Work Text:
“UGH,” Nick groaned, falling back on the bed dramatically.
“Oi,” Charlie said, looking up from his Switch as the bed shifted. “What’s up?”
“Is it just me or is the entire internet just so GROSS lately?” Nick asked.
Charlie looked puzzled. “I mean… the internet is always gross, but I’m afraid you’re gonna have to be more specific, Nicholas.”
Nick frowned. “I don’t know if it’s just me, or like whatever the stupid algorithm is feeding me, but I just feel like everyone online has just been so… biphobic recently?”
Charlie contemplated for a moment, measuring his response. “It’s definitely not just you,” he replied. “I’ve noticed it too, and it’s really really strange and I feel like people are just too… obsessed with what other people do with their lives? And how they identify? And who they’re with? It’s definitely upsetting and I honestly think it’s just a bunch of lonely people projecting their insecurities and internalized anger towards people they don’t even know.”
Nick sighed. “GOD it’s just so… infuriating. Like first of all, no one OWES you their sexuality, or a public coming out. Just because I posted on Instagram coming out about us, doesn’t mean everyone has to. And also, people act like bisexual or pansexual people identify as queer just for fun, or for popularity, which is just so fucking stupid. And all of a sudden, when they date the opposite gender, they’re invalid. Like what the fuck is 'queerbaiting' anyway? Who even came up with that term? Like, to exist in the world as a queer person is already so hard, and I feel like it really minimizes what we go through and it’s even worse when it’s people within our community who say bullshit like that because a lot of times it is and I’m like you don’t understand how lucky you have to be and–”
“Woah, woah, slow down sweetheart,” Charlie interrupted him, placing his hands on his shoulders. “It’s okay. You’re working yourself up, just take a breath.”
Nick breathed deeply and relaxed his shoulders. “God. Sorry. Also, you know what else is so weird? In general, a lot of bi men are told they're 'gay but don’t wanna commit to the label,' and bi women are called straight but just attracted to less… I don’t know… traditionally masculine men, I guess? Like why does it always boil down to attraction to men? I was talking to Tara, Darcy, and Sahar about it and apparently there’s also a lot of tension between lesbians and bi women in online spaces. Which seems so UNBELIEVABLY stupid, because genuinely why? Queer people can’t even afford to be at odds with each other, especially now, and don’t even get me STARTED on the court rulings on trans people, like here and America, it’s just so unbelievably fucked up, and…” Nick stopped himself when his voice started breaking. To his own surprise, he felt tears prickling in his eyes.
“Oh, Nick,” Charlie said gently, pulling him into a hug. They were silent for a few moments as Charlie caressed his hair.
Charlie repositioned them, lying against the pillows and beckoning Nick to lay on his chest, as he continued to caress his hair. “I didn’t realize this was all affecting you so much. If I had to try to understand it all, which I really can’t, I’d say… I feel like people can’t really comprehend the concept of fluidity for some reason, it’s like you have to box yourself and only like one thing for your entire life. Also, it’s okay if you only like one thing your entire life! Like with you, just because you’re going to be with me for the rest of your life–sorry Nick, I’m not giving you a choice–it doesn’t make you any less bi. People are obsessed with trying to control things, and they’re afraid of what they can’t understand. Humans were never meant to fit into these perfect boxes, and boxes are just a way of controlling people. There are just so many sad, sad, bigoted people out there who just want to control others and their happiness. And you’re right, it’s that much more heartbreaking when it’s people in our own community, because they of all people should understand. They should KNOW how it feels when people try to invalidate you or your existence, claim that you’re doing things just for show. Like where’s the integrity? It’s so fucked up.”
“Yeah,” Nick responded, quietly. “I just… I know I’m gonna have to come out to people for the rest of my life, and I’ll have to explain my sexuality for the rest of my life, and I’m exhausted just thinking about it. I just…wish I didn’t have to. And it’s not because I’m ashamed of you, of us, or anything, it’s the opposite. It’s more about me, I guess. Like, I just want to exist.”
Charlie kissed his head. “I know sweetheart. And in a perfect world you wouldn’t have to keep explaining yourself. First of all, I would never think you were ashamed of us, of me, of this, so you don’t have to clarify it every time we talk about this stuff.”
“S–”
“Shhh. No s-word. And I’ll be right there with you. Of course I would never claim to have the same experience as you, but there’s some similarities, yeah? Coming out is a lifelong thing I’m afraid, but it gets easier over time. And you can always make judgment calls in situations. Like, if you don’t think a space is safe for us, just talk to me, and we can figure out where to go from there. And I would never be offended in any way if you make the call that we’re just ‘best bros’ in a potentially dangerous situation. And I know you’d do the same for me.”
“Thanks Char.” Then, Nick lifted his head and looked into his boyfriend’s eyes, the warm hazel piercing deep within his soul. “You’re a bisexual boy’s dream.”
“Nick…” Charlie started.
“You really are. Like…in our early days, you didn’t just make me realize I like boys. It was more than that. You made me realize that someone could actually give me butterflies, and make me feel like I can’t breathe and want to be with them all the time. That somehow, someone other than my mum, let alone another boy, would want to take care of me. I didn’t think it was possible. I didn’t think boys were allowed to do that. To check in on each other like that. To talk to each other like that. To care about each other like that. And yeah, now I know it was because I was falling in love with you, but it also completely changed the way I viewed friendship, too. It was only when I realized I wanted to hold your hand and hug you all the time and then, yeah, kiss you, that I figured out what I was feeling was more, but you had already completely changed my life even before I knew I wanted you to be in it forever.”
“For fuck’s sake, Nick,” Charlie blubbered. He tried to wipe the tears from his eyes, but they just wouldn’t stop. And when he tried to speak again, he hiccuped. Both boys erupted into a fit of giggles; then Nick threw himself at the younger boy and buried himself into his neck.
“I don’t know how you manage to keep doing these insanely heartfelt speeches, even after all this time,” Charlie managed after a few minutes. “Like do you rehearse these before you say them?”
Nick laughed. “What can I say, Char. You make it so easy.”
Charlie hummed, the blush creeping up his cheeks. “I love you, you sappy idiot.” Then he kissed him. “And you’re so so so valid.” Another kiss. “And you’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”
“I love you. And even with all the bullshit, it’s all worth it to be with you.”
Charlie held him close, wishing he could shield Nick from all the bad things. He had to keep reminding himself that this hatred, this vitriol that runs through people’s hearts is a reflection of them, not him and Nick. That they can try all they want to scare people like them into submission, but that they couldn’t, they wouldn’t, disappear. Progress seems temporary when regressive policies prevail. It’s easy to be discouraged; it’s surprising when ordinary people reveal how selfish they are, when they uphold values that are sinister, discriminatory, based in hierarchy and exploitation. But to exist freely, to be joyful, to engage in community and togetherness, and to strive for a brighter future is radical. And he and Nick would continue to do that.
In every universe, they survive.