Work Text:
Darcy thanked the doctor before she walked out the door and grabbed her phone where it was laying, opening it up (she had a Z Flip 6 because she missed slamming a phone shut when she was frustrated and of course it had an obnoxious Pokémon phone case on it to top everything off, it was so heavy with it all she could've used it as a weapon if she wanted to) and going to her contacts. She debated between her boyfriends which to text, but decided on Bucky since Clint had a tendency to 'lose his phone' or 'forget he had the ringer on silent'...or just straight up wasn't wearing his hearing aids.
'Hey, so, I got released, can you come pick me up?' She asked.
She knew it would probably be a couple of hours before she actually was ready to go, but considering who her boyfriends were, it would probably take that long to get there anyway.
'Excuse me?' Bucky asked and she could just picture him raising an eyebrow as he was typing.
'From the hospital, I just got discharged.' Darcy said, rolling her eyes.
'YOU WERE IN THE HOSPITAL?!' Bucky typed back quickly, followed by his contact image popping up as he tried to call her. It was a cute picture of him with Alpine on his chest making biscuits on his chest while Bucky was giving her a grumpy look even though he secretly didn't mind it.
Darcy thought over things and winced.
"Ok, before you get mad and scream in my ear, it wasn't anything really awful and like I said, I'm being discharged." Darcy said as soon as she hit accept on the call, trying to stave off the lecture before it happened.
"Why were you in the hospital? And why didn't you tell us? And why are my girl and my guy always in the goddamn hospital?!" Bucky asked.
"You remember I had that attack of kidney stones, right?" Darcy asked. "And I passed that one, but then I had that one the doctor said could've been in Guinness World Records..."
"Kitten, I'm pretty sure that's not something you want to brag about." Bucky pointed out when he heard her tone and could hear the grin on her face and she was pretty sure he was pinching his nose.
"Well, I had to get it blasted up so I could pass it and they said I may have to get multiple procedures to do it, but it turns out they got it all this time, well enough that I can pass what's left in there." Darcy said. A nurse came in to take her IV out and she mouthed 'overprotective boyfriend' to the woman and rolled her eyes. As it was, the woman just grinned at her and nodded, going about doing what she was doing.
"I'm so glad." Bucky deadpanned.
"So are you going to come pi...GEEZ LADY! Arm hair there, you know? Women have it." Darcy yelped. The nurse ignored her and bandaged the site to let it coagulate or whatever so it wouldn't bleed all over.
"What? What happened?" Bucky asked, sounding panicked.
"Calm down, Tonto, my IV got taken out. It hurt like a motherfucker." Darcy said. She'd already pulled on her clothes, which consisted of a pair of her 'comfy' jeans, and a Gritty jersey (he was the most progressive of the hockey mascots after all!) and had her hair tied back with a hair tie she totally stole from Bucky. She looked cute if she did say so herself. "So..."
"Which hospital?" Bucky asked, sighing loudly, causing an earful of static over the phone.
Darcy winced.
"NYU Langone." Darcy said.
"We'll be there in 20." Bucky said, before the call ended.
"I hope I can finagle lunch out of this." Darcy mumbled, putting her phone away.
Maybe if she fake cried.
Although Bucky was getting wise to her moves at that point.
Clint, though...
She could always threaten to tell Natasha a secret.
Not that she knew any.
But it always worked with him.
---
Twenty minutes and some change later, Bucky and Clint burst through her hospital room door, startling Darcy who'd been running her battery down on her phone playing Candy Crush. She looked up at them and pasted on her best cute smile as she pocketed her phone.
"Hey, what's up? How was traffic?" Darcy asked.
"I zipped up my balls in these pants getting ready to come here." Clint said, although his expression was pretty neutral about the whole thing.
Darcy winced anyway.
He was wearing a pair of skinny jeans (underneath he had on his favorite short shorts, the band hanging over the top of the pants) and an orange tank top that fit him like a fucking glove that he'd turned into a crop top. It said Cake in white and looked like the Nike symbol. To be fair, it was accurate, because if there was one thing Clint had, it was...
"You gave me a stroke, you know." Bucky said, catching her attention. He had on his usual black cargo pants that somehow made his ass look spectacular even though they were the opposite of tight and a black t-shirt that looked painted on.
Darcy approved.
"I'm sorry." Darcy sighed. "I legit thought I told you. I'm pretty sure I...well, I wrote it on the calendar?"
"Baby, you know we don't ever check that thing." Clint pointed out.
Darcy rolled her eyes. "Don't I know it. Ok, this one's on me. I'm sorry. But this literally wasn't anywhere near a big deal. The place on my side is literally the size of a pencil eraser or something. I don't even have to take time off work!"
Bucky sighed loudly and pinched his nose. "Well, I guess if there's one thing to be happy about, it's the advancement of modern medicine in the last 90 something years."
"Exactly!" Darcy chirped. She pulled out her pout then, showing off her favorite Besame 1946 Red Velvet lipstick that did wonderful things to her lips (yes she brought makeup with her to put on, she wanted to look good for her men and didn't want another photographer to take a shitty ass picture of her and paste it on the front page of the Daily Bugle with some sexist, snarky caption). "And you two haven't even greeted me properly."
Clint, as Darcy knew he would, immediately came over and wrapped his arms around her, his arm somehow instinctively going right above where her bandage was (not that she was sore in any way, which...score!) and he hugged her to him and pecked her lips. "I'm glad you're ok."
"I'm glad I don't have to do this shit a second time." Darcy said. "Although as far as hospital stays have gone, this one hasn't been terrible. Seven and a half out of ten, would still recommend."
"How long have you been here?" Bucky asked.
"I had the procedure early afternoon yesterday." Darcy said. "So...a little over 24 hours?"
Bucky sighed again, but he gamely walked over and pushed Clint out of the way and wrapped Darcy up in his arms. "You're going to cause me to turn grey and actually look my age."
"You'd still look sexy." Darcy giggled.
Bucky rolled his eyes and kissed her. "You're lucky I love you, kitten."
"Duh, I know that. I'm very lucky in the love and hot boyfriends department." Darcy agreed. "If I was religious I'd be dropping to my knees every day..."
"For the record, I have no problems with you ever dropping to your knees..." Clint piped up, smirking.
Darcy and Bucky both gave him a glower, although Darcy's was tinged with amusement.
"You know, I'm really hungry. I didn't get to eat much yesterday, and breakfast this morning has totally burned off..." Darcy hedged.
"Bed-Stuy Fish Fry?" Clint suggested.
"You just like that they have the BOGO meals." Darcy laughed.
"It works out!" Clint pointed out. "You eat half a portion, so I get a portion and a half and Bucky gets two portions because of his enhanced metabolism."
"You have a point there." Darcy said, thinking it over.
The nurse came in at that point with a wheelchair and Darcy made a face when she saw it.
"Ugh, no thanks. I have my own ride." She said, waving a hand at Clint.
He raised his eyebrows. "You do?"
Darcy pouted cutely at him.
Clint rolled his eyes and scooped her up in his arms in a bridal carry position. She pecked his cheek as he carried her out of the room, Bucky trailing behind them.
They went by and grabbed their takeout before heading back to their apartment in the building Clint owned, curling up on the couch to eat while Darcy caught them up on more Doctor Who (it was Donna's first episode and Darcy couldn't wait to see what their reaction was). She'd changed into one of Clint's Hawkeye t-shirts (a vendor was selling them on the streets of Manhattan and Clint immediately bout seven, Darcy went to the same vendor and had bought three Black Widow, two Captain America and six Thor ones) and a pair of boy shorts, her feet wrapped up in some knee length Mjolnir socks.
"You know, I should be jealous you wear other people's clothes." Bucky said, glancing over at her as her eyes were glued to the screen.
Darcy scoffed. "Please. Thor is like my brother. Besides, I've known him way longer than I've known you. If anything, he has dibs."
"Technically, I've known you longer than you've known Thor, so, really, I have dibs." Clint pointed out.
Darcy made a face at him. "What the fuck are you talking about, Eye in the Sky?"
"I believe you called us jack booted thugs." Clint said, slurping the head off of his beer like a heathen.
Darcy's jaw dropped. "You were one of those jack booted thugs?!" She asked.
"You knew I worked for SHIELD." Clint laughed.
"Yeah, but I didn't know you were there." Darcy said.
"You absolutely did." Clint looked over at her. "You constantly made comments about how it was a shame I was evil, because it was illegal that my ass looked that good in those pants. You're kind of a walking HR nightmare sometimes. If I cared about things like sexual harassment from a hot woman, I would've totally got you in trouble."
Darcy gaped at him. "That was you?! I had no idea! Why'd you let me introduce myself to you when we met again later on?"
"Because that's my job, baby." Clint said. "Fading into the background, not standing out, becoming whoever I need to become in the moment."
"I thought your job was to teach teenagers archery." Bucky said, focusing more on the tv than he was the conversation, licking grease from his thumb in a way that shouldn't have been sexy, but Darcy felt her lady bits responding anyway.
"Kate is in her 20's and trust me, you do not want to piss her off." Clint said. "I started a prank war with her and the little asshole involved a Widow in it."
"She got Natasha to help her out?" Darcy asked.
Clint scoffed. "Yelena. Natasha's above such things as prank wars...unless she's bored or it's a random Tuesday. She also had a random prank war with Steve once. I figured Steve was above things like that. It only ended when Phil got involved and gave them a stern talking to. He later told me it was really hard to give a lecture to Captain America, especially because he sat there the entire time looking like a little school boy being scolded for tugging someone's pigtail."
Bucky snorted. "Steve's not above shit. Ask him about the homemade stink bomb in the RKO Dyker."
Both Clint and Darcy turned their attention toward him. "I feel like you're full of shit." Darcy said.
"No, I ain't!" Bucky insisted. "Little shit found out Sammy Dyson's daddy rented it out to let he and his crony friends watch Errol Flynn in Robin Hood and he roped me into helpin' him make it and set it off. Poor Dyker didn't get the stink out of her until after I was drafted and sent off to basic."
"I wonder if I could get Steve to write a book." Darcy mused.
Bucky laughed. "Not on your life, kitten."
Darcy pouted until Clint put his empty food containers aside and pulled her up on his lap. She then settled in and contented herself with thinking about going to her high school reunion just to rub the fact that she had two hot superhero boyfriends in the faces of all of the skanky bitches that used to make fun of her for being a nerdy band geek. Especially Luanne De La Trois who tripped her going down the stairs at the stadium that one time while Darcy was carrying her mellophone trying to get to her seat with the others in the brass section.
Her knee still gave her problems when it was cold enough outside.
Or on a random Thursday at 4 PM when she was trying to get home after work.
She decided it wasn't worth it.
High school reunions were hell on Earth, everyone knew that.
They probably got fat and worked at Carlino's anyway.
At least Darcy had a great pair of tits.
And hers were natural.