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“What was a cowboy doing in a spaceship?” Sid asks, eyeing his new toys. Finding a Buzz Lightyear hidden in the rocket ship crane game was a pleasant surprise, but a cowboy doesn’t make any sense for a Pizza Planet prize. Not that Sid’s complaining when it gives him another victim.
“You must be a stowaway.” Sid eyes the cowboy speculatively. He’s as floppy and smiley as Hannah’s rag dolls, and rather pathetic. His stuffed body doesn’t have anything resembling muscles.
Hannah would love this wimpy cowboy, but Sid has other plans.
Sid takes the cowboy downstairs and finds Hannah playing with one of her stupid pink plastic ponies. It’s a unicorn, and Sid imagines poking the horn through a doll’s eye.
“Hannah, look.” Sid holds out the wimpy cowboy.
Hannah’s clearly surprised the cowboy isn’t wrecked yet. All in good time.
“Where’d you get him?” Hannah gazes at the cowboy longingly
“Pizza Planet.”
“But he’s not a spaceman.”
Sid rolls his eyes. “Duh. I got a Buzz Lightyear too.”
“Andy next door got one for his birthday.” Hannah says, as if Sid cares. “I think he has a cowboy like that too.
Sid huffs. “He’s pathetic, but he’d go great with your pretty pink pony.”
Hannah eyes Sid with a mix of distrust and hope. “Really? She’s too small for him to ride, but he can lasso her. Or help take care of her, or-“
“I’ll take care of her!” Sid snatches the pink plastic pony out of Hannah’s hands and races upstairs, cackling. He can’t believe she fell for it, right after he snatched Janie Doll after coming home.
Hannah shouts and gives chase again as Sid races up to his room, slamming the door shut in Hannah’s face.
“Your horse is way too girly, Cowboy.” Sid sneers. “And you’re so stupid you keep losing it! Look, there it goes again!”
Sid throws the plastic pony into the wall and yells at the Sheriff. “Don’t just stand there, Sheriff Stupid! Lasso her up!”
Sid pulls a loop on the cowboy’s back and pulls out a length of string, which he wraps around the horse, tying her to the cowboy.
Sid already did a head transplant, but he has a better idea. He pulls the pony’s head off but leaves the cowboy’s on. “You ever heard of centaurs, cowboy? They’re human horse hybrids, and it’s the only thing that’ll save you from being too wimpy to live.”
Sid slams the cowboy and headless pony onto his desk and cuts the pony’s body free of the cowboy’s string before snipping off the cowboy’s dangling legs.
Sid sees the name Andy on one boot.
“Too bad, Andy.” Sid laughs. “That’s what you get for not inviting me to your birthday party.”
Sid squeezes the cowboy’s legless torso so stuffing pokes out the hole, then yanks it out until he can shove the cowboy’s torso in the hole where the pony’s neck was.
“There! Now you’re a mythological beast instead of stupid girls’ toys. Hannah, here they are!”
Hannah screams when Sid shows her the centaur, even though the drawing in the monster book was really cool. Sid sighs and tosses his creation aside as Hannah runs off to tell on him for the second time tonight.
Hannah’s being a little tattletale again and Mom always believes her and takes her side. Nobody appreciates Sid’s creations around here.