Chapter Text
Every summer since they found each other, they came home together.
It was their natural space. A place that felt calm, safe… like a haven.
Their summer home.
There was a heatwave and they were exhausted, thirsty and panting because of the long flight home. They were watching from the patio tree at the two people inside the house.
‘’Colin, look!! They’re here again!!’’
‘’Really?’’ Colin said, surprised and excited as he dropped the knife on the counter and walked to the glass door.
‘’Yeah,'' Penelope whispered with a loving look in her eyes.
‘’Woah… It’s incredible they come back again this year,'' he said, amazed, looking at the patio tree.
‘’Well, they say swallows are very loyal to their nesting place. And to their partner,’’ she pointed out. ‘’But… oh my God… they’re even panting from the heat. Poor babies, they’ve flown for six weeks to come here and they find themselves in the middle of a heatwave’’.
‘’Oh! Are you an expert on swallows now?,'' he teased her, raising an eyebrow and smirking.
‘’Well, when they came last year I wanted to know more about them,’’ she shrugged. ‘’I’m gonna put a small plate with a bit of water on the patio table in case they want to drink some or freshen up.’’
While his best friend was doing that, Colin returned to cut the veggies for dinner. The drive to the summer cottage wasn’t long but the heatwave made them a bit irritable and they were tired. They just wanted to have dinner and go to sleep.
Even though his family always spends the summer at Aubrey Hall, they always wanted to stay a few weeks at this small cottage and join the family later.
They wanted to be able to have a few days of peace and rest from the chaos of their lives and families. Enjoy each other’s presence, talk about their lives, telling stories of their jobs and adventures, how they were feeling…
Disconnect from the world and be just them. Colin and Pen. Doing nothing and everything at the same time. Finding peace in each other and with themselves.
It is the only time of the year he refuses to give up under any circumstances. No matter how far he is, no matter how important his next assignment is or how much money they offer.
It is the only time of the year she doesn’t feel anxious. No matter how many times Eloise told her to spend the whole summer with all of them - she was with her the rest of the year. And she needs the peace Colin gives her, she needs the way he makes her laugh.
It is the only time of the year they can be physically together. The rest of the year they talk, they text, they make video calls, but it’s not the same.
They set up dinner at the patio table to enjoy the breeze, the nature and to watch the swallows while they ate. They did this every year but since the couple of swallows arrived for the first time last year, it added more magic to the time they spend together.
‘’They look better now,’’ Penelope observed.
‘’Did they drink from the plate you put for them?’’ as they were eating, the plate was now on a chair in front of the tree.
‘’No,’’ she pouted ‘’They didn't even try to approach it.’’
‘’It's something new to them. Maybe they don't trust it or don't feel it safe enough.’’
‘’They have felt pretty safe with us from the very first moment. Like they trust we're not going to disturb them or harm them,’’ she beamed.
Colin was staring at the male swallow, with a beautiful brilliant blue plumage, watching at the slimmer brown female that was placing her head under her wing.
‘’Look, Birdnelope already fell asleep,’’ he said, reaching for Penelope's arm.
‘’Oooh... I love how they come down here from their nest every night to sleep at a cooler place,’’ she said, dropping her fork on her plate as she finished eating.
‘’My mum told me that when my dad and her stayed here, they also saw a swallow couple coming every year,’’ his expression turned sad and he sigh ‘’But the year my dad died, she came back here that summer and the swallows didn't return,’’ he stayed silent for a beat and then he smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes "She was really happy to know that another pair chose this place to nest for the summer after all this time".
Penelope took his hand with a reaffirming squeeze and smiled at him. Colin smiled back and kissed her hand.
‘’Come on, let's clear the table and go to sleep,’’ he said getting up
‘’Yeah, it looks like Cuckoolin is falling asleep too. Let's let them sleep peacefully. They need it’’
-------------------------------
At 6 am Penelope woke up by the sound of the swallows singing. She opened her eyes and saw them through the window flying from the tree to the roof, where they made their nest last year.
She got up smiling and opened the french doors of her balcony. Something about being able to see up close the everyday life of a family of such tiny animals, being part of their intimate world, swelled her chest.
It was similar to the way she felt with Colin.
Since they met when they were children, they were always around each other. They were inseparable except for the times El got in the middle and stole her away. But they always found their way back to each other.
Penelope went downstairs to make breakfast. She wanted to do something for Colin after he was the one who drove them all the way to the cottage and made dinner last night.
He’s always been so kind, caring and giving. The kind of man you could rely on, always taking care of the people he loved.
And with her, he’s always been so protective. When they went out to a festival or a nightclub, he stayed close to her, holding her hand, protecting her from any creep that tried to cross the line with her while she was dancing. When her mom or sisters were making mean comments about her, he stepped up for her and put them in their place.
He even protected her from herself, when she felt insecure and sometimes said bad things about herself or when anxiety crept up. Colin always reassured her saying how beautiful, intelligent and worthy she was or calmed her anxiety by holding her hand and making her breath with him.
Penelope’s thoughts were interrupted by two strong arms hugging her from behind and holding her tight.
‘’Good morning, Pen,’’ Colin said low with a sleepy hoarse voice, she could tell he was smiling though.
Pen blushed. It's not that she wasn't used to Colin doing this, he was really affectionate, but she couldn't help it. She was in love with him.
‘’Good morning. I thought you were going to sleep longer.’’
‘’The smell of coffee and pancakes woke me up,'' he smiled.
‘’How strange of you,'' she said sarcastically ‘’There’s some fruit too,'' she said as Colin grabbed a strawberry.
‘’Hmm, delicious,’’ he said with his mouth full ‘’Have you found the swallow’s nest?’’
‘’No, I didn't go outside but I saw them flying to the roof and, as they arrived yesterday, I’m guessing they’re gonna use the one they made last year.’’
‘’Yeah, maybe they’re just repairing it,'' he said ‘’Do you fancy a picnic in the meadow?’’ he asked after a few moments of silence. She looked at him smiling, tilting her head and raising her eyebrow.
‘’You know I always do.’’
Although the heatwave hadn’t gone away yet, it was a cooler day.
They had breakfast and unpacked the suitcases, they were too tired to do it last night. Then they prepared everything for the picnic and headed to the meadow.
They set up the blanket under the tree they sat every time they came, in the shadow of it. They put the picnic basket down for later and sat down.
‘’So, how’s the new book going?,’’ Colin asked casually. Penelope gulped and started plucking the daisies around her to calm her anxiety.
Usually their conversation while they drove to the cottage was light and trivial. They preferred to leave the more serious issues for when they were at that little haven. It felt safer because nobody was there and couldn’t listen to those secrets they only shared with each other. Only they could access the deeper part of their soul and mind.
‘’I’m still stuck. This writer’s block is serious. The worst I’ve ever had,’’ she said looking down ‘’It’s been five months already and it doesn’t look it’ll go away soon.’’
Colin stared at her for a few moments while she kept plucking daisies, avoiding his gaze .
‘’Why?’’ he asked. Penelope looked at him with a questioning look ‘’Why do you think you’re stuck? Is it the characters? The story? Or is it you?’’
‘’It’s me,’’ she said without doubt, staring at some point of the meadow, thinking ‘’The publishing team pressures me because I’m not writing and they need the second part… I’m working too much editing books for other authors of Danbury’s that when I get home and sit in front of the screen, it’s just… blank.’’ she started tearing up ‘’And then my anxiety starts rising because there’s too much in my head, and I can’t write anything, but if I don’t write, the team pressures me and that blocks my mind and I think I will lose my creativity and won’t be able to write ever again,’’ she said in one breath with her voice shaking. Suddenly, she felt Colin’s hands on her cheeks. He wiped away her tears and gave her a soft kiss on her nose.
‘’Look at me, Pen.,’’ he said softly. She did it, still sobbing ‘’You are talented, creative and witty and that greatness doesn’t disappear,’’ he said, looking at her meaningfully, ‘’You know for sure that while it’s raining, the sun it’s still there, even if you can’t see it at the moment, right?,’’ he said after a pause. She nodded with her face still in Colin’s hands ‘’You’re like that sun, Pen. And your stories are there with you, they’re just blocked by everything that’s going on in your life. But they’ll come out eventually. They can’t be hidden forever, because it’s who you are,’’ he smiled at her and she smiled back, only hers was smaller but she could see in his eyes the honesty in his words, ‘’Come here.’’
Colin lay down and made her lay down with her head on his chest. Penelope put her hand on his waist. She felt calmer, like she could breathe again.
‘’What can you do to help you write again?,’’ Penelope tried to think of something but she couldn’t see a way.
‘’I assure you I do not know,'' she said sadly.
‘’You said you’re still working at editing other’s books for Danbury’s. Why? Why keep doing that if what you want is writing your owns and the team needs you to write too? You don’t need that additional stress.’’
‘’Because Danbury always said I’m her best editor. And when I wrote and published my first book, I thought I could handle doing both because I could with the first one. And I didn’t want to bail on her.’’
‘’Pen… Agatha wouldn’t care that you leave the editor position, I’m sure of it.,'' Colin said in a soft voice while he ran his fingers through her locks ‘’Look, you’d still be working for her but only as an author. She wants you to keep fulfilling your dreams as a writer and enjoy the process and the growth you’ll get out of it. Most importantly, she wouldn’t want to see your mental health affected by doing something just because you think it will satisfy her. It won’t. It’ll make her feel bad seeing you’re not happy and you’re struggling because of her. She cares for you and loves your mind and the world you create with your stories,'' he smirked and brought his head closer to her ear. As he was about to tell her a secret, he whispered ‘’As do I.’’
She laughed with her whole heart for the first time in a while. She hid her blushing face in his chest and smelled him. Why did he have to be so kind and sweet? Didn’t he realize that it will make her fall more for him?
‘’Hmm… I guess I don’t lose anything by talking to her.’’
Sometimes when you don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, somebody else with a different point of view could see a simple solution that your mind couldn’t see at all.
‘’That’s my girl,'' he said happily ‘’Now, let’s try something about that genius mind of yours,'' he said while sitting up. Colin started looking for something in the bag he brought with him -which she didn’t know what it contained- while she was looking at him curiously. He took out a beautifully wrapped package ‘’I got you something and it’s the perfect moment to use it,'' he gave her the gift ‘’Open it,’’ he said, smiling excitedly.
Penelope tore up the paper and gasped loudly at the sight of the object in her hands. It was a beautiful and elegant brown leather journal with embossed butterflies forming a tree, in which the tree trunk was an embossed stitching as well. The journal was held close by a leather cord that ended with a butterfly charm. Engraved in golden were her initials ‘P.F.’.
Still with her jaw dropped Penelope looked at Colin who had a nervous look and was smiling widely.
‘’I saw it in France in the vintage shop I always buy mine, and it reminded me of you. I just asked them to engrave your initials.,'' she couldn’t help but tear up.
‘’Colin… This… Oh my God… This is so beautiful,'' she said, running her fingers across the cover, feeling every butterfly on her tips and in her stomach.
‘’Do you like it?,’’ he said with a smile, biting his bottom lip and his eyes brightening. Deep in them something weird she’s seen multiple times but didn’t know what it was.
‘’I love it, Colin,’’ smiling brightly, a tear sliding down her cheek.
‘’I bought it so you can write down any idea, anywhere you are. Maybe handwriting can help you, it works for me. And you won’t feel forced to write only when you sit in front of the screen, write when something pops out of your mind.’’
She kept staring at him, tears filling her eyes, no words could come out of her mouth.
‘’Come, let’s try something,’’ Colin said, sitting with his back against the tree and spreading his legs. ‘’Sit here,’’ Penelope did as he asked her and sat between his legs. His whole body around her, his scent filling her nostrils. ‘’Open the journal,'' when she did it, she found an elegant pen inside. ‘’Now, write whatever it comes to your mind.’’
‘’Colin, it’s not that easy,’’ she complained.
‘’Why?,'' he asked. She sighed. It looked like it was the easiest thing for him.
‘’Colin,...’’ she closed her eyes tightly and tried to speak up ‘’How am I gonna write a romance novel when I haven’t had any date in almost a year?’’ she finally blurted out.
Colin stayed silent for a few moments. She felt his body stiffened.
‘’That’s not important,’’ he said in a tense voice when he finally talked. ‘’Everything you need is in your mind and in your heart,’’ Colin put his hands on her waist and whispered. ‘’Close your eyes… Take a deep breath... Now, listen to every sound. Feel everything around you. Let the characters speak.’’
Penelope did as he said. She heard the birds, some chirping, some singing. She heard the buzzing of the bees. She felt the breeze against her skin and softly blowing her curls.
She smelled Colin’s soft musky cologne. She felt his whole body, she felt his breathing and his heartbeats, both calming her. She felt at home.
And her hand began to move.
-------------------------------
The next few days went by the same way. They had breakfast, went to the meadow, talked about everything and anything, laughed and ate what they prepared in the morning and brought in the picnic basket. Penelope was writing everyday, both when they were in the meadow and when they were on the patio watching the swallows after they finished dinner.
That evening they fell asleep cuddling on the sofa after watching a movie. Colin woke up with the smell of pineapple filling his nostrils, Penelope’s head on his chest and her arm around his waist. He smiled. It felt like heaven. He knew she was his best friend, but, God, he wished she wasn’t.
He might be a coward, but he couldn’t bear the pain in his chest every time he saw her knowing she wouldn’t be with him. But, at the same time he couldn’t be far from her. He accepted the job at the travel magazine when she was dating Debling and he couldn’t stand watching them together. So he ran away. But he was selfish and he needed her all to himself at least for a few weeks every year.
She was beautiful, intelligent, witty, funny, kind, sweet… She was perfect. She was everything. And he was… just Colin. Colin the charmer, Colin the wanderer, Colin the yapper, Colin the purposeless, Colin the unnoticed.
She deserved more. Penelope deserved the world.
And she saw him just as her best friend. She always talked about dating others. She has never done anything romantic that has to do with him. And he tried, he flirted. Like the other day in the meadow when he whispered he also loved her and her stories. But she just laughed and, not much later, she spoke about dating other men. He felt a sting in his chest at that moment. It hurt so bad knowing that she wanted to date, but never him.
Colin heard the flapping of wings and, startled, turned his head to look at the open french doors. He was stunned by the sight before him. On top of the open french doors, were the swallows, inside the house.
Slowly trying not to scare them away, Colin softly squeezed Penelope’s arm to wake her up.
‘’Pen,’’ he said whispering. She moved slightly.
‘’What?,’’ she said in a sleepy voice, still with her eyes closed.
‘’The swallows are inside the house,'' he explained, still whispering.
‘’WHAT?,'' she said louder, immediately opening her eyes, wide. She sat up and turned to see where Colin was looking. ‘’Oh, my God.’’
‘’I didn’t want to move much to not startle them, but they didn’t even move with your shout,'' he said, trying to contain his laugh.
Both swallows stayed still just looking at them. Colin looked dreamily at Penelope, who was staring at them.
She was so close to him and he couldn’t take his eyes away from her. Just watching her smile with her eyes shining, delighted by the little things of life, it made him happy. He didn’t need anything else, just her by his side enjoying life.
‘’We should start cooking dinner, but I don’t want them to leave,’’ she said, turning her head to look at him. She was a little surprised to see him so close to her face, but she didn’t move away. They stayed quiet for a few moments Penelope looking at his eyes, Colin looking at her lips. Their breaths dancing together, their heartbeats racing…
‘’Ahhm…,'' he cleared his throat and looked away, to avoid kissing her lips and screwing things up. ‘’W- we could- we could try moving like we usually do but not getting close to them or speaking too loudly.’’ he stuttered. Did that even make sense?
‘’Okay’’, she sighed. Colin frowned at her disappointed look.
They got up, keeping an eye on the swallows, just in case they got scared and flew away. But nothing. They walked to the kitchen and they stayed peacefully on top of the door.
‘’Okay, so it looks like they feel comfortable here with us,'' Colin said and let out a chuckle.
They started cooking fresh summer pasta with burrata and tomatoes. Meanwhile Colin was chopping onions, garlic and herbs, Penelope grabbed two wine glasses and filled them with white wine.
‘’When are you gonna let me read one of your journals again? This year’s, perhaps? ,'' she asked, giving Colin one of the glasses. He took a big sip and swallowed hard.
‘’You know I would, Pen, but this year’s journal is a mess. I have to edit a lot of it to make it readable. Besides, you must be bored of hearing me yapping about my travels.’’
‘’Ha,'' she scoffed. ‘’I will never get tired of listening to your stories, you talk so passionately when you’re telling them,'' she put a pot with water on the stove ‘’And I love reading your stories on paper. You describe everything so well that I can imagine myself being there. When you tell me about them, it’s great. It’s amazing to hear them from your point of view, but when I read them I can feel and hear every single little thing. It feels like I’m living it, like I’m part of the story too.,'' Colin blushed and looked down embarrassed.
No one has ever told him that they love his yapping and his writing. No one except her. Of course no one else has read his journal, when he talks about his travels people get sick of it and tell him to shut up about it, so they weren’t gonna be interested in reading them.
However his Pen always listens to them fascinated and asks questions about them, showing interest in them. So one day in this very cottage, he told her about his journals and his love for writing. They tell each other everything and this is an important part of him, one that he kept hidden. But he trusted her with his whole soul. She gasped and with her shining blue pools and dilated pupils, she asked him if she could read them.
And Colin couldn’t help but give in. He was on edge the whole time while he waited for her to read them. Although he wanted her to like them and for her to see him worthy, he also wanted her to give her honest review and constructive criticism. She did and she’s been asking to read his new journal every year since.
‘’Let’s make a deal. Tomorrow when we go to the meadow, I’ll edit my journal while you’re writing. And after dinner, I’ll give you that part for you to read it,’’ he said, tilting his head.
‘’Deal,'' she said excitedly with a wide smile. He got back to chopping and Penelope gave another sip and leaned against the counter. She looked at him, biting her lip and narrowing her eyes. She took a deep breath and said ‘’Have you ever thought of publishing them?,'' Colin spun his head with surprised and confused eyes.
‘’My journals?’’ she nodded ‘’Who would want to read them?’’ he scoffed, rolling his eyes at that absurdity.
‘’Oh, I don’t know,’’ she said sarcastically ‘’People who loves traveling, people who want to learn about the world, about different cultures and traditions…,’’ she said like it was obvious ‘’The same people who read your articles,’’ Colin shook his head looking down.
‘’Pen, not even my family cares about my stories, how would other people be interested in them?’’
‘’Precisely, it’s your family. You guys are always trying to annoy each other, poking fun at each other, joking… It's what siblings do. But that doesn’t mean they won’t support you or that they won’t like your books if you decide to publish them. Actually, it would even help them to know you better,'' Colin could see she genuinely believed it.
‘’I won’t promise you anything, just… We’ll talk about it when you read this last journal.’’
Penelope shrieked with joy and hugged him from behind.
‘’That’s all I ask,'' she said and kissed his back. Colin felt his stomach flutter where her hand was. His cheeks turning red, goosebumps through his spine. He felt alive with her.
They had dinner at the patio table like every night. Only when they went out, the swallows went out along with them and perched in the tree as they did every night.
Penelope moaned at the taste of the flavourful pasta.
‘’God, this is so delicious. I love when you add chili to it.’’
‘’I know,'' Colin said smugly. ‘’I know everything about you.’’
She smiled nervously.
She was in love with him. And that's the only thing she hasn't ever told him.