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Robin still remembers it like it was yesterday. It’s hard to forget, when the pictures appear before her as soon as she closes her eyes. The flames, the destruction, the exploding canon balls, her mother pleading her to live, Saul being encased in ice, telling her to flee...
If there is a list of childhood traumata, hers would probably be on it, maybe close to the top too. She’s lost her entire island, everyone she knew, in a single day, thanks to the World Government not wanting them to continue their research into the Void Century. Because whatever happened back then, they want to keep it a secret.
She could’ve lost a lot more.
The moment is branded into her mind. The way Saul stretched his arm out to her, parts of his body already unmovable, due to the power of the Vice Admiral right behind him. His face twisted with despair, eyes locked onto her. She can still repeat the words he said, them echoing in her ears whenever she has a bad night.
“Please, save her! She’s just a child! She’s done nothing wrong!”
She didn’t know who he was talking to at the time. Definitely not Aokiji – only called Kuzan back then – he was the one preventing their escape in the first place, but besides them there was no one there. She didn’t have the time to think much about it either, cause this gentle giant, who was pleading for her live rather than his own, and that only after knowing her for such a short time, became a statue of ice right in front of her eyes. And then, the man causing it loomed over her, his shadow blocking out the sun.
“These are the kind of orders I hate the most.” He drawled, rubbing the back of his head. “Sorry little one, but I have no other choice.” The hand reaching for her, the same one that had killed her friend just seconds ago, was the last thing she saw, before something came out of nowhere, grabbing her and pulling her away.
She knows now, that she was in shock back then. Her breaths coming in gasps, her heart pounding loudly, her skin clammy and cold, so the warm thing suddenly surrounding her from all sides and the sound of distant drums beating in her ears, drowning out the screams of the other researchers of Ohara burning up in the fires, grounded her. Gave her something to focus on. She will be forever grateful for it. For the man who’d wrapped her in his arms, shielding her from Kuzan and his awful powers of ice. Or rather the god, as she was to learn.
“This is horrible!” He said, chest vibrating against her cheek, his fingers stroking her back soothingly. The voice was younger than she’d have expected, one of someone in their late teens, if she uses the knowledge she’s gathered over her years. “I knew the World Government is awful and doesn’t care about the people of the world, but every time I see it, I hate myself for having failed back then.”
“Ah, Nika, it is an honour meeting you.” Kuzan let his arm sink without unleashing another of his attacks. “Though I must remind you, that you’re not allowed to interfere in our business, or it means a breach of the agreement.”
The arms around her tightened in a protective manner, pressing her ear against the steady drumbeat of a heart. “I’m not going to watch as you kill an innocent child.”
“Of course. I didn’t expect you to turn away, after you’ve already shown yourself.” A long drawn out sigh. “I’m pretty sure I’m no match against you, so I’m not even gonna try. Mind not hitting me either then? I promise not to mention you, unless someone asks specifically.”
“Just don’t think I’ll let you have her later!”
“I would never!” The icy cold presence of the Vice Admiral receded with him and Robin finally dared to look up again, meeting the red eyes of her saviour.
“Thank you.” She croaked, wiping away the tears streaming from her own. “You saved me.”
“It’s what I do.” Gentle hands held her close when he slowly stood, kept her head down, so she wouldn’t have to see the chaos surrounding them any longer. The flames eating away at the island she called home. “Don’t worry. I’ll get you away from here. I’ll make sure, you’ll have a place to call home.”
She doesn’t know how they left Ohara. He probably used one of his powers. The next moment she blinked and they were somewhere entirely else. A place without destruction. A place untouched by what the World Government has in reserve for everyone not following the rules. A small dozy village close to the sea, with huts made of wood and clay. The only sounds quiet conversations between the residents and some children playing with a dog.
She still stared at the vision of absolute peace facing her, asking herself whether there had been a future for Ohara like this, or if it was doomed to fall for their sins in every timeline, when the arms of her saviour tried to set her down on the ground. She immediately grabbed the white fabric of his shirt with her tiny hands, burying her face deep in it, refused to let go.
“It’s okay.” He murmured, startled but not attempting to remove her. “The bad guys are gone. You’re safe here.”
The only thing she could think of were Clover-san, her mother and Saul all leaving her, dying to get her away from everything. Now this kind person saved her, did what she couldn’t do alone, fulfilling their wishes. But how long until he died too? She didn’t want to be alone!
“Please don’t go, Nika-san!” She hiccuped, tightening her grip until she was sure the cloth should’ve ripped. “Don’t leave me alone!”
“I’m not!” He sank down to the ground, into a more comfortable position for them both. “I said I make sure you find a home. But I need to check on Mr. Giant and the other people! Maybe I can still help them!”
It was a good reason. She knows she should’ve let go, should’ve let him do what he sees as right and save whoever could still be saved. But the fear had taken root deep in her heart and whatever was logical was lost to her. She couldn’t bring herself to part, expecting him to vanish and not return as soon as her touch left him.
“Please, I need to see if I can help them!” Later, when she found out about his nature, she asked herself why he didn’t force her away. Why he tried to reason with her, taking his time to make sure she felt okay with it, instead of going back to the task he came for in the first place. The questions would follow her for years and years to come and she’d come to different conclusion depending on the state her own mind would be in at the time.
As a child, shock blocking the information she’d read in different texts about this figure and so not recognizing him for what he is, the reason he didn’t just leave was simply her clinging to him so desperately. So she didn’t let go, even when her vision was clouded, with tears and snot soaking the shirt, she didn’t dare loosen her grip.
That was, until something plopped onto her head, taking the world around her, the peace where no peace was before, the dark thoughts with it.The sun too, but it was not needed with Nika right with her.
She looked up, the thing on her head shifting, until she could see the brim of a straw hat peaking at her field of view, the rest filled with a big, warm smile directed at her.
“It’s very important to me! Take it as an assurance that I’ll be back no matter what happens! Okay?”
Stunned, she nodded, finally giving him free to set her down, hands reaching up to feel the worn straw instead. “You… will be back?”
“Of course! It’s a promise! I always keep those!” One last reassuring smile and then he dissolved in a shower of sparks. Robin watched them dance in the air until they were no more, then sat down on the spot and started waiting.
He did come back that very same day, surprised to find her in the same place he’d left her, but not commenting on it. He found a family, that loved to take her in and promised to come whenever she called his name, so she never had to feel alone again. She didn’t need to. It was a nice life with that family. They treated her great, took her in like another child of theirs and even accepted her strange thirst for knowledge she just couldn’t shake.
Everything was good, until that Bounty Poster spread. She’s glad for her restlessness that night after it came with the newspaper. Otherwise, she never would’ve overheard that conversation. The one where they were planning to sell her out to the Marine.
She immediately bolted, fear striking deep in her heart and the name of Nika left her lips before she could think about it. Before she could wager if it was rude only to ask for his presence when she needed him.
He didn’t mind, told her such when she couldn’t help but blurt her worries out to him, while they searched for a new place for her.
“Why can’t I stay with you then? You and your family? They must be a lot nicer than those people.”
He regarded her with a long sad look, after she asked the question. “I don’t have a family. I don’t even have a home. I just travel from one place to the other. You wouldn’t be happy that way.”
“Oh.” Now that she thinks about it, she’s never read of Nika having any relations with people, besides being loosely acquainted with them. He’s a free spirit, bound by nothing, not even nature. But maybe that freedom is a burden too.
It took a long time for them to find someone else willing to take her in. An old woman, living alone in the woods. She loved children, but everyone was scared of her because of her appearance, so not many people came by. Robin liked her a lot. She was kind and knowledgable. Kind of like Clover-san and the other archaeologists back on Ohara. The more it hurt to leave her, when a group of Bounty Hunters came along, having followed the rumours of a Demon Child living with the witch.
She didn’t call for Nika again. She knew at that point who he is – the old woman had explained it to her – and she felt like she didn’t deserve to take up his time once more, if he could use it to help someone else instead. So she started travelling around on her own, never staying in one place for too long, joining a group for a short time, then leaving them again, when they tried to sell her out. The same with another and another and another.
She’s not sure when exactly she began betraying them instead, using her position inside these bands and organisations to get on information and sell it to their opponents. She can’t remember either, at what time her interest turned back to the Poneglyphs, making her continue the work of her mother and take on her legacy. She just knows, that whatever is hidden in the Void Century is something she absolutely must know, even if her own life is the cost. It should’ve been a long time ago already, so it didn’t matter anyway.
It’s many, many years of assassin and undercover work, which made her do things she never wanted to as a child, just so she could survive and continue her search, until she met Nika again. On opposite sides this time, because she was working with Crocodile, trying to get her hands on the Poneglyth in the Nefetari family’s possession, while he supported the princess in the fight against the Shichibukai. She wasn’t even sure he recognized her with how much she’d changed, until he approached her after Crocodile’s defeat.
“I never thought you would do the same thing to someone, that has been done to you. You don’t even want that.” He sounded exhausted, disappointed, sad. His gaze wasn’t even pointed at her, but somewhere behind her, like she was air.
“I had no interest in the country.” She’s not sure if she tried to justify her actions, or just couldn’t take not being seen by him anymore. “My only goal was to read what is written on the Poneglyph.”
“There are other ways to do that.”
“Not for a branded criminal like me. Believe me, I have tried.”
“I don’t mind talking to you. We’re doing it right now, right?”
“I am not going to ask you for it. That would feel like cheating.”
“Then at least let me help you find them! I don’t know where all of them are and I’m not going to tell you for those I do, promise!” Th expression changed, eyes returning. He smiled at her now, delighted, that she didn’t take the easy way out but wanted to fight for her dream herself. Then it turned into a pout when he continued. “But no more trying to destroy other people’s countries, okay? You made Vivi cry!”
“How could I?” She replied, clearly not feeling that bad about it.
“Yeah, it made me cry too.” He said, completely oblivious to it. She realized then, that he might be a god with lots of knowledge and years of experience to work with, but he can also be pretty stupid.
“I will think about it.”
He shrugged, told her to call him whenever she decided to take up his offer and zipped back towards the palace, where they were preparing a feast to celebrate the aversion of Crocodile’s takeover. She looked after him for a long time, even when she couldn’t see him anymore, contemplating his offer. Not feeling like she deserved his help had been the reason she refused to ask for it, when she was still a child. She still wasn’t eager to do so, felt even less like someone that should take up his time, after what she’s done with her life. But Saul’s words resonated in her heart, him telling her, that somewhere out there kind people were waiting for her to find them. That they would never betray her. That they would do everything to have her by their side again. Maybe one day, she could be selfish enough to call Nika amongst them.
It wasn’t until she saw the Bounty Poster, that she thought of the god’s offer again, really contemplated taking it. She’d spent some time roaming the islands around the start of the Grandline, not joining any groups, but not knowing what to do with herself either. She was lost, out of options, didn’t know where to go next. And then the Newscoo arrived, bringing the Posters with it. She stared at them, at ‘Sun God Luffy’ and his ‘High-Priestess Nami’, wondering how they met. Did he save this girl the same way he saved Robin? Was she one of his devoted followers, or someone he met and asked to accompany him, the way he did with the offer. And other than Robin, Nami was smart enough to say yes, to put her own desires infront of those of others. Maybe… maybe Robin is allowed to do that too. So she thought ‘Well, what do I have to lose?’ and set course for Whiskey Peak.
Now, she’s spent a few weeks with the Straw Hats, visited a winter and a desert country and is about to be carried into the sky, as soon as Nika is feeling good enough again to do so. And Robin, who’s slowly learned to be more selfish, takes that opportunity. She sits down next to the bored god, his eyes immediately on her, like they always are ever since she joined them, a huge smile stretching his lips. “Robin!” He says, voice filled with the delight he only reserves for food and his Nakama. She hums, gives him a smile of her own, which causes his to widen only more. That’s something she’s noticed. He loves them with all his heart, loves making them happy and spending time with them, even if it’s only shared space. She also noticed the way he cuddles with Chopper and Usopp during their naps, wraps himself over Zoro at every opportunity, hugs Sanji from behind while asking for food and leans onto Nami, who always has a blanket ready, when things are peacefully quiet. He’s very touchy with every single one of them, as far as they’re comfortable with it. All except Robin.
He has made some attempts to initiate some kind of contact, may it be a hug, putting his head on her shoulder or something else of the kind. But the motion was cut off almost as soon as it began, an apologetic look on his face. At first, she was grateful. She didn’t know if she could take the touch, since most of her life, any skin-to-skin contact meant a threat to her well-being. She wasn’t sure, if she wouldn’t lash out at the unexpected initiation of it. Then she began to settle more into the crew, became familiar with the way everyone moved and existed, her mind stopping to see them as enemies and allowing the possibility of friends and she started to kind of want to have that too. To be a real part of this family, not just a simple observer.
“I have been thinking.” She says, because it is the best start to any kind of conversation.
He sniggers, as if it is funny to him. “Yeah, you’re Robin! You always think, cause you’re smart!”
The compliment warms something deep in her heart. Something she’s only recently started to rediscover at all. “It was something more special this time, Nika-san. It concerned our previous meeting.”
He tilts his head, furrows his brow, thinking. “The one after Sand-Croc?”
“No, the first one, on… on Ohara.” The thought of her once-home alone sends a deep sadness through her. “Back when you saved me from Aokiji.”
A sound of realisation leaves him, but he still waits for her to elaborate.
She takes a deep breath, settles more comfortably onto the wooden ground. She made sure no-one would interrupt them, having chosen the time of day, when all were occupied with something that didn’t involve their presence in the galley. “I think, it was a good thing you did not keep me with you back then. Even after all I had to go through after. I think, if you did, I would not have become who I am now and I quite like where that has lead me.”
Brown eyes search her face, have the same sharpness as their red counterparts in doing so. “You are happy to be here?”
“I am. Truly I am. For now, I have not a single reason to leave, when it comes to my own desires.”
“But?”
Ah, she knew he would catch on. “I cannot say the same for the others. My being here puts them at great risk. The World Government still searches for me everywhere and only if I keep moving, will they not find-”
“That’s stupid!” It’s said with a laugh, hands raising to clutch at his stomach, as he gets it out, straw hat knocked down when he nearly falls on his back. She watches, stunned at the odd reaction, her mind racing to make sense of it, to find out what part amuses him like this.
“I do not understand.” She finally relays.
He stops abruptly, straightens, fixing her with his gaze. The smile never leaves though. “No-one is in danger of being a target, just because you are with us, Robin. Not more than they already are! After all, I am here, right?”
He is here... Nika is on this boat... Her being here doesn’t change things... Ah, right, of course. She should’ve thought of that.
“I told Nami I had to leave cause of that, but she told me ‘No’ and the others don’t mind either, they’re okay with it.” The smile softens, turns into something full of affection and trust and so many other things she can’t even name. “So I tell you now ‘No, I won’t let you leave, as long as it isn’t what you want’ and I’m sure the others won’t mind, but you can ask them, if you want to. I know you like to confirm things for yourself.”
She will. Not because she doesn’t trust Nika, but because she doesn’t trust herself for having heard right. She will and when she asks Zoro, he will grumble that he likes having more opponents. When she asks Usopp, he will stutter, but he will stand strong and tell her, he’ll protect her. When she asks Sanji, he’ll twirl around in his usual dance and promise to beat everyone up, who even thinks about harming her. She asks Chopper and he will smile and tell her not to worry about their safety, they can protect themselves. And she asks Nami and she will ask her if she’s fallen on her head, cause of course she doesn’t mind about these things. She’s accepted the god with a huge target on his back, so why reject the only other girl on the crew? The girl she’s starting to see as another big sister?
Robin will ask and she will receive reassurances of all kinds, that they want to have her here. She’s not a burden to them in any way, so ‘stop doubting it, you’re a part of us now!’
She hasn’t yet, so her doubts are still there, but they are greatly lessened by the smile of the man she calls god and captain and she settles closer to him, when exhaustion hits him once more, the wound still not entirely healed. His head falls into her lap before she knows it, the first of many such situations that will follow and she combs her fingers through his hair, enjoying the feeling of acceptance coursing through her entire body, burning away the hesitance residing there.
“Thank you, Luffy.” She whispers, knowing she’s not alone anymore. She has finally found home!