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“So, we all need to get some rest, yes?”
“Yes.”
“You okay, kid?”
“Yes, we all need some sleep. And even though we got three unsubs off the streets I-I can’t help but feel that this new network… They’re just waking up.”
Her first mistake: not calling JJ on her bluff.
The timid, softly spoken words did little to ease Emily and Dave’s concerns for the younger agent. The two had shared a pointed look while she stuffed her laptop into her bag and wandered toward the elevators, brow furrowed and eyes fixed firmly on the floor in front of her. Still, Emily wanted so desperately to believe that JJ was being honest. That JJ was okay.
Her second mistake: not driving JJ home.
Or, at least, offering. JJ would have most likely rejected the offer, but Emily could have pushed back. She should have pushed back.
Instead, here she was, driving up the I-95 like a madman, knuckles white as she gripped the wheel, going 20 over the speed limit. JJ had called her for no longer than 30 seconds. She had asked Emily to pick her up from the side of the highway in that same timid voice she’d used in the bullpen. When Emily asked if everything was okay, she hung up.
Every alarm bell in Emily’s head immediately went off, her mind racing to every possible thing that could have gone wrong in the 45 minutes since JJ departed from Quantico. Fortunately, she didn’t have much more time to spiral before she laid eyes on the blonde, standing upright and very much alive on the side of the road. Before Emily could even get out a sigh of relief, her heart sunk as her eyes shifted forward to the smoke billowing out of JJ’s car — undoubtedly totaled.
With a jerk of the steering wheel, Emily’s car screeched to a stop. She barely put the car in park before she was out of the door and racing towards the blonde, “JJ, are you okay? What happened?”
JJ’s shoulders were hunched, arms wrapped protectively around her waist and sleeves pulled down over her hands. Her eyes were locked on the rising smoke, but the sound of Emily’s voice prompted her to tear herself from her thoughts, straighten up, and slowly turn towards the older woman, just as she had at her desk earlier that evening.
She gestured to the wreckage with a sly smile, “I think I need a ride home.” It almost made Emily want to shake her.
“JJ, answer me. Are you hurt? Was there another car involved?” Emily reached out to rest her hand on JJ’s shoulder, glancing over her from head to toe, trying to assess any injuries.
Waving her arm dismissively, JJ stepped back and looked away, shaking head, “Fender bender. It was my fault, I rear-ended this guy. He was in a pick-up truck, so it was mostly fine. I gave him my insurance and phone number. He just left.”
“This wasn’t some minor accident, JJ,” Emily tilted her head, ducking down in an attempt to catch JJ’s eye, “Your car is totaled.”
“I’m fine, Emily. Everything’s fine,” she snapped, “I just needed a ride and knew you would be passing by here soon on your way home. The tow truck is on its way.”
It was the middle of the night, and they were both exhausted. Emily knew it must have already taken JJ a lot to swallow her pride and call her for a ride, so she didn’t want to push. Tilting her head towards her own car, she relented, “Okay, come on. It’s chilly out here.”
The ride home commenced in silence. Emily glanced over at JJ, who had been staring absently out the window for the past 20 minutes. “Are Sandy and Connie with the boys?”
JJ nodded, not looking towards her.
“Okay good,” Emily decided as she peeled off the highway, “We’re going back to my place.”
This assertion snapped JJ out of her thoughts, and she turned toward Emily, “What? What are you talking about?”
She scoffed, “JJ, you clearly have not been taking care of yourself. You need someone to talk to, or at least someone to make sure you actually try to get some rest instead of just working the profile all night.”
“I told you, Em, I’m fine. I just need to go home and see my boys,” JJ responded, almost begging.
Emily kept her eyes determinately on the road, so as not to meet the big, blue, puppy-dog eyes she knew were staring at her. It was too hard for her to disagree with JJ. After all these years, after everything the two of them had been through together. Emily couldn’t say no to JJ.
The week before, when JJ snuck onto the jet, Emily had given in too easily. It quickly became all too clear she wasn’t yet ready to be back in the field. She had been too reckless with her life, and she wasn’t setting her own limits. If she wasn’t such a quick fighter, she would’ve been dead. Emily wouldn’t let herself fall victim to those pleading eyes again. Not when it mattered this much. Not when she knew JJ’s life might depend on it.
“Henry and Michael will be fine with their grandmothers for one night,” she responded softly. “You just got in a car accident, JJ. You need someone to make sure you don’t, like, have a concussion. You shouldn’t sleep alone.”
Perhaps Emily had gone too far. Even four months ago, she would’ve dropped JJ off in Will’s gentle arms to be nursed back to full spirits and health. But the reminder that an empty bed was waiting for her at the Jareau-LaMontagne home seemed to take all the fight out of her. Sighing, JJ deflated back into the passenger seat and closed her eyes.
They pulled up to Emily’s townhouse a few minutes later and quietly walked up the stairs.
With an excess of money and a deficit of people to spend it on, Emily had two guest bedrooms. This often came in handy after a girls' night when Penelope and Tara (and JJ, once upon a time) drank a little too much and wanted to sleep at her place rather than making the trek home so late.
“You can take the guest room upstairs by mine,” she gestured vaguely towards the stairs, “There should be some pajamas in the dresser, and help yourself to anything in the bathroom.”
It felt weird for Emily to act as such a formal host now. In another lifetime, four houses, five jobs, and two kids ago, JJ crashed at Emily’s almost every weekend.
Without even responding, JJ slipped up the stairs and into the bedroom, shutting the door gently but quickly. Emily stood at the foot of the stairs staring up at the closed door, stunned.
Several minutes passed before she gathered herself enough to make her way to her own room, change, and get cleaned up. Figuring enough time had passed, she stepped across the hall to the closed guest room door and knocked softly, “JJ? Can I come in?”
“Yes.” Emily had to strain her ears to hear JJ’s answer in that same damn timid tone. The JJ she knew was anything but timid. The JJ she knew spoke over hordes of reporters, shouted orders at dozens of local officers, talked serial killers off ledges, and wrangled two rowdy teenage boys. Gentle? Yes, despite everything she’d been through. Timid? Absolutely not.
As Emily cracked open the door, her eyes landed on JJ’s figure, curled on her side, staring blankly at the wall. She’d found the pajamas in the dresser drawer, but they laid forgotten at the foot of the full-sized bed.
She figured she’d start with the easy part, “How’s your head, any pain?”
Once again minimally responsive, JJ shook her head slowly, her expression still vacant.
Despite the fact that Emily had stared down the barrel of nearly everything that humans were capable of doing to one another, nothing terrified her more than losing JJ. And here she was, slowly fading out of existence over the past several weeks, and Emily had no clue how to bring her back.
She gently perched on the side of the mattress. When they were almost two decades younger, the junior agents often had to double up at hotels. Following a few of the more intense cases in those early days, JJ had her fair share of nightmares. In those brief moments of late-night vulnerability, she had confessed to Emily that when she woke up from nightmares as a child, her sister, Roslyn, used to crawl into her bed and rub circles on her back until she fell back asleep. Emily, who basically raised herself, had swallowed her aversion to physical touch in order to provide JJ with some semblance of the same comfort.
She tentatively extended her hand to rub JJ’s back in soft, soothing circles.
“Jayje,” she murmured.
Reluctantly, JJ turned from her side onto her back, so as to face the other woman. “Emily, I—”
“Please don’t say you’re fine, Jennifer. You’re so exhausted you rear-ended someone on the interstate and totaled your car. You’re not okay. It’s only been a month since Will—”
She was cut off by a strangled whimper. Desperate to maintain control, JJ screwed her eyes shut and covered the bottom half of her face with her shaking hand. Despite how hard she tried to force it back down, a choked moan escaped, and anguished sobs quickly followed. Her breath quickened, and she started to gasp, struggling to take in air amidst her distress.
“JJ, look at me,” Emily demanded. “Look at me.”
JJ wearily opened her eyes. “Emily, I’m exhausted,” she choked out between hiccups. “I’m so tired.”
Emily’s heart shattered, “I know, JJ, I know. You’ve been taking care of everyone else for your whole life. Please. Please let me take care of you this time. You need to get some rest.”
JJ nodded, and turned away onto her side once more, shifting to make more room on the bed. Emily, of course, knew JJ’s nonverbal cues like the back of her hand. She stretched out behind the younger woman and wrapped one arm around her tightly, using the other to resume rubbing circles on her back.
“I’ve got you,” she hummed once they were settled. JJ’s only response came in the form of a shuttered breath and a few lingering sobs.
It definitely wouldn’t be the last rough night JJ had, but Emily vowed that she would never spend another alone. As she cried herself to sleep, Emily continued rubbing circles on her back, whispering gentle reassurances in her ear.