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Roman has a problem. A big problem. Actually, funnily enough, it's technically a “little” problem, he supposes. He doesn't know when it started, just that he's had this aching in his chest for weeks now. Him and his boys couldn't be happier, closer than ever now that Dean's been open about his regression. He has no qualms against being little the moment they're alone and he needs it, freely carrying around his pacifier and his Mr. Quack. There's a special kind of joy he feels, a kind that warms up his chest and brings his soul alive, every time Dean looks at him with his adorable eyes and calls him Papa, or crawls into his lap for some cuddles, or asks him for help with simple tasks. He has pride in taking care of his boy, it's something important to do. Something that makes him feel helpful.
Which is why it's so difficult to pinpoint when he started feeling this way. It started out with simple things, curling the blanket against his chest for some comfort, getting really into the cartoons Dean would watch -Seth would joke that Roman was more into them than Dean. He didn't know it, but he was right- really, simple things like that. Then came the more complicated feelings. Like waking up before his boys in the morning, staring at the pacifier laying on Dean's pillow, next to Dean's mouth, and just wondering what it would be like to just pop it into his mouth, just for a second, his boys were still asleep and wouldn't notice-
He didn't, instead gently placing it back in Dean's mouth, smiling when the younger man hums happily in his sleep. He shoves his thoughts into the back of his mind, he doesn't need to worry about any of that right now. He'll be fine, he can handle his emotions like a grown adult should. It was just a fleeting moment of curiosity, just a question he had, nothing else. It doesn't pop back up into his head until about a week later, when he's in their kitchen washing the dishes. Seth and Dean are doing something on the couch, and it's making Dean throw his head back in squealing laughter. Roman keeps getting distracted just staring at the two of them, a soft smile on his face. He'll forever be thankful that they chose him, and he thanks his lucky stars every night that they even found their way to him. He's still smiling softly when he's hit with a sudden wave of jealousy, and the thought of I wish daddy would pay attention to me like that too-
Roman coughs, turning back to the dishes, scrubbing them like if he tries hard enough, he can scrub the traitorous thoughts from his brain. He feels horrible for even slightly feeling upset towards Dean, the boy's done nothing wrong just existing. Of course he has Seth's attention, Roman willingly left to the other room to clean up, he has no place to be jealous. He cleans the dishes until his hands are wrinkled and there's water all over the counter. He washes the dishes until he can no longer hear Dean's voice, hopefully having gone down for a nap.
He feels sick, and he lays down next to Dean, wrapping himself around the younger man, pretending to be asleep when Seth walks into the room. Seth coos, kissing the both of them on the forehead gently before he lays down next to them, opening his phone. It takes every single ounce of self control that Roman has for him to not roll over and curl up in his lap, demanding more cuddles. But he's a strong man, he has to be a strong man, so he evens out his breathing and lets himself fall asleep, his brain going crazy.
It all falls apart after a match, funnily enough. Usually when a match goes this shitty, Roman and Seth are having to shuffle Dean into the locker room and help him shower and change, but Dean's still his normal age, bouncing up and down, still full of energy. It's Roman that's struggling, but he can't blame them for not realizing, he's trying his hardest to not let them notice. He's fumbling with his hair products, nearly crying when his conditioner bottle refuses to open. He takes a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself down before he leaves the shower. He's getting changed, not focusing on the soft chatter between the other two. He's still shirtless, having just finished pulling on his sweatpants when Seth's voice cuts through the fog in his brain.
“-could have done better.”
Roman grabs his shirt, just holding it in his hand as he looks over, eyebrow raised. They're both looking at him with smirks, clearly having been joking about something.
“Sorry, what?”
Dean chuckles, and Seth clears his throat. “I said, you definitely could have done better.”
They do this sometimes, make fun of the others. Never when Dean is little, but when he's not, they jab at each other, pointing out things that could have gone better, jokingly blaming someone else for them. It's never mean, and they never take it too far, but Roman just cannot handle it right now. He stares blankly at the two men in front of him, willing himself not to cry. He's been silent for so long that the two of them look concerned now, and Dean goes to open his mouth, only to immediately be cut off by Roman letting out a sob. Roman sits down on the bench with a thud, leaning forward while clutching his shirt to his chest, and he just starts sobbing. Dean and Seth stare at each other with wide, panicked eyes for a moment, before they both rush forward to Roman. Seth rubs a hand up and down his bare back, and Dean runs a hand through his still damp hair.
“Hey, hey, baby? Baby what's wrong?”
“Don't wanna be a disappointment.” Roman's words are said through gasps, and Seth pulls him against his chest, holding the side of his head, exaggerating his breathing to try and calm the Samoan down.
“Roman, you could never disappoint us.” Dean's voice is gentle, trying not to set him off again.
“But-” He hiccups, clamping his eyes shut. “You said, could have done better.”
“Oh Roro, we were just joking.” Seth's petting over his hair, and the name sort of calms Roman down. His sobbing is less loud now, simply hiccups and the occasional shake of his body. “We didn't mean it, you did amazing out there.”
Roman doesn't say anything, just opens his eyes slightly and looks over at Dean, worry on his face. It takes Dean a moment to understand, but then he responds, nodding. “You were wonderful Rome, I promise.”
They continue sitting on the locker room bench, holding each other even as Roman calms down, no longer hiccuping, just sniffling softly every so often. Seth breaks the silence first. “What brought that on?”
Roman hesitates, sighing before he answers. “Just….overwhelmed.”
That's not the full truth, and both Dean and Seth can tell immediately, looking at each other in suspicion.
“You wanna tell me the full truth?” It's meant as a joke, but apparently Seth should stop with the jokes, because Roman's bottom lip starts to wobble again and his breath stutters.
“M sorry daddy-”
He's cut off by Dean's gasp, and Roman's eyes widen, his whole body stiffening as he realizes what he just says, and he starts to squirm, trying to get out of Seth's grasp.
“No no baby wait-” Seth struggles out.
“Roman.” Dean snaps, and it makes Roman freeze, staring at his boy, eyes still frantic. “Is that what was wrong? You're little?”
The two of them stare at each other for what feels like hours, but is really only five seconds before Roman nods hesitantly.
“Roro,” Seth twists to try to look Roman in the face. “You could have told us. You know we wouldn't have judged you.”
“Can take care of myself.”
“But you don't need to. You have daddy and Dean for that, ok?”
Roman reaches out to blindly grab onto Dean's hand, squeezing him tightly. He nods, starting to mess with the shirt in his free hand.
“Do you need help putting that on?” Dean's abbed the shirt out of the Samoan's hands, and gently unlaces their clasped together hand. He has Roman put his arms up so that he can pull the shirt on, and it makes something gentle and warm twist in his stomach.
“Wanna go home.”
They help him put together the rest of his bag, both holding onto one of his hands, leading him out of the arena. He's smiling by the time they're home, giggling at the jokes Dean has been dramatically whispering to him the entire ride home. They're getting ready for bed, and unknowingly, Roman has put the edge of his thumb in his mouth, chewing on it. Dean suddenly bolts out of the room with a gasp, and Seth and Roman both stare at each other in confusion before Roman giggles again, and Seth smiles. They're tucked together in bed, an empty spot next to them for their boy, and Roman nuzzles against Seth's face, making him chuckle. Seth's just about to yell through the house to ask Dean what he's doing when the man himself walks into the room, clutching something tightly in his hand. He crawls into bed on the other side of Roman, getting comfortable under the blankets, before he holds his hand out.
It's Dean's black pacifier, the one with a skull on it, and Roman tilts his head in confusion. “Wha-”
“I cleaned it. I figured you wouldn't care because, well, you know,” He waves his hand around, gesturing between the three of them. “But I cleaned it for you. Until we can get you your own. Maybe we'll get a red one.”
Roman can feel his eyes tear up, but this time out of happiness, and he smiles, leaning up so he can softly kiss Dean's cheek. The other man smiles, placing the pacifier in Roman's mouth, and Seth coos from behind them.
“I love you Roro, love you Dean.”
“I love you both even more.” Dean sticks his tongue out, making Roman softly giggle.
“Love you daddy, love you Deany.”
Dean snorts at the name but closes his eyes anyways, smiling. Roman falls asleep to the noises of his boys breathing besides him, more content than he's been in a while.