Archive of Our Own ^beta

“You should just, ya know… Go for it.”

Jack’s voice caught Rose off guard and she jumped at the sound. She’d been hiding in the greenhouse of the TARDIS all afternoon, trying to pretend she wasn’t jealous. Or pouting.

Because she totally wasn’t.

Except, apparently, Jack could tell that was exactly what she was doing. Rose looked over to see he wasn’t teasing, didn’t even look mischievous. Just… Concerned. He joined her beside the large koi pond, where she’d been watching the fish swim for at least two hours.

“Well, I assume you haven’t learned to read minds, so you can’t mean feedin’ these fish mini marshmallows out of the cereal.” Rose said with a smile that almost reached her eyes.

Almost.

“No, doll.” Jack said softly. “I mean the Doctor.”

Rose’s head snapped away, eyes back to the fish as they dipped and swirled. It was mesmerizing to see all the colors from where humans had bred them as they colonized space.

“Rosie…”

“I haven’t got any idea what you mean.” Rose replied tightly.

“C’mon. Seriously.” Jack sighed, shaking his head. “I thought you two were a couple when we met. Rose. I’ve never seen two people look-”

His words faded when he saw that Rose’s eyes had flooded and her lower lip began to wobble.

“Please… jus’... don’t.” She whispered. “Please.”

“Oh… Rosie…” Jack sighed again, pulling her over against his shoulder. “Tell me about it?”

Rose shook her head violently, some of her hair falling into her face with the force. Jack, however, was not yet ready to give up.

“I saw how you reacted when that Rondaxian Princess kissed his cheek after he saved the day… again.” Jack said softly. “I know it hurt, and you were jealous… Rose. He didn’t care about her. He is only here for you. Believe me. I’ve shot my own shot.”

“You shoot your shot with everyone …” Rose said, giving a watery laugh.

“Yeah but the Doctor…” Jack replied, nudging her shoulder. “I think he’s hot. I’d absolutely go for a spin on that, do not get me wrong. But… I think…” He stopped and hesitated.

Rose looked back at him, a little more pale, a little closer to letting the tears fall.

“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?” He finished, as gently as he could.

It was then the tears started to fall. Silently, but it was the all over, soul-deep sort of ache Jack could see Rose suffering from, so he just wrapped an arm around her shoulder and let her cry it out. For a long while they sat that way, the two of them in the quiet of the greenhouse, on the edge of the intergalactic koi pond.

“Its jus’...” Rose said finally, pausing to draw a shuddered breath in, “I don’t… Jack. I don’t know. Ya know? Sometimes I really think maybe he… Maybe he feels the same? Then other times, its…” She growled and covered her face with both hands.

“Well, as you know, I’ve been around a time or two, met my fair share of aliens, of any and all and no genders… and I can tell you one thing about them all.”

“Yeah?” Rose sniffed, slight amusement pushing through her despair.

“The tall, dark and handsome ones with the shadowy past and broody personality?” Jack gave a huffed laugh, “They’re all the same. Hard as fuck to read… But they all, and I do mean all… Have a jealous streak a lightyear wide.”

“Alright?” Rose said. “I’ve tried that. With you. The night we met you. Thought I’d got him there, really thought honestly he was gonna kiss me… Actually…”

Her face turned bright red and she turned away.

“Thought maybe a bit more, the way he was lookin’ at me. Then everything with Jamie an’ his mum happened, an’ then we picked you up… An’ from there you’re all caught up.”

Jack considered her for a moment.

“I stopped being a threat, I guess. In his eyes.” Jack scoffed, more amused than offended.

“No offense- I loved the attention that night-” Rose sighed again, “But yeah… I’m very much in love with him. An’ he’s… Him. The Doctor. He saves planets and whole existences an’ I’m a shop girl who happened t’ get lucky an’ saved his life once… I’m nothin’, really.”

“Not true.” Jack assured her. “You’re kind and beautiful, you’re genuine…”

Rose snorted through her nose.

“I think I need to find a way to let you see how he looks at you when you aren’t looking, Rose. Because believe me- he loves you, too.”

“Not fuckin’ funny.” Rose snapped.

“Not bein’ funny, dollface.” Jack promised her, hand over his heart. “Swear to any and every god you like- he is completely and totally gone. But… If you won’t make a move, then I think I can force his hand.”

“You’re mental.” Rose said, standing and shaking her head.

“Hear me out!” Jack called… “C’mon… Please?”

Rose sighed, but she paused herself, mid-storm-off.

“Right. What?” She demanded, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Just follow my lead.”

 Jack made it a point to spend the first half of the day simply watching.

It had to be the right moment, the right way to open up his plan. He’d kept Rose mostly in the dark, because for his plan to work, she needed to have genuine reactions to him. He was a little nervous, afraid the Doctor, despite their friendship, may very well throw him from the airlock into the vortex in a fit of jealous rage- but for Rose, it almost seemed worth it.

They were at an open air market on a trade hub moon, gorgeous violet sky overhead and mild temperatures. It gave him plenty of options.

The Doctor had spotted something for the TARDIS, and had stopped a couple stalls behind them. When Rose kept wandering, Jack simply followed along. She was looking at jewelry- simple, handmade trinkets, but no less lovely. She paused at one, picked it up and looked it over, then hung it back on the hook. Jack looked to see how far out of earshot the Doctor was before gauging his voice as he called after Rose.

“Rosie!” He called, a bit louder than necessary, jogging to catch her. “That’s too pretty for you to leave here…” He said, picking the same necklace up. He undid the latch and stepped behind her, and Rose lifted her hair to let him put it on her.

“Jack…” She laughed, tongue just poking out the corner of her mouth.

“Gorgeous.” He said with a wink, holding his credit stick out to the vendor.

“You didn’t have t’ do that…” She blushed.

“You needed it.” Jack replied, nudging her shoulder with his. “An’ it was a very small price to pay to see you light up like that.”

Jack could already feel the intense gaze of the Time Lord before he even looked- but sure enough, when Jack finally looked in the Doctor’s direction, it was as if the Doctor was trying to burn a hole right through his head.

So far, so good. 

The day carried on, and Jack kept a careful eye toward the Doctor as he continued their dance.

Jack made it a point to walk shoulder-to-shoulder with Rose. Which meant a serious upset to the routine, because Rose would usually be hand-in-hand with the Doctor.

Rose, having walked all morning, felt her stomach growl.

“I don’t suppose either of you boys is hungry?” She said with a bit of a whine. She turned to look at the Doctor, who had taken to walking behind her and Jack by a few paces.

He simply sniffed, jaw tight and eyes hard.

“If the lady is hungry, then she eats!” Jack declared, wrapping an arm around her to guide her over to the food stalls.

The Doctor, who had barely even spoken all morning, stopped mid-stride and watched for a moment.

Human. They were both human.

Jack was charming and handsome and human. Perfect for Rose in every way, when he actually stopped to think about it.

The emotions swirling inside him were hard to name, even in the millions of alien tongues he spoke. Both hearts thudded and his stomach bottomed out- He found he couldn’t eat if he wanted to.

He kept his distance.

Not because he wanted to. God, no. Every instinct screamed at him to close the gap, to reach for her hand, to insert himself between her and Jack with a snarl and a claim . But he didn’t move.

He watched.

Jack leaned close to say something, something clever no doubt- Rose tilted her head back and laughed, bright and unguarded, like she’d forgotten he was even there.

And it cut. Deep.

The laughter twisted in his chest, too sharp, too real. He should’ve looked away. He should’ve turned and left and found some way to be somewhere else, someone else. But he stood there, rooted, cold despite the heat of the day and cover of his coat, fury building in his gut like pressure behind his eyes.

What had he expected ?

Of course Jack would go for her. And why shouldn’t he? Handsome, fearless, shamelessly charming… everything the Doctor wasn’t and never would get to be again. Jack could say what he meant. Jack didn’t carry a past of so much war and death...

And Rose- Oh, Rose …

Rose was soft with him in a way she wasn’t with anyone else. The Doctor had seen it- how her voice went warm, how she leaned in without meaning to. She was always kind, but with Jack she was open. Relaxed. He hadn’t seen her like that in a long time.

And the necklace. That bloody necklace.

Shining silver against her skin, his hands fastening the clasp behind her neck like it was his right. Like it belonged there. The Doctor had watched that moment unfold like a slow-motion car crash, unable to move, unable to breathe, wanting to shout no - but saying nothing.

Just watched as he hung it right there, next to her TARDIS key. Let it happen.

Because what right did he have?

What claim could he possibly make?

He was a soldier in the body of a ghost, dragging her across time and space like she was a thing he’d borrowed. He’d promised himself he wouldn’t take. Wouldn’t ruin. Wouldn’t destroy.

But God, it hurt. It hurt.

Watching her smile at someone else like that. Watching someone else make her feel wanted. Watching everything he wanted unfolding an arm’s length away.

He felt like the only one in the universe standing in the rain- standing in the light of triplet suns and a clear, violet sky.

Jack let the day at the market simmer.

He waited a day or two, until they found themselves deep in a jungle on a moon orbiting a planet that had long since dried and died. The inhabitants of the planet, Xytan, had terraformed their moon fairly successfully and started life anew with better habits for their new home than their original- but there was something lurking underground.

So the TARDIS had brought them, of course.

They were walking along- or trudging, more like, if you were to ask Rose- having what passed for a normal day for the three of them.

Jack had somehow taken the lead when he spotted his next move in the game of chess the Doctor didn’t know they were playing.

A shimmering, dew-speckled flower. Lots of petals, swirling open from the inside out- what on earth and many other human colonies would’ve called, but what else?

A rose.

Jack grinned to himself. It was far too perfect.

He jogged ahead and took the small knife he kept in his pocket out and he snipped the stem a couple of inches back from the bud. He paused and let both the Doctor and Rose catch up to him.

“For you- another rose, nearly as beautiful…” Jack said with a flourished bow and a wink.

The Doctor rolled his eyes, even as Rose gave a small gasp and laugh.

“I doubt that’s a rose , Jack…” She laughed, accepting the flower, “But thanks.”

“Its a Nebuloth Thorn, actually.” The Doctor groused as he moved past both of them. “An’ they attract tarskleeches- which are quite like earthly leeches- except they can fly.”

Rose shrieked and dropped the flower immediately, backing away so fast she fumbled over her feet, though the Doctor was able to catch her before she fell, he didn’t hold her until she was sure she was steady like he normally would.

He simply put her back to her feet and continued up the path.

“Rose- I am so, so sorry…” Jack gushed, meaning both the bloodsucker-attracting flower and the way she now seemed to feel due to the Doctor’s cold treatment.

“It’s fine.” Rose peeped, brushing herself off. Her face was bright red and she took a moment to blink a few stray tears that threatened to gather away before following after the Doctor.

They walked for a while when Rose declared she needed the loo- and had to fumble over herself to ask how to best do that safely on this moon- if it was at all like Earth’s forests.

The Doctor explained with near clinical precision, and produced a small pack of tissue from his pocket before pointing toward a very large tree.

“Go on then,” He nodded, “We’ll keep an eye out.”

Jack waited for a moment, wondering if the Doctor would say anything- and when he didn’t, Jack made it a point to.

“About the leeches-”

“Tarskleeches.” The Doctor corrected.

“Right, tarskleeches. I didn’t know-”

“Listen, Harkness- if you an’ Rose wanna get up to… Whatever… Do it on down time, yeah? We’re tryin’ t’ find what is causin’ moonquakes on a moon with no tectonic shift an’ save these folks.” 

Jack swallowed thickly, almost considering confessing to the game afoot based on the Doctor’s tone alone. But Rose had cried so bitterly, and was hurting so much- and Jack knew the Time Lord needed the push.

So he continued.

“Right. I just… I’d never put her in danger, so… Thanks.”

The Doctor simply grunted in reply.

A few days- or nights- hard to tell when neither existed in the TARDIS, Jack and Rose had tried to invite the Doctor to watch a film with them. He, in turn, made a very thinly veiled excuse to not be near them and disappeared into the depths of the ship.

Rose then declined the movie also.

“I don’t wanna do… Whatever this is… Anymore.” She said quietly, eyes cast down on her trainers.

“Rosie…”

“No, Jack.” She snapped, eyes suddenly on his, tears already escaping her lashes and trailing down her cheeks. “I- I can’t…”

She then turned and ran.

The TARDIS hallways were infinite and Rose knew it- but as she ran it seemed like everything kept getting longer and longer. After a while she found herself out a breath and a bit annoyed with the ship she called home.

“Please… ‘s not funny…” She pleaded aloud. “Please…”

The TARDIS lights in the corridor flashed in reply.

“I… I need t’ apologize. Tell him it wasn’t real an’ I’m sorry…” She confessed. “Can you help me find him?”

The corridor lights slowly flashed in succession, and Rose thanked the ship and lightly caressed one of the coral struts as she followed along the pathway of the lights.

The corridor was unfamiliar. Narrower than most, quieter. No hum, no thrum of machinery, just the soft thudding of her own footsteps against the floor.

The door wasn’t locked. It didn’t even look like a door, really- more like a seam in the wall, subtle and curved. She only noticed it because the TARDIS let her. That much she could feel. Like the ship had sighed and thought, Fine. Just this once. Since you asked nicely.

It opened at her touch, and the air shifted, warm and faintly electric, like a storm moving in just beyond the horizon.

The room beyond was like nothing else in the TARDIS.

A high dome stretched above her, impossibly vast, the ceiling completely transparent- or maybe not transparent at all. It wasn’t glass, it wasn't a screen. It was like looking through time itself. Stars spilled across the black like spilled diamonds, and something soft-blue and swirling hovered on the horizon- a nebula maybe, or a galaxy she couldn’t name, she wasn’t entirely sure.

There were no bright lights. No panels or wires. No raw coral. Just strands of soft-glowing light- organic, vines, maybe, and pulsing faintly, like veins in a living creature- threaded through the curved walls. Everything was in muted shades- deep blues, smoky greys, and shadows that seemed to shift as she breathed.

A long, low bench curled around the edge of the room, worn leather cushions sunken and softened with time. It reminded Rose of a lecture hall in a way- though beyond anything any student she knew could ever even imagine.

A mug sat abandoned on the floor nearby the seating, half-full, forgotten. And in the very center, the Doctor.

He was sitting cross-legged on a small circular platform, one hand resting lightly on a console shaped more like a sculpture than a machine. His head was bowed, shoulders hunched in that way she’d learned meant he was thinking too hard - not about physics or danger or timelines, but about the things he never told her about. The war, she supposed, usually- but this time it didn’t seem to be the case.

He didn’t turn when she entered. Didn’t even flinch.

“Didn’t think anyone but me was able to find this room…” he said quietly, voice rough around the edges.

Rose stepped inside, slow and cautious like she was entering a dream.

“I wasn’t lookin’ for a secret,” she said. “Jus’ you.”

That got a flicker of a reaction. The corner of his mouth twitched, not quite a smile, though his back was still to her and she couldn’t see.

“Still a secret,” he murmured, almost as if scolding the TARDIS herself. 

She crossed to him, slow and quiet, and sat beside him without asking.

The stars above kept turning.

“I’m sorry.” She said, too fast and too high pitched, and it made her wince at herself.

“For what?” He asked softly, giving her a brief glance.

“Jack.”

The Doctor gave a huff that could have almost been a laugh- almost.

“Someone somewhere does need to apologize for Jack Harkness- but it's not you, love.”

Rose felt her entire head grow hot at the soft way he said ‘love’, as though she hadn’t hurt him. She closed her eyes and swallowed, but her lip still started to quiver.

“We- no… I . I hurt you.” She said, stating it like the fact she knew it was. She half expected him to deny it.

“Mm.” He hummed. “But you didn’t do anything wrong. ”

“Actually…” She sighed, voice breaking slightly, “I think I did.”

The Doctor stopped and looked over to her, almost distracted by how utterly beautiful she looked in the low light, mind marveling briefly at how she seemed to glow golden even in a room where all light was blue. 

“Love to hear that explained…” He said, eyes searching her face. It hurt him to see the hurt on her- but she wasn’t wrong. She had hurt him.

“I erm-” She hesitated, eyes falling away. She bit at the skin on her thumbs, just next to the nail. “Jack found me that day, after that Princess an’-”

“From Rondaxia?” He guessed, his voice almost sounding amused.

“Yeah, her.” Rose spat bitterly.

“What about her?”

Rose took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and let the breath all the way out. She then drew another in, as slowly and deeply as she could possibly make herself.

“He called me out on bein’ jealous of her. An’ then he erm… Anyway. Said he thought maybe we could tell if… Fuck.” She cursed under her breath, losing her nerve.

“Just tell me, Rose.” He spoke so softly it nearly broke her. He gently took her hand for the first time in days- and the tears broke loose.

“I- I’m… I’m in l-love with you.” She said, voice cracking and words fumbling. “I either have been a long time or always have been, an’ I dunno how t’ tell the difference. But I’m jus’-”

He gave her no warning. No room for more words. No time for her to finish stammering through whatever half-thought had been tangled on her tongue.

His mouth met hers like gravity- inevitable, unstoppable, and too long denied.

It wasn’t soft, not at first. It was desperate. He kissed her like a man who'd held himself back for so long he’d forgotten how not to. Like he didn’t trust himself to speak without breaking but this he could say it without saying anything at all.

Her breath hitched, caught somewhere between surprise and relief, and then with shaking hands, her fingers curled in the front of his jumper like she needed to anchor herself to something real.

And he was real. Cool to the touch, but so nice- so solid and close. Closer than he’d ever let himself be before.

His hand came up to cradle the side of her face, thumb brushing the edge of her cheekbone and wiping away tears, the kiss slowing down, becoming less panic, more reverence. Like he was memorizing her.

When they parted, it was just a breath between them. Her forehead rested against his, hearts pounding out of sync but it seemed Rose’s wanted to try matching his double-beat.

“You kissed me.” She whispered, nearly in shock.

He closed his eyes, swallowed hard.

“Yeah. I did.”

“You kissed me.” She repeated. “Why-”

“Because I love you, too. Silly girl.” He admitted in a light voice, like he was trying not to break the moment. “So, so much.”

“R-Really?!” Rose squeaked out.

“Really.” The Doctor replied, stone serious as she’d ever seen him.

“So- Are you gonna kiss me again?” She asked, grinning.

“Oh, Rose Tyler… I thought you’d never ask.”

He was still looking at her like he wasn’t sure he’d earned the right.

Like the first kiss had been some kind of beautiful accident and he didn’t dare assume she wanted another.

But she did. She asked for another.

And she didn’t wait entirely for him to close the gap himself.

His hand found her waist, fingers curling there like he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to hold on. Like she might vanish. Like the universe might decide this was too much and take it back.

She leaned into him, smiling faintly against his mouth, and felt him relax, finally, into her.

This kiss wasn’t like the first. There was no panic, no trembling edge of control. It was warm. Intentional. Familiar in a way that made her chest ache.

Like they’d done this before in a hundred other universes.

Like they’d always been meant to.

When they parted, he didn’t move far. Just rested his forehead to hers again, breath still uneven.

“So- You forgive me?”

“Always.” He promised.

“And Jack?”

The Doctor laughed- not long, but genuine.

“No. But… I’ll let him live. Maybe buy him a pint for the effort.”

There was a moment- a heartbeat- of silence, more comfortable than it had been in days. Then he spoke up again.

“I’m not good at things like this,” he admitted. “You know that.”

“I know,” she whispered, fingers brushing the back of his neck. “But we’ll get there, yeah? Two of us, together.”

He huffed a soft breath that might’ve been a laugh. Or a prayer.

And then- just briefly, almost shyly- he kissed her again.

And again.

Intending to lose count or outnumber the stars.