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sevika always valued community, and if she were being honest with herself - family was always something she yearned for, but knew was out of reach.
growing up, she’s witnessed how her parents struggled to raise her and her siblings. zaun was and still isn’t the ideal environment to raise a child, she’s had it ingrained in her head that if she were to ever raise a family of her own, she’d do it at a time where she knows nothing or no one can ever harm them.
whether it’s the financial aspect of it, or overall just the dangers of her job, she couldn’t risk putting a loved one through whatever bullshit her family went through.
and that’s why she abstained from all of it - romantic relationships, the thought of raising a family with a woman, or raising children with her. even though it was always a thought that lingered at the back of her mind, something she sees when she closes her eyes at night and she allows herself to fantasize just for a split second, while the world stood quiet and unyielding, a vision where the odds weren’t stacked against her.
then jinx and isha came along.
truth be told, she was 100% certain she wasn’t going to let herself get attached to them. she wanted to justify her overprotective urges and occasional maternal instincts as her just being on fight or flight mode - with jinx being the face of zaun’s rebellion and isha representing what the undercity’s future could be, she wanted to think her watching over them meant nothing - that she was just being a decent human being.
but silco’s gone and she had no obligation to push jinx into becoming something she didn’t want to be, let alone to fulfill a nonexistent promise she made to silco about protecting jinx even if he weren’t here anymore - which he wasn’t. and yet there she was keeping a watchful eye on jinx like her life depended on it.
then she brought isha along and she told herself that isha was just jinx’s way of holding onto any semblance of stability she had left so therefore, protecting isha meant preventing the chances of jinx losing her mind, and if jinx didn’t lose her mind she could encourage her to lead the rebellion. which was her main goal all along. those were the objectives. and sevika had only ever been objective her whole life.
but somewhere along the way things changed, and she found herself mourning the absence of two kids she swore not to get attached to - feeling her heart shatter into smithereens when she came home after the war with nothing and was met with silence. the sounds of jinx and isha wreaking havoc no longer greeting her. nothing.
and that’s when she realized she broke her promise to herself.
she knew it was delusional to yearn for a family especially with the life she lives and has lived, but for a split second she really thought it was possible, that maybe, just maybe, her past didn’t have to determine her future anymore… but she thought wrong.
or so she did.
that was until you.
𐙚 ˙ ⋆ .˚
when you and sevika broke up after silco’s passing you swore you weren’t going to see her again.
but when piltover and zaun gathered to mourn the lives of those who were lost during the war and you found yourself bumping into her again, you knew that wasn’t the case.
truth is, you couldn’t blame her. unlike sevika, you had an idealistic view on life that she just couldn’t afford to have - not saying that you could either, but you gave yourself that luxury, because it’s the only one you ever had.
sevika had her vices - whether it was drinking or going to the gardens to drown her sorrows away - you only ever had the ghosts from your past haunting you wherever you went.
so you couldn’t blame yourself for being optimistic that maybe someday, things might turn over. that this suffering isn’t forever.
sevika didn’t have that optimism, and that’s what drove you two apart after dating for nearly a year. you wanted to hold out hope that eventually, the undercity would flourish and you’d get the chance of having a family after the one you had was taken away from you at an early age. but sevika thought different - she thought that since hers got taken away as well, there’s no point in risking at building another one just for them to have the same fate.
but then she saw you again, in a moment of her life where everything was shrouded in grief and darkness, and she just crumbled.
right into your arms because after having lost so many people already, she was glad that for once, for just goddamn once, you were still here.
and you sensed that the moment she broke down in your arms when she saw you again, rubbing her back as you let her shatter in pieces.
because you were here now, ready to pick them up one by one.
“I’m not going anywhere, vika.” you told her, your conviction strong as ever “I promise.”
𐙚 ˙ ⋆ .˚
although she knew it was a risk to hold onto that vow you made, she still did it anyway.
she wanted to chalk it up thinking that since she’s lost so many already, there was no point in being scared of losing anymore now.
but she knew she was lying to herself. she knew she wasn’t getting any younger and she’s spent most of her life dwelling in the shadows and being bitter that happiness just wasn’t in the cards for her.
but two years have passed since the war between zaun, piltover and noxus. she’s now councilor and although the urge to look over her shoulder anticipating danger is still there, you made her feel that perhaps, you two were finally in the clear.
what she didn’t expect however, was you bringing up the one thing she was scared of ever talking about, regardless if she’s already beaten the odds and is now living the life she thought she’d never have.
and that was building a family.
you knew it was gonna be a touchy subject, one you knew she was going to avoid, run away from even, but you took your chances anyway.
because you were tired of running.
and you knew she was too.
“vika, we can’t keep letting the past, these fears that history is going to repeat itself stop us from wanting better for ourselves,” you told her, desperate “are you really going to spend your whole life wondering what could’ve been if you hadn’t let your paranoia stop you from wanting to build a family?”
“yes,” she argued, her voice stern but there was something more to her words than just opposition, and you knew there was, no matter how hard she tried to mask it:
and that was fear.
she shook her head as you only looked at her with solemn eyes “I can’t subject either myself and especially you to the kind of pain my parents had gone through when they saw their children die one by one. until they themselves passed away knowing they left only me to fend for myself.”
“I c-can’t risk,” she inhaled a shaky breath “I can’t risk doing that to a child. no matter how badly I want to have one with you, sweetheart. I just can’t. my past haunts me.”
you stayed silent, walking closer towards her as you forced her to meet your eye.
“and you think mine doesn’t?”
her heart immediately clenched at your words, turning away but you refused to let her hide away again from you.
“no, listen to me.” you said harshly as you pushed at her shoulders “I have lost my family the same way you have and have witnessed the cruelty the under city has gone through ever since I was a child myself, vika. I’ve seen countless mothers lose their children and children losing their mothers, but god forbid I let their loss prevent me from wanting to gain back what was stolen from me.”
her fists clenched, closing her eyes as she processed your words and you can tell by the way her jaw ticked, and eyelids squeezed shut that she was trying so hard not to cave in. to not let the tears fall.
but you’ve had enough.
reaching up as you traced her scarred cheek with your fingers, cupping one side of her face and it was almost as if all her inhibitions faltered - leaning into your touch as your heart ached at the sight.
“we’ve both been through so much already, vika. I know you’ve lost so much, but we’re both still here and that has to mean something.” you insisted, voice shaking “it has to because we didn’t make it this far for nothing.”
“so tell me…” you continued, your words a gentle plea “are you going to honor the ones we lost by persevering in spite of what happened to them, or let them down because you made yourself believe that your life stopped when theirs ended?”
she gulped, trying to keep herself together but it was futile - because one moment she was blocking you out, then the next, the tears fell.
yet you still reached out and wiped each rivulet away.
“I-I’m sorry,” she choked out “after everything I’m just so… I’m just so scared to lose it all again. I’m so fucking scared.”
you swallowed the lump in your throat, standing on your tippy toes as your arms wrapped themselves around her shoulders, and you felt hers circle hers around your waist, pulling you closer.
“so am I,” you muttered, hugging her tighter “and that’s why we’ll do it together.”