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Jim is not doing well. The crew of the Revenge dropped Stede and Ed off 3 months ago and Izzy is finally no longer on the brink of death. Frenchies is now the captain and he and Izzy have finally started a relationship. Jim was somehow chosen to be the 1st mate. Everyone else seemed to be healthy both mentally and physically from all they have gone through.
Jim just could not move on. They are constantly stressed with being 1st mate and they don’t think they can rest until the crew finds Ricky, and even if they wanted to, their sleep is plagued with nightmares about Blackbeard and Izzy almost dying. Jim has since given up trying to sleep at night and can usually be found up in the crow’s nest, which is where Olu finds them tonight.
Their relationship with Olu, Archie, and Zheng is yet another thing that is causing them stress right now. Zheng has finally been able to feel so guilty about losing her crew and fleet. Archie is finally able to feel safe on the Revenge for the first time. Olu doesn’t feel nearly as anxious all the time that Jim will get kidnapped again. Jim simply refuses to burden them with all their issues, though that means that they have been building a wall between them and their lovers.
“Hey Jim,” says Olu when he finally reaches the top of the crow’s nest.
“Hey,” god Jim wishes they could still pretend to be mute.
“Me, Zheng, and Archie have been worried about you since you’ve stopped sleeping in the room.”
“I just haven’t been able to sleep and don’t want to keep you guys up.”
“Why have you been pulling away from us?” asks Olu.
“I haven’t,” lies Jim.
“You have,” responds Olu. “Your temper has also been short with the crew and you haven’t really been speaking with Frenchie.”
Mierda, the crew has been speaking about them.
“I’m fine.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“What do you want me to do?!”
“Just talk to me!”
“I can’t.”
“You know where to find us when you’re ready to talk,” says Olu as he gets up and leaves the crow’s nest.
For the rest of the night, Jim silently cries.
~~~
After the talk Olu has with them, Jim gets worse. They hardly spend any time with the crew, unless they are barking orders at them. They focus all of their energy on finding Ricky. They also avoid their lovers constantly, which is definitely easier said than done.
They are exhausted, which brings them to trying to take a nap in a corner of the ship that the crew rarely goes to.
They jolt awake from a nightmare and hear a voice say “easy.”
Jim turns to where the voice came from and sees that it’s Izzy who’s found them. He walks a bit closer to them and sits down on some crates that are near Jim.
They sit in silence for a couple of minutes before Izzy speaks, “you need to stop pushing everybody away.”
As Jim opens their mouth to refute his point, he continues, “don’t argue. Everybody can see that you are.”
Jim can start to feel tears well up in their eyes and they decide to screw it and they just let it all out, “I am so unbelievably stressed right now and I have no idea what to do. It seems like everyone just moved on so quickly from Blackbeard and I’m still having nightmares about him and what he did to all of us. On top of that you almost fucking died and I’m first mate now and I have no idea what I’m doing.”
After Jim’s outburst they both just sit in silence for a moment. Izzy then gets up and hugs Jim for a while as Jim sobs. They can’t remember the last time they cried, especially like this, but they are too exhausted to feel embarrassed.
Eventually Izzy asks, “Do you feel better?”
Jim just feels numb so they shrug in response.
“Do you want to go lie down?”
“I think that’s a good idea.”
And with that, Jim and Izzy go to Jim’s room, which is surprisingly empty and Izzy lies down in Jim’s bed. When Jim raises an eyebrow to that, Izzy responds, “I need a nap too and I don’t think you should be alone right now.”
Jim can’t argue with that, so they lay by Izzy and almost immediately fall into a deep sleep.
~~~
When Jim wakes up they feel more rested than they have in a very long time. When they sit up they see that Izzy has moved from his spot in bed to a chair in the room.
“How long was I asleep for?” Jim asks.
“Probably about 15 hours,” Izzy responds.
“Shit.”
“Yeah I told you that you needed the rest.”
They both fall into a silence and Jim ponders about what their next move will be. The crew has realized that they have been pushing them away and Jim honestly has no idea on how to move past that.
Jim surprises themself by vocalizing their thoughts to Izzy, “I have no idea on what to do next and how to move on.”
Izzy responds with, “I have an answer to that, but you can’t make fun of me too much.”
“Go on.”
“You should talk it through with the crew.”
“Dios mio.”
“That’s how the rest of us got through most of the trauma. You’ve already talked with me, so now you should talk with your partners. Then probably Frenchie, and then you should apologize to the crew and tell them that you’re struggling with things,” Izzy says.
“Yeah I probably should talk it through with the crew,” responds Jim. “Even though that saying is so fucking stupid.”
Jim then goes to talk with everybody.
~~~
The talks go better than what Jim expected. Everyone is very understanding and the crewmates who went through the Blackbeard ordeal give them good advice on how to cope with what they went through.
The talk with Olu is good for Jim, even though he makes them swear to not push them away anymore. Now they finally feel comfortable with all of their partners and they feel like the relationship is finally steady.
Jim does still have bad days and moments where they feel like everything is too much. They sometimes still go back to their unhealthy coping mechanisms, but everytime they do, it’s for less and less time. They actually talk to their partners and crew and slowly, they are starting to heal and move on.