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Sasha awoke with a groan and a throbbing headache.
Fuck.
Sitting up felt like a chore, but the sheets under her fingers felt unfamiliar and it sent groggy alarm bells ringing in her head.
Her hair was sticking to her forehead with sweat and someone else's sheets were tangled around her legs. She tried to force open her eyes, but the light from some window stung and she had to close them again.
Something – someone – next to her shifted, dipping the mattress, and letting out a muffled groan of their own.
Oh. Oh, Sasha knew that voice. Flashes from the night before came back to her. They'd gone out for drinks after work – just them, for once. Jon was being his usual self and got too caught up in some project to come with them and David had a date.
It wasn't often that it was just them, so maybe Sasha overindulged a little bit. Her head pounded again. Okay, maybe more than a little bit.
Last she remembered, they'd both stumbled out of the pub, Tim's arm wrapped around her waist to hold both of them steady. Tim's flat had been closer.
Fuck.
“Tim?” Her voice was hoarse. Had she had any water yesterday? Probably not, judging by her dry throat.
“Hm?” Okay, definitely Tim. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
She'd never slept with a coworker before! She'd been trying so hard to stay professional, and now-?! If this made things awkward (it would definitely make things awkward), then she'd never get promoted!
Tim shifted again. “Sash? ‘s that you? Ah, shit- What-?”
She'd slept with Tim! Of all possible coworkers, it had to be one from her department, who she actually liked and hung out with, and who was kind to her.
She rubbed a hand over her face, forcing herself to open her eyes. She should get home. She should collect her clothes from wherever they'd ended up dropping them, she should brush her hair out with her fingers as much as possible and then get out of Tim's flat.
Her gaze roamed over the room. The door was ajar, showing the dark hallway beyond. Their clothes were thrown in a heap onto the floor by the foot of the bed, Sasha's bra thrown over the frame. She grimaced.
Another pained noise from Tim prompted her to look over at him. The morning light falling in through the crack between the curtains bathed his form in a golden light, his own sweat-slicked hair sticking up wildly from his head. His face was turned partially into his pillow in a fruitless attempt at keeping the sun from his eyes, and he was squinting sleepily at Sasha. He looked soft like this, nice. Beautiful.
Her eyes widened and she physically shook the thought away, making her brain rattle uncomfortably through her skull. What was she thinking?! She sleeps with a guy once, and it has her waxing poetic about him the next morning?!
She ignored the foreign thoughts, instead mumbling her own good morning into the stale air. Tim cracked a smile, and Sasha fought not to find it endearing.
“Think we need a shower,” Tim grumbled, turning onto his back and making a face at the sun beaming into his face. “‘nd I need to close the curtains.”
Sasha snorted before she could help herself, watching bemused as Tim kicked the blankets off him more aggressively than necessary, then began gathering their clothes. He grimaced as he picked up Sasha's blouse.
“Ugh, someone must've spilled their drink on you yesterday.”
Sasha frowned, trying to remember. Right– near the end of the night, someone in the pub had stumbled into her and splashed her entire front with beer. That must've been what prompted them to leave, actually. She flushed.
“Yeah, I remember. Some drunk guy, I think. I don't-”
Tim waved her concerns off before she could even voice them. “You can take one of my shirts, ‘s all good.”
Sasha nodded and Tim nodded towards the hallway. “Ladies first!” He clapped his hands cheerily, dropping the blouse and grimacing at the noise in time with Sasha. “Sorry- too loud,” he chuckled. “You can shower first, though.”
“Ooh, such a gentleman, Mister Stoker!” Sasha laughed, pushing herself up and fighting against the last bolts of dizziness clinging to her.
The shower was a blissfully quiet and quick affair, and she was pleasantly surprised to find that Tim wasn't one of those guys that used a 15 in 1 shampoo and soap that could probably be used as machine oil or something. She didn't take the time to wash her hair, just rinsed the rancid pub smell off her quickly before stepping out of the shower.
As soon as the water turned off, there was a knock at the door and Tim called inside to let her know that he left clothes and a towel outside for her before she heard his footsteps retreat from the door.
Opening it revealed a small pile of clothes and a fluffy towel, and Sasha snatched it up quickly. One of the clothes was a sweater that must be quite oversized on Tim and therefore just barely Sasha's size – not only because of her chest, but also because she was taller than Tim.
Stepping out of the bathroom proper – dressed in clothes just a bit too small, but that would do for now –, she heard clinking from down the hall. Investigating led her to the kitchen, where Tim was just taking the tea bags from two fresh mugs of tea.
He turned to flash Sasha a smile, and she couldn't help but let her eyes roam over his body, covered only by an oversized band shirt that was too washed out to tell what the logo on the front might've once been. It was long enough to reach Tim's thighs and so very much unlike anything he'd ever wear outside that Sasha had to smile to herself. Seeing him so soft, so private … Something in Sasha's chest stirred, and she blinked at the feeling, strange and warm and very very foreign.
She returned to the presence in time to see Tim push a glass of water and some painkillers in her direction across the counter, and she took both gratefully.
“I'll go take the bathroom, then,” Tim muttered and brushed past her, his hand lingering on her exposed wrist a little bit longer than necessary before pulling away and slipping out into the hallway. The spot he'd touched remained warm and tingly even as she heard the water turn on.
Tim finished his shower just when their tea had cooled to acceptable levels, and they settled across from each other at his small kitchen table. It was very domestic, it occurred to Sasha, as Tim handed her a bowl with a muttered apology of only having cereal for breakfast. The awkward smile on his face made her cheeks heat up, and she looked away quickly. What was with her this morning? She'd had one night stands before and she'd never gotten this- this fluttering feeling in her stomach before.
Tim must've picked up on something, because he didn't joke around nearly as much as he usually would, and instead let breakfast pass by quietly. When Sasha was ushered out of his flat only twenty minutes later with a hushed promise that this didn't change anything, she knew, in some deep, hidden part of herself, that he was wrong.
Sasha did not get crushes. It was simply not a thing that happened, ever, not even when she was fourteen and everyone was getting crushes. She convinced herself, twice, that what she felt for her best friends must be love, but in hindsight realised that it was simply platonic affection.
So what she was feeling for Tim now couldn't possibly be a crush. Even as it fluttered in her chest as she watched him joke around with Jon from across the room.
Even as he caught her staring and winked at her across the room.
Even as he invited her out to lunch.
Sasha did not get crushes, so- so this couldn't be a crush.
“Heey,” Tim sing-songed as he strode up to Sasha's desk, leaning over her computer screen and grinning down at her. It took effort to drag her eyes from his face back to her research notes.
“What's up?” She asked, and tried to keep the strain out of her voice. Tim raised an eyebrow, but didn't comment.
“Wanted to see if you want to walk to the tube with me.”
Sasha paused, fingers hovering over the keyboard. Her eyes flitted to check the time, and she grimaced. She'd almost worked overtime on accident again. Tim was so good at reminding her when she had to take breaks … She shook that train of thought off forcefully.
“No, sorry. I need to finish this.” She gestured vaguely at her computer.
Tim blinked, looking taken aback. Sasha tried not to grimace. She knew how unusual it was for her to refuse Tim something like this, but- she couldn't deal with these thoughts she kept having about him, not before she knew what was going on.
“Oh- Okay then, I'll just-”
Tim sounded so disappointed, though he was trying to hide it, that it had Sasha grasping for something to say to make it better. She hadn't meant for him to sound so sad!
“Why don't you ask Jon?” She tried, a little desperate to wipe the confusion from Tim's face. “He takes the Tube too, right?”
Tim shrugged, seemingly latching onto the distraction. “Elias called him into his office for something.”
“Ooh,” Sasha hummed playfully, leaning up to Tim conspiratorially. “You think he's finally gonna get in trouble for trespassing on research trips?”
Tim snorted. “As if! Elias would probably rather praise him for ‘taking initiative and getting work done efficiently.’”
Sasha grinned at his exaggerated impression of their boss. Tim's relaxed expression warmed something in her chest, snapping her back to the present. She cleared her throat.
“R- Right. I should- I should finish this. I'll see you monday, yeah?”
Oh, that saddened expression on Tim's face was back. “Yeah. I'll leave you to it, then. See you.”
Sasha frowned to herself as Tim turned and walked away. She'd been too harsh, she knew, but- She just needed time. Absently, she rubbed her hand over her chest. The warmth where her heart sat did not abate.
“I can't believe this!” Sasha complained for the hundredth time as she dropped the box with her stuff off at her new desk. Tim was perched ontop of the one next to hers, lazily arranging his assortment of desk toys. “I mean, Jon? Really?”
Tim nodded sagely. “Yeah, you're way more qualified.”
“This is misogyny,” Sasha grumbled as she sunk down on her chair. Tim nodded again.
“Probably spot on. Elias seems like the kind of guy to argue for tradition in the work place, or some bullshit like that.”
Sasha couldn't help but chuckle. “Elias Douchard.”
Tim gasped, pretending to be scandalised. “Don't call him that! That's still our boss. Try a little harder.” He grinned. “Elias Bitchard.”
This time, she laughed outright. “Eliass.”
“No!” Tim gasped, clutching his chest in mock outrage, before dissolving into giggles. “Eliass Bitchard.”
Sasha hummed, tapping her chin as if she had to think hard about her next words. “I still think Douchard sounds better.”
Tim snorted. “You just hate to see me win.”
Sasha put on her best innocent face, batting her eyes at Tim. “Whatever gave you that idea?”
Tim averted his gaze, turning his head abruptly and suddenly looking very, very interesting in a small fidget cube next to his keyboard. Sasha frowned. Had she said something wrong?
She just wanted to call out to Tim, ask what was wrong, when she caught sight of his face, and- Oh. He was blushing, a soft redness slowly creeping over his face and all the way to his ears.
For the first time since this foreign warmth started spreading through Sasha, she considered that it might be mutual. And if it was mutual, then- then it must be love, right? But Sasha didn't fall in love, she didn't.
She got up abruptly before she could follow that train of thought any further. Tim shot her a puzzled glance, half concern and half confusion, but she just shook her head.
“I need- I'm gonna go get some air.”
She rushed out of the archives faster than she needed to, pushing Martin, who was carrying his own box, out of the way with a muttered apology and barely a glance back. Only when she stumbled out of the back entrance of the Institute into the dim alley between two buildings did she stop.
She leaned heavily against the wall, clutching her chest over the spot where her heart was beating erratically.
Sasha did not love Tim.
This didn't happen to her, she didn't get crushes- much less fall head over heels in love! That feeling was reserved for romance movies and other people, not her.
The door she had stumbled through an indeterminable amount of time before cracked open, and someone joined her in the alley. Sasha didn't need to look up to know who it was.
Tim leaned next to her against the wall. “Sash?” His voice was careful, as if he didn't want to startle her. She'd clearly worried him.
“I'm fine,” she muttered, convincing no one, least of all herself.
Tim snorted, quiet and subdued. “Sure. Storming outside is exactly what I'd call fine.” There was no bite in his words, just quiet teasing, and Sasha's heart clenched with affection. “You startled poor Martin, y’know? And after he was already so nervous about the transfer…”
Sasha hummed quietly. “Sorry… I didn't mean to worry you. I just- I needed air.” Not really a lie, but it didn't feel like her head was any clearer now that she was outside.
“I get that.” Tim nodded. “Wanna talk about it? You've been acting- off, ever since we-”
They both grimaced in sync.
“I know,” Sasha apologised, “I'm sorry. It's just- I've been feeling weird ever since then, and I don't. I just need time. To figure out why.”
“Weird?” Tim prompted gently. “Weird, how?”
“Just-” Sasha waved her hands through the air in front of them, gesturing vaguely. “Whenever you- I don't know! Whenever you're you, I just feel so-” She made a frustrated noise. “I can't explain it!”
Tim didn't say anything for a few seconds, prompting Sasha to turn her heard to him in confusion. He was grinning wide at her, some kind of deep understanding shimmering in his eyes. It worried her a little, that Tim looked at her like he just had some grand realisation when she had no idea what was going on.
“Sasha James,” he said, hushed. “Do you like me?”
Sasha yelped, turning her head away in defiance. “No!”
Then she paused, reconsidering. “Maybe? I don't know! I've never- I don't like people like that, never!”
From the corner of her eye, she could see Tim's face fall, and she was quick to correct his assumption. “No- it's not you. You're not- It's me. There was always something wrong with me. I don't get crushes, I never have.”
“Oh,” Tim muttered, and Sasha couldn't place if that was disappointment or pity in his voice or something else entirely. Something must've shown on her face, because Tim was quick to continue. “Sasha… There's nothing wrong with you for that. You don't need to love people in that way to be ‘normal’, and I hope you know I would never judge you for that.”
Sasha's breath hitched. She did. She did know that. But that wasn't really the problem, was it? If it was just that she didn't feel those things, then that'd be fine, but- “But now I do. I think- I think I really do have a crush on you, but- that's never happened before. I don't know how to deal with that.”
Tim's face softened, and he reached out to carefully wrap his arm around her shoulders. “The great Sasha James,” he joked, “not knowing how to deal with something. Never thought I'd see the day.”
Sasha squealed, embarrassed. “Tim!”
But he wouldn't be deterred. “In that case, I want to let you know that I think I have a crush on you too.”
Having her own words mirrored back at her like that made her giggle almost hysterically. “Stop! Don't say it like that, that's horrible. We sound like teenagers.”
Tim snorted. “Not my fault if I'm right!”
He sobered up quickly, leaning forward to force Sasha to meet his eyes. “If you want, we can just- test the waters, yeah? Go on a few dates, see what happens. You don't have to have your feelings figured out just yet.”
Hearing him say it like that, it sounded so logical. Sasha nodded, hesitantly. “Yeah. Yeah- okay. That sounds good.” She cleared her throat. “We can go to the pub on Friday?” She suggested hesitantly. “Less alcohol this time.”
“It's a date!” Tim said cheerily, and squeezed her shoulders. The affectionate gesture made that warm something flutter in her chest again, but she thinks it might be alright now. Tim could probably make anything alright.