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All of Cybil’s nerves were fully on edge. This is her first official appointment with a therapist since having her huge meltdown at her best friend's, Leah’s home. Sherlock and John have been trying to find her a therapist for years but never have been able to find one that will work with children who are on the autism spectrum (as well as other things). Now that this is actually happening and her parent were able to find one that will work with her autism and other things that have been going on in her life, Cybil just felt so scared. Scared that there are going to be people in her life that will be mad at her for saying things while being honest about it at the same time.
The 15-year old teenager sat on a couch across from the therapist, who sat in a chair right across from her. They had a pen in one hand and a notepad in the other.
“Are you going to be showing people your notes about this?” Cybil suddenly asked, feeling curious.
“No. I am just taking notes so I can go back to what we talked about but what we talk about will not leave this room nor be spoken to by anybody but just the two of us. Only you and I will know.” The therapist replied. Cybil let out a sigh of relief. And with that, the session has begun.
“So, let's talk a little about your childhood. Let's start with that. How has your childhood been so far?” The therapist suggested and asked. Cybil was not sure exactly where to start with that, but she was going to try her best.
“Well, I do not remember much of my life before I was about 4 years old. It is like a huge blur to me. I can not recall anything from before that age.” Cybil spoke.
“What about when you were 4 years old?” The therapist wanted her to still talk about it. That part of her life is still kind of hard for her to talk about but from what her Dad told her, they are just trying to help her, not hurt her.
“I remember a bunch of police breaking down a door to the home I was in and coming into my home. I was alone in my room. I was covered in dirt and malnourished. I smelled like pee and I was terrified because I was alone in the house. One of the police officers walked over to me and introduced themselves to me and when they asked me for my name, I gave it to them. After that, all I can remember for the rest of it is telling them about my parents and I never saw my mother and father again after they put me in a police car and took me to a children’s hospital to get checked out.” Cybil explained.
“Do you know why you were taken away from them?” The therapist was curious.
“Not really but honestly, they have not come back for me so I guess, it really does not matter if I know or not. Plus, I have two dads who really love and care about me. They adopted me when I was 6 years old.” Cybil replied.
“It seems that you have been happier with them.” The therapist acknowledged.
“Yes, though, it has not been easy.” Cybil said.
“How so?” Cybil took a breath.
“Being on the autism spectrum for one, being boyish/masculine and as well as being a lesbian. Not to mention I have been stressed out trying to figure out things being a teenager and all. I love to learn at school but it is just not everyone there who goes to my school is not as accepting of me as my parents are.” Cybil listed and explained.
“When did you realize that you were a lesbian?” Something else that they were curious about when it comes to their client.
“I was about 8 years old when I realized that I wanted to kiss a girl but I never felt that way about boys. And honestly, I do not think that I ever will feel that way about boys. I am comfortable being a lesbian and being who I am. I just wish things could be simpler in my life but I know that I am the only one who can create my own path for what I want to do with it.” Cybil answered.
“And what do you want in your life or want it to be exactly?” Cybil only had one word for that.
“Happy. I just want to be happy. Like, I do feel that way but…I just feel like I am nothing but a huge burden to my fathers and my best friend. I hate having the brain that I do, too. I do not like the way it functions on a daily basis. Sometimes, I feel like I am on top of the world and it takes a few seconds for me to suddenly switch into feeling like I am drowning.” Cybil simply replied.
“Do you think it is the stress of everything going on in school or is there something more than that as well that could be causing you to feel the way you do?” The therapist asked another question. Cybil nodded.
“Honestly..I do. I am scared. I am scared when I have to go to college and stuff like that. It is not that I can not be alone or anything like that. I am worried about my parents being at home without me or losing my best friend if we have to go to different colleges. I know that is not for another few years but it is approaching and it will be here before I may even know it. I also am having issues with bullies in school. I am so sick of their gross behavior and how they treat me. My dads have been helping me so much and trying to get it to stop but…it is like that the teachers and other people at the school just do not care or want to listen nor help. My parents have always been my biggest supporters in my life as well as my best friend. …I just wish I had more confidence in myself, yet, I am afraid to speak or stand up for myself when it happens because I do not want to get into trouble for something that is not my fault. It sucks but that is how it truly is for me.” Cybil answered.
“I am so sorry that you have to go through this. And it is okay to speak up for yourself, no matter where you are. Being a human is not easy, let alone being a teenager.” The therapist told her.
“True and thank you. I also hate that I have a period like other girls do. I do not think of myself as a guy but...that is another part of my stress. I am in pain, and I bleed so heavily. Sometimes, I cannot even concentrate on things because of it. I take medicine to stop that pain but that only helps for a bit at a time. And sometimes…it does not even work at all. I can get surgery because I am so young but…I need something to help me not to feel so miserable.” Cybil also spoke about.
“Have you talked to your parents about this?” The therapist asked.
“Yes. My Dad is a doctor so I trust him with what he tells me about medical advice. My papa has a different kind of job but they also work together at times, too. Since I have become a teenager, I have stayed home alone for some nights because of their work or when working together. It does not bother me and they make sure that I have things before they leave. It is not often they have to go out at night. I just really like spending time with my parents so when they are out, I do miss and worry for them. “ Cybil explained.
“How long has that been going on? With them leaving home alone overnight.” The therapist was curious.
“I was around 13 or 14 when it started, so, it has not been a long time. Just recently this has been going on. It really does not bother me much for the most part but I do get lonely from time to time.” Cybil replied.
“Do you feel safe being alone in the home?” The therapist asked yet another question to the teen.
“I do feel safe, yes. They always make sure that I am safe, no matter where they are or where we are. And I do know how to protect myself. My dads showed me how to do so. Just in case something does happen.” She answered.
“That is good that you know how to protect yourself just in case.” The therapist complimented. Cybil nodded in agreement.
“I remember when I was much younger, I did go with them for things for their jobs but now, I just rather stay back at home then go out. Their work can be dangerous depending on the situation.” Cybil said.
“What kind of job does your Papa do?” Cybil was not sure if she wanted to truly answer that one.
“I…I would rather not answer that question. At least, I am not ready to say what it is for now. It is nothing horrible nor is it like they sell drugs or something. It is just kind of hard to talk about with someone that I do not really know” She honestly gave an answer.
“Understood. And I want you to feel comfortable with me and what you want to talk about. I am not going to force you to do so, even if it seems like I may be doing that.” The therapist spoke in response.
“Good to know. I rarely talk to others that I do not know because I do have a hard time with communication. I tend to get judged a lot for it from people who do not even know anything about me.” Cybil told her.
“Does it bother you when people judge you without knowing things about you?” Cybil was asked. She did not know how to really explain it but was going to try her best to explain it.
“I guess it depends on the situation that is going on at that moment. Not at all the time that it does but there are times where it does make me feel horrible. I can not help that I was born with autism. And it especially makes me feel quite horrible when I am verbally stimming out loud in public and people give my parents and I looks. My parents always tell me to just ignore it and never let those people get to me but at times, I can not help it and it does get to me. Again, not all the time it does but some of the time.” Cybil tried her best to explain.
“And that is okay to feel that way. Also, you are right. You were born with autism and you can not help the way with certain things that you do because of it. Does not make you less human either. Nor have you done anything. Just remember and your parents are correct, you should not let those people get to you but it is understandable that it is not always easy to do, too.” The therapist reassured her. Cybil did agree with that.
“I really try not to let it get to me. Which is why I have been having issues because I have been having panic attacks because of things going on that I can not help nor can not ignore. There is so much that has happened or is going on that I barely can find time for my brain to rest. Sometimes, I have a hard time sleeping because of everything going on.” Cybil told them as well.
“Have you ever been diagnosed with having anxiety disorder of any kind?” The therapist was curious.
“Not that I know of personally. I thought it was just because of my autism and such. Did not realize that it could be a separate thing. Is that really possible?” Cybil replied and was curious about this, too.
“Yes, it is possible but it could also be because of having autism as well. Though, it could be more for why you could have anxiety besides autism but I would not worry about it. We can work on that.” The therapist let her know. Cybil was surprised that this person wanted to work with her.
“You want to work with me?” Cybil asked. The therapist gave her a nod. She was not sure how to feel about that.
“Does that mean that I am crazy or something?” Cybil asked another question. This time, the therapist shook her head a couple of times.
“No, it does not mean that you are crazy. I just think that you may need some extra help but it does not mean that you are crazy in any kind of way.” The therapist explained. There was something that Cybil just needed to let them know before anything else happened.
“Also, my parents do help me a lot with this. It is just not easy other people out there are against them as well because they are two men who are married to each other besides having a child. They are not horrible parents in any kind of way and I do not want people to assume that that is not the case at all.” Cybil let them know.
“I never thought they were like that. And I do understand. From what I see, they do help you and love you. And I can see that you truly love them, too.” The therapist pointed out.
“I do. Very much. They wanted me when no one else did. And I am very grateful for that and happy to be their daughter. They make me feel like I truly am a part of their family. Blood does not mean family to me. It is the ones who accept, love, support and care about you that really makes a family.” Cybil explained.
“And there is nothing wrong with that.” The therapist agreed. Cybil began to feel better about coming here.
“I also really would like the help. I hate feeling like I am always anxious and sometimes even paranoid with certain things in my life more than once a week.” Cybil told them.
“You also have been having paranoia?” The therapist wanted her to talk about that a bit more.
“Yeah. I am and it is just mostly with stuff and people in school. Sometimes, I feel like I am a huge burden to the people who love and care about me. Even if they tell me that I am not at all, I still can not help but worry and still feel like I am. It is just that I wish that I could make myself believe when they tell me that I am not. I do not distrust them, I just have a hard time trusting some other people, especially in my school. Mostly other students and a few teachers but mostly just the students is why I do feel that way.” Cybil replied, while explaining even more about how she feels.
“And it is stuff that can be worked on and figured out. It may not be overnight but within due time, learning about what is causing your anxiety and paranoia will help you more and understand when trying to work on those things, too.” The therapist explained. Cybil knew that fixing this was not going to be so quickly but she was ready to work on this. No matter what it takes. And she knows that it WILL help her. It is just going to be a slow start on her end, at least, that is how she feels.
“True. It is a start but I feel like it will help. I just wish that I was not like this in the first place.” Cybil admitted.
“Things happen in our life that can be beyond our control and sometimes, people react to it in other ways. Just remember, everything is going to be fine. I promise.” The therapist assured her. Cbyil believed her. When the session ended and Cybil set up another one, she left the building and headed to the car with her Dad and Papa, who both were waiting in the waiting room for her while she was doing her appointment. In the car, Cybil just looked out the window, looking at the scenery as they drove by, not saying a word.
“So…how did it go?” John was curious. Cybil still looked out the window as she heard her Dad ask her.
“It went fine. I do like this person, though, so I do want to keep going.” Cybil replied.
“That is good. Also, your Papa and I do support you doing this and that you are not alone if you need anyone. We love you.” John said to her. Cybil looked away from the window and at both of her parents.
“I love you both, too.” She said back to both of them. Cybil did feel a little better after actually going to the appointment. Things felt like that were actually looking up for her. It was a good start for her. Even if it is just that. And will Cybil be able to work on these things and become better mentally for herself? Honestly, time will only tell for the teenager. It is going to be a long road for recovery but it is work that she is willing to travel. And she is not just doing this for her family and friends. Cybil wants to do this for herself, too, and that was the main reason she wanted to start therapy, along with support from her parents and best friend, too.
All of this is for Cybil and her only.
The End