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Noel braced himself as they got into the locker room. The smell of sweat, cheap cologne, and ass filled his nose, and Noel instantly wanted to gag. It didn't help that he was contributing to that smell. As the rest of the team filed in, it only intensified. He seriously wondered if Dan ever showered, as just the guy passing by made Noel feel nauseous.
Everyone glanced at Noel as his eyes followed Dan for just a brief second. He could practically hear them tense up. He wasn't staring at Dan because he found him attractive. As a matter of fact, he was repulsed by him in every way possible. His eyes only followed a nearby motion, and he had no other motives.
Judging by the glares of his teammates, Noel was better off not even trying to explain that. Instead, he focused his eyes on his locker to get his clothes. They were going home after this, thank God. He didn't think he could take another minute stuck in the same room as all of them.
As soon as he had his bag, Noel left the room, staring at the floor until he was alone. He went around the corner to where the only shower was. How it was that the school had a small ice rink but not a second place to wash off was a mystery to Noel, but what did he know about it? He didn't know anything about the sport or why the school was so proud of their small, shitty team. The only reason Noel was on it in the first place was because they wanted to promote the team. He wouldn't have gotten on at all if he weren't tall for his age. If the constant aching in his legs was any indicator, he was still in the middle of a growth spurt. It was nice to think about how he was going to tower over most of his classmates eventually, but it was torture waiting. Most of the seniors still liked to mess with him, and he couldn't do much against the jocks. He had hoped that the other freshman on the team would have his back, but Dan Lawrence was the kind of guy to blame an old lady for theft, kick her to the ground, and call himself a hero.
As Noel shut the curtain and dropped his clothes in his bag, Noel cursed himself for joining. He tried to convince people that he was just branching out, but even he would never buy it. His mother was glad he was putting in the effort to blend in, tone down his flamboyant energy, and make friends. He was not making friends, but she didn't need to know that. She was genuinely happy for him, and he didn't want to spoil that for a while. Ocean thought he was doing it to get out of choir, which– spoiler alert– was part of it. He didn't want to be stuck listening to her voice crack like banshee screams while Constance encouraged it and Ricky played the tambourine with a bitter, almost homicidal look in the back of his eyes. Noel didn't want to be forced in with them, despite Ricky and Constance's begging looks.
Most of the school, however, thought he had joined so he could see boys naked.
Noel had no interest in that. Sure, he liked guys, but he didn't like any of these guys. Not a bit. They were excessively loud, rude, and pungent. The thought of any one of them being a romantic interest made Noel briefly wish he'd just stuck with his fake relationship in middle school. Maybe it would have been better to follow his mother's advice and stay in the closet.
Noel leaned down to his bag to grab his shampoo– the cheap one on the wall would ruin his hair– and heard some muttering and snickering from the rest of the team. It was probably a tasteless dick joke. Noel scrubbed his hair, hot water running down his body. He had to savor the warmth before he went home, where anything nicer than a cool, quick shower was a rare luxury.
He could have stayed in the closet to the school; the smarter choice. He would have come out to Constance anyways, and maybe she would have kept dating him to cover up his tracks. He was a good actor, so the prospect of keeping up a facade wasn't outside the realm of possibility.
Noel shut his eyes to protect them from the hot water and suds as he rinsed his hair. Dating Constance was preferable to having to avert his eyes every time the team was in the locker room. It was easier than slipping or getting shoved into the ice.
As Noel was contemplating how he could ask Constance to fake date him and come out as straight, Noel heard the curtain rings slide suddenly. He didn't have time to clear the soap from his eyes before he felt something grab his arm, and he was pushed down. His feet slipped on the tile, and he barely protected his head before he slammed into the concrete floor.
Noel tried to open his eyes, but soap immediately got into them, and he hissed in pain. He could hear laughing from everyone on the team, and his blood immediately ran ice cold. The shower was shut off, and the sound of a zipper hit his ears. Noel reached around, unable to clear his eyes with how much soap was on his hands. There was chatting and snickering, but Noel couldn't focus on what was being said. Eventually, a towel hit his head, and he quickly scrubbed the suds from his eyes. When he could actually see, Noel realized that four guys were standing above him, jeering and pointing. Noel's face flushed, and he threw the towel over his waist to keep at least a grain of dignity. He sat up suddenly, his eyes darting around. It wasn't just a few of the others doing this– all seven of his teammates were above him.
“What the hell?!” Noel asked, suddenly realizing that Kyle and Jason had his bag. He tried to wrap the towel around himself as he got up, sneering at the seniors. “Hey, get away from that!”
The older boys looked over at him disapprovingly. Kyle sifted through his belongings, snickering. “Sorry. Team captain gets the authority.”
“No you don't,” Noel said, reaching forward to grab his bag, but getting stopped by a hand on his chest. Noel stepped back, recoiling from the touch. Ryan laughed and stepped between Noel and his bag. “What are you doing– Give me my stuff!”
“No can do, Gruber,” Jason said, still watching Kyle go through Noel's bag. “This is just standard procedure. All freshmen have to undergo a thorough bag check. And a trial.”
Trial? Noel didn't want to know…
“Dan's a freshman, so why aren’t you going through his stuff?” Noel asked, trying to look past Ryan and figure out what Kyle and Jason were planning.
Dan smirked and stood near Ryan. “I already got my bag checked.”
“And he passed with flying colors,” Kevin said, going over and ruffling Dan's hair. “You can't have anything Satanic, you know.”
“Okay, well I don't have anything Satanic,” Noel said, gripping the towel and trying to push past, but a grab from Kevin was all it took to stop him. “Would you cut it out?!”
“Yeah, but you might have something illegal,” Ryan pointed out.
“I don't have–”
“I bet he's got something faggy,” called Dylan from the back. Everyone laughed loudly, and the acoustics of the locker room made his ears hurt.
“Find anything incriminating, Kyle?” Adrian asked. He walked over and took a peak before laughing. “Oh my God.”
The guys in front of him shifted to look, and Noel was finally able to see. He flushed when he saw his red and black journal in Kyle's hand. “Put that down,” he said in a warning tone. It did nothing.
Adrian took the book and started flipping through it before landing on a page. “Oooh who's Claude? Is that your boyfriend?”
Noel's breath hitched. He stepped to grab the journal, but Adrian threw it to Dylan. Noel turned to snatch it from him, but he tossed it instead to Vincent, who held it behind him. Noel could feel his face flushing. “I don't have a boyfriend. Would you just–”
“Of course you don't. Nobody else in this town is a fag,” Jason said with a loud laugh. He pulled at his own belt. “You gotta like girls to get action, you know.”
Noel flushed even more and glanced away. “Yeah, well, maybe if…” He swallowed hard, unable to come up with a better comeback. Nothing would sound clever or cool here.
“Is this your diary or something?” Dan asked as he went over to Vincent, who opened the notebook and started reading the page he found.
“‘He whispered in my ear, and chills went down my spine. Never before had I wanted to give in to my desire for love, but his warm hands flipped a switch inside me.’” Vincent grinned cruelly. “You write smut? Holy shit, that's disgusting.”
“And he's writing as a woman. Figures,” Dan pointed out. “Monique? Yeah, seems like the kind of name a fag would want.”
“Alright, you went through my notebook, cool,” Noel said, reaching a hand out. “Give that back.”
“Holy shit, he's on drugs?!”
Noel spun around in a panic, and his heart stopped when he saw an orange bottle of pills in Jason's hand. Dylan was looking at it with intrigue, and Adrian had a look of pure shock etched on his face.
Noel's stomach dropped into Hell.
“Put those back,” he breathed out quickly.
“No. We have to help you,” Kyle insisted, handing the bag to Jason in exchange for the pill bottle. “You're quitting your… flu-ox-eh-teen-ay right here and now. Cold turkey.” His words were supportive, but his tone and smirk were heatless. Noel rushed after Kyle as he ran into a bathroom stall, reaching for the bottle of fluoxetine. Before Noel could beg him not to, Kyle had opened the bottle and turned it over. Noel didn't even try to retrieve the pills from the toilet water, so he just watched helplessly as they each splashed in. Hope drained from him as water drained from the toilet, taking his medication with it. Noel watched numbly as Kyle threw the bottle to Vincent, who dropped it, stomped it, and tossed it in the trash.
There went the only thing keeping him together some days. There went the only thing that allowed him to eat properly most nights. There was the only thing that made the whirlwind in his head calm down enough to let him sleep.
“You're welcome, champ,” Kyle said. He came up and patted Noel on the shoulder, but it quickly just became a push to get Noel out of the stall door. Noel stumbled, hand tightening on the towel around his waist.
“What else is in there?” Dylan asked casually. Jason dug through quickly and pulled out–
Noel wanted to die.
“Ew! Why do you keep underwear in your bag?” Dan asked, faking a dramatic gag.
“I bet it's not even his,” Adrian offered.
Ryan pretended to puke in his mouth. “Oh, he totally gets off with that.”
“Is it one of ours?” Dylan asked, his voice giving off a hint of fear.
Were they genuinely scared of Noel just because he was gay? Did they truly believe he was a pervert and a predator? What did he do to deserve that?
“That's mine,” Noel said loudly. “I left my clothes in my bag because I was in the shower when you–”
“You know what to do,” Jason said. The players cleared a spot of the floor, and Dan held Noel's hands behind his back, which left his towel unsupported and feeling dangerously loose. Despite being shorter, Dan was heavier and stronger than Noel; Noel's wrists were in sharp pain due to his grip, so he didn't want to draw attention to them; and he was too scared of losing the towel to struggle. So, Noel stayed rooted to that spot, watching helplessly.
There was a clicking sound, and Noel glanced around to find where it came from. Then, he saw it: the lighter flickering in Ryan's fingers. He bent down as the others started chanting something– something that Noel wouldn't dignify by remembering– and cheering him on.
Noel was red everywhere with humiliation as the cloth lit on fire. Ryan lit a few different spots, allowing the fire to burn brown holes into the article and make the locker room smell damn awful. Noel watched the whole time, thinking about what he was going to do without them, how he was going to explain the loss of his medication to his mom, and why he even deserved this treatment.
When the underwear was all but a crisp, Jason poured the contents of Noel's water bottle on it to smother the flames. Kyle stomped the rest out, although that was probably more to humiliate Noel than be safe. Then, it was over. Everyone walked out, patting one another on the back and laughing as though they'd just won a game against another school. Dan was the last to leave, pulling Noel's wrists up and making him look at them.
“I'm going to be generous here and not tell the guys about these.”
Noel dropped his eyes, ignoring the red marks that Dan put a little more pressure on.
“Figures you're than fucking pathetic,” Dan said, finally droping Noel's wrists. Noel folded them against his chest, racking his brain for a comeback and failing miserably.
As he left, Dan pulled the towel off of Noel, balling it up and throwing it in the trash. Noel didn't have anything else, so he was glad that Dan didn't look back. When Dan pushed open the door and left, Noel heard Kyle shout, “Welcome to the team, Gruber!”
Even after the team left the building, Noel could hear their cruel laughter echo through his head.
After a few moments, he bolted over to his bag and grabbed his clothing. He put his uniform back on, convincing himself that it wasn't uncomfortable on his still slightly damp skin. He did want to sob and tear something when he felt the pants with nothing under them, but that was the price he paid for… existing, he supposed.
Finding his journal on the floor, Noel teared up. Nothing was missing and in Vincent's clutches, thank God, but the pages had been creased, torn, and crumpled. At least they'd left his clothes.
Noel carefully placed the notebook back, deciding he wouldn't bring it to school anymore. It was too risky, and he didn't want other bullies to have proof of any claims the team would make. As he slung his bag over his shoulder, he decided that he wouldn't tell his mom. He didn't need her worrying or causing a fuss. That also meant he couldn't get a refill soon, so he braced himself for a few weeks without the fluoxetine. He'd survive without it for that long. He just had to be careful until then.
Noel made one more decision as he left the building. He pulled out his phone and sent the texts to Constance and Ocean before he could change his mind.
[Do you still need another choir member?]
[My extracurricular slot just opened back up.]