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“So… when do I need to do this? Is there like some kind of window, or…?” Buck asks, leaning back in his chair. Hen gave him a rundown of the process when he was at her house, and then Karen showed up while they were drinking, heard their meandering explanation, and started to catch up, fast.
(Denny had been overjoyed that they wound up ordering McDonald’s to be delivered for dinner because the adults had all been too buzzed to bother cooking, plus he got an extra hour of TV time because nobody wanted to explain the topic to him. By the time Buck had left in an Uber — mostly sober, full of spicy chicken and the coveted McDonald’s Sprite — the kid had thoroughly trounced them all at Mario Kart four times and was finishing his homework at the dining table while Karen supervised, her own large cup of mostly ice and the remains of a Diet Coke resting against her temple.)
Connor and Kameron share a look, holding a silent conversation, and then look back at Buck, holding hands. “Well, see, that’s something else we discussed…” Connor says, trailing off.
Buck blinks. “Okay?”
Connor looks back at Kameron, and straightens up, looking back at Buck confidently. “Thing is, Kameron is ovulating right now. She knows we used to… fool around, back before you met that Abby girl and moved out, and we talked about it and figured we’d ask if you were up for trying this the old-fashioned way before we involved clinics and doctors.”
Buck freezes, feeling himself flush, and looks between them. He allows himself to acknowledge the look in their eyes, Kameron biting her lip and Connor’s eyes going soft and appreciative as they check him out.
And, well, shit. It’s been months since he last had sex, with Taylor before they broke up and she moved out. At first, it was just taking time to mourn the relationship, and then over the summer, Christopher got obsessed with DIY projects and wanted to build a deck on the back of the house, which meant that Eddie and Buck built a deck on the back of the house while Christopher helped measure lumber and supervised.
Then it was teaching him to fish, and then going on nature hikes to look at birds and plants, and then, for some reason, all three of them learning to make ice cream from scratch. There’s an ice cream machine taking up space in the cabinet above the fridge, and a small chest freezer on the back deck full of weird experimental flavors that they’re waiting to spring on their friends.
Buck hasn’t had time to go out and get laid, is what he’s saying.
So he sits, and relaxes, and looks them both over. “So like… now? Tonight?” He lifts his eyebrow in a coy way that he knows used to really do it for Connor, and is rewarded with a flush from him and a smile from Kameron.
She tilts her head invitingly. “Why not? You up for it?”
Buck looks between the two of them and grins. “Not yet, but I’m getting there.”
Connor snorts, and Kameron laughs.
And just like that, it’s decided, and the three of them head upstairs.
—
Buck rolls in to work right on time, but only just. The three of them overslept, and it had been a choice between getting to work on time and taking a shower, so obviously he chose work. Whatever, they have showers here.
He's almost done changing after the fastest rinse-off shower known to mankind, half-listening to Chim talking about Hen’s magical Narcan skills, and misses Eddie walking in until he hears a low whistle behind him.
“Jesus, Buck, are you okay?” Eddie asks, and Buck freezes. “That's some bad bruising, did you get hurt?”
Buck squeezes his eyes shut and grimaces. Right. He forgot that Connor was grabby.
He shakes his head and looks down at his abdomen, where there’s a bruise already formed on his right hip, where Connor’s hand had clutched tight. There’s no symmetrical bruise on his left hip, and it could easily be written off as him running into his countertop or table. “Oh,” he says, like he’s only just noticed it. “Oops, don’t know how that got there.” He keeps on changing into his uniform, and ignores Chimney’s snort about Buck being a magnet for trouble.
He turns around to see Eddie closer than expected, reaching out to touch, his medic eye looking over the bruise. “You should put something on this, man. Does it hurt?” He gently pokes at the edges of it, testing to see if Buck’s in any pain.
Buck flushes and clears his throat. “No, I’m fine. I didn’t even notice it.”
Eddie frowns, but pulls the hem of Buck’s shirt down to cover it, rather than ask any more questions. “If you’re sure…”
Buck nods and smiles as reassuringly as he can. It might be a little excessive. “Yup! All good. I am cooooool as a cucumber. It’s— uh… all silent on the western front.” He blinks at himself and does his best to keep his smile from turning into a grimace. ‘All silent on the western front?’ ‘Cool as a cucumber?’ What the shit. They’re really gonna know something is up, now. Jesus Christ.
Eddie’s quirks an eyebrow. “Aren’t you allergic to cucumbers?”
“Yes! Yes, I am! Good catch, Diaz!” Buck shoots him double fingerguns and fights the urge to cringe about it so hard that he can feel his face start to turn into some version of himself made out of plastic, or wax. Just throw him onto Madame Tussaud’s doorstep (does Madame Tussaud’s have a doorstep, technically? He’s not sure, he’ll have to look it up later) and they’ll do the rest, prop him up next to Tom Cruise for the rest of forever. It’s a better fate than dropping dead right here, right now.
…Probably.
Chim and Eddie both exchange a Look, so Buck hightails it out of there and up the stairs to where Bobby is making breakfast and Hen is pouring herself a cup of coffee.
Bobby looks up when Buck gets near the island, “Nice of you to join us, Buck.”
“Haaaa, yeah, sorry Cap, I overslept.” Buck says, accepting a mug of coffee from Hen.
Eddie and Chim had followed him up to the loft, and he hears Eddie scoff behind him. “You never oversleep. You’re the most disgustingly chipper morning person I’ve ever met.”
Buck locks eyes with Hen, who shoots him a questioning look. He widens them, then rolls them, hoping she gets the message.
Clearly, they have had a failure to communicate, though, because once they’ve all sat down at the dining table and are passing around toast and bacon, Hen chooses violence.
“So, Buckaroo, what did you decide to do about the sperm?” She asks nonchalantly, taking a sip of her coffee like she didn’t just totally wreck his whole morning.
Next to her, Chim chokes on his coffee so hard that he nearly sprays it out, catching some that leaked out of his mouth with his napkin and coughing after he’s swallowed. Bobby, at the head of the table, has reflexively clenched his fingers around a triangle of toast, crumbling it up into pieces, crumbs littering his plate. The whole rest of the table has frozen, Ortiz and Kowalski blinking like they’re trying to communicate in Morse code.
Next to Buck, Eddie has noisily dropped the plate of eggs and is looking at the side of Buck’s face like he’ll somehow be able to read his mind if he just stares long enough.
Buck chooses to ignore all of them, staring at his plate like nobody said anything.
Finally, Bobby sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose with fingers covered in toast crumbs. “Okay. Clearly this is a thing. What sperm?” he asks, despite his tone sounding like he’d rather not know.
Hen raises her eyebrows at Buck when he lifts his head to glare at her. “My sperm,” he answers. “That is the sperm Hen is so interested in.”
She makes a face of disgust, and Buck snorts. “Gross, no, I’m not interested in any of that.”
“You brought it up!” Buck protests, and huffs when she shrugs.
Chim looks between the two of them rapidly, “Why are we discussing Buck’s sperm at eight-something in the morning when we should be eating breakfast that’s going cold?” He asks, picking up his fork.
That spurs the rest of the team into action, the other tables taking their cue and eating as fast as they can.
Bobby and Hen and Buck all start to dig in as well. Only Eddie holds out, crossing his arms and leaning back.
“Why is Hen so curious about your sperm, Buck?” He asks. It sounds accusatory, like Eddie expected to know anything to do with his sperm before the rest of them, which is ridiculous.
Buck sighs and chews, and catches a look from Bobby, so he finishes chewing, swallows, takes a sip of his coffee, and clears his throat before answering. “I talked to Hen about sperm donation on my day off, and she gave me very good advice. That’s all.”
Hen kicks him under the table and grins when he yelps, ignoring Bobby’s muttered admonishment for them to behave. “You didn’t explain the rest of it, though.” She says, sing-songingly.
Buck throws a corner of his toast at her. “That’s because it’s nobody’s business, Henrietta.” Eddie has finally started eating, and he doesn’t want to make this a big thing.
Bobby sets his silverware down, though, so it’s gonna be a big thing. “Buck, is this going to be a situation?” He asks. God, call a man “Pops” a few dozen times and treat him like a father figure and hug him a lot and suddenly you have a dad, who knew?
“No, Bobby, it’s not. Look, can we just eat?” Buck pleads, and is rewarded with Bobby sending everyone a look to carry on eating before an alarm sounds.
Buck smiles at him gratefully and takes another bite of his eggs. Beside him, Eddie nudges his ankle under the table, and Buck nudges back.
—
They’re in the truck when Hen brings it up again. “Seriously though, Buck, did you make a decision?” She asks.
The rest of the crew perks up, and even Eddie and Chim lean in closer.
Buck grumbles at her over the headsets. “God, fine, yes! I said yes, Hen, jeez.” He settles in for a sulk, and rolls his eyes at her when she makes a face at him.
Chim flaps a hand at them, and Buck turns to give him his attention. “This is about your sperm donating? What’s the story?”
Buck opens his mouth to answer, but Hen beats him to it. “One of Buck’s friends asked if he’d give him and his wife sperm so they could have a baby,” she says. “And he said yes, apparently.”
Everyone seems to turn to look at him, even Bobby, who should be focusing on where they’re going.
“What?” Buck asks, defensive. “He’s my friend! I wanted to help them!”
“Friends ask you to help them move, Buck! Asking for your genetic material to make a person is something else entirely,” Chim points out. “Still. Noble of you.”
Ravi and Bobby nod at that point, and Hen shrugs like she agrees.
Eddie, Buck notices, hasn’t said anything, just keeps looking at him.
“Not really. Connor’s the one who said I should move to LA in the first place. He invited me to live with him and our other friends in that house. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him.” Buck says. His voice is low over the headset and would nearly be lost under the noise of the truck, but he can tell that the rest of the team has heard him.
Eddie leans his shoulder against Buck’s, and when he looks, he’s smiling, eyes soft. “We all owe him, then.” A moment, then, “We’re not gonna give him our sperm, though.”
Buck rolls his eyes at him, then smiles back, and he’s glad that Eddie’s okay with this.
Hen hums her approval, then opens her mouth and, again, chooses violence. “So have they explained the process to you? The clinics and the calendars? How long your sperm is viable before it can’t be used? Or are you just gonna hand it over and let them freeze it until it works?” She asks, genuinely interested in the topic despite the fact that she’s talking about Buck’s jizz.
The question makes everyone silent again, Ravi looking curious about the topic, because he’s curious about most topics, bless him.
Buck closes his eyes and clenches them shut. “Um. No, we didn’t really… get a chance to talk about that stuff yet…” He trails off and hopes they all let it drop.
Hen doesn’t, because of course she doesn’t. She now has a clinical and professional interest in the subject as a (hopefully) future doctor. “You didn’t get a chance? What the hell else would you have been talking about?”
Buck takes a deep breath and rips the (waterproof, extra-durable) adhesive bandage off. “We just went ahead and tried it the old-fashioned way.”
Once again, the truck goes silent as they process the idea that Buck had sex with his friend’s wife.
Finally, Ravi speaks up. “And your friend was like… cool? With that? I mean, I guess of course he was, but like… he was just fine with you and his wife having sex?”
Buck can feel Bobby’s soul leave his body at having to hear more about Buck’s sex life than he ever wanted to, and vows to buy him something really nice from that fancy restaurant supply store in Glendale.
Eddie has gone still against Buck’s shoulder, and Buck shakes his head, then looks up at the ceiling of the truck to avoid making eye contact with anyone. “He was also very involved with the procedure. The three of us had a very nice time and that’s all I wanna say on the matter.”
Buck 1.0 would have had zero qualms about telling them all about his night with his hot friend and his hot friend’s hot wife over breakfast. Buck 1.0 would’ve stretched the night into the morning and been late to work, proudly displaying all the hickeys.
Buck now keeps his mouth shut and grits his teeth while his friends consider his statement and realize what it means about him.
He hasn’t actually been with a man since before Abby, and he’d never brought up his one-night stands with men at work, nor had he ever said anything about his sporadic friends-with-benefits arrangement with Connor. However, Buck doesn’t consider it to be a secret; Maddie and Buck and Josh joked about it at poker night once, and Chim was there. Hen, he thinks, has suspected for a while, and Bobby he told over breakfast once, just the two of them off shift.
Chim smiles at him encouragingly, and Buck returns it, until Chim seems to remember something, “Wait, so that bruise on your hip! That was from…?”
Eddie makes a sound next to Buck that he can’t decipher, and Ravi perks up, “Bruise? What bruise?”
Hen chimes in, “Yes, Buck, please tell us all about your mysterious bruise!” as sarcastically as she can.
Buck rolls his eyes melodramatically, and decides to end this once and for all. “Yes, Chimney, that bruise on my hip you saw this morning was, in fact, caused when I got railed by my friend last night while I tried to knock up his wife!” he says, tone as close to a news anchor as he can make it.
The whole truck makes a collective sound of disgust. “God, yeah, I’m sorry I asked,” Chim says, shaking his head around like he’s trying to shake the image Buck put into his head loose.
Up front, Bobby huffs out a breath, “Can we please stop talking about Buck’s sex life at work, now? It’s not appropriate and I’d rather we not get a call from HR about it, thank you.”
The rest of them mutter their agreement.
Eddie, though, is no longer leaning his shoulder against Buck’s.
—
The first time, sadly, wasn’t the charm, so Connor and Kameron come back around, and the three of them decide to make a date of it. They go out, see a movie, have dinner and talk about it, take a stroll through a park and discuss concerts they’ve been to and places they’ve traveled. Buck and Connor recount their times in Peru, and their first meeting.
They go back to Buck’s, listen to some records, and get the job done.
—
Buck shows up to work rumpled and tired, but he’s smiling, and he has a hickey on his left shoulder.
Hen whistles when she sees it. “Damn, Buck, what the hell?”
Buck dresses quickly, “Kameron is ovulating, so we went out last night,” voice hoarse as he laces up his shoes.
Eddie chokes on air when he hears Buck’s voice, and Chim laughs. “Jesus, were you gargling with gravel?”
Hen shoots him a look, then throws a crumpled piece of paper at his head. “Come on, Chim, you should know this one. I’m a lesbian and know.”
Chim pauses, thinks about it, and scrunches his face up when it hits. “Right. Right. Okay, so… fine.”
Buck furrows his brow. “Please stop thinking about me having sex.”
Chim hangs his head. “Trust me, I’m trying. You’re like my brother, this is weird.” He makes another face of dismay and stares at the ground. “Somebody tell a joke.”
Bobby walks in, clocks Buck’s hair, shakes his head, and waves them all out of the locker room. “The joke is that it’s time for work, so no more talking about sex so HR doesn’t come down here.”
Buck walks out, watching Eddie as he goes.
Eddie, who smiles at him, but won’t meet his eyes.
—
Another month, another negative test.
Buck reads up, borrows some of Hen’s medical textbooks, makes some changes to his own routines, stops drinking soda and coffee altogether, despite how garbage it makes him feel for a couple of weeks.
Connor, Kameron, and Buck go to a Christmas market, walk around happily drinking hot chocolate with peppermint sticks in them like they’re in a Hallmark movie, and Buck spends a few minutes picking out decorations to add to Eddie’s tree.
They go back to Buck’s apartment and fuck like rabbits for the third time, and Buck is thankful that he’s got another day off before he has to go in to work Monday.
—
He walks into work clean, put-together, hair styled and fully ready to go. He had to get dressed at home because Connor’s grip is unusually strong, and he also likes to bite when they get rough.
And, yeah, sure, he’s walking a little weird, but it’s not like he hasn’t done this before. It’s not a Walk of Shame if you don’t have any shame.
Buck opens his locker, stores his bag, and heads up to the loft, where Eddie and Hen are busy helping Chim decorate for the holidays while Bobby makes paper snowflakes at the dining table.
Hen clocks him, and lifts an eyebrow.
Okay, so, yes, Buck and Connor and Kameron had run into Hen and Karen and Denny at the Christmas market last night. Buck had opted to take Denny around to all the booths and bought him fudge while the others had talked about IVF and the trials of attempting to get pregnant, and Hen and Karen had both spammed his texts all night, teasing him.
Buck rolls his eyes and picks up some scissors on the table, sitting down across from Bobby.
Hen shouts across the loft, “So how was your date?”
Buck startles and cuts the paper wrong, nearly demolishing the snowflake in progress. Chim wobbles on the ladder, but mainly because Eddie turns around so fast that he jostles it from where he was holding it.
“It was fine.” Buck says.
“Just fine?”
“We had fun! Hopefully third time is the charm, though.” Buck knows that Hen already knows more about their situation than he’s said at work, because Connor gave him a rundown of their conversation over a midnight snack of Christmas cookies and milk while Kameron slept.
Hen snorts at him before turning to give the freshly-arrived Ravi and Lucy directions into helping.
Bobby eyes him across the table. “You okay, kid?” he asks.
Buck shrugs, new snowflake taking shape. “Yeah, just… we go out to ease into it, and we have our time after, but they don’t really stick around any longer than that, and we don’t see each other between… I did the whole ‘friends with benefits’ thing, and it just doesn’t really…” he trails off, trying to think of the word he wants.
“Deliver?” Bobby ventures a guess.
Buck nods. “Deliver. It’s fun, and I care a lot about them, but it’s not love, and it’s not gonna last.” He unfolds his snowflake and places it on the stack. “I’m hoping this time around was a good Christmas present. If not, we’re going right into IVF, and with any luck, by this time next year, they’ll have a mini-me to celebrate Christmas with.”
Bobby looks at him, appraises him, and smiles softly at him. “I can’t think of a better choice, Buck. You’re a good man, y’know, any child that shares your DNA will be good, too. I can’t think of a luckier kid.”
Buck smiles back, just as softly.
He doesn’t even notice Eddie watching him from across the room.
—
‘Tis the night before Christmas, when all through the house, not a creature is stirring, not even a mouse.
Buck is in his apartment, finishing up some last-minute present-wrapping when there arises such a clatter, and he heads to his door to see what’s the matter.
It’s Eddie, opening the door before Buck can get to it, and he spills in, looking agitated.
“Uh… hey? What’s up?” Buck asks. He sets his double-sided tape down and turns his full attention to Eddie. “Is everything okay? I thought I wasn’t coming by until later?”
The plan was to wait until Chris was asleep, then sneak in with a carload of presents that they’d hidden in Buck’s closet and laundry nook. Then Buck would come back the next morning after opening presents with Jee, make breakfast, and they’d spend the rest of the day watching Christmas movies.
Eddie paces back and forth in the entryway, “I just had a talk with Carla.”
“What? What’s going on, is everything okay with Chris?” Buck asks, alarmed.
Eddie stops and stares at him, “Huh? Oh, yeah, Chris is fine, that’s not what we talked about.”
Buck slumps in relief. “Oh, thank god. So what’s this about, what are you doing here?”
Eddie stares at him some more, and Buck fights not to fidget. “I’m gonna be selfish here for a moment, okay?”
“Okay…?”
“Because I know, okay? I know I shouldn’t be asking this of you, I know it’s not fair of me to say this, but…” he looks up, and they look at each other for the first time in a long time, and Buck feels the missed time in his chest. “Well, when it comes to you, I don’t feel like being fair.”
Buck sits down. It’s all he can do.
Eddie resumes pacing. “I want you to stop having sex with Connor and his wife.” He stands still, just for a second, and glances at Buck before moving again. “I know they want to have a baby, but at this point, please just jerk off into a cup and let the doctors do their jobs, okay?”
Buck opens his mouth, but Eddie keeps pacing and talking.
“I’m so tired of pretending like I’m okay with this. I’ve been sitting here for months acting like I’m fine with you having threesomes with your buddy when it’s killing me to know that some other man has his hands on you. And what’s worse!” Here, he stops, and turns to point at Buck, who raises his eyebrows. “What’s worse is that he doesn’t even care! He’s having sex with you and when his wife is all knocked up, they’re just gonna bail! They get what they want, and they leave you behind! You’re giving them so much of yourself, and they’re just gonna go and have a baby that looks like you and sounds like you and it’s not fair!” Eddie breathes heavily, running his hands through his hair, eyes shut tight.
Buck stands, and he’s about to reach out for him when Eddie turns and starts pacing again.
“I mean, Jesus Christ, Buck, you should be having sex with someone who loves you! You should be ‘getting railed’” he finger-quotes, like a dork, “by someone who wants you all the time, not just for your sperm! You deserve to be having sex regularly with someone who can’t get enough of you, who wants to spend their life with you and who wants to raise a baby with you!” He finally stops, and turns around to focus on Buck. “So… yeah. I want you to stop having sex with them.” Eddie’s shoulders relax from where they’d been hunched up by his ears, and he puts his hands in the pockets of his jeans. He bites his lip like he does, just the same as the first time Buck exasperated him by the gym equipment at the station.
Buck raises an eyebrow. “You done?”
Eddie nods, “mmhmm,” humming apprehensively, too anxious to risk saying anything else.
“Okay. They actually came to see me this morning, Kameron’s test came back positive, so… mission accomplished there,” Buck watches as Eddie flushes with embarrassment, but still manages to look pleased. “And, y’know, I’d love to be having sex regularly with somebody who loves me, but I don’t know anybody who’s actually come out and told me, to my face, that they’re in love with me.”
Take the bait take the bait take the bait.
Eddie stares at him, just for a second, and then Buck is being pushed against the dining table and Eddie’s licking into his mouth, hands gentle where they’re holding him near the nape of his neck. He tastes like cider and salt.
Buck grips the edge of the table with one hand, and the back of Eddie’s shirt with the other, pulling him as close as he can get him, eager to feel him pressed against his body.
Eddie breaks away, takes a breath, and dives for Buck’s neck, biting at the skin and leaving a wet trail as he moves. His hands leave Buck’s neck, and ruck his shirt up at his waist. Eddie moves to his ear, nipping at the lobe, “I’m so stupidly in love with you, Buck. I want you so fucking much.”
Buck heaves in a breath, out, then another, and turns his head to brush Eddie’s lips with his own. “Then you should probably take me to bed.”
—
Buck stirs from the gentle doze he’d drifted into when he feels Eddie return to bed, a low crunching sound reaching his ears. “If you get cookie crumbs in our bed, I’m gonna say yes if Connor and Kameron ever want to give their baby a sibling.”
The crunching stops, and Buck grins, eyes still shut, when Eddie shifts away for a moment, then comes back to kiss him.