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Courtney has had a roller coaster of a time the past year or so. Starting from when she went to Total Drama Island and had to deal with all her teammates not respecting her. Then Harold voted her out after she’d finally kissed Duncan. Then the whole mess that was season two.
To be honest that was where the extremes came in. The main thing behind the anger being confusion. She honestly felt strange about the whole Gwen and Duncan thing. Obviously she was concerned and angry, but the reasons why were odd.
She didn’t really feel concerned she’d take Duncan out of liking him. The whole thing with Duncan had started to feel off in general. There was chemistry between them obviously, but it didn’t feel right. It was like her body was into it, but her mind wasn’t. If that made any sense. Like she liked Duncan physically, but had no emotional investment.
The whole thing with Gwen felt more like she was concerned she’d take Duncan because she wouldn’t have a boyfriend to prove…something. She’s honestly not sure why she so desperately needs people to know she has a boyfriend. Courtney’s not really the kind to put all her self worth into whether or not she was dating. In fact Duncan was the first person she’d kissed ever.
Their first kiss that night had felt good. Even pretty passionate, but like not emotionally. Sure she’d been emotional about leaving Duncan that night, but it honestly felt more like she was appreciative that Duncan cared.
When she returned to the game in Action she’d gotten to see Duncan again. It was nice. She enjoyed seeing him, but she wasn’t about to let that get in her way. Things felt good between them. She could even say that she was having fun with their rivalry. Until she decided to kiss Duncan again so she could knock him off the pillar in the caveman challenge.
This time the kiss was even more off. It still felt good physically, but on the inside she felt nothing about it. Of course that could be because this kiss was a means to an end. It wasn’t meant to be romantic.
Things with Duncan continued to feel off. She liked being with him. She enjoyed their rivalry and wrestling with him was really fun. At the merge when she thought the building they were in was going to blow up, she huddled in on him. Duncan feels safe to her, and yet there doesn’t seem to be anything romantic about it.
And during the superhero challenge she wanted to save Duncan obviously, but that felt more like because he was the only person here she could count on in the game. And then there was the princess pride where Justin seemed to be flirting with her out of nowhere.
It would be a lie to say she wasn’t physically attracted to Justin, but just like with Duncan there didn’t seem to be any romantic feelings attached to it. Still she enjoyed being complimented and Duncan had been disrespectful towards her. So she leaned into it.
During the mystery challenge she’d wanted to prove Duncan’s innocence, but that was because she didn’t think he’d done it. That and she wanted to keep her only ally on her side. Admittedly she was upset when Lindsay got to see a movie with him, but that felt more out of principle than anything else.
From there she and Duncan continued to have their rivalry. From guitars in the biopic, to trying to beat each other with battle robots,. But while there was certainly something emotional about it, it didn’t feel romantic. More like banter with an old friend.
Which was why when he did ask her to be his girlfriend she had panicked. A contract had been drawn up that she hadn’t really thought through. It was less about romance and more about control. More about trying to make Duncan into what she needed. After all, the lack of romantic feelings must be because he wasn’t the kind of guy to invoke those feelings.
He dumped her at the end of the episode, but to be honest she was more upset that it made her look bad. And when he won the money she had gotten back together with him. Both for the money, and because she wanted to give it another try. This time without the stupid contract.
But over the next few months things simply didn’t feel right between them. They got into a lot of fights and eventually broke up again. Then when they were trying to stop the dirtbag truck they’d got into a fight and ended up making out.
It was strange, but Courtney had noticed over the time they’d properly been together that the only time she felt emotionally invested in kissing Duncan was when she was angry at him. it didn't feel romantic in that instance. It was more visceral than that.
Then there’s this season. World Tour. Duncan abandoned her at the beginning of the season. Leaving her without a single ally. She was still upset with Gwen after all. Mostly because she was a threat to her relationship with Duncan. It wasn’t anything romantic, but she didn’t want Gwen to take away the idea of them being a thing. For whatever reason she needs people to know that it was a possibility.
But while things started off harsh between them, she and Gwen started to grow close over their hatred of Heather. At first that was all it was, but then Gwen took blame for her actions in Newfoundland. That had felt so good. Really good, like she was floating.
During the break in Jamaica they grew even closer. They hung out a lot and she couldn’t help but tease Gwen about being on the beach but under an umbrella. Or laugh with her when Heather gets splashed by the boys. Or even pranking Heather by hiding her make up bag.
It felt so good to be with Gwen. Which didn’t make any sense. She was worried about her taking Duncan right? So why does it feel like she’s meant to be around her? Why does her heart beat? Why does she feel like she never wants to leave her?
The London challenge had them working together. They were so in sync. So on the same wavelength. It felt amazing. Until they found and captured Duncan that was. Duncan. He’s the guy she’s supposed to be with. The guy that everyone thinks she likes. And she does like him, just not romantically.
So she shoves whatever Gwen is making her feel into a box. She asked Duncan if they were still a thing, because she’s not sure anymore. And he says they aren’t. She expected to be scared by that, but she’s not. She almost feels relieved.
But… she can’t stop thinking about it. She knows that she feels different with Gwen and she’s not sure why. So she goes to the confessional to talk about it, only to find Gwen inside.
“Sorry, Sorry. I uh, didn’t know it was occupied.” She admitted.
“No, no. My fault for not locking the door.” Gwen told her.
Courtney examined the lock. “Actually I think it broke.”
“Oh. So uh? Did you overhear anything?” The goth asked.
“No. Why?” She asked.
“I was just talking about stuff. You know.” Gwen smiled nervously. “So uh, you must be pretty happy Duncan’s back.”
“I am. But uh, not for the reasons you’d think. I uh, don’t think we’re together anymore. I uh asked and he thinks we aren’t so…” She trailed.
“Oh. Uh. Sorry to hear that?” Gwen said.
“I’m not even upset about it. Which is strange because you’re supposed to be right?” Courtney asked.
“I mean. Only if you still wanted to be together.” Gwen said.
“Yeah…” She trailed.
She doesn’t know what’s going on. The air feels thick and her heartbeats quicken. She feels awkward. And then…Gwen kisses her. And it feels amazing. It feels so much different from all the times she’s kissed Duncan. She realizes with a start that her feelings for Duncan, outside of the physical, are more like friendship, and her relationship with Gwen is deeper. Is she gay? If that’s the case than why does her body react to Duncan? She decides to put it out of her mind. Because she finally knows what it’s like to kiss someone with romantic investment.
Outside the confessional Duncan is watching with his mouth open. “Wow. I misread that one.”
We switch to Chris watching on a camera. “Not what I expected to happen, but this works.”