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The past few weeks felt like hell. Wei Wuxian lost his brother-in-law and shijie. How? Because of him. Who was the one who lost control of Wen Ning? Who was the one his shijie followed desperately asking to stop, but in the end lost her life? There was never a time or moment where Wei Wuxian and Jin Zixuan got along. Every single time they met, it would always end up in a fight or a heated argument. Even after Jin Zixuan married his beloved shijie, Wei Wuxian wasn’t ready to fully amend his relationship with him. Even on Qiongqi Path, the place where he had his final meeting with Jin Zixuan, they yelled and fought. Then in a blink of an eye, Wei Wuxian saw Wen Ning’s arm embedded in Jin Zixuan’s chest, killing him. Yet despite all of that, Jin Zixuan’s words weren’t anything like “Wei Wuxian, you will pay for this” or “Wei Wuxian, how dare you!”. Instead, it was a plea. A plea to fulfill his shijie’s wish which was to see him: “A-Li is still waiting for you…”
Growing up, Wei Wuxian was the closest to his shijie more than anyone else. She took care of him and was extremely kindhearted. She made lotus pork rib soup for him and was always there whenever him and Jiang Cheng were fighting. Wei Wuxian was very grateful for everything she did and swore to protect that warm smile for life. He was determined to give her the kindness she deserves. But how did it end up? Wei Wuxian’s eyes widened with tears as his cherished shijie’s body fell to the ground, stained and covered in red. Was this how he was supposed to repay her?! By letting her be the one to take the stab when it was supposed to be meant for him?! In the end, it was Wei Wuxian who was the one, given his shijie’s last, remaining bit of kindness even when he took away her husband’s life.
Now, Wei Wuxian was currently sitting in the Burial Mounds. His body was slim, his hair was disheveled, and his eyes were heavy with eyebags as he didn’t sleep the past few days. Tears streaks were apparent on his face. It wasn’t even a question, he was tired. He heard of the major clans’ plan to siege the burial mounds to kill the remaining Wens and him as well. At this point, he didn’t care. What’s the point of living anymore? Wei Wuxian was just waiting for death to come and take him. However, there was only one problem: Wei Wuxian wished to see a certain person at least once before he’s ready to say goodbye to this current life. In fact, he was desperate to see this person. But how could he have the face to see him especially now that he’s blamed to have two people’s blood on his hands? He didn’t dare to go see him.
Slowly getting up, Wei Wuxian walked over to his makeshift desk in the Demon- Quelling Cave that he made during his past times in the Burial Mounds. It had been left untouched for a long time. On the desk was a sheet of paper, a brush, and ink. Wei Wuxian picked up the brush, dipped it in ink, and placed the tip of it on the piece of paper. He was writing something down. What was he writing exactly? He was writing a letter addressed to that certain someone. If he couldn’t go see him in-person, then at least he will have been able to write down his thoughts and feelings.
Wei Wuxian didn’t know how to fully express how he felt into words. He would write something then immediately crush the paper up into a ball and throw it across the cave. This happened at least ten times. While he was writing the letter, there would be times when he softly laughed and times when he smiled. It was extremely soothing for him and helped him relax from the chaotic events that occurred in the past few weeks.
He chose each of his words with such immense thought and wrote them down one by one with the utmost patience and care. It took him a total of two hours to finally put down the brush and gaze at the creation he just made. He made many things in the past and even discovered a new form of cultivation, one that was powerful and instilled fear into everyone he crossed paths with. But even that power and dominion couldn’t compare to the beautiful thing he just made now. Out of all of his countless creations, he was the proudest and most satisfied with this specific product. It was just a piece of paper. But what gave it meaning were the words written on it.
The letter said: Lan Zhan! How are you? Heh. My introduction is kind of awkward, huh? After all, when was the last time we had a proper conversation? Maybe that time when A-Yuan and I went shopping in Yiling. While I was trying to save my butt from going broke, A-Yuan was gone. Then, I found him. Who would of thought he would cry and cling on to the righteous, noble Hanguang-Jun in the middle of the streets? *laugh* We then went to a restaurant, and I was gonna treat you. But you ended up paying the bill instead! *laugh* If I knew that moment was going to be our last, carefree memory together, I would of done so much more with you.
You know, you changed my life. How? By giving me the greatest gift I could of asked for: You believed in me. The many times you asked me to come with you to the Cloud Recesses; I perceived it as apprehension and punishment. I was arrogant and selfish. If only I could of seen what the true meaning behind those words were. If only I could of seen the emotions in your eyes and your voice. If only I could of, I would of heard the sincerity and worry you had for me. Not only that, but also the faith and trust you had in me. Even as I strained from the righteous path, you never stopped believing. Even as everyone swore to turn my body to ash, you still believed in me and saw me as someone worth saving. That was the best thing I could of asked for.
You also helped me learn something else. Something I would of never got to experience if it weren’t for you: love. Love is just a word until someone gives it meaning. You gave it meaning, Lan Zhan. I feel so blessed to have been able to experience it because of you. Every time I saw you, dressed in white, you looked like an angel because that’s who you are. Angels guard and protect and will also always be there to comfort and bring guidance. You are no different. If I were to die right now, I would use my last breath to tell you: I love you. I can say that for sure as my death is approaching fast. The entire cultivation world will be here to end my life and destroy my body until it turns into dust. But I’m confident about one thing. Out of those thousands of people who are waiting for my death, you aren’t one of them. I could die in peace knowing that. Knowing that someone believes in me even if it’s just one person.
Don’t worry about me. I’ve done my part, and I’m ready to end it here. You don’t have to come here and look for me. You’ve done enough. In fact, you have done a lot more than what I could of asked for. I don’t even know if you’ll read this, but I’m glad I was able to express my sincere gratitude and appreciation somehow. Now, I will tell you two phrases that someone once told me: “I’m sorry” and “thank you”.
Thank you for all you’ve done,
Wei Ying
Wei Wuxian was gazing at the letter in his hands. Balls of paper were scattered all over the Demon-Quelling Cave. Suddenly, Wei Wuxian heard loud shouts and screams coming from outside. He took a deep breath. It was time. They were here; here to come and take his life forever. Wei Wuxian took one final glance at the letter and softly smiled. He placed the letter down then turned and walked away; his silhouette retreating further and further as he walked. These were the final words Wei Wuxian had for Lan Wangji before he passed away. He was true to his words, and the last thing he said right before he died while thinking of the man dressed in white was: I love you.