shook his head.

"No, I just wanted to know if there were any like...protective wards or something you had that I could use. Just to keep me safe while I sleep until I can figure this out."

"Oh yeah! Of course, come on. Let's go set some up, but then you have to sleep. You look like death."

It was true, Arthur couldn't remember the last time he had slept or ate. He knew he had blacked out a couple times, but honestly he didn't think that counted. He was just super tired all the time, but couldn't sleep.

"Yeah, I will." He said softly, she was right. And he needed to eat, he knew if he kept living like this his body would just shut down. And he couldn't deal with that right now.

---

The two of them headed up to his apartment where Vivi grabbed some pens and spare paper and started drawing sigils. She was using whatever she could find around the house to protect Arthur from any negative forces. In an hour his house was full of cups of protective sea salt and black yarn. She even made some makeshift protective candles by melting a box of crayons Arthur had lying around.

She really was fantastic when it came to this stuff, Arthur really did feel safe whenever she was around.

After she left Arthur felt a little safer and was finally able to calm down enough to feel sleepy. He decided to finally go through with making himself something to eat. Then headed to bed.

---

His night, as it had been every night since the accident, was full of nightmares. He woke up every half hour in a cold sweat, with visions of falling and of his entire left side of his body being replaced with metal. Then he fell back asleep, only to repeat the process.

When he woke up at noon, he felt worse than he had felt when he fell asleep. He stretched, feeling the always uncomfortable sensation of his metal prosthetic pulling on his skin as he stretched. He didn't think he would ever get used to that.

He stood up, rubbing at his eyes, trying to not dwell on what had happened the previous night. But, now that kind of impossible as he opened the door a wave of shock hit him full force as he saw the ghostly figure that had haunted him last night sitting on his couch.

The ghost looked up at Arthur, his skeletal eyes glaring and his boney gloved hand clenching into a fist.

"Do you really not know who I am?" The Ghost finally asked, just as Arthur was about to take a step back to lock himself in his room.

"N-No." Arthur stammered out, his throat dry from sleep, making it even harder to talk.

"Call me...L." The ghost said after a moment, "and I'm here to make your life a living hell." The Ghost said, his voice didn't raise. But it was so angry, so full of absolute hate that Arthur was already ready to run for his life.

"W-What did I ever do to you?!" Arthur said before thinking.

The ghost laughed, like a fucking anime villain, low, and like he knew so much more than Arthur, which he obviously did, but still.

"You ruined my GOD. DAMN. LIFE." L screamed, his voice finally raising.

L stood up from the couch, purple firey hair turning into an inferno of anger.

Arthur was ready to bolt when the door did just that, bolted, it somehow locked from the outside. Trapping Arthur inside with the ghost. The locking was probably a ghostly trick, but Arthur was stuck in here with a ghost that, for some reason, wanted him dead.

He ran over to the door, frantically jiggling the handle to try and get out, but before he could even make any progress on getting out a knife was thrown at his head.

Arthur manged to duck before it hit him, but he looked up and if it were to have struck him, it would have right in-between where his eyes were moments ago.

He gulped and crawled away, finally making it behind his couch to escape the onslaught of sudden knives being thrown at him.

He was done for, this time it was for real. There was no escape, the ghost was letting out terrible screams every single time a knife missed Arthur, and Arthur knew he wouldn't stop throwing things at him until he was dead.

Why was he such a god damn crybaby? He couldn't be blinded by tears right now, yet here they were, welling up in his eyes making it impossible to see.

"I-I'm sorry!" He called out, he didn't know what he was supposed to be sorry for but right now he would try anything to get out of this alive.

"Sorry?! What a joke! You ruined me, Arthur! You. RUINED ME."

How did the ghost know his name?

Arthur was about to call out again when suddenly there was a knock on the door, and from the outside, the door opened.

"Arthur! I came by to check on you!"

It was Vivi, she must have let herself in using a guest key.

"Arthur, where are you?" She exclaimed.

Wait- couldn't she see L? Arthur slowly let himself out from behind the couch, and sure enough, the ghost was gone, and so were all the knives. Not even a mark was left behind to show that they had been there in the first place.

She walked over to the couch, raising an eyebrow, "why are you behind your couch?"

"I...Don't know." He lied, he didn't want her worrying that he was in any danger.

"You don't know? What, did you just randomly take a nap behind the couch? You're wasting a perfectly good couch, Arthur." She joked, before thrusting a paper bag into his arms.

"I bought you some food, you need to eat. I'll make you breakfast." She said with a grin.

---

Arthur was glad Vivi was here, the ghost didn't seem to want to hurt her. So, with her around he felt a lot more safe.

"So, hows the ghost situation?" Vivi asked with a mouth full of toast.

"Fine. He uh...He hasn't shown up since." Arthur lied.

"That's good! My spells worked then, yeah?" Vivi said, weirdly not picking up on Arthur's obvious lie, she was probably too busy eating to notice.

"Yeah, totally." Arthur said with a small smile.

"Oh! I keep forgetting to ask. How are things going with finding that Lewis guy?" Vivi Asked softly. Arthur had told her he was looking for an old friend who had recently gone missing. She still didn't seem to remember anything about Lewis, despite the fact that they had been dating for months.

"....No leads." Arthur said quietly, looking away from Vivi.

Vivi let out a small sigh, "I'm sure you'll find your friend."

They ate together until Vivi said she had to go and that she had planned to explore a "spooky abandoned warehouse." She invited Arthur to go with but he declined, reminding her he needed some time away from ghosts.

She seemed reluctant but eventually she left.

As soon as the door closed behind her, Arthur was aware of another presence in the room. He turned around and there was the ghost again. Arthur put his hand on the doorknob, ready to run if anything happened.

"I have someone I need to protect." L said, in an unusual quiet tone.
"I need to protect her- I want to go with /her/ but I'm stuck with /you./" The ghost seemed extremely bitter about this, as if Arthur had asked to be haunted by a homicidal ghost.

"I need /answers/ and I think only you can give them to me, so. I'm not going to kill you, for now."

Arthur said nothing, only listened to L's words.

"So, I guess you've found yourself a new roommate." The ghost said with a menacing laugh.

"W-What?! N-No!" Arthur protested, "I hate ghosts! Y-You need to leave."

"Or what?"

"Or..." Nothing. Arthur had nothing, they hadn't found a spell to banish ghosts completely that actually worked.

He let out a dejected sigh, to which the ghostly figure let out a laugh at. He somehow knew Arthur had nothing. And Arthur /hated/ it.

"Listen man, I'm looking for answers too. So, if you help me...I-I'll help you." Arthur finally said, looking up at L. Trying to make eye contact with the empty holes where the ghosts eyes should be.

L looked somewhat surprised at this response, raising an eyebrow and looking away.

"Fine. What are you looking for?" L finally asked.

"My best friend."

Chapter Text

It had been nearly a month since Lewis Pepper had died. A lot of people thought he had just gone missing, but that was for from the truth. What he wouldn't give to just be missing.

But instead he was stuck in this cave, with only other less aware ghosts to keep him company. Most of these ghosts had no idea that they had died. But Lewis could never forget he was dead, not for one second. He would always remember the sight of his /former/ best friend pushing him off a cliff.
The worst part? Arthur was smiling as he did it.
Smiling as he watched Lewis plummet to his death. Smiling as Lewis was impaled on the rocky cave ground. Smiling as Vivi screamed and then fainted. He was /smiling/ as he watched the blood pour out of Lewis as he slowly bled to death.

Lewis had thought Arthur was his best friend. Arthur and Lewis told each other everything. Lewis had protected Arthur from bullies in high school. Arthur was always the first person Lewis went to when he was in trouble and vice versa. Lewis calmed Arthur down when he was having panic attacks. They were as close as close could be, honestly. How long had that been an act? How long had Arthur wanted him dead. And /why/?

That was always the burning question on Lewis's mind.
Why?
Why would someone he was sure cared about him, someone he was sure loved him, suddenly turn everything around and be the cause of his death.

Was he jealous? Lewis didn't think Arthur was the jealous kind, and what of? Was he jealous of Lewis being with Vivi? Lewis didn't think Arthur liked Vivi. And if he did he never said anything about it.
Lewis guessed he was wrong when he thought Arthur told him everything.

---

Ghosts couldn't sleep. That was one of the more annoying things about being dead, being unable to escape into dreams. So Lewis spent most of his nights /stewing/. Stewing and in anger and hate, being blinded by it really.

He had lost /everything/ that night. He lost the love of his life. He lost his literal life. He lost his family. And worst of all, he lost his best friend that night. And he knew he would never forgive Arthur for what he did, oh, on the contrary. He wanted Arthur dead.

He wanted Arthur to know what it was like, to lose everything. He wanted Arthur to know how it felt to feel your soul being ripped away from your body. The pain, the anger, the /fear/.

Because when it came down to it, past the anger, Lewis was really just so afraid. Though, he would never admit that. All he would admit was his soul purpose of coming back as a ghost was to kill Arthur Kingsman.

So on the night that he heard the all too familiar voice, Lewis was angry. Lewis found himself back in the place where he died, his invisible self following around Arthur. Staring at him, anger bubbling through every fiber of his being.

Why was he back here? To make sure he had finished the job?! Lewis was about to become visible, he wanted to scare the hell out of Arthur. He thought maybe if he was lucky he could make Arthur suffer the same fate he did-
Then he heard Vivi, her soft excited voice.

"We didn't see any ghosts the first time we were here? Do you think we will this time?" Vivi chirped excitedly, to which Arthur responded.

"Hope not," with his stupid nervous laugh.

And Lewis, for a moment, melted away.
All his anger gone, replaced by complete and total sadness. He looked at the blue haired girl in front of him and held out a hand. He just wanted to touch her, let her know he was here, and that he was alright.

"It's kinda cold in here, you wanna check over there?" Arthur said, only seconds before Lewis was about to touch his girlfriends shoulder.

"Yeah, totally. But yaknow, maybe if you ever wore more than a dirty t-shirt and vest you'd be a little warmer." Vivi joked, her bubbly laugh filling the room.

And that was all it took for Lewis to be, one again, consumed in anger. He missed her so much, he wanted to hold her, he wanted to kiss her again. He wanted to be alive.

He was letting out ghostly screams of pure anger, nothing humans could hear. But sounds that made all the other ghosts in the house shrink away. He HATED this. This was ALL ARTHUR'S FAULT.

WHY WAS HE HERE?
WHY WAS HE PUTTING LEWIS THROUGH THIS?
WHY WOULD HE BRING VIVI HERE?

If it weren't for Vivi, Lewis would have strangled Arthur right here right now. But he didn't want to put her through that. She didn't need to see two people she loved die.

Which begged the question, why was she here? Why was she still hanging out with Arthur? Could she possibly not know Arthur had killed him? Which Lewis's brain connected to, what if shes next? What if she's in danger?
He needed to protect her from Arthur.

This was all the resolve Lewis needed, he was going to attach himself to her. He had to protect her from Arthur.

Lewis followed Arthur, Vivi, and Mystery as they explored the entire place. The entire time he closely followed Arthur, making sure the ginger didn't cause any trouble.

When Arthur finally said they should leave, Lewis followed them out into the van. Trying very hard to somehow attach himself to Vivi so when she left he could leave with her. It seemed to be working, because as they drove away Lewis was able to sit in the back of the van following them.

He was able to follow them all the way to Vivi's house, and when she got out he did too. But something odd happened, when he tried to follow her into her house he was stopped short, unable to go any further.

And as Arthur drove away, he felt like he was being pulled towards his force. So, unwillingly, he followed Arthur.

---

Later that night, Lewis tried anything he could to kill Arthur. He was pretty strong when it came to ghosts. He was able to move real life objects. Touch people, if he tried hard enough. Become visible and invisible as he pleased. He could even change his appearance into anything he wanted, though this was mostly controlled by his mood and was very unstable.

So when Arthur went to make himself food and set a knife on top the fridge, Lewis tried his shot. Pushing the knife down with as much force as he could when Arthur was under it.

Lewis forgot how quick Arthur could be though, and Arthur managed to dodge the knife with only a cut on his right arm. Lewis swore under his breath, upset his attempt didn't work. He guessed it wouldn't be that easy.

Arthur made his way to the bathroom to clean up his cut, and Lewis found this to be a great time to mess with him. He stood in the mirror, making sure he was only visible in the mirror. So when Arty looked at his reflection after washing his cut off in the sink, Lewis would be right behind him.

And sure enough, Arthur saw the skeletal flaming figure and flipped the fuck out. Falling backwards and falling into the tub, hitting his head on the wall and knocking out for a second.

Lewis supposed he should feel good about this, but something inside him that still had affectionate feelings for Arthur felt terrible. But he pushed those feelings away, the Arthur he thought he knew was not the man in front of him.

Arthur stood up, rubbing his head. It took a few moments but he seemed to realize what was going on and rushed out of the room. Lewis followed him and stood in his living room, watching as Arthur went back into the kitchen putting away all the stuff he had taken out to make food.

Lewis acted instinctively, becoming visible. Letting his anger fuel him. His purple flaming hair rose into literal flame looking plumes. And he stood there, flaming and menacing and waited for Arthur to come back in the living room.

Sure enough, Arthur came into the room and froze in fear. Realizing there was nowhere to go from here and that he was stuck in the kitchen.

Then Lewis said the first thing he had said to a living human since he died.
"Fuck- You."

It was the first words he could think of, and he was sure Arthur knew why he was saying them. He could see him now, he could see Lewis. He could see Lewis, and what he had done to him.

But then- Arthur just looked confused and for half a second Lewis's resolve flickered, only to come back with a stronger fury as Arthur stuttered out the confused words of-

"W-What?"

"FUCK. YOU." Lewis screamed, angrier now.

Did he seriously not Recognize him? Or was this some kind of sick fucking joke.

Lewis watched as Arthur's entire body froze up and began shaking and again his resolve flickered as he tried to convince himself that this fear Arthur was showing was fake. Or guilt. He was /guilty/ and afraid to face what he had done.

Arthur began to slowly shrink away from Lewis, but stopped when he reached a dead end against the kitchen wall. He was stuck there now, and Lewis wanted some answers.

"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM." He screamed at the cowering form in front of him. He was so angry now, he didn't even notice that Arthur had began crying.

"DO. YOU. KNOW. WHO. I. AM." He screamed, louder and angrier this time.

Finally he got a response as Arthur shouted, "N-No!"

Was this a lie? Could Arthur possibly not know it was Lewis? This took Lewis off guard, and he then realized Arthur was crying and shaking and a wave of pity hit him too hard for him to force away.

"You don't? Funny..." It wasn't funny, Lewis was confused and angry.
And he made himself invisible.

He watched in silence as Arthur sat in the same spot for at least ten minutes, shaking and sobbing, clutching onto himself in an apparent panic attack. This was too much for Lewis to handle. What kind of act was this?! Arthur kills his best friend with no hesitation, and now this? Who was he even acting for here??

Lewis was too overcome with emotions to even figure out what was going on. He had to get away as Arthur started pulling at his own hair and scratching up his arms, trying to calm himself down from the panic attack. If Lewis stayed he would feel too terrible to stay himself and get answers.

Besides, he still convinced this was an act.
How could this not be an act?

---

After Arthur had calmed down, Lewis watched as the ginger ran to his bedroom, grabbed something, and ran out. And Lewis, for some reason, has no pull to follow him.

He wondered if this meant he could leave and find Vivi now, but now Lewis needed answers from Arthur. Maybe this was what the pull had been trying to direct him towards. He could still protect Vivi while getting answers from Arthur, yes, this was the plan.

---

Arthur had called Vivi it seemed, since she was here now, helping him set up things to protect Arthur from...Lewis. He wondered if she would be doing this if she knew it was him here. Would she be sad if she knew he was here?

He knew all these sigils wouldn't work, a lot of them were fake and Vivi wasn't the best witch. She tried, but witchcraft was harder than anyone knew. A few of the ghosts Lewis had met told him how many witches had tried to come and cleanse their resting places. Almost nothing worked.

So when Vivi left and Lewis wasn't effected, he wasn't surprised in the slightest. But he decided to stay out of the way as Arthur slept, it would be too easy to kill him in his sleep.

So Lewis sat on Arthur's couch all night, obviously, unable to sleep.
He kept thinking about what Arthur has said, did he really not know who he was or was it an act? Lewis had to believe it was an act.

It was obviously an act. Arthur didn't want to take blame killing him so he was acting like this.

---

Lewis was going to make Arthur answer his questions, one way or another.
He stayed on the couch and steeled himself for his "talk" with Arthur, waiting for the ginger to leave his room. Lewis was so bitter, he wanted to sleep. Humans took that for granted more than anything else, he thought.

Arthur walked out of his room, still dressed in the clothes he had been wearing last night. Did he never change?

Arthur froze in fear and Lewis looked over at him, he needed to answer one question first.

"Do you really not know who I am?"

The "no" Arthur gave was expected, but it still made Lewis angry.

"Call me..." He thought for a moment, he couldn't let Arthur know it was him. He felt it, he couldn't let anyone know who he was. Not yet, anyway.
"L." He finally responded, then he was yelling and honestly- everything after that was blur. He knew he was screaming, attacking Arthur, but really when he got too angry it was like something else was taking over.

He couldn't focus he couldn't think. He honestly would have kept going and probably killed Arthur. If it wouldn't have been for the knock on the door.

It was Vivi, she sounded so happy and bubbly. And honestly if she wouldn't have shown up, Lewis might have torn Arthur to bits.

Lewis made himself disappear as Vivi opened the door, and he stood made sure he stayed that way.

He watched them as they ate, and talked, Vivi joked and Arthur gave her forced smiles.

Lewis was mostly zoning out until-

"Oh! I keep forgetting to ask. How are things going with finding that Lewis guy?"

W...What?

Lewis listened intently, "that Lewis guy?" Why would Vivi say that- did...did she?

"No leads..."

"I'm sure you'll find your friend."

What was this.
What /was/ this.

"Your friend."
But their friend.
Did Vivi not remember him?

Lewis was on the verge of tears now, what had happened while he was gone- What was going on. He was afraid and scared and confused.
He grabbed at his shoulders as his flaming persona disappeared and he became his normal human self. Tears he was trying so hard to force back rolled down his cheeks anyway.

He sat on Arthur's couch, trying to calm himself and work things out. Then Vivi left, and Lewis knew what he had to do.

Lewis became his skeletal form again, and made himself visible.
Arthur jumped as he saw Lewis and Lewis saw him grabbing onto the doorknob, ready to run if anything happened.

"I have someone I need to protect." Lewis said quietly.
"I need to protect her-."

He hated Arthur, but he needed answers. He needed to figure things out, and Arthur seemed like the solution to that.

Lewis said he was going to stay here, and Arthur tried to protest. Lewis knew he hated ghosts, it was kinda weird, remembering things about someone who was dead to you. It made him laugh.

Then Arthur took Lewis by surprise.

"Listen man, I'm looking for answers too. So, if you help me...I-I'll help you." Arthur forced out.

Lewis was confused, what on earth could Arthur be looking for?

"Fine, what are you searching for?"

"My best friend."

---

The next hour was weird, Lewis was angry, but more than anything he was confused.

Was Arthur seriously still acting, even now? When Vivi wasn't here and he had no one to act for but Lewis? Maybe Arthur knew he was Lewis, and he was trying not to let it slip he knew.

This was so frustrating. Arthur KILLED him. There was no doubt in Lewis's mind about this fact. So what was all this?

Why was Arthur acting like this? Why did Vivi forget who Lewis was? Why did Arthur suddenly have a metal arm? Why was Arthur acting like he didn't know Lewis was dead?!

Arthur had killed him, Arthur had smiled as he died. Why was he acting like he thought he was missing.

There were so many questions, and right now Lewis couldn't get any answers.

Chapter Text

"Your best friend?" L asked. And Arthur could have swore he heard a twinge of doubt in the ghosts voice.

"Yes."

Arthur didn't trust L at all, how could he? How could he trust someone who just hours ago was throwing knives at him?! But hey, maybe if he agreed to help L he would just leave him alone for a while.

"I don't really /need/ help. I'll help you, if you just leave me alone." Arthur finally said.
He had never worked good in groups, being with Lewis, Vivi, and Mystery was alright. He guessed he worked well with them, but he had known them for years. Working with a ghost he didn't know to find his missing best friend? No way.

"Fine, sounds good to me." L answered.

Arthur was about to open his mouth to respond- when suddenly the door opened.
His eyes widened in fear as he saw the blue haired girl walk in, what would she do if she saw L? What would L do?? He felt like he just had to keep this a secret from her- for now at least. Until he could figure things out.
He was about to tell call out for her to stay out when he turned to L to see that he was gone- replaced by a tall, purple haired, human figure.

Did L have a human form and he just looked like a skeleton to be creepy? What an asshole...

"Arthur! I forgot m- OH! Hi there!" Vivi said in surprise, looking up from the doorknob to the new person in the room.

"H-Hi." L said, sounding weirdly nervous for what Arthur was used to.

"Who are you?" She asked, looking between Arthur and L.

"My new roommate!" Arthur said quickly, thinking on the spot.

"I...Arthur..." Vivi said, her eyes squinting.

"Y-Yeah?"

"Arthur you have one room."

"A...Aha...well-"

"I am his roommate. I'm sleeping on the couch for now. I'm L." L said with a smile. Arthur paused for a moment, the smile was- weirdly...familiar. It caused a rush in his cheeks and a fluttering in his stomach and he had to look away from L to stop the weird feeling.

"Oh, well hi! I'm Vivi. Arthur's never spoke about you before?" Vivi said suspiciously.

"We met online," Arthur lied, "he just moved here and needed a place to stay. I thought I told you?"

"Uhm..No, you didn't." Vivi said, crossing her arms. But she looked L up and down and gave him the well known welcoming Vivi smile.

"It's super nice to meet you though! I'm glad you're staying with Arthur, he needs someone to make sure he sleeps every once in a while." She joked.

But Arthur felt a surge of guilt and had to look away. It was obvious she was worried about him, she knew he was terrible at taking care of himself lately. Honestly, if he would let her he was sure she would have moved in with him.

"Well, anyway, I just came by because I forgot my jacket! It was super cool meeting you!" Vivi said, grabbing the jacket off the back of a chair that was in the living room.

"Arthur, do you want me to come over later and we can all get dinner?" She asked as she was about to leave.

"No, I'm okay. Thank you though..." Arthur said softly.

Vivi looked dejected, "alright...Just, promise me you'll eat tonight?" She asked, to which Arthur nodded, looking away.

He loved Vivi, he really did, but she was an over-sharer. He would rather she not have brought up the facts that he never really ate or slept in front of L.

Vivi left, leaving Arthur and L in this awkward silence.

"Just, please leave me alone unless you need something." Arthur finally said, before leaving.

It was about 3pm, right? He wasn't sure, but he guessed it was about time to take his meds. He figured he needed them, since his arm was starting to ache a little.

He headed to the bathroom, leaving L in the living room to do whatever ghosts do.

He opened the drawer under his sink, grabbing three different bottles. Opening them, he took two pain killers. One pill for depression, one pill for anxiety. He knew he needed these, he had been diagnosed when he was in the hospital after the accident.

They had ran him through major pysch tests to make sure he was mentally stable, guess what, he wasn't.

But honestly, he hated taking his medication. He knew he needed them, but he didn't feel like he deserved them. He deserved the tiredness. He deserved the panic. The stress. The paranoia.
He deserved everything he felt and worse.

He had been feeling like this for a long time honestly, ever since he was a teenager. But, lately it had gotten so much worse. Ever since Lewis had- well...

The only reason he still took these things was because he needed to stay well for now. For Vivi and for Lewis.

He put water in his mouth, then dropped the depression and anxiety meds in his mouth. Swallowing. Then doing the same with the pain killers.

With a deep breath he looked at himself in the mirror. This was the first time he had really looked at himself in a while. Everything was finally sinking in about his whole situation and just- wow-

He could really see while Vivi was worried. The bags around his eyes were terrible. His skin was pale and unhealthy. He was losing a lot of weight too. He could notice because his shirt was starting to look too big on him, something that had fit him perfectly a month ago.

He looked like he was a walking corpse, he knew he needed to take care of himself. But he had no time, and when he did have time, he forgot.

He was always just so busy.

He took a final look at himself, rubbing at his sleep deprived eyes, then walked out of the room.
And there was L, sitting on his couch, looking bored.

With a small puff of breath Arthur grabbed his laptop off the couch and sat where it was moments ago.

He opened the laptop. Rubbing at his eyes once more as the afternoon sleepiness was starting to settle in. Then began to work, he opened the Doc of possible places Lewis might be. Too tired to care if L watched him work.

The programs were full of places they had been in the past, places they had been planning on going, any tips he was able to possibly get. Anything his family said was written down too, as well at the picture of all of them together.

He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to fight off the grogginess.

When he opened his eyes L was staring at him.

"What?" Arthur asked, a little unnerved by L. He hadn't changed back into his skeletal figure, which Arthur kind of appreciated, but it was still creepy.

"Who is that?" L asked curiously, pointing to Lewis.

"My best friend, the one that's missing." Arthur explained.

"What happened to him?" L asked, sounding passive, and like he was waiting for something.

"I...don't really know. We were together one minute, the next minute I just...I don't know."

"Hmm, okay..." L sounded like he didn't believe a single word Arthur said.

Arthur felt irritation flare up in him, "what?"

"I mean, how could you just forget someone like that?!" L said, he was angry, for some reason, but he was holding himself together.
"If you really cared about him how could you not remember what happened to him?"

"I can't remember a lot of things about that night!" Arthur spat out, angry now as well.
"For fucks sake, I can't even remember losing my own damn arm!"

This seemed to take L by surprise, but because he could say another word Arthur stood up, slamming his laptop shut and walking away.

"This isn't any of your business, just leave me alone."

Chapter Text

Arthur was 11 years old.

He was sitting on the couch in his living room, playing Ocarina of time on his n64 after a long and hard day of school.

It was winter, almost Christmas, in fact. Today was the day before winter break started. His classes had ended at noon, and he went home, excited for the week of no school.

His dad had told him to go out and play in the snow, but Arthur wasn't interested in that. He just wanted to get through the water dungeon, which he had been stuck on for days.

He was completely lost in this game and in fact would just come home every day and play it for hours at a time. But today was different, usually, his mom would come and sit with him. Talk to him about his day, and help him if he got stuck on a puzzle.

Today she wasn't there.

His dad had told him she probably just got caught up at the store, unable to escape the snow storm that was expected to last a while. She was probably just waiting there until the storm settled so she could come home safely, his father explained.

So today Arthur's dad was helping him with the game. Which Arthur thought was fine, he guessed, but he couldn't help but feel uneasy.

He loved his dad, of course he did, but he had always been a mamma's boy. So his dad sitting here with him in the living room, not saying a word and just watching Arthur play his game kind of unnerving him. He was so used to his mothers laugh, her upbeat and cheery tone. Her "vague" hints about the puzzle that she had noticed and he hadn't. Teasing him when he finally got it, exclaiming how she had figured it out hours ago.

"No you didn't!" Arthur would say, looking annoyed. She would smile and say, "oh yes I did! And you're so smart for figuring it out!"

She would pick him up and give him a kiss, and he would push her away but be smiling as he did so.

So, this was a stark contrast to what he was used to. Now that he was sitting in silence with nothing but his fathers silent stare to keep him company.

Arthur also couldn't help but be anxious about when his mom would be returning. She would usually call Arthur's father by now, check up or say she was on her way. But nothing-.

He could hardly focus on his game, honestly. He had always been an over-thinker, but he knew this. So whenever he thought of something bad he pushed it away, focusing on his surroundings instead.

Then a phone ringing broke the silence and Arthur's father shot up; rushing to the phone that was hanging on the wall between the living room and kitchen. Arthur assumed he was just as anxious as Arthur was about his mom.

Arthur set his game controller down and stood up. Grabbing onto this left arm instinctively, like he usually did when he was nervous.

"Yes, hello?" His father said, his voice was calm, but his clenched fist said otherwise.

"O-Oh...Oh god, yes, I-I'll be right there."

His father hung up the phone, looking at Arthur, then to the door, then to Arthur again.

"What? What's wrong?" Arthur asked, his shoulders shaking. His fathers tone had scared him. He had never heard his dad sound so afraid before.

"Arthur, I need you to stay here. Lock the doors, don't open it for anyone but me, or Lance. I need to go, but I'll call your uncle and he'll be here soon, okay?"

"W-Wha-" Arthur started, tears welling up in his eyes. But without another word Arthur's dad left the house, leaving Arthur alone.

---

Arthur was 11 years old.

It was the a week after Christmas, and despite his fathers best effort he hadn't gone back to school. He couldn't.

Not when the funeral was coming up so soon.

His mother had been driving home when the storm hit. The snow had blinded her, and the freezing temperature had caused ice to freeze over a bridge she was passing.

The rough conditions and reckless driving done by other people- it killed her. She got hit by another car, which, mixed with ice, caused her to crash and go into the water.

She didn't make it.

Someone had dove in, got her out of the water, but her body had gone into shock and she had lost so much blood. She was dead when she got the E.R.

---

Arthur was 11.

It had been a week since the funeral, and he was still in shock, he guessed. Because, even though he had cried when he found out his mom was dead, now he just felt...nothing.

Numbness, and static were all the filled his waking hours now.

His dad wouldn't let him skip any more school because the school had called saying he would be suspended if he did. But, honestly nothing that happened at school Arthur could remember. Everything went in one ear and out the other.

He just couldn't believe his mom was gone. She had always been there for him, the thought of death hadn't even crossed his mind before now. He knew what dying was, your organs shut down and you went away and never came back. .
But he couldn't believe that someone in his family was actually dead. Death had always seemed like this far away, intangible thing to him. Something that could never happen to anyone in his family, or anyone he knew.

He was kind of glad that the teachers were taking pity on him, not calling on him when there was a question that needed answering. Avoiding all talks of parents if they could. Letting him just lay his head down on his desk and look out the window. Blocking out the entire world around him.
And Arthur appreciated it, he just wished the other kids would treat him the same way. But no, they were kids and of course they were mean, or had questions.

Some made fun of him, saying stuff like it was his fault his mom died. He knew that wasn't true, but it hurt like hell.

Some would come up to him, asking what it was like to lose their mom. He would just shrug, or say something like "it sucks."
He didn't want to go into detail on the numb, empty feeling it left behind because he knew no one else here would get it.

---

Arthur was 13.

It had been two years since his mom died, and since then they had been planning to move. Arthur's dad claimed he needed to move for work, but Arthur knew it was because he couldn't stand this house anymore. Honestly, neither could Arthur.

Arthur could still hear his mother's voice. Her laugh. Her singing in the morning. It was as if he was being haunted by this thing that just wouldn't let him move on no matter how hard he tried.

He wanted to move on, to be normal again. He had lost his childhood when his mother died. He knew he had. He had even heard his uncle say so.

"That boy has dead eyes." He would say when he thought Arthur wasn't listening.

This is what death would do to people. Not only would it end the life of those who died, but all the people around them. All the people who had ever been impacted by them. It killed them all.

---

Arthur was 14.

And things were starting to become more normal.

He and his dad had moved, not out of state, just to a new district. This place was closer to Arthur's uncle. Which was good because lately Arthur's dad hadn't been doing so good.

He had started drinking some, right now it was only on the weekends, and holidays. But, Arthur knew the movie troupes. Soon enough things would get worse, and there wasn't a thing Arthur could do about it.

Today was his first day at his new school, Arthur's dad had slept in so his uncle offered to drive him there.

"So, you excited?" His uncle asked, who, like Arthur, was no good at small talk.

"Yeah...I mean...I guess." Arthur said with a shrug.

"Awh, come on Kiddo. Don't be like that. This is a good thing." Lance said, giving Arthur a smile that was hardly noticeable behind his bushy mustache and beard.

Arthur smiled back, "Yeah, I hope so." He muttered.

"It's a fresh start, at least. And you know if you need anything, kid. I'm here."

"Thanks."

---

Arthur was 15.

He had been at the school for a year now. He hardly stood out, not if he could help it, but bullying could terrible here. There were those few people tripping him in the hallway for a laugh. And stereotypical there were people making fun of him about his interests. And the time someone was actually able to push him in a locker once, which Arthur thought only happened in movies. But, to his dismay it seemed it did not. People ganging up on him after school. Some would constantly say he should hurt himself, that he was useless, unneeded, a burden. And it wasn't that hard for him to believe. And while his teachers were nice, and he had made a friend or two, everything here was...numb

Some people his age hung out with him at lunch. Every once in a while he would go over to someones house to play video games. But there was really no one Arthur could say was a close friend.

He had never had an easy time socializing.

Arthur even had a few girls coming up to him every once in a while, asking him out. Trying to be his "friends." He honestly wasn't really interested in any of them.

Today he walked to class, sat down in his seat, and looked out the window. Everything was normal so far.

"Class, today we're introducing a new student. This is Elliott, and he's from France!" Arthur's homeroom teacher said excitedly.

Arthur looked over- and when he saw the boy who was standing next to the teacher he swore his heart had started beating so fast that everyone in the room could hear it.

The boy was tall, blonde, with green eyes and freckled cheeks. Everything in Arthur's body softened at the sight of him.

Arthur stared at Elliott, who gave a brief introduction of himself and then looked around the room, catching Arthur's staring eyes.

Arthur wished he would have played it cool, acted like he totally wasn't just staring into another guys eyes. But his face went totally red and he hurriedly looked away, back out the window. As if he was hiding something.
He went home that night, anxiety and confusion were all that were on his mind. Why had he reacted that way when looking at that new kid? That wasn't normal??

He put a hand on the doorknob to his house, pausing before he walked in. Wondering what he should do. Should he talk to him dad about it? He thought not. He and his dad were never the talking to each other about their problems types. .
Uncle Lance might be able to help? But he was miles away right now.

No, this was something Arthur had to figure out for himself.

He walked into the house, the smell of alcohol wafting through the house. It wasn't even a Friday, and his dad was already drinking? Fantastic.

With quiet steps he went upstairs, going into his bedroom and shutting himself up there for now. He walked over to his desk, grabbing the bulky laptop off the table and sitting down on his bed with it.

Google: What does it mean when I look at someone and start blushing and my heart starts racing?

Arthur felt so stupid looking this up. Honestly, it was probably just a warm day or something. But Arthur couldn't stop thinking about those green eyes, and it was making him extremely nervous.

Google results: How to know if someone is in love with you.

This took Arthur by surprise. How to tell if someone loved you?? But, Arthur was a boy, and so was Elliott. And boys liked girls and girls liked boys. That was that? Right? It was stupid to think of it any other way, this is the way had always been. Boys /couldn't/ like boys.

On the TV, it was always boys and girls. It was always the prince rescuing a princess. And it was /never/ a boy and a boy kissing. But now he was thinking of kissing, and Elliott's eyes flashed back in his mind.

Arthur grabbed a pillow off his bed and shoved his face in it. This wasn't /normal./

Google: Can boys like other boys?

---

Arthur was 16.

He and Elliott had become friends in the year that Elliott had been at Arthur's school. It had taken Arthur a while to get past his crush, but he hadn't had any feelings like that for a boy since. So, Arthur just wrote it off a fluke.

It had to be, if it wasn't. He just- He couldn't handle that. He couldn't deal with not being normal. He had seen some of the things people did to people who... Liked people they weren't supposed to like.

He had seen stuff on the news and online, now that he was looking it was more clear.

-Jennifer Mawe, aged 17 was attacked, and her friend, Ally Cresta, aged 16 was killed, while they were walking home from school. It's suspected this was a hate crime, as the girls were dating.

-Local gay man is suing the place he worked at for firing him once he came out publicly.

-Videos of children being kicked out of their homes for coming out.

Arthur didn't know how his family felt about gay people, so he kept the crush he had to himself. Besides, he couldn't be gay. It was just one time. One time meant nothing.

And honestly, he couldn't risk anything around his house anymore.

Things around here had been a lot worse lately. His dad was drinking more, and he was on the verge of losing his job. He was constantly yelling at Arthur, grabbing him roughing and screaming at him for his grades. And Arthur had began sleeping a lot less, dreams of death, mainly of being killed, kept him from sleeping longer than 2 hours at a time.

He had dealt with it for a while, but it was every night for months now. And tonight was one of the worst nights, he hadn't slept for 2 nights. Everything around him was hazy, blurry, and disconnected.

He was afraid all the time, even though he didn't really have a reason to be. On top of that he was always just kind of sad, and tired. It had been that way for a while, he guessed. Every since his mom died. But all this stress about his sexuality was really wearing on him.

That mess, on top of school, and the stress of moving out in a few years, getting a job- Oh god, he was going to start panicking if he kept thinking about it.

He was just glad summer was coming up, maybe he could sort this all out when he wasn't worrying about not failing classes.

---

Arthur was 16.

It was summer break and there were new people moving in next door.

Arthur was sitting in his room alone, watching from his window as moving men put boxes on the porch as girls directed them.

He was a little bitter right now in all honesty. Elliott had said he was going to hang out with him today, but canceled to hang out with someone else.

He was a little bitter after that, but mostly right now, he was just tired. He wanted to sleep but fear of nightmares kept him awake for the most part.

He was leaning out his window, his head slumped over on the window sill and his eyes began drooping. It was a warm day, and Arthur hadn't slept in so long. He wanted to sleep so badly and he began nodding off when-

"Hey neighbor." Said a male voice from outside his window.

He woke with a start and jumped up, already in paranoid mode that there was someone in his room with him.

"Whoa! Sorry dude, didn't mean to wake you up." Said the voice again.

Arthur looked out the window and there was a boy in the window directly opposite of his.

"S'ok." Arthur mumbled sleepily, his eyes were clouded from that half asleep eye glaze. But he reached up, rubbing at his eyes to focus on the boy in front of him.

When he saw the boy in full definition he felt his heart doing that annoying thing again. It was beating extremely quickly, and Arthur found himself blushing. He guessed if the boy asked, he could just blame it on the heat.

The boy was tall, like, really tall. Arthur was just 5'5" and this guy must have been at least 6 foot. His shoulders were broad, and his eyes were an odd purpleish hue.

Which looked pretty normal on him honestly, since his hair, which was what stood out most about him, was a bright magenta color. Matching the color scheme.

"So, y...you moving in?" Arthur asked nervously, trying to start a conversation with his new neighbor.

"Yep." The boy said with a grin which made Arthur's stomach do summer-saults. Arthur honestly wanted to punch himself right now, god this was so stupid.

"Cool, cool..." Arthur said awkwardly. Looking away from the boy, trying to get himself to stop feeling whatever it was he was feeling.

"What's your name?" The boy asked, pushing on despite Arthur's awkwardness.

"I'm Arthur."

"Hey Arthur, I'm Lewis, nice to meet you!"

---

Arthur was 16.

And he was pretty sure he was in love with his next door neighbor.

He and Lewis had began talking, and Lewis had been able to break Arthur out of his shell. Which Arthur didn't even know could be broken.

Lewis had invited him over the night after they had gotten settled, saying he just wanted to make new friends here, and Arthur seemed "cool."

Which, no one had ever called Arthur "cool" before.

And after that he had been spending a lot of time at Lewis's house. He loved Lewis's family. His sisters were all extremely nice and treated Arthur like family from day one.

Teasing him and Lewis. Offering to make him food, that was poisoned. And by poisoned he did mean that they had put some of the spiciest stuff on it he had ever tasted...And then laughed as he proceeded to freak out over it being super spicy.

And Lewis truly did seem to like having him around, Lewis was the one inviting him over all the time. He would even toss little fish pebbles at Arthur's window sometimes, just to get his attention so he could talk to Arthur.

He would invite him to come over and play video games with them, and Arthur would spend almost all his time at Lewis's house. Being around Lewis was the first time in a long time he finally felt...Safe, and alright.

But then he would go home and the feeling of hopelessness, helplessness, and panic, would set in. Causing him to shake and shut himself up in his room all night, fighting off sleep.

Sometimes he would ever go over to Lewis's house just to nap there, because he truly did feel safe around him, and if he was lucky he wouldn't get nightmares around him.

But, of course, thoughts would always flood his mind while he was happy.

"He's going to leave you too, you know?"

"If he ever finds out that you like him, he'll abandon you."

"Stop being happy, when you're happy bad things happen. How could you not have learned this by now?!"

The thoughts wouldn't stop sometimes, crushing him at night and keeping him awake until he was numb and tired and unable to move.

And the feeling of just nothingness was still inside him, even if he did have an escape when he was around his friend.

He had even taken to the habit of doing well...reckless things. Just to feel something when his whole body was numb. It started with snapping a rubber band around his wrist. Then scratching. And kind just just...Went from there.

He thought he deserved it, deserved the pain. Deserved whatever happened to him, because people around him always seemed to end up getting hurt.

Elliott had stopped talking to him, claiming that Arthur was a terrible friend who had abandoned him. While Arthur knew this wasn't true, and it was Elliott who never wanted to hang out with Arthur, his brain still screamed it was true.

---

Arthur was 16.

And he was sitting by his window, talking to Lewis as they did almost every night now.

Tonight it was weird though, because Arthur couldn't stop thinking about how disgusting he was. Despite his best efforts lately he had started feeling more and more attracted to men.

He had felt this way before, but lately it was all that was on his mind. He wasn't like this usually, so he was just assuming it was his brains way of punishing him for being disgusting. He couldn't stop thinking about kissing cute boys he saw. Especially Lewis. Mostly Lewis.

Usually he could push pasted the terrible thoughts he had about his sexuality, he still hadn't told anyone. Not even Lewis, even though he was pretty sure Lewis was as close as it came to being Arthur's best friend.

"What's wrong?" Lewis finally asked, after they had spent nearly five minutes in silence.

"What? N-...Nothing...Nothings wrong." Arthur liked terribly.

"Dude, I can tell when somethings wrong. Just, tell me whats up. Maybe I can help?"

"Thanks man, I appreciate it but lik-"

"Don't 'but like' me, Arty."

Arty, the nickname Lewis had given him. It made his heart soar every time Lewis called him that. Fuck, this just made him feel worse.

"Even if I can't help, it's not good to keep things bottled in dude."

Arthur was tired, tired of keeping the biggest secret of his life from Lewis. But he was just so...So afraid of how Lewis would react. He couldn't lose him. He /couldn't./

"Do you ever think that, loving someone is wrong?" Arthur asked after a moment of silence, he had to look away while asking this. If he looked at Lewis he felt like he might break, he had yet to cry in front of Lewis and he wanted to keep it that way.

"What do you mean?" Lewis asked, that gentle softness in his tone that always conveyed just the right tone to make Arthur open up.

"Do you ever like...really like someone, and even though you really like them. It's just not...right?"

"I don't think loving anyone could ever really be wrong." Lewis said quietly.

This response took Arthur by surprise for a moment.

"But like...What if everyone is saying it's wrong?"

"No one has anything to say about your life other than you."

Arthur looked down, fuck, he felt like he was on the verge of tears. Why was he such a crybaby? He reached over and grabbed his left arm, trying to steady himself. No crying, not now. He dug into the wounds on his wrists, trying to ground himself. No here. Not in front of Lewis.

"Y-Yeah, but what if everything about it is wrong? It goes against everything? What if-."

"Arty." Lewis's voice was stern, "look at me man."

Arthur did, his shoulders were shaking and tears were in his eyes. He had held this back for so long. He had held back telling anyone about anything like, because he was so afraid of their reaction. And now anxiety was bubbling in him, causing his throat to close and his stomach to feel as if he had bricks in it.

But he looked at Lewis, looking into his eyes everything seemed okay for one fraction of a second.

"Nothing about you is wrong, if anyone says otherwise, they're wrong. No matter who you love, or what you do, I'm here for you man. I love you, and I'm here for you."

That was all it took for Arthur to break down.

---

Arthur was 18.

And Lewis had met a girl, she was nice. Smart, peppy, pretty. She and Lewis got along really well, and she was what Lewis deserved.

Her name was Vivi. She had medium length blue hair and wore these dorky glasses all the time, even though she spent most of the time looking over them. She was kind, sweet, social, perfect for Lewis. And was everything Arthur was not.

She was brave, where he shrunk away. She was upbeat where he was just tired all the time. She was so perfect and beautiful, and there was Arthur...

Arthur was glad they were hanging out, Lewis seemed so happy with her. And while Lewis was always trying to get Arthur to come hang out with them, it honestly kinda made him sick how lovey they were.

Not in a "I hate your happiness" kind of way, but in a "oh my god, I would give anything to have that" kind of way. Because, who would have guessed. Two years after Lewis and Arthur met, and Arthur was still head over heels for the boy.

He had moved out of his dads house, moving in with his uncle. He discovered he loved working with metal. While he was mostly interested in robotics, mechanical stuff was fun too. And considering his uncle Lance was a mechanic, it worked out perfectly for the two of them.

Lewis and Vivi spent a lot of time at her house, while Arthur spent a lot of time in his uncles shop.

It was okay, he swore it was. It was okay if he ignored the disgusting feeling of jealousy he felt every time they kissed, or held hands. He didn't even need to be dating Lewis, he just missed having time to himself with him.

"So, are you like afraid of me or something?" Vivi had asked Arthur one day, when she and Lewis had stopped by Arthur's shop to have lunch together. Lewis had left to use the bathroom, leaving Vivi and Arthur alone.

"What? No?" Arthur said with a nervous, unsure laugh.

"Are you sure? Because every time we hang out you avoid me like the plague." She joked, giving him a smile that couldn't quiet mask all the worry that she obviously felt.

"No, I'm sorry. I'm just not the most... Talkative guy." Arthur had finally said, "nothing you did wrong."

Which was for the most part true.

"Ah, well alright. I just wanted to make sure I didn't do something wrong. Like, you are Lewis's best friend, after-all."

Had Lewis told her that? Arthur had never told Lewis he thought of him as his best friend out loud. So, the thought of Lewis, thinking of Arthur as his best friend, without any pressure of "oh I'm only saying it because he called me his friend" was making him feel wonderful.

"Yeah, ahah, I guess. But you're good dude." Arthur said with a small smile.

Vivi seemed nice, yeah he was disgustingly jealous of her, but she was nice. And Arthur could see her becoming a friend.

"Yaknow, me and Lewis were gonna go to this place that's supposedly haunted. Do you wanna come? You might see a ghost?"

Arthur was extremely taken aback by this. This girl, who was like 4'11", wore grandma glasses, and had the face of a 13 year old. Wanted to go to a haunted house. Like a real haunted house.

"What? No way, that sounds totally like a horror movie situation." Arthur said, crossing his arms and looking at Vivi incredulously.

Lewis walked back into the room then.

"What's up?" He asked, looking Arthur, who was looking stunned, and Vivi, who looked like she just won the lottery.

"She's trying to get me to find ghosts with you guys." Arthur said, looking over at Lewis.

"Oh yeah, you should totally come with us!" Lewis said.

Lewis looked so excited, a grin had spread across his features and Arthur just couldn't say no to him when he was like this.

---

Arthur was 22.

He had been trying to communicate with ghosts for 4 years now. Vivi had become one of his best friends. And Lewis had been missing for a month.

Chapter Text

What was Arthur's life right now? He was a crippled, mentally ill, mechanic. Who was searching for his missing best friend. While also trying to figure out why his other best friend was an amnesiac. While also being haunted by a ghost who seemed to want nothing more than to start shit with him at every turn.

His life had been a mess since Lewis had gone missing. He missed his best friend, who was the only source of stability in his life. Nothing about Arthur had ever been truly "stable" until he met Lewis. And just like everything else in Arthur's life, that had too had gone to shit.

He just wanted things to be normal again, he wanted Lewis to be here, and for him to be safe.
He missed his laugh and his dumb jokes.
He missed being able to go on and on about machinery and truly feeling like Lewis wanted to hear him talk.
He missed the sense of everything being okay for just a minute when he was around Lewis.
He missed his smile.
His missed his dumb hair.
His missed his constant attempts to make Arthur happy.

Arthur missed Lewis.

He knew this, but right now it was sinking in even more than ever after the panic of the last day.

He wished Lewis was here to calm him down like he always did. To hum and hold his hands while he was having an anxiety attack.

He wished and wished, but wishing wouldn't get him anywhere.

Arthur was sad and angry, and his hands were shaking, so when he went into his room the door slammed behind him.

Who did L think he was?!
Saying that Arthur didn't care about Lewis.

As if he'd be up every single night doing any research he could find someone he didn't care about.
As if he would forget to eat and sleep, looking for someone he didn't care about.
As /if/.

He lifted his hands and dragged them down his face. Focus, he needed to focus.

He walked over to his bed, sitting down and setting his laptop on his lap. Then opened up all his programs that he had dedicated to finding Lewis.

News reports, missing persons pages, places Lewis might be, and a map of all the places Arthur had already checked. He had even posted on ghost hunting websites about possible ghostly disappearances.
All leads ended up a dead end, it was tiring.

Arthur had to believe ghosts were involved, how else could his best friend have vanished into thin air?

He had called the police, of course, but there was only so much they could do.
Arthur had told them he had been in an accident. But he couldn't remember it. Vivi couldn't remember it. And the only person who might have been able to remember it... Was missing. So, the investigation was mostly a cold one.

He let out a puff of breath and began trying to piece together whatever he could.

---

Twenty minutes into researching there was a ringing at the end of his bed. He reached over and grabbed his phone, wondering who could be calling him.

His phone's screen just read "unknown number" and Arthur's body tensed up. He answered the phone nonetheless and was unsurprisingly met with an unknown voice.

"Is this the person looking for that Lewis guy?" Said a woman's voice.

"Uh...yeah, who's this?"

"My name is Anna, and I think I might know something about where he is?"

---

What was Arthur playing at? Lewis thought as Arthur stormed out of the room. Was he really so dedicated to his act that he would act like this? Why would he act like he didn't know a thing even when no one else was around?

Now, to anyone else, it would have been obvious that Arthur wasn't acting. To anyone else it would have been clear that Arthur really didn't know that he had killed Lewis. But you have to understand. The last emotions that Lewis ever felt with anger, denial, and sadness. It was hard to get past those emotions. They clouded his every thought, and it wouldn't be easy for him to realize what everyone else knew.

So, to Lewis, it was so obvious that there was no way Arthur couldn't be acting. It was an outrageous notion. How could someone Lewis was so sure had killed him, not know he had? It was impossible, therefor, Arthur was acting.

He was so caught up in thought that Lewis almost didn't realize when Arthur left his room. Arthur headed over to the door and grabbing his car keys, but Lewis called out before Arthur left.

"Wait, where are you going?" Lewis asked, crossing his arms at the hurried man.

"Someone called about a lead on my friend, I have to go."

This was suspicious in more ways than one to Lewis.

How could someone have a lead on him when he wasn't even missing, and why did Arthur seem so excited about it?

"Good luck." Lewis said with a roll of his eyes. Arthur looked irritated at that but shook his head.

"I don't have time for this, I'll be back soon." But there was a twinge of fear in his voice. Something that Lewis could only pick up on because he had known Arthur since forever. And that made him worry.

Despite the fact that right now he hated Arthur there was still the old him inside of that. That cared for Arthur's safety and didn't want him to get hurt. And this whole situation seemed odd to Lewis.

He guessed he would have to follow Arthur, he had to figure out what was going on, after all.

---

Lewis watched as Arthur left the apartment, and as soon as the door had closed he turned invisible. Following the ginger down to his van, and phasing in with Arthur.

He was mostly concerned about who was calling Arthur. Who was claiming they had a lead on him even though that was impossible, considering he had died.

It was a silent ride, aside from Arthur's arm clanking every once in a while. Along with shaky breaths and Arthur tapping his foot on the van floor.

They rode for about an hour, down a highway that Lewis have never gone down before in his life. Soon they were in a more woodsy part of the the state and heading down a dirt road. Everything about this screamed "no" to Lewis, and he was sure that it was the same for Arthur. So why was he following through with this? He could see Arthur's shoulders shaking. He could hear his unnerved breaths. Why was Arthur doing this?

Something in Lewis changed, it wasn't anything big. It was much like a dim light-bulb flickering in his mind. It was just a thought, just a whisper in his head but it stuck with him. The passing thought that maybe, just maybe, Arthur really didn't know that Lewis was dead.

It was a near impossible thought to Lewis, the anger in his mind clouding over all rational thought.

But it was like there were two hims in his mind.

There was L. The loud one, the one that was sure Arthur had killed him. The angry one, the one in denial.

And then there was Lewis. The quiet one, the one who was who he used to be. Caring, and worried. Doubting his own thoughts, saying- what if?

And that thought was getting louder and louder now, trying to figure out what was going on. Trying to solve what was so unknown to him.

He hardly even noticed that the van had stopped until he heard the slamming of the drivers side door. Slowly coming out of his daze he phased through the door, following the lanky male in front of him.

His noticed all of Arthur's usual nervous patterns. Shaking hands, slow walking, clutching onto his own arm. And the second him was still nagging at his mind, saying things like "protect him" "help him" "save him".

But the first him was too interested in how this would turn out. Too curious over what Arthur was doing.

Lewis watched as Arthur walked down a pathway into the woods, his movement slow and slightly surreal. As if he and everything around him was in slow motion. It hard to tell, but Lewis knew too much about Arthur to not notice this. He was totally having an anxiety attack, wasn't he?

"Help him, what is wrong with you??" Him two nagged.

"I need to know what he's doing." Him one snapped.

"He's your best friend, what are you doing??!" Him two spat.

Lewis shook his head, ignoring his fighting thoughts.

---

Arthur came to a clearing in the woods. To the left of him there was small pond, to the right another path. This should be where Anna was meeting him.

She had said she found a purple haired man who looked a lot like Lewis, and he had been staying at her house with no memory of who he was. While Arthur was excited, he couldn't get his hopes up. This could end so badly. His entire body was shaking and he felt like he was going to throw up. But if there was even the smallest chance that Lewis was with her, he had to take that chance. Even if it scared the hell out of him, he had to push forward.

He looked around the clearing. It was nearly 7pm now, she was supposed to be here any minute. God she better be here soon or else Arthur might lose himself and turn around.

---

It was ten minutes before anything happened.
There was a rustling in the bushes and Arthur turned to see a blonde woman in front of him, arms opened in a welcoming gesture. She had blue eyes that were just a little too sharp, and her lips were pierced in an annoyed expression.

Everything about this made Arthur's mind screamed "run" but he stood his ground.

"Arthur?" The girl, presumably Anna, said in a patient and measured British accent.

"Yeah. And you're Anna?" He questioned.

"Yes, I am." She said, letting her arms drop. She folded her arms and looked away, her foot tapping.

"So, where is he?"

"Huh?" She said, looking back over at Arthur.

"Oh, right." She said with a small smile crossing her features.

"He'll be here any minute."

Arthur wanted to believe what she said, but Arthur's entire self wanted to flee. This wasn't right, nothing about this was deemed safe. He wanted to listen to his instincts, and just as he was about to start taking the steps to move away there was a rustling in the bushes behind Anna.

But also, a rusting behind him. Two people in the bushes, he thought. Why were there two people?

No, this wasn't right. This wasn't-

A man walked out into the clearing, a man who was not Lewis. This man was shorter than Lewis, but a lot stronger looking. With harsh eyes and scars all up and down his body.

"This the kid?" The man asked, in a burly Southern accent.

"Yes." Anna said, reaching over to hold the mans hand. But he pulled away.

Arthur opened his mouth to speak, he was going to say he needed to leave. His entire body was shaking. and his mind was screaming 'no, this isn't right.'
Oh god why would he ever think this was a good idea?!

Suddenly rough hands grabbed him from behind, grabbing him by the shoulders. He let out a gasp, his entire body going into panicked shock. He tried to fight back against the force but whoever was holding him was strong.

One of the hands let his shoulder go and was lifted to his mouth.

Tears filled Arthur's eyes as a rag was placed over his mouth and nose, and slowly everything went dark.

---

Arthur woke up in a cold room.

For a moment his mind didn't register where he was. For a moment all he thought was that he had blacked out in his apartment. This wouldn't have been the first time something like that happened.

But then the aching pain in his left shoulder made him aware something wasn't right.

Arthur's eyes slowly fluttered.

He was made aware that he wasn't in his apartment and his body sent a shocked and panicked jolt to his system.

He was laying in a dark room, it was obvious he had just been thrown on the floor. With no care about what happened to him. His mouth was covered in duct tape and his legs were tied together. The only things he could see were things illuminated by the moon that was coming in threw a shattered window in the room.

He heard voices somewhere near where he was.

"He's damaged goods. I thought you were better than this!" It was the Southern man, yelling in a hushed tone.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You're right I should have done better." Said the British Girl, her voice shaking but clear.

"Well, what are we supposed to do with him?" Said a third, unknown voice. This must have been the man who had grabbed him.

"We can't let him go, so, we'll just have to see how much his parts would fetch for, instead of selling him as a whole. I guess." Said man one.

Arthur's body shook and tears filled his eyes once more. He felt so sick, oh god, was he going to die here? He had faced death many times, but those were all caused by ghosts. Ghosts he could usually deal with, these were people.

He realized his right hand was tied with rope around the wrist and tied up to a wooden post in the middle of the room.

And he was made fully aware of why his shoulder was hurting. Someone had yanked off the metal prosthetic and just tossed it to the other side of the room. They of course had taken it off incorrectly and it's harsh removal was causing a strain on his shoulder.

Think, someone removing a bandaid, but that bandaid was connected to your nerves.

The pain was hitting him worse now, cause nausea and a headache to settle in. He wished his body was still in shock, it had numbed the pain a little but now it was so clear and there that he felt like he was going to vomit.

He needed to move, he had to get out of here. But his legs were tied to together and there looked like there was no way for him to get out.

Oh god, he was going to die here. He choked on sobs that were unable to escape him due to the duct tape covering his mouth.

That seemed to get someones attention, as the door to the room opened and the woman stepped inside.
Her hair was very visible even in this darkness, and Arthur watched the girl crouch next to him. She reached over and turned on a lantern before grabbing the duct tape from his mouth, ripping it away with quick force.

Arthur let out a choking gasp and wanted to reach up to rub at the aching spot on his face. But alas.

hey sat there in silence for a moment, the girl looking at the metal arm laying on the other side of the floor. As Arthur sobbed, his entire body shaking and his breath so uneven and shallow it was making him dizzy.

"I'm sorry this is happening to you." Said the girl in a soft voice.

Arthur said nothing, his entire body was shutting down, he was going to give up. There was no way out of this, and he was going to die. Hopelessness was setting in and he was too tired to fight. He knew it would be a losing battle, three against one. And the one being crippled, and not very strong to begin with.

"I'm sorry you never found your friend, either."

This caused Arthur to let out a whimpering breath.
Oh yeah, on top of Arthur dying, he was never going to find Lewis. He had nearly forgotten what had got him here in the first place.

His sobbing became worse and the girl reached over, untying Arthur's right hand and handing him a tissue out of her pocket. Was she really so confident that she thought he wouldn't get away when she untied him? He guessed so.

He was too numb to object to the offer. He sat up as best he could and used the tissue to clean his face. It didn't do much because he was still crying, but it was a nice attempt.

"You're the first boy to ever cry." Said the girl quietly, "most boys fought back. You're the first to just give up." She mused aloud.

Arthur wasn't sure what to say to this. All he really picked up on was that he wasn't the first they had done this to.

"W-why?" Was all he could manage to say, his voice too shaken to get too much sound out.

"I'm sick." Said the girl, raising her eyes to look at him directly.

Arthur noticed this girls eyes were green, not blue.

The door opened and another girl walked in, nearly identical to the girl in front of him. She rushed over, pushing Arthur away from the green eyed girl, causing him to hit his head on the wall behind him.

"Lilly, what do you think you're doing?!" The girl exclaimed, reaching over and grabbing the green eyed blondes hand.

"Anna, he's in pain." Lilly said, her voice was a lot softer than her sisters.

"It doesn't matter!" Anna shouted, her voice irritated, but Arthur could hear the fear in her tone.

"It does matter! I don't want to do this! I don't want to hurt people!"

Lilly started coughing as a result of her elevated voice. She reached into her pocket, pulling out another tissue and coughing into it. Arthur noticed the red splotches of blood now covering the once white tissue.

"Ronny!" Anna yelled, holding onto Lilly as if she would fall at any moment.

The burly Southern man walked into the room, hurrying over to Lilly and picking her up. She seemed to be throwing a fit of some kind because she weakly was hitting the mans chest, though it did nothing to him.

"Knock him out, I'll put her to bed."

Without another word Anna grabbed a rag and bottle out of her shoulder bag and poured some of what was on the bottle on the cloth.

Arthur tried to push her away, to somehow resist being knocked out again, but his body was already shutting down again. And soon the world once again went dark.

---

Arthur woke up to screaming.

Yelling, heat, and light was all Arthur could register.
His eyes opened, the screaming making him aware that something wasn't right. And he was correct in that, because when he opened his eyes he saw the entire room around him was on fire.

There was screaming from the other room, his four kidnappers calling out to one another.

"What should we do?!"

"Leave the boy! Let's go!"

"Where's Lilly?! Oh god!"

It was hard to hear them over the crackling of burning wood, and then even harder when he started coughing. His lungs filling with smoke. He tried to move, becoming aware that he needed to get out. He was going to burn alive if he didn't.

He was so dizzy, the mixture of chemicals and smoke in his body becoming unbearable to handle. His body was shutting down again. He couldn't- He couldn't shut down now.

But despite his best efforts, his breathing became too shallow to continue. He coughed, unable to breath and ended up vomiting on the floor next to him. The smoke stinging at his eyes causing him to start crying again.

This was the end. He was going to die.
Yet again, the world around him went dark.

---

This time when Arthur woke up, everything was quiet. Everything was cold and still and silent.
For a moment Arthur thought that all must have been a nightmare.

He opened his eyes, but soon realized he was in the back of his van. In the front seat was...L?

He sat up, the effort causing him to cough. The lingering smoke in his lungs causing them to burn and it hurt to breath.

L realized he was awake and stopped the van. He pulled over to the side of the road and then phased through the back of the seat so he could sit next to Arthur.

"W- (cough) What hap-happened?" Arthur's voice was shaking, anxiety and panic setting in.

"I followed you, I got you out. You're alright."

Arthur didn't know why L had saved him or how. He didn't know what had happened. He didn't understand a god damn thing. Be the realization that he had almost died, and that his lead was once again a dead one...It broke him.

He rose his right hand to his mouth, trying to stifle the choking sobs that were rising in his throat. He covered his mouth, grabbing onto himself a little too roughly. His nails digging into his skin as he tried to stop himself from having a full of panic attack. Of course it didn't work, and the panic set in and he was sobbing, unable to breath. Wanting so badly to do something, anything, to hurt himself. To distract himself from the disgusting pain he felt in his chest.

Then L did something unexpected, he grabbed Arthur's hand away from his face and pulled him into a hug.

Arthur was too panicked to understand why this was happening, but the arms were so familiar. So comfortable. And they were /there/.

He held onto the ghosts shirt, sobbing into his chest.

His breaths were so shallow and rapid they were making him dizzy, the world around him spun and the only thing he could focus on were the ghosts arms. Calm down, calm down, calm down-

"I c-c-can't do t-this. I c-can't."

The ghost let out a hushing noise, and began humming.

At this Arthur took in a sharp intake of breath, as a realization dawned on him.

Choking on his own breath he let out a single shaking word.

"L-Lewis?"

Chapter Text

Lewis had told himself he was just going to let Arthur ride out his panic attack. He couldn't comfort him, not like before.

But the choking sobs in the back of the van were just too much for him to handle. He was angry at him, yes. But after all that Arthur had just been through, how could Lewis just stand to the side?

Lewis pulled over the van and phased through the seats, sitting next to the sobbing man in front of him. There wasn't even a moment of hesitation in his action. He pulled Arthur's hand away from his face, afraid he might draw blood if he kept digging his nails into his skin.

"This isn't acting.
How could /this/ be acting. Why would he have just gone through that, for an act?!" His mind was screaming at him, and for once he actually agreed.

He pulled Arthur into his arms, just like he used to do. And without thinking began humming. He didn't mean to do it, he just wanted Arthur to stop crying. It killed him to see Arthur like this. And he just wanted to comfort him in the only way he knew how. Unfortunately that way gave away everything.

The shaking question out of Arthur's mouth was enough to break Lewis, but he just looked away. What should he do? He could lie, he knew he could. Humming wasn't an uncommon thing, but Arthur's eyes were so tired, so afraid. He couldn't bring himself to do it.

"Yeah."

Arthur let out a shaking, sobbing, laugh.

"Y-you're dead." He raised his hand to his mouth, hysterical laughs and sobs escaping him.

"Yeah." Lewis repeated, looking down at Arthur with pitying eyes.

"You're...Oh god...Oh my god."

Lewis could see all the conflicting emotions on Arthur's face. He couldn't read all of them, but he could tell a few from each other.

Sadness, of course. Confusion. And something that was rare to see Arthur experience, anger. Real anger.

He lowered his hand from his mouth and used to to push Lewis away.
Lewis was shocked for a moment, shocked and hurt.

"You're /dead/. Y-You- You're DEAD." He shouted, looking at Lewis with burning eyes.
"I-I've been /looking/ for you. I- I almost /died/ looking for you."

His elevated voice was odd for Lewis to hear. He had never truly heard his friend angry. Arthur wasn't an angry person. This side of him was completely new to Lewis.

"A-A-And you- you tried to /k-kill me/."

A wave of guilt hit Lewis in the gut. He had, no denying it.

"Arty-"

"Don't." Arthur snapped, his anger giving fire to his words. Lewis nearly flinched at the tone.

"P-Please, listen-"

"I don't want to listen, Lewis. It doesn't matter, leave me alone."

Arthur was fighting back tears and Lewis could tell. But the anger in his expression was enough for Lewis to give up. He felt like he had swallowed bricks, the weight of guilt in his stomach too much for him to handle.

"Fine."

And Lewis was gone.

---

"V-Vivi, I-I need you to come get me."

He had searched around his van, grabbing the emergency cell phone he had in case something happened. And the first person he thought to call was Vivi.

Arthur entire mind was fried. He couldn't think, he could hardly move, if he drove like this he was going to get someone else hurt.

"Yeah, of course. Where are you?"

Arthur wasn't entirely sure.

"Um, I don't know- I-."

"You were out searching for him again, weren't you?" Vivi said, her tone harsh.

Arthur flinched, he felt so terrible. Vivi was so worried about him, he had ruined himself trying to find Lewis. And now, it was for nothing.

"Yeah...Y-Yeah, I was. But I'm...I'm done now." He said, his voice was so sad even Arthur felt terrible listening to it. He had a hard time registering it at /his/ voice. Since when had he sounded so broken?

He heard Vivi give out a small sigh on the other line.

"Okay, just, tell me where you think you might be and I'll try and find you. You can explain when I get there."

Arthur gave Vivi a rough description on where he was, where he had headed. And hoped it would be enough.

Still, he knew it would be at least an hour or two before she got here. So he sat up, opening the doors to let in some air. There was a distinct smell of smoke in the distance.

He wondered if that sick girl had gotten out of the house okay. He couldn't help but feel sorry for them. Funny, right? They had kidnapped him and were going to kill him, and he felt bad for them. It was pathetic, honestly.

He laid his head down on the hard floor of the van, letting his mind go numb as the world began to shift. He felt as if there was nothing inside him, like he was just a ghost, numb, watching the world around him. Everything was swaying and bobbing, slow and dizzying. He wasn't in his own body anymore, he was a spectator.

He laid like that for two hours, numb, unmoving. Until he heard a car in the distance. He slowly sat up, his mind still in an entirely different place than his body.

It was Vivi, and at first she looked annoyed, but when she saw Arthur's condition she rushed out of the car. Running forward she wrapped her arms around him, and with that Arthur started sobbing.

---

It took twenty minutes for Arthur to fully explain. Explain what had happened during the night. And what had happened with Lewis. He didn't tell her she and Lewis knew each other. He felt like that was something she could figure out herself.

When he was done he had such a bad headache from crying, he felt like he was going to vomit.

"Jesus Christ, Arthur." Vivi said in an incredulous tone.

Arthur looked away. He wanted to grab his left arm like he usually did when he was nervous, but alas, it was gone.

"I know."

"God, this is so...It's so fucked."

"Yeah."

Vivi let out a sigh.

"Come on, I'm taking you home. I'll call a tow truck later, lets just get out of here."

Arthur got up, shutting his vans door and locking it up.

His mind was beginning to disconnect from his body again, and Arthur honestly was okay with letting it. He needed the escape, and when this happened everything was slow, and numb.

He got in the car with Vivi, and not even ten minutes into driving he was asleep.

---

When Arthur woke up he was in his bed.

Had Vivi carried him up here? He guessed so. She was pretty strong, and also Arthur was pretty skinny.

Every was blurry and slow, grogginess all that was on his mind. He tried to sit up using his left arm only to have to lay down again, the weight he was going to put on his left arm causing him to fall.

Oh yeah, his prosthetic was missing. He had nearly forgotten.

He sat up, this time using his right arm. He brushed his hair out of his face and got up, heading out of his room.

Vivi and Mystery were on his couch. Vivi was asleep and Mystery was laying on her chest. Arthur gave Mystery a small smile, and Mystery jumped from Vivi's chest to follow Arthur to the bathroom.

Arthur looked at himself in the mirror. Fuck. He looked terrible.

Dirt and tear stains were covering his face and clothes. Dry blood covered the prosthetic port on his left shoulder. His eyes were red and baggy, and his hair was seven different kinds of messy.

He thought he was used to this. He had been hunting ghosts for years now. He had come so close to death so many times. Ghosts pushing him down stairs. Being kidnapped and almost used for Satanic rituals. Car crashes.

And yet, this was one of the worst experiences he had ever had since he started hunting.

Maybe it was because he had come so so close to death. Maybe it was because he had found out what happened to Lewis, though that was still shock and settling in. Maybe it was all the years of shit piling up on each other, threatening to break the wall Arthur had set up to repress those emotions.

But Arthur was just so...tired.

He grabbed a wash cloth off the floor, hoping it was clean, and dampened it. He was too tired to take a shower, but he needed to get the dirt off his face.

It took ten minutes before he finally felt clean, he had even stuck his head under the tap to wet his hair so it wasn't so messy. But he was too tired to style it so he just dried it and brushed it back.

He walked out of the bathroom, Mystery following him still.

He was still wearing the clothes from last night. A white t-shirt covered in blood and dirt, and yellow pants. He supposed he should change, but he was just so, so tired.

He walked into the living room to see Vivi was awake now.

"God, you look like shit." She said, crossing her arms.

Arthur laughed at that, "yeah, way to rub it in."

She smiled, "of course, what else am I here for."

Arthur was glad she was here, if he wasn't he wasn't too sure what he might have done. He did stupid things when he was alone.

---

Vivi made him breakfast, using the very limited amount of food Arthur had in his kitchen. Eggs and toast.

Arthur ate until he was full for the first time in a month. It made him sick to his stomach and his body was already rejecting the amount of food he was eating, but he ignored the nausea.

"Arthur, are you going to be alright?" Vivi said softly, after a breakfast spent mostly in silence.

"Huh? Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"You just found out your best friend is dead, I just-."

"No, it's...It's okay. I'm okay." Arthur interrupted, letting out a sigh, "I'll be fine. He tried to kill me, I don't even know why. He's obviously got more issues than me right now." He shrugged. He wanted to play this all off as cool, but his voice was shaking.

He hated being so emotional, he hated himself, he hated every single thing he was. And right now he hated Lewis. Not actually, but Lewis had put him through /hell/ for a month. Lewis who Arthur was so sure he was in love with. Lewis who had tried to kill him. Lewis who was dead.

He didn't know if he meant the next few words that came out of his mouth, he was angry, he was sad, and he was tired. And he truly did feel like this was the truth. Lewis hated him now, he could tell, and even though he didn't feel the same. Right now, all he could think to say was-

"And...He's not my best friend."

Chapter Text

Vivi had said she'd stay longer if Arthur needed her to. Vivi had said she could come check on him if he needed her to. Vivi had offered so much to Arthur, but he couldn't accept. He loved her, and seeing her so stressed out was killing him. She was so worried about him, and he didn't want her to be so upset all the time.

"No, like seriously, Viv I'm fine." He said, a small smile spreading across his features.
"It's over with, I swear. I need to be alone, to like fix up a new arm and everything."

She left, Mystery in toe. And the second the door shut behind her-

Arthur was on his knees.

His legs had given way under him, the weight of the last few days seemingly crushing him.

Lewis was dead.

Sadness and guilt crushed into him and he had to cover his mouth to keep himself from choking aloud as he started to cry.

How had it happened? Why? Was there anything he could have done to stop it? Of course, there must have been a way for him to helped.

He didn't find him in time. He didn't do enough. It was his fault. Maybe if he would have just tried harder he could have helped him.

But it was too late for him now, and Lewis was dead.

He couldn't breath, and it was like he was 11 again. Waiting for his mom to come home and she never did.

He wanted to tear into himself, to pull out whatever it was inside of him that felt so heavy in his chest. He wanted to pull out his hair or scratch himself or something. He just wanted to put himself through some kind of pain because it was /his fault./

He hadn't done enough.

He could have been out looking more. He could have asked more people. He could have done something. Anything.

Maybe if he had done more Lewis would still be here. Maybe Vivi wouldn't have forgotten him. Maybe things would be normal, oh god, Arthur would give anything for things to be normal again.

Lewis must have thought he could have done more too. That's why he hated him now, that's why he wanted him dead. And honestly, Arthur couldn't blame him.

He wanted to try and talk to Lewis, apologize, something. But he was too scared. Too afraid that Lewis hated him. How could he not? He was terrified, honestly.
He loved Lewis, he was so desperately in love with Lewis. He had been for so long and that feeling never went away. He would do anything to just have Lewis be here alive, alive and not hating him.
He was so selfish, he was such a fucking coward. Lewis was /dead/ and all he could think about was how much it was hurting him, how much Lewis must hate /him/. He was disgusting.

He wanted to tell Lewis how sorry he was, how he would have given anything to try again. It was his fault, and he wanted to tell him how sorry he was.

The thought was making him shake worse than he already was.
How would he ever start that kind of conversation?

"Hey, buddy....pal, I mean, I'm sorry it's probably my fault you're dead. You lost the love of your life because I'm useless, and all that. But like, we're cool, yeah?"

He wanted to stand up, try and figure out something. He needed to pull himself together, at the very least he needed to go take a shower. But his legs felt so weak under him, like if he managed to stand up they would snap under his weight.

Clutching onto the closest thing to him, the doorknob, he pulled himself up with his right arm. Using the door to support himself he turned around. Only to immediately feel like he was going to fall again.

Lewis, in his skeletal flaming form was sitting on the couch.

How long had he been here? God, probably through the entire panic attack. Arthur instantly found himself worrying if Lewis had heard him talking at breakfast. He hoped to god not. He had regretted saying Lewis wasn't his best friend. He had said it because he knew Lewis hated him. If Lewis told Arthur to jump off a bridge Arthur would probably still do it.

"You killed me, Arthur." Lewis said, his voice weak and...angry.

Arthur let out a shaken, sad laugh.

"Y-Yeah. I know."

"You do?"

"Yeah."

"So you remember, then? You remember pushing me off a fucking cliff?"