Work Text:
A blond girl stood in front of the window in her small room watching the traffic zoom passed outside. The flying traffic no longer phased her. She took a breath pressed record on the holo-device.
“The Jedi therapists say this will help so here goes nothing...
My name is Rachel. I’ve stopped going by my last name, all of us have. We told the Jedi Council it was to show we were not attached to our families and our old lives. I can’t speak to why the others don’t use theirs, secrecy no longer matters, but I didn’t give it up for that reason. I stopped using it because I thought too much of them when I did. It was too painful. I try not to remember but I still do. It’s a hard to forget, watching your world fall apart. Terra, the rest of the galaxy calls it, but to me it will always be Earth. It fell to the yeerks. We fought for a long time. We used the power to morph that Elfangor gave us, sometimes we used something called the Force, although we didn’t know it was called that back then or have a clue what we were doing with it.
The Ellimist said we fought bravely, that I fought bravely. He even said it was worth it. I’m not sure I believe him. He also basically said ‘fuck it’ when he saved us, me in particular. I think he brought me back from the dead or prevented me from dying. I’m pretty sure that’s against his rules. I’m not quite sure which it is and I’ve never asked. Tobias would tell me if I did, but I don’t want to know the answers. All I know is my word went black and then instead of the ship and weapons fire, instead of watching my failure to kill my cousin Tom, a yeerk controller, instead of watching my failure unfold and our planet be fully conquered by parasites, instead of that, I woke up in a field full of flowers. I’d have believed I was dead except it was drizzling and a little chilly. It was the wrong sort of weather for Heaven, but still far too mild to be Hell, assuming those places even exist. The point is everything felt felt just a little off. The air was just perceptibly too thin and the gravity just a little too weak.
I stood up far too quickly and felt lightheaded. Jake, Cassie, Tobias, and Marco were all there too, standing around making comments about the strange planet. Cassie examined the flowers and Jake was at least pretending to be interested in what she was saying. Tobias flew in loop-D-loops and Marco was trying to be funny trying to pretend we didn’t just lose everything. I don’t think any of us wanted to face the reality of what happened, that we lost. Ax had returned home a long time ago, for all the good that did us, help from the Republic never came. Earth is in what the rest of the galaxy calls wild space, and therefore unimportant. Humans on earth didn’t know there was a galactic republic we’d never met another alien species until the yeerks came, but anyway back to the end of the world story.
My world was gone, my family was enslaved or soon to be and I stood in a grassy meadow with three kids in spandex and a part time human trapped in the body of a hawk who’s sorta my boyfriend, sorta… you can see why it’s complicated I don’t need to elaborate. Scattered about the grass were also five clear plastic containers, that everyone was also avoiding, stuff from our old lives, reminders of home. Mine had mostly clothes and a few photos. The Elimist popped in an out. And I do mean popped, one minute he’d be there in his wise old man persona and the next he’d vanish. He is some all powerful Force being that took an interest in saving Earth which means he took an interest in us, lucky us I guess. I’m still not sure how I feel about him. I mean he saved our stuff and not our families because of some stupid rule he’s got about limited interference. I’d rather have my mom, dad and sister than some clothing I got a good deal on at Macy’s. I’m sure the others feel the same way.
Long story short the Ellimist saved us from the same fate as our world and brought us to safety. Elfangor arrived shortly after and now we live at the Jedi Temple.
They said we’d become Padawans, but I don’t think I will, I doubt any of the others will either. It’s been about a year and no one’s picked us, can’t say I blame them. We’re a mess. I’ve lost track of the time because this galactic calendar is different, but it feels like it must be close to a year, so much of that time was a blur of secret missions. Elfangor didn’t want us to reveal to other Jedi we could morph. He wanted our help to spy and discover any yeerks hiding at the Temple. We never found any, at the Temple at least.
I don’t know how he expected us to become Padawans if we couldn’t be honest, I don’t know much about how this Force works but I know that Jedi can sense dishonesty. I think Elfangor’s like the Ellimist only less powerful. He’s playing his own game, but it did mean we had some more opportunities to kick some yeerk butt, as Marco would put it. There were also some long stretches of boredom. Marco filled these with video games, and Cassie filled with studies of Jedi stuff, and Tobias filled by flying around exploring Coruscant, sometimes I joined him, but mostly I lay in bed feeling sorry for myself. I’m not the same. I used to be the yes, girl. Always saying lets do it with a grin on my face. I was the recklessly one charging in as grizzly bear, sometimes I still do that but now I have a Rancor morph. That one is fun! I love the power of it and the mind, well Cassie thinks I shouldn’t morph it because they are sentient like Dolphins, but that never bothered me. Its not the same as taking over an actual life. It’s just adding to mine. I don’t know, that sounded better in my head. Anyways, I don’t think I’m as reckless as I used to be. I think things through a little more. I’m more careful, because as awful as everything is I still don’t want to die. I want to live, maybe I’ll live long enough to see Earth free, or at least my family...
Nearly everyone I love is a controller, I’m not okay. I don’t know how these Jedi expect us to let go of that, but I get what they mean about the dangers of anger. I’m still angry. I still have moments where I blame the galaxy for not helping, but I see now it’s pointless. My anger has no use anymore. It doesn’t help me in a fight, because the fights we are in don’t matter. The things I’ve cared about most I’ve already lost, except maybe Tobias, so I’m not as angry as I used to be. Jake seems to have enough anger for all of us these days, and I see what its doing to him, because Jake has filled his time with begin angry, angry when he spars with us, angry when he sits in his room drafting plans for taking back Earth. He’s even angry watching holo-videos or playing video games with Marco. Marco’s box was filled mostly with video games. Sometimes I can even feel Jake’s anger. I guess that’s the Force at work. I’d rather I not feel it. I’ve got enough of my own emotions thank you very much.”
Rachel’s face twisted in disgusted as she pressed the button on the holo and ended the recording then let out a sigh. That was more than enough of that. The healer said it would take time and she was only just beginning on her journey. Rachel knew in her heart her journey had already ended everything that came next was just bonus material.