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Megatron sat apon his bed, helm in his servos. Thoughts flooded his processor as rust would corrode his metal. To put it simply, regret. Regret taking on in a form that felt like it was choking him. He layed back down, grasping for sheets to cover with. Another attempt at getting up resulting in failure.
"Could I have made things better sooner? What if Optimus never forgave me? What if I never stopped killing? Could Cybertron still be out there...?"
He shivered. The thoughts making him unnaturally cold even with a blanket wrapped around him. He looked at his servo. Scarred and worn from years at war. 4 million years, just like that. Wasted. He could never get it back. The time, the countless lives... all he could see when he looked at his servo was the energon he had on it. Everyone he sacrificed for his own gain, killed for no reason, they would never know peace as it is now on Earth. He shivered again. It was too much. Everything, all of this, was his fault. The guilt stabbed at him. Pangs of pain in his gut that felt reminiscent of a battle with Optimus. Except, maybe it hurt just a bit more. Maybe.
And Optimus... oh Optimus. The guilt was immeasurable. Every desperate plea for peace was genuine. The amount of times he hurt Optimus... how Megatron wished the pain was inflicted onto him now to pay up for it. For everything he's done, Optimus was a saint for forgiving him. Even more so for proclaiming his love. Megatron loved Optimus dearly, that made the guilt of hurting his beloved worse.
He debated sending a com to him, he planned it out. "Are you busy? I need you." Structured in a way that wouldn't cause concern. Optimus always told him to say something if he needed him. Megatron thought about it more. "Optimus is mad at you for all you've done still." It flashed in his mind. He didn't deserve Optimus. Not his smile, his touch, his words, for Primus' sake, he didn't even deserve to have him in his thoughts. Optimus was a bot of love. He represented peace and vowed to protect those from danger. While Megatron... all he could see of him were the bots he killed. He wanted nothing more than to protect Optimus now from anything in his way. Including himself. His spark ached at the thought. "It's only a matter of time," He thought. "Before I go back to my old ways..."
"Megatron?" A muffled voice caught his attention. Not enough to make him rise from the bed, but enough to snap him out of his spiral. It was coming from the other side of the door. "Are you in there? May I come in?" It was Optimus. He wanted to shout, he wanted to scream for him to stay away, for his own good. Instead he layed still, unable to move. The door shifted open. "There you are, dear. Dorothy was saddened to see you didn't come with." Optimus stretched, showing the age in his circuitry. Megatron loved that about him, among countless other things.
"How come you-" He froze. A sympathetic look forming on his face. He walked closer, putting a servo to his cheek. "You're crying." Megatron put his own servo to his face, surely he wasn't... and yet he was. "Ah- I'm sorry, Prime. I didn't seem to notice." He sat up. "There's- there's no reason to worry." He tried to smile, but it didn't seem to be helping, as Optimus' concerned expression grew. Optimus sat in the bed in front of him. Putting Megatrons servos into his.
"Were you thinking about everything again?" There wasn't a need to ask what it was. Optimus had grown accustomed to helping Megatron through his feelings. As much as the other mech didn't want it to happen. There was no malice in his voice. Only sympathy and love for the bot in front of him. Yet to Megatron, it just felt like pity. He looked to the side, unable to look into his conjunxs eyes. "No."
"Megatron..." Optimus said with a whisper. "You can tell me." He gave his servos a light squeeze. "Maybe a little bit." It pained Megatron to say it once again. "It was just... regret." He glanced at Optimus before quickly looking away. The sight of Optimus looking at him with such love and patience made him feel.. floaty. To say the least. Another thing he loved about him. "I was thinking of my actions. I know I must live with them but..." He trailed off, embarrassed to continue. "I suppose the burden is a little heavy to carry." Optimus released a servo to once again bring one to Megatrons cheek and leaned in. "May I?" He asked. Megatron nodded. Optimus gave him a soft kiss. That was one. As incentive for talking about his troubles, Optimus would give him a kiss for each one. As if kissing the thoughts away.
"You seem so angelic, Optimus. It makes me worried I don't deserve to have your love as punishment for what I've done." The thought over his word choices. "I'm scared of a reality where I didn't come for peace. One where you didn't forgive me. One where I... offline you." Optimus rubbed his cheek. "You are a changed bot, Megatron." He smiled at those words. "You are no longer the monster you see yourself as. You need not to worry about what could have happened. We are right here, together. Are we not?"
Optimus gave him a few more kisses, earning five in total. "I trust that you won't go back to your past self. After all, that's what these past 15 years have been for. Your change, our peace." Optimus leaned back to get a good look at the mech in front of him. "I didn't think I would be here with you, Megatron. You've done so much, I'm so proud of you." Megatron stared at Optimus, astonished at the words being said to him. "I trust you." Optimus said. Making it clear. No room for interpretation, for miscommunication.
Optimus trusted Megatron, the bot who had once been trying to snuff out his spark. Before he knew it, he was crying. It started out as a single tear, but bloomed into a sob. He wrapped his arms around Optimus, needing his comfort specifically. Megatron wasn't an emotional person. Optimus knew that much, but he needed it out like anyone else would. Even ex warriors need to cry every now and then. He scooted closer and held his conjunx in his arms. Firm and loving. He ran a servo on his back, giving a gentle rhythm to try and ground the other. "It's okay." He hushed. "I trust you." Repeating the very words that put him into this state. Megatron replayed it in his head over and over. Optimus trusted him...
"I-" Megatron tried to choke out his words through sobs. "-love you.." He tightened his grip, like he would offline if he lost Optimus' touch. "I love you too, Megatron. Very much." He brought his helm to Megatrons. "I always will." Megatron slowly regained self control. He looked into the optics in front of him. Crystal blue. Comforting blue. He smiled as Optimus brought his servo back to Megatrons face. "Thank you for telling me everything." His voice felt soft in his audials... before realizing the mess he was in front of Optimus. Megatron blushed. He buried his face into the servo on his cheek, attempting to hide it. Optimus kissed him again, a happy smile on his face seeing his conjunx back to normal. "That was a freebie." Megatron tried to suppress his smile, to no avail. "You deserve it, sweetspark."