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"I'm tired." Rook whispered, staring up at the sky. Laying on the rocks that made up the balcony outside of the lighthouse.
Lucanis looked over to rook, laying beside him. He would have missed his words if they weren't the only noise around.
"....tired, of what exactly?" He spoke up in a soft tone. Rook turned his head to face the other man's.
"Something in me hopes I don't make it back when we defeat the gods." Rook spoke under his breath, some part of him hoping that Lucanis wouldn't actually hear him. But, Lucanis sits up, eyebrows furrowed in shock, hurt.
"How could you say such a thing?" He moved closer to rook, it scared him, turning away in response.
"....sorry" the quietness of his voice only hurt Lucanis more.
"No, this team needs you, rook. I need you."
"I... Know." He sighed. "Eventually Varric will be better, and the team won't need each other, we'll all go our separate ways, and I'll go in everyones memories as a hero who saved the world. Who died saving the world."
"After we defeat the gods, we could have a life together, be by my side with the crows. There's still a life after the gods, you don't have to die."
Rook finally looked back over to Lucanis, a frown on his face, a bleak expression.
Rook opened his mouth to speak, but shut it shortly after. Feeling slightly defeated, and looked back up at the sky of the fade.
In the silence, Lucanis didn't stop staring at Rook, his love. He went through every interaction they've had in his head, trying to figure out why rook feels this way.
After a few minutes, he came to a realization.
Rook knows every member of the team really well. He'd go with them when needed for personal things, he knew their lives, their hardships. He helped them all through everything.
Not a single one of them did anything in return. Hell, nobody knows anything about him other than he's a Lord of fortune.
"Rook."
He looked over to Lucanis, ready to listen. His expression blank.
"Who are you?"
The question caught him off guard, not knowing how to respond or even what to say.
"....what do you mean?"
"What was your life like before all this? Who were your parents? You have scars all over your body, and you're the only one who knows why."
Rook went slack-jawed, not even knowing what to say. He sat up moving to lean against the building behind them. Lucanis joining him. After a few seconds, his expression turned doleful.
"Do you only care now because of my sadness? I let some of it slip away into the open as I was too tired to keep holding onto it, and that's when you notice?"
Lucanis looked shocked once more. Trying to speak but nothing could come out properly. "No- hold on. I was always aware of your pain. Everyone has it, it would be foolish of me to think otherwise. I care now because I always have. Now I just finally have the words."
Rook seemed dejected, looking away. Sighing as he held his knees to his chest.
"What is your pain, rook? Why do you hide it?"
He paused, piecing together words in his brain. "Im only the leader because I made myself confident. I live on stupid decisions and I ruin lives, I can't do anything right. The things I love will leave eventually, they always do. Nothing lasts forever, as they say."
"Rook..." Lucanis reached out to him, a hand brushing his cheek. "I won't leave you, I'll --"
Rook cuts him off, grabbing his hand and turning to him. "No, Lucanis. You won't. It's.. it's like I'm cursed. You'll leave after a few weeks or so and I'll have to grieve you for the rest of my life. One way or another, you'll lose your love for me."
"No, rook--"
"No one's.. ever. Truly loved me. I'm unlovable Lucanis. I'm too much, for anyone. I have more flaws than benefits. Everyone leaves, I don't even keep my friends for more than a year. I'm truly, TRULY, unlovable. Not even my parents could love me."
Lucanis knew there's nothing he could say to change the way rook thought. It hurt him to see his love like this. He grabbed rook, pulling them into a tight hug.
Rook didn't even process it for a moment. It's like he couldn't even feel the hug, like he didn't even know what was going on. But maybe that was good. Maybe for once, he could feel the touch of another, without it burning.