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She woke up to the blinding light of the hospital. Her head felt like it had been hit with a hammer, and her body felt like it had been run over by a truck. Beside her bed, was a man whose white hair was ruffled, eyes looking at her like she was a fragile porcelain doll. He gently held her hand, brown eyes full of concern for her. He kissed her hands softly, muttering, “A miracle. It’s a miracle.”
“Sorry, do I know you? My memory is a little fuzzy. What am I doing here?” Neelam felt highly cautious of the stranger next to her. Why did he treat her like she was the most precious person in the world? When he heard that, his crestfallen, hurt expression hurt Neelam’s sensitive heart.
“Neelam, don’t you remember me?” Neelam shook her head slowly, still suspicious of him.
“Neelam, I’m your boyfriend, Anu.” The name didn’t even strike a chord in her head. She doesn’t remember seeing him, ever in her life. She raised her eyebrow, and this is when Anu hurriedly called the doctor over.
“Doctor, I’m telling you! It’s serious! She doesn’t even remember me!” Anu explained the situation to the doctor, with him comforting Anu telling him he would bring Neelam to do brain scans. Anu was on the phone telling the good news to some people, then coming back to her side.
“Whatever it is, I’m just glad you’re alive. It’s ok if you don’t remember me or anyone for that matter. You can always rebuild your life again, and I will always be with you.” Neelam nodded, wondering how she even bagged a kind and caring boyfriend like him. He interlocked his finger with hers, and Neelam shrinked a little. His hands were big and warm, and he looked at her with such intensity she felt her heart skip a beat. On his hand, she spots a gold ring on his left ring finger, and she realised she had one too.
“What is this? Were we engaged?” Neelam questioned. “Ah no, it’s a protection tool where if you release the “diamond” on the ring, poisonous powder will be emitted, it can make your enemies lose their 5 senses, but you insisted on putting it on my ring finger, it was so cute!” Anu recounted the events like a schoolgirl having a crush. “You’re insane! What kind of protection device is that?” Neelam exclaimed. “You used to say that to me all the time too…” Anu whispered to himself.
—--
“She has amnesia.” The doctor proclaimed, he checked through some documents, and then looked up at her. “You…are an orphan?” Neelam nodded, not really sure what to answer since she lost her memories. She slightly lowered her gaze and fiddled with the protection ring, avoiding eye contact with the doctor. “I believe I asked you for her test results, not check through her background.” Anu retorted, wrapping his arms around her shoulder. Neelam felt loved and protected by him, she must have been an angel in her past life to deserve someone like him.
As he brought her back home, he turned on soft classical music to help her calm down, and drove slowly so she wouldn't get motion sickness. It’s too bad I forgot everything, we must have been really in love, Neelam thought to herself as she observed his car. It was full of her stuff. The dashboard had some plushies of her favourite characters, the car’s recommended songs were full of music she liked, yet she doesn’t really remember Anu. It felt like she decorated this car instead of Anu whose only trace of him was the bottle he recently drank from. Neelam kept trying to talk to Anu, and Anu simply listened to her.
When they reached their house, or that’s what Neelam presumed, she was surprised by the interior. She didn’t like those hard, edgy interior designs they show in rich people’s houses. She liked cozy atmospheres like this, with the vibe like you could just fall asleep within seconds. So this is my home… Neelam mused, thinking about the days where she can just stay in here and chill.
Stay and chill indeed.
Anu told her it was ok to not go out and work and stay at home. At first she was happy with it, but in the solace of her mind, she started digging deeper into her memories, looking through albums and watching past videos, but it felt like she was intruding on the life of another person. Those happy expressions, the way she wrapped her arms around Anu and looked so in love with him, she was like a stranger to her own identity. It’s not like Anu didn’t help. He did try to comfort her and share some quality time with her, but he had to go to work too. Neelam was left alone in this big house, left with her thoughts.
Sometimes she preoccupied her mind with chores. Other times she chose to preoccupy herself with various hobbies, and Anu often supported that, bringing back items that were related to her hobby. However, that will only last for so long, and soon enough,she was questioning everything about herself. Who exactly was she? What was her original career? Was she actually an orphan? Neelam also longed for the outside world after watching all those movies where the female lead dances in a field of daisies or go window shopping and meeting up with friends. She quietly devised a plan.
She asked Anu out on a date to buy some gold accessories for each other, Anu enthusiastically agreed and prepared for their date. To be very honest, she can remember nothing but her name and language. She needed some experience in the outside world. Maybe a job, perhaps. This was defying Anu, but she really needed a job to not go insane.
Neelam and Anu were at the shopping mall on a busy afternoon. Neelam wanted to try to talk with people and do some social interactions because so far, Anu was the only person she has talked to. Anu however, insisted on doing everything for her. He did every little thing for Neelam that Neelam wondered if he treated her as a girlfriend or as a child. “I don’t want you interacting with others, love.” He pecked her cheeks lightly. He ordered food for her, carried the tray for her, fed her food, and held her hand so she wouldn't disappear from his sight.
From interactions with others, Neelam could see how Anu treated others. He treated her very sweetly, but he treated others very coldly, like they were too lowly for him. Neelam felt honored, but was also worried about his mental wellbeing. Wait, why didn’t she have any friends? At least one person should have visited her other than Anu. She couldn’t really find out because she didn’t have memories, and she didn't completely trust Anu. How was he the only person by her side though? Just to be sure, she brought up the topic of jobs again. “Anu, did I used to have a job?” Anu closed his eyes, as if pondering about it. Strange, shouldn’t he be able to answer right away? Neelam was his girlfriend!
After a while, he answered, “Yes, you did. However Neelam, if this is about finding out your job or who your co-workers are, relax. Start afresh, Neelam, you don’t need them. I will handle the earning of income, you don’t have to worry about money, ever.” How did he know what she was thinking? She shut up immediately.
As Anu was using the bathroom and Neelam waited for him, a young man came up and tried some pick-up lines with her. She didn’t completely understand what he meant, and just laughed along. However this young man thought that she was flirting back, and started hitting on her and asked for her number. Before he could take his phone out, he felt a chilly presence. There, he saw Anu, looking like the embodiment of the devil himself, ice cold glare drilling into his soul. That young man yelped and scampered away,
“Neelam, are you ok? Did that bastard do anything?” Neelam shook her head, but asked, “No, but why did he want my number? Is this some kind of custom I forgot about?” “HE WHAT?” Neelam was so intimidated by Anu that she squirmed to get out of his tight grip. Anu forced himself to take deep breaths and calm down. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. It’s just that even when you didn't lose your memory, you always attracted weirdos left and right. I’m just worried about you.” Neelam nodded slowly, but Anu felt like she was scared of him now. Damn it, I shouldn’t have been so affected!
—--------
From that day on, Neelam was basically confined to the house. Anu had locked the window, and changed the passcode. However, he was underestimating Neelam and her suspicions. She tried to ask Anu what exactly was his job, but he only gave a vague answer that he was just a normal office worker. It was too vague to be true, so Neelam started to investigate him. She offered to do laundry, but she just watched some forensic videos on youtube, and did multiple tests on one of his shirts. His shirt had a metallic stench to it, which she assumed was too strong to be his sweat.
She did a trial and error on his shirt, but nothing worked. Dead ends after dead end. So she used Plan B. She wiped the digital door lock clean. And when Anu left for work, she checked for his fingerprints and figured out the 4 numbers through multiple guesses. She was getting closer to being freed, she knew it. Maybe this time she could actually start afresh!
One day, when Anu left for work, she took her chance. She stalked him to work. Seeing as he drove a car to work, she hopped on a cab to follow him. He was driving to the business district, and Neelam was about to feel bad for doubting him…until he turned into a house? Neelam got off and quietly followed him inside, even letting herself inside the house, and following him into the basement.
It reeked. Of the same metallic stench on his shirt. And she sees a man, writhing on the floor. Blood was pooling underneath him, as his legs and arms were in restraints. That man was the very same young man who hit on her at the mall
She was in utter shock. She screamed in horror, giving away her cover. Her kind caring boyfriend did this? Why would he do this?
Anu turned to her, as if shocked to see her, then smirked. He walked closer to Neelam, but Neelam stepped back.
“Stay away from me, you monster!” She was about to use the protection ring that Anu gave her, ironically using it on the very same person who gifted it to her.
“Neelam, that powder does not work on me either. How would I have created that otherwise?’ His crazed eyes locked onto her, like a predator chasing its prey. “My Neelam is so smart, she always knew how to escape.” Always? “My Neelam is like a bunny, but she’s actually a fox. I took 10 reboots of your memories just to predict you.” What was he talking about?
“Neelam! You must understand that this was all for you! I still love you Neelam! I will always love you!” His deranged voice made Neelam lose her cool. “You’re insane! You’re not the Anu I know! You’re a psychopath, a monster!”
“Neelam, you still don’t understand do you? I’m doing this all for you! I still remember the time I took my first life, when a guy sexually assaulted you back in college! You were crying so bad I felt like my heart was ripped out, so I killed him. But bastards like him kept streaming in, so I killed them all! When I successfully became your boyfriend, I felt like I was high on euphoria. So Neelam…” Neelam hears a haunting melody and struggles to keep her eyes open, but it felt like years of exhaustion caught up to her as she fell to the floor, with Anu there to catch her. Anu whispers to her, “Goodnight my Neelam. This is so that you won’t have to relive this gruesome image in your head. You can start from a clean slate again. I just don’t want you to suffer.”
Anu decides to call the doctor, who also helped him gaslight Neelam. “Dr Leon, I have an appointment ready.”
—-----
She woke up to the blinding lights of the hospital. Anu watched her expression contort to one of confusion. He did his usual concerned gaze, eyes squinted, lips slightly downturned, then gently holding her hands and kissing it. “A miracle, it’s a miracle,” He muttered to himself.
A miracle that it’s the 50th time he has rebooted Neelam’s memories.