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The damp, fetid earth beneath his face stung his skin in an uncomfortable way he had felt for a long time but didn’t know how to express. It was bad. It was always bad. The feeling around him, the smell, the strangeness of something squeezing inside his chest, where a heart lay that didn’t beat.
It was bearable when he could turn over and find his brother sleeping next to him. It had been a few times in a long time since he had found this when he woke up. There was nothing there, but sometimes he was unlucky enough to wake up with one of the beasts much bigger than him thinking they could make a meal of him. They always found out the hard way that the little white child had the strength in his delicate fingers to crush their bones, that his claws only needed to reach them to rip off their heads, sever their limbs. That his fangs and horrible hunger made it easy for him to devour them quickly while they were not even completely dead, chewing flesh and bones in one go.
There was nothing at that moment, however. Not his brother sleeping next to him, not the hungry beasts waking him up already in a rage at being disturbed like that.
Sitting up, he wiped the dirt from his face with the sleeves of his robe. He couldn't remember falling asleep there. So close to the borders. Until his mind gradually cleared as he stood up: he had been looking for his brother. It had been so long since his brother had last come and gone again that he had begun to worry. Out there, he knew, there were beings more powerful than they, and they wished no good for the children born in those filthy lands.
Profane Lands, he had heard them say from afar. He wasn't sure what 'profane' meant, but he had gathered that it was something very bad from the way they had said it. Something terrible, something that shouldn't exist, just like everything that came from those lands.
He and his brother shouldn't exist, they said. And if they said that, they would hurt his brother out there. He had to find his brother - if they were together, they would protect each other.
He would protect his brother. He didn’t care if he was the youngest and not as smart as his brother was, he was strong and that was all he needed to be.
"Gege, stay safe until I find you. Even though this place is bad, they don't come here often, it's safer if you go back until the two of us are strong enough to leave..."
His bare feet crossed what was left of that place where nothing grew, stepping on infertile earth and stones and bones until he felt soft textures beneath them, and fresh smells invading his nostrils with such force that it seemed like all the breath he had never needed was taking him and forcibly opening his lungs - and even he, who did not feel pain, had felt it bother almost like pain, until it became softer and, little by little, he could smell the scents around him. His eyes had seen that world from far away, the land beyond and beyond, full of colors and shapes and light.
Sunlight now bathed his skin, and his white hair shone like the snowy peaks he saw in the distant mountains, glowing when swaying with the clean breeze of that world in his strands. He wished he could be sharing that first moment in the warm sunlight with his brother... but his brother had long since known that.
"Is that why you always leave? Gege, I wouldn't have been upset if you had told me... if you had shown me." But inside, deep down, it hurt. And he tried to push the vicious thoughts away with the idea that his brother wanted to make sure it was safe outside before taking him too. That's what he would have done himself.
In wonder, he walked those lands, eager to find the only one who held a beautiful part of his heart. If his brother was unwilling to return, now that he was seeing the real world outside, he would take the risk of remaining there. Even if, for not being as strong and as smart as his brother, it would eventually cost him his life, he would still remain, simply to watch his brother enjoy the time under the sunlight and the raindrops and snowflakes.
A short existence, but one that was entirely of their choice, seemed better than living long as if they were imprisoned in the place where they had been born.
Rain fell on the fields and on him, and he could no longer tell how many days and times he had been walking the world and searching. He was losing count of how many seasons he had seen pass by and even his body seemed a little different now, still a child but not as young as he had seemed when he had left the place where he had been born. Even distracted by the rain and the scents it always brought, he could still smell the familiar scent, coming from far away but firmly present. There was no doubt.
"Gege!" He ran, the tall grass falling behind, trees and rocks falling behind, the river just a hop from one bank to the other, fields of flowers falling behind - and even amidst the sweet scents so vivid with rain, he still knew the direction.
He was so close. At the edge of the flower field, he could see the silhouette, and just like him, his brother had also changed a little. Grown up a little, gotten a little stronger. A little stronger than him, at least in appearance, as he had always been. The white child had always seemed more fragile for some reason. It didn't matter. He could show his brother that he had also grown up a little in the time they had been apart.
The green glow approaching the dark silhouette made him stop abruptly, and before he could manage his body, he was already lying among the flowers and grass and rain-soaked earth.
From his unintentional hiding, he slowly raised his head, not bothering to wipe the dirt from his face this time, or the mud covering the once-shiny color of his hair. He knew that green glow. He knew who it was, had always known, instinctively. He had seen it before, it was the thing that had made them bloom where nothing should. A god. And his brother was reaching out and holding the sleeve of the long green robes of the one who had brought them into existence.
There was no enemy there for him to fight. There was no friend there either - his brother wasn't figuring out how far it was safe to go, and the god who had brought them into existence didn't seem to remember that there were two of them and one of them had been left behind.
He could feel that piece of his heart that he tried to keep alive even when he himself was not a living being, slowly dying inside his chest, even when it was beating so hard like he had never felt before.
Under the cold rain, his eyes burned, but there was nothing there, not even an understanding of that feeling. He wanted to get up, run to his brother, ask, find out, what if maybe there was a reason? He wanted to pull his knees out from where they were buried in the mud and go there, dirty as he was, right before the perfect god standing so imposingly.
Why did you never come back for me? Why did you never remember that we were born two as one? Why did you ignore one of the two creatures born from what you gave?
And he got up and ran.
In the opposite direction, as fast as he could, even faster than he had run to get there.
The field of flowers and river were left behind. And mountains were left behind, and the rain was left behind, until he didn't even know where he had run or for how long. With rocks and sand beneath his feet, he found himself standing before an immensity of endless water, where no land could be seen on the horizon. Sun bathed that blue immensity and made the waves reflect countless bright points that captured his gaze.
"Have you seen this place, gege? How many places have you seen in this world? All of them, maybe. The god who protects you can show you everything, right? You've been safe all this time... You've been safe while I was looking for you, afraid that something bad would happen to you... How foolish of me to think that you needed a weak thing like me to protect you... You'll stay safe. And I... I..."
I will become strong enough to bring down this world that made you leave me behind.
...