Work Text:
Everything hurts.
Everything is so far away. I can’t see. It’s so dark.
The light burnt out hours ago. I haven’t had the energy to replace it. All I can do is lay here. Desperately clinging to whatever life I have left.
I would scream in pain, but it’s painful to even move my mouth. It’s like it’s taped shut. With duct tape.
The room feels suffocating. I can’t move. I can’t open the door. I can’t open the windows. I can’t even turn off the TV. All I hear is the sound of other voices, which are really my own.
Voices of celebrities. Narrators. Cartoon characters. All my voice, but not my own. I don’t ever think I was my own. They wanted me to be my own
God. Damn it. I’m going to disappoint them, aren’t I? If an afterlife exists, they’d be looking down at me, scowling. Groaning in annoyance. Glaring, blankly staring at my pathetic body.
I can’t even move my head to look up at them, to move my mouth to talk to them. Everything hurts. My bones are sore. I can feel my ribs slicing through my skin. Sharp. It’s so sharp. It’s like a knife, slicing layer by layer, until my organs are laid out bare and clear.
Tsuno. Isono. Watari. Hama. Would you be disappointed? I tried my best. I think I did… no, that’s a lie. I know I didn’t. I know you’d be disappointed. I didn’t try hard enough to change. This is all my fault.
My stomach hurts. The sharp feeling of my ribs clutching to my thin flesh. The denial of hunger. The begging for something, anything, to fill it. Even just a piece of bread. Even just a crumb. But nothing will get in there. Nothing will be consumed. I’m going to lay here until my last breath.
The voices feel like they’re getting louder. Maybe it’s just me losing my senses one by one, on this road to my death. I wish I could have had a voice. I wish I could have done anything different.
But it hurts. God, it hurts. Everything is so warm, and so cold, and so painful. Even just closing my eyes takes more energy than I can muster up. If they find my body, I don’t want to look like a corpse. I just want to look like I’m sleeping. Please, at least let me escape suffering in death.
I wonder if that flower’s okay.
Because I’m not.
Goodbye, Isono. Tsuno. Everyone.
Or maybe… hello. Because I’ll be joining you soon.