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Content Warnings: grief, rage, PTSD, Mentions of death, emotional tantrums, yelling
Palutena was woken by the chirping of birds outside her window. The sun hung high in the sky and shone through her simple curtain windows. Palutena slumped out of her bed and threw on a tank-top and some jeans. Opening her rustic door she was greeted by Anvalt, one of her guardians. He was a wizened thing clad in dark gray robes. His long hair was stark white and was fashioned into a loose ponytail. “Good afternoon Lady Palutena. The Sage master was by this morning. He asked me to pass along this message. ‘I would like to meet with you at your earliest convenience. I am concerned about your recent behavior and think you need some help.’” Anvalt informed hands clasped together in his sleeves. She whirled around to meet him, midway through putting on a short leather coat. “Tell the Sage master that I appreciate his concern but I’m fine. I am grieving currently and would like to be left to my own devices. I will check in when I feel like it.” She barked, shuffling past her guardian to the kitchen. Grabbing a quick oat farrell and a large blue oran she put on a simple set of sneakers. “Lady Palutena, I implore you to listen to the sage master. You are neglecting your training in favor of your wallowing.” Anvalt chided. The slam of the front door was the only reply Palutena deigned fit to provide.
She hurried down the hall whizzing past the other guardians till she came to the magic teleportation circle. Today it was manned by Kellen who stood at attention, spear pointed to the sky. “Hello Miss Palutena. Would you like me to send you somewhere?” He inquired, tilting his head. “You know where i want to go, just stand aside and let me pass Kellan.” She huffed exasperated at all the disruptions she faced this morning. He shook his head “I’m sorry, but Brother Anvalt has forbidden your transit to that location until you at least do some basic weapon drills.” Kellan explained, eliciting a groan from his charge. “Fine! If you are all so concerned about me being the perfect fucking weapon then so be it!” She spat and wheeled around to head to the training yard.
The clanging of weapons and sounds of exertion greeted Palutena as she threw open the large oak doors and strode over to one of the weapons racks. Simple wood wooden weapons hung from pegs, of all shapes and sizes. Palutena selected what she was most comfortable with. It was a hammer, about a meter and a half long with two large pointed heads crafted from wood. She took position across from one of the training dummies at the back and began to practice her strikes. Whirling the hammer around again and again she roared. “Is this good enough for you Anvalt!? I’m at my wits end and the only thing you care about is how well I can kill!” Palutena lost herself in the rhythm of her strikes until the sharp crack of her weapon breaking brought her back to reality. She bellowed at the top of her lungs and threw the shattered weapon to the ground. People had stopped to stare at disruption causing Palutena to storm off, returning to Kellan. The portal guard was busy jawing away with Anvalt. As they noticed Palutena's approach, their conversation died. “Are you here to waste my fucking time with more fucking whining or can I go to her?” She questioned, arms crossed in front of her. The two guardians exchanged a nervous glance before stepping aside. Paultena rushed forward and muttered a spell. She began picturing it in her mind. Clear white walls with large bay windows leading out to a lush garden. A large stone dais in the center, with a long black stone placed in its center. “Please remember to come home before it is too late Lady Palutena. I do not wish to have to drag you out from the viewing chamber again." Anvalt pleaded. She simply grunted in agreement before being lost in a flash of blue light.
Palutena opened her eyes to find herself outside of the room she pictured. A lone guard stood clad in the armor of the Sagial order. At the sight of his superior he saluted, his long thin tail whipping to attention with the rest of him. “Lady Palutena! Public viewing is closed for today. Would you like to enter ma'am?” The young guard tilted his head. Waiting for a response. She nodded, striding forward as he opened the large door. Her footsteps echoed on the white marble tiles as she walked up the stairs of the dias. The sunlight streamed in through one of the stained glass windows. It depicted Queen Crega Roseeyes fighting off the horde of the Undying King Nemessor. Palutena always paused to ponder the image. Lady Crega had been victorious that day, yet it cost her sight. Palutena imagined herself as the regal queen, standing against the horde. It was a braver scene than the one she encountered the undead hordes in. She shook her head, unwilling to entertain the diversion further. Turning to the right she came to face the basalt coffin.
There lay the body of Minerva Salus. She wore a simple white funeral robe as was customary of followers of Marea. Her face was set into the perfect picture of repose as if she was simply taking a nap. Palutena was crying again, fat heavy tears dripping onto the glass covering the coffin as she fell to her knees. “Goddamn it! Minnie, why did you not wait? Why didn’t you wait just a day so I could have come with you. I should have told you!” She wailed, falling prone onto the coffin. “How could i be so fucking stupid? To not tell you how I felt about you before your passing. I thought we would have time! I thought we would have the rest of our lives to figure out how we felt about each other. I’m such a fucking idiot!” Palutena screeched at the top of her lungs. She slammed her fist onto the ground again and again, cracking the marble each time she did. Wordlessly she opened the sarcophagus lid to stare at the corpse below her. Minerva was beautiful, the morticians really captured the beauty she had in life. Palutena gently cradled Minerva’s head in her hands. Minvera was cold and lifeless, her normally damp skin was dry to the touch. She smelled faintly of Lilies and incense, the fragrant oils having not lost their potency. “MINERVA!!! I LOVE YOU! I HAVE LOVED YOU SINCE THE FIRST TIME WE MET! COME BACK TO ME… please.” Palutena’s voice fell from the grand crescendo it had been a moment ago. Tears fell down onto the white robe, Darkening the fabric with moisture. She lifted Minerva’s head up and kissed her brow. “I can’t go on without you. Please… let me go with you… We still have a chance to be happy together.” She sobbed to the corpse of her would-be lover, speech broken by occasional gasps for air. There was a gentle rapping at the door followed by a voice. “Lady Palutena, are you alright in there? I heard some heavy pounding and then yelling so I’m just checking.” The young guard called out through the door. Palutena wiped the tears from her eyes and responded in a shaky voice “I’m fine, please leave me to my grieving. Do not bother me again.” She managed to rasp out. There was no reply as Palutena clutched Minerva's hand and kissed it. Palutena noticed a small piece of paper, held in the hand by rigor mortis. She plucked it out and unfolded it, thinking it was a message from one of the public viewings. ‘Palu… If you find this note, know that I’m sorry I could not tell you in person. I write this before my journey in the hopes that it is never read. I have seen the way you look at me and I just wanted to say, I feel the same. I love you Palutena, and I wish to court you. I am writing this to make my feelings known in the chance that I am captured, or worse. Yours forever. Minerva Salus, Minnie’
The note fluttered out of Palutena’s shaking hands. This had to be a nightmare, she thought. Just a shitty nightmare and I’ll wake up and she’ll be alive and well. There would be no solace, she knew all too well this was real. Palutena had missed her chance and the crushing weight of reality was too much. In a fit of rage Palutena picked up an iron sconce. She took out her frustration striking the ground repeatedly. “DAMN THIS ALL!!! IF ONLY I HAD TOLD YOU!! WE COULD HAVE BEEN HAPPY TOGETHER! WE COULD HAVE HAD A FUTURE TOGETHER BUT IT'S GONE NOW! THERE’S NO REASON TO GO ON WITHOUT YOU!!! MINERVAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!” Palutena wailed, tossing the wrecked sconce aside. She slumped to the floor in the small crater she had made. Palutena howled with grief, her sobs covering the sound of the chamber door sliding open. “Thank you for informing me, Private Reynauld. I’ll take care of this. You are dismissed for now.” Wolf stood in the doorway with the private guarding the door. Reynauld saluted and walked off, eager to not have to deal with the mess before him. Wolf tentatively stepped forward towards the prone figure of Palutena. He stopped a few feet from her and called out “Palutena… I say this with the utmost respect for you. You are not handling the death of Minerva in a healthy way. I understand you are upset but that is no reason to take your frustration out on the floor. You’ve been doing this for three days straight now.” Wolf’s lecture was met with sobs and low wails. He took a step forward, “I understand that this has been particularly difficult for you. We all miss her dearly… I think your emotions are justified. However, we need to work through them in a way that is healthy and productive. Sleeping in this room must be uncomfortable for you.” Palutena craned her head up to look at the Sage Master. He stood a few feet away, his bright golden eyes showing pity mixed with concern. “She… She loved me too. We didn’t get a chance to say it and now we never will. How should i grieve about this, when my entire body feels like it's broken!! When I don't want to eat, sleep, or do anything!” Palutena countered digging into the stone with her claws. Wolf studied her, trying to find a way to help her. Palutena was a mess, her eyes were wet with tears. Her normally white skin was stained with grit and dirt. Her scales were rough around the edges, as if she had not taken care of them in weeks. “Palutena… when my wife Lunaris died, I too was inconsolable. It was devastating, having the direction you thought your life was going ripped from you. I locked myself in my study, unable to do anything. I didn't even eat i was so focused on grief. Oakleaf helped me then, she helped me out of my wallowing. You cannot neglect yourself… I know it is hard but Minverva would not want you to wither away due to grief.” He railled, thrusting an arm out for Palutena to grab. She declined his offer, choosing to rise to her feet on her own power. Heaving a great sigh she started to walk out the door. “The mess hall is open and serving dinner! Go get something to eat and I will join you after cleaning up this mess.” Wolf called out.
Palutena made her way to the mess hall, passing through the vaulted corridors of the Eternal palace. Denya had generously offered to lay Minerva’s body in state here. This ensured that the many Marethians could pay their respects to their idol. Minerva was a beloved public figure and her passing would plague many households with grief. None so grieved as Palutena however, who now sat in the deserted mess hall. Wolf had stretched the truth a bit, the hall was not serving dinner as it was too early. The cooks however, did give her a sandwich and a side of fried potato sticks. Palutena ate her lovingly prepared sandwich as she sat across from the sage master. For his part, Wolf had ordered a small glass of red wine, accompanied by a basket of fried mushroom caps. “Just so I understand the situation, you’re taking me off active duty until Sheridan gives me a clean bill to return?” Palutena questioned, lazily taking a bite of her sandwich. She was hungry for sure, and the sandwich was delicious. In spite of all this she could not muster up the energy to eat, preferring to simply nibble at her meal. “That's correct.” Wolf answered. “Given your situation I think it would be best to give you time to grieve, away from your official duties. This isn’t a punishment… more of a break for your own mental wellbeing.” Palutena simply nodded in response. “You will be free to attend events like Minerva’s funeral however you will be relieved of any command authority, scheduled meetings and official duties.” Wolf took a small sip from his glass before downing the rest of it. “This is all temporary right? Like as soon as the shrink gives me a clean bill of health I can go back to doing everything?” Palutena had heard stories of people pushed out of jobs like this. She was not ready to resign, if Kiha was any indication, she probably couldn’t without some type of unintended consequences. “Yes of course. You have my word that you will be restored to your full responsibilities with a recommendation from Sheridan. I would also make a suggestion beyond the daily counseling. Perhaps seeking out someone of Minerva’s faith will give you peace of mind. I know the preacher who she enjoyed going to.” Wolf suggested. Palutena stared into the middle distance, considering the offer. She was not particularly religious, however it was a connection to her beloved. “I’ll consider it. For now if there is nothing else I would like to get some rest. I need to prepare for… her funeral.” Palutena rose, leaving the remains of her sandwich and the sage master behind. As she walked back to the circle room Palutena had many questions on her mind. She was grateful for the sage master’s intervention, however painful it was. She was angry that he had taken her away from Minerva but in light of her most recent actions it was understandable. Still, how would she move on from this? The knowledge their love was so close to fruition only to be cut down was haunting. Palutena doubted that she could ever truly get over this loss. A part of her still wanted to go back to the coffin, to throw herself in and be buried with her love. She knew it was wrong… but how could she feel anything less. Palutena sighed, and arrived at the empty room. Stepping onto the teleportation circle, she began to picture her bedroom and was gone in a flash.
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Palutena walked out of Sheridans office in the middle of downtown Eternitus. She had been going to Sheridan near daily since the Sage Master suggested it. He was very helpful, being one of the therapists trusted by the sage master to treat the sages. She had just recalled the events of Minerva’s funeral just two weeks prior. Palutena had given a eulogy speech, it brought the crowd to tears. She had to steel herself when the black stone coffin was placed in its final resting place of the Grand Mausoleum. Minerva wanted a tomb made of white crushed stone to mimic the look of sand. Palutena didn’t admit it to anyone at the time, but she had a couple glasses of Hell’s fire whisky at the time. She didn't know any other way to blunt the incredible feelings of pain and loss. Passing the kitchy shops and overpriced restaurants Palutena strode back in the direction of the castle. She was eager to get back home as she had an unfinished coloring book she wanted to do. It was one Urta had given her, Creatures of the forest coloring book. Turning right Palutena stopped in mid stride focusing on something she hadn’t noticed before. It was a large white building with two large towers set across from each other. Large colored glass windows gave the world inside a kaleidoscope of different hues. Twin large brass bells tolled loudly as a throng of people was ushering in. Palutena knew there was a church of Marea around this district and took a bit too ponder. She was not religious, her parents did not raise her with a tradition in mind. Yet Minevra was a follower of Marea, so perhaps some comfort might be found in this church? Palutena decided there would be no harm in checking it out so she followed the crowd in. The interior of the church was modest and refined. Simple wooden pews were arranged facing a raised pulpit. A small wooden lectern stood at the center, where a tall figure in a white and blue robe stood. Palutena took a spot at the back of the church and sat with her arms crossed. She had never attended a worship of any kind, and as such had no idea what to expect. As the people found their seats the Preacher raised her hands and addressed the crowd.
“Thank you all for coming on this day. Today I wanted to focus my sermon on loss. What it’s like to lose someone close to us, and how Marae helps us move forward in these times. I know many of you have experienced loss in the past. With the death of Sage Minerva so fresh, I wanted to take some time to talk about what the lit path says about loss. In book 2 chapter 17 verses 11-21 it talks about Yohin and his son Heratus. When Yohin is killed on a hunting trip Heratus refuses to eat until his father is buried. This leads to Heratus passing out after some time, due to the fact it's winter and the ground is frozen. He’s found by Saint Bayama who explains that Marea will guide him through this loss” The preacher droned on and Palutena lost focus nodding off into her chest. She woke with a start when the preacher started leading the congregation in prayer “Lady Marea, we ask that you watch over the souls of our loved ones. We miss them dearly, but all things must move forward, never backwards. We ask for your wisdom, in understanding their passing. Generosity, to help us deal with their passing. And Love, to move beyond this loss and into the rest of our life. In her name we pray, Damedora”. Palutena followed along with the prayer, hoping it would give her some comfort. She closed her eyes and prayed that one day she too would get over the loss of Minerva. Palutena sat in her pew as the congregation filed out. She was lost in her mind, trying to imagine what life would be like without Minerva. Surely Palutena would visit her tomb as often as she could… she needed to ensure that Minerva knew she was loved. Palutena thought about covering her coffin with roses on each of their birthdays. How romantic the gesture would be.
“Excuse me miss? The service is over, is there some way I can help you?” Palutena jumped in surprise as the preacher stood before her. The preacher was a short woman, her coarse brown coat clung to her robe in places. Her face was elongated into a muzzle, though of what morph Palutena could not tell. Her kindly hazel eyes matched the color of her fur. “Oh I was uh… just lost in thought. I’ve never been to a service before and I was curious how they went. I can be out of your way if you need me to.” Palutena explained rising from her seat. Her initial assessment was correct, and Palutena easily loomed over the preacher. “Oh no you’re fine kit. Since it's our only service on Vertag we don't have anything else planned. You can stay if you would like to. You can call me Mother Petri.” The preacher offered to open the donation box. “Thank you Mother Petri. I just had a question about something. I am dealing with the loss of my partner. She was a very devout Mareain and I wanted to come to… honor her memory I suppose. She was… a good friend and died before we had a chance to date. I’m still grieving for her.” Palutena mused, hands in the pockets of her pants. She was nervous about intruding on Petri’s personal time. Not to mention the fact that she didn’t even know if she wanted to be here. “Oh I see, that is always hard. To have a potential love cut off by death is a difficult thing to deal with. Lady Marae tells us that when someone close to use passes we should reach out to our community for comfort and grounding. Might I ask the name of your departed?” Petri inquired, tilting her head slightly. “Um… I need you to not make a big deal of this. I am grieving the loss of Minerva Salus. She and I were close… It has been hard adjusting to her absence.” Palutena muttered shifting her gaze to the floor. She was always nervous about bringing up her identity around people. It was never certain how they would react to this information. “I see, that must make you Miss Palutena. I am pleased that you would visit our humble church. Minerva was dear to us all, and I am sure it is affecting you especially. You had a question what is it, my child?” Palutena hesitated for a moment. She was unsure if her question would be goashe. She decided that even if Mother Petri would be offended, she need to ask. “What happens to you when you die? Like is Minerva’s soul somewhere I can go see or talk to? I… I want some type of closure to this. I want to at least tell her I’m gonna be ok.” Palutena stammered. It hurt talking about Minnie in the past tense, everything hurt when it came to her. “Hmmm, that is a difficult question. I will answer it how I can. Stannisol teaches us that after we pass on, Marea guides us to a place where our souls are recycled and reborn. We all will be reborn in the end, as something on this great tree of life. I believe that Minerva will be no different. Few can truly know the timeline that the divine operates on, she may already be reborn.” Petri gently rested her hand on Palutena’s. Her tiny paw was dwarfed by the large scaly hand. Petri knew that Palutena was hurting… and she wanted to assure her. “How can I find out! I need to see her, to talk to her one last time. I… I don’t know how to move on if I can't tell her. Please! Tell me there is something I can do!” Palutena urged, clasping the tiny paw in her massive 4 clawed fingers. “Please calm yourself… I know it is hard but you must keep yourself calm. There is a way to talk to the departed. You may not get an answer but… It will be useful for you I think. Please, follow me into the sanctum.” Palutena followed close behind the shuffling preacher.
The pair passed through the large oak doors at the end of the pulpit and into a small hallway beyond. It was painted with murals of saints, heroes and martyrs. Many of them looked freshly painted. It seems this church was newer than its exterior made it out to be. After passing a mural of a bathing scene Petri unlocked a brass door and led Palutena into a stone tiled room. There was a large basin in the middle of the room, filled with what looked like water. Incense burned at on of the frosted glass windows, obscuring the view outside. “Welcome to the churches sanctum. This is where we hold rituals and perform certain rites for anointed followers. Normally this ritual is only done for those anointed in the church, but I am making an exception for you because it seems like you need it.” Petri sighed, moving over to a rack of large candles and picked one up. “That just means I have to come back later and get anointed right?” Palutena joked. She wanted to lighten the mood, sensing Mother Petri was slightly upset. Petri blinked at the forward nature of the joke before letting out a soft chuckle. “Yes, I suppose that means you must. Here, take this paper and write down your message to the departed. I will light the candle.” Petri handed a piece of paper and pencil to Palutena. She then struck a match and lit the large red candle. It flickered with a bright orange flame. Palutena was scribbling on the note, trying to fit everything into the small piece of paper. ‘Minerva, know that I love you too. Know that I will love you forever, and that I will see you again one day. If you can give me a sign that you have received this, that will suffice.’ She had to squish the last sentence to fit everything on the page. “Once you are finished I need you to fold the note and seal it with a kiss.” Palutena did as instructed, and carefully presented the note to Petri. Petri took the note and held it over the open flame. “What are you doing that for!?” Palutena cried out, trying to snatch the note from the flames. “The note needs to burn in order to reach the departed. Now repeat this prayer after me. ‘Lady Marea, guide my message to its recipient. Let them see my words. In your name we pray, Damedora.” By the time the pray was finished, the note had burned to a thin sheet of ash. Petri plucked it with her fingers and blew it into the wind, scattering the last remnants of the note. “How will I know it worked? Will she send one back?” Palutena begged, hoping that this was someway she could still try to court Minerva. Petri sighed. “You have to have faith. Minerva has passed beyond our veil. No matter how much we would like to, we cannot bring her back, nor can we go with her. She will recive your note, but only if you have faith that it will reach her.” Petri advised, placing the lit candle on a rack with hundreds of others. Palutena was thought over these words. She desperately wanted to see Minerva, but she knew that she could not. After all, the border of death seperated the two now. Then it occurred to her that this was like something Sheridan talked about. How we carry a piece of the person with us through our memories. Palutena reached out to dip her fingers in the hot wax of the candle. “Are you quite alright Miss Palutena? I do not think it would be a good idea to injure yourself right now” Petri watched as the sage took her wax covered fingers out from the candle. “I’m not planning on it, i just wish to save a bit of this moment. This… feels like goodbye, and if we never see each other again wherever we go; i want something to remember her by.” Palutena balled up the wax into a small red ball and placed it into her pants pocket. “Thank you for your help Mother Petri. I feel… better, Hopefully one day the two of us will reunite. Until then I need to keep living for Minerva’s sake.” Palutena vowed, getting up from her crouched position near the candle rack. As she strode to the door Petri called after her. “W… Wait! Lady Palutena I hope that you have a blessed rest of you day. I hope to see you again for that atonement.” Palutena simply nodded as she strode out the door. She found the closure that she was searching for. Minerva would not come back, and they could not be together. But that is something Palutena would deal with in time. She could only face the future and make it her own. After all, that was what the two of them had vowed when they first started to have dinners together. Palutena would just have to do it for the both of them now.