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The mission to rescue the Dalish elves from being sacrificed to the gods by the Venatori was successful, but it was not without consequences.
Neve had been brilliant as always extracting information and convincing the Venatori she belonged there with Rook and Emmrich, but it didn’t matter. Elgar’nan had known immediately they were there and had done everything he could to thwart the rescue attempt.
Remy Ingellvar - “Rook” to the team - was used to taking hits. She used to be one of Nevarra’s most promising young warriors and had trained extensively to avoid injury while actively getting hurt. Remy’s body was beaten up. She had blood in places she couldn’t reach. She would be black and blue come morning, but none of that compared to the pounding in her head. Having one ancient elven god in her head while she was sleeping was more than enough. Having two of them work out their mutual hatred of each other while battling waves upon waves of Venatori and darkspawn in the middle of a rescue mission was beyond exhausting. That was not anything she had ever trained for.
She just needed a minute to breathe, but the hits just kept on coming. D’Meta’s Crossing. Minrathous. Weisshaupt. Not to mention the griffons, the aftermath in Treviso, the endless assault on the Dalish by their own gods.
Most of the team had dispersed to their rooms after they returned from Arlathan, but Lucanis and Neve had remained with Remy. Lucanis had put together a small dinner for the trio, but Remy soon got the sense that she was a bit of a third wheel. Excusing herself to leave them alone, she trudged up the stairs of The Lighthouse to her room but stopped at the hallway leading to Emmrich’s room. He had been quiet on the trek back to the Dalish camp. They had all been quiet, but normally, he was the one to rally the troops through their dried blood, sweat, and tears to encourage them on for another day. He was probably tired, she didn’t need to bother him, but all she wanted was to crawl in his lap and cry.
She continued to her room instead with the intent to go to sleep, but the Lighthouse had other ideas for what she needed. When she stepped into her room, Rooks senses were overloaded with the smell of apple blossom and jasmine and warm, steamy air from a very large tub filled with bubbles in front of the aquarium window.
Ok. Now she really was going to cry.
She peeled off her armor and sank low into the tub, grateful for this small gift from the Fade. Open lacerations she didn’t know she had started to sting, and she let out a hiss as her body adjusted to the temperature of the water and the sudden pain. She wanted to relax, but all she could hear was Solas and Elgar’nan arguing the moment she closed her eyes.
She washed off the rest of the blood and blight wincing as the washcloth scrubbed across her wounds. Bruises were forming under her skin, and she could feel her muscles tightening up even in the warm bath. Emmrich and Neve had also taken a beating and guilt formed in her belly. Neve had barely just recovered from helping Remy disrupt Solas’s ritual, and here Neve was again, getting injured because of Remy’s choices.
And Emmrich, gods, thank the Maker for that man. He’d been so steady in this never-ending chaos. She was a ship lost at sea and his light had brought her to a place that felt like home. Too bad she hadn’t told him that yet. Suddenly needing that light and warmth from him, she dressed her wounds and finished getting dressed quickly before scuttling over to Emmrich’s room.
She knocked politely, which was absurd because he was used to her just barging in and making announcements about missions or just to talk about whatever was on her mind at that moment. She knocked again when the door didn’t open but heard a hiss from Manfred and took that to mean she had been called inside.
The door to Emmrich’s secret bedroom was open, the bookshelves moved to the side and Remy moved farther into the room. Manfred was preparing another cup of tea and hissed happily as he saw Rook.
“Emm? You in here?”
She saw her mage sitting on his bed also having bathed and dressed, but his back turned to her and her stomach knotted up. Why hadn’t he answered the door or called out to her when she came in?
“Emm, are you ok?”
“Hello, dearest. Yes. I’m fine, just tending to my wounds. Nothing for you to fret about.” He remained facing away from her and the pit in her stomach grew, something was wrong.
“No? Then why won’t you look at me?” She stepped closer to him and put a hand on his back softly. His muscles tensed at her touch, and she pulled her hand back. His head hung low and his back rose as he took a deep breath in. He turned towards her slowly as he let out his breath and Remy saw what he was trying to hide.
“Oh, Maker. Emmrich, I am so sorry! How did this even happen? You’re supposed to stay back!” She rushed over to him and sat on the bed next to him examining the black eye that was quickly forming. She touched his bruises on his right eye delicately and he winced at the slight contact. Emmrich grabbed her hands with his and pulled them from his face. Remy studied his face and finally saw the exhaustion in his weary eyes. Horror and guilt racked through her as she took in the toll his body and mind had taken since joining her team.
“I shouldn’t have brought you with me, I should have gone with Neve alone.” She stood and started pacing the room, rambling about all the mistakes she had made not just that day, but every day. Every cut, every bruise, every time Remy had made a decision, someone got hurt. At this rate and with her track record, what was next? Someone would die on her watch! She could bear this burden alone; she could take the pain and Solas invading her mind. She could handle the weight of the gods, but she never wanted anyone to feel that burden or get hurt. And if it was Emmrich? That was unacceptable for him to get hurt and if he died? She would never be able to forgive herself. No. That wouldn’t happen. Not on Remy’s watch. How could she have let this happen again?
Soft yet bruised hands wrapped themselves around her from behind and Emmrich placed a kiss on her head, and he held her softly.
“Darling, you’re spiraling.” Emmrich’s voice was quiet yet firm. He held her close and rested his chin on her head waiting for her to relax. But she couldn’t relax, not when he had been hurt because of her.
“I know! I can’t stop. I can’t slow down. I can’t breathe. I can’t…. I - I can’t lose you!” She sagged in his arms as the weight of the world finally bore down on her soul
And there it was.
The final thread of the quickly fraying rope that was keeping Remy together had snapped. The tears that had been threatening to fall made good on their threat and flowed freely. She wailed loudly as Emmrich just held her tightly and cried silent tears of his own. He whispered soft reassurances to her. She was safe, she was not alone, she did not have to carry this on her own.
She had never opened up like this before to him or anyone else on the team as far as he was aware. She may have if Varric were still here, but she had shouldered the weight of being a leader on her own. She never let on she was breaking, she never let it show that any of this was affecting her so deeply. She just nodded her head and charged forward while making sure everyone else around her was good. Guilt hit him in the gut as he scolded himself for not checking in with her more, knowing he held himself back in a feeble attempt at protecting his heart. But with Remy cracked wide open in his arms, he couldn’t stop his heart from charging forward, heartbreak be damned.
Emmrich guided them over to his worktable and sat upon it. He expected Remy to sit beside him on the slab, but she crawled into his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. Her sobs slowed down, and she nuzzled her face into the crook of his neck, sitting there quietly as she steadied her breathing. A few shuddering breaths escaped her before she spoke.
“I’m so sorry.” It came out as a soft whisper and Emmrich’s eyes closed at the rawness of her voice. He’d never seen her so vulnerable, and he understood the fragile place she was in as he’d been there many times himself.
“Whatever for, darling? There is nothing for you to be sorry for.” He also spoke softly and rested his head on top of hers. Remy’s hands caressed the back of his neck in a slow pattern and the movements seemed to ground her.
“For falling apart, for being scared, for getting you hurt. I’m just sorry for a lot of things.” She sat up and cradled his face in her hands. One hand on the back of his head and the other resting gently below his new black eye, she studied his face for every new bruise or cut, and tears filled her eyes once more as she took in the damage that had been done.
“Those aren’t things to be sorry for, dearest. You’ve been quite remarkable carrying the burden alone, but you don’t have to. We all chose to be here, to fight the gods with you. We chose to take on the risks and the hurt, just like you did. You can rely on us to share this burden with you. You can rely on me.”
She nodded softly at his words and knew deep down that he was right. She could absolutely rely on her team and she knew they chose to be here. She just had not ever had anyone who she could count on before, let alone six people.
“I know, it’s just been me for so long.” Her voice cracked as more tears threatened to fall, but she held them in letting out a deep breath instead. She pressed a kiss softly to his forehead then rested her brow against his. “I meant what I said. I can’t lose you.”
“That is a sentiment we share, my darling. I’ve felt it for some time, but we’ve had so few chances to really express the true depths of this new venture of ours.” He brushed a stray lock of hair back into place and looked into her eyes. “I can’t lose you either, Remy.”
“This thing between us is real, isn’t it? Not that it wasn’t real or serious before, I just mean I don’t see an end to it. I see us beating the gods and going back to Nevarra. I see us eating at that little cafe downtown and then visiting the latest art exhibits. I’ve never had that with anyone before and it scares me to even picture those things, but it scares me even more that we won’t be able to do them.” Remy blinked and a tear rolled down her cheek as she wiped away the tears that had fallen down Emmrich’s beautiful face.
His heart panged with guilt as his first thought was of his own desire for lichdom - a stark contrast to the future Remy was imaging for them in her mind. He kissed her tear-stained cheeks and smiled softly as he said what could have been a lie, but he wasn’t so sure actually was a lie at that moment.
“I can see all of that and more for us too, my darling.”
His next words were nothing but the truth.
“This is very real for me too. I’ve given my heart away countless times, and so rarely has a heart been given to me in return. But I give you my heart, Remy, with great fear that you won’t accept it.” He closed his eyes waiting for the rejection, but it never came. Instead, soft lips pressed against his, and warm hands held him in place. She kissed his cheeks, placed a kiss on his nose, and drew him down to kiss his forehead before finally placing another kiss on his lips.
“I accept the gift of your heart, Emmrich Volkarin. And I offer mine back freely to you.”
They were the sweetest words he had ever heard, and he allowed the tears to flow freely and a smile to break free. He opened his eyes to see a smile as wide as his and Remy’s blue eyes looking at him like he had hung the moon and stars especially for her. He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed her tightly while peppering her beautiful face with kisses until they were both giggling like school children.
“Ow, ok! I love this, but it hurts.” She winced slightly as he held and kissed her, but the smile never fell, and she only moved closer to him returning the affection with kisses of her own until their mouths were only a fraction apart. They sat for a moment breathing each other in until Remy broke the silence.
“Thank you for being you.”
Emmrich smiled once more and kissed his beloved slowly, deeply.
Neither had felt so seen or understood before. All the times before when they felt like they were too much for someone, or worse like they weren’t enough for them no longer mattered. The moments when the loneliness became overwhelming were a thing of the past. They knew this place is where their hearts belonged to be treasured and loved for all time.