Work Text:
March, 19
Hey D
Never had people being scared of me, but now it’s happening. John had a serious fight with Randy from 10th g last week at the canteen and now everyone around act soooo weird around us all! Like this is very unusual for someone like John Tate to beat the crap out of people at lunch, phah. Classmates speak so polite even to ME and DANNY and LOU and their hands are shaking a bit, can u imagine that? Probably they think I can tell the big bad guy that they don’t treat me well and he’d come to kill them. Dumbs. Tate thinks about himself first… But maybe there is something else in this story…I’d better go ask Mark right now.
Oh P.S Phil and Leah vanished, hadn’t seen them for a week already. Need to know about that too
P.P.S MAYBE THERE IS SOME CONNECTION BETWEEN THESE THINGS????!!
March, 25
Hey D
A new guy appeared in the school, pretty handsome, you know)))
I bet he sold his soul to the devil for that knowledge in bio, for sure. Want to know more about him, going to ask Mark about that Adam on history.
(Later that day) Oh snap! That stupid man said that smoking is bad and it will kill me! Did I say I hate him now? I DO!! He doesn’t even ever drink something stronger than kefir. And he looks so frightened when he talks, so niiiice with the teachers! We could’ve taken this for flattering, but the guy surely doesn’t know about such thing’s existence. This is seriously disgusting.
But not that I’m not going to his birthday next week. Why not. But inviting every single one from the class to his b-day is silly, very silly of him. Say goodbye to your house, Adam
April, 9
Hey D
Now we are just stuck with Adam. And this is all Phil’s fault!
Wait, no, I’m not blaming Phil, not much, but just why the hack he cared for some odd old furniture in Adam’s house? Seriously, he forbad Richard to make some nail scratches on that drawers. And after that nobody touched anything anymore and Adam was so grateful. I would’ve been grateful too, actu
Now he just hangs around us all, Phil doesn’t give any shit, he’s always somewhere with Leah, as usual, and Adam’s full attention is on the rest of us. His attempts to be one of us are quite funny, though. At least he brings me my coffee and helps with biology, which is good.
***
May, 26
Hey D
We had great time with the gang today! I’m so tired, don’t want to write a lot. But…
I’m worried, we were pretty rough with Adam. We even made him to eat some of that dirty leaves from the ground, and he ate them, just like that... and now he’s drunk and left with the others. Nah, they won’t do much harm to him, right?
May, 27
Mark said Adam fell through the grille and died.
They threw stones at him while he was walking on the grille.
He slipped there. Into the cold...into the darkness.
The hole must be around 50 feet deep.
…
…
…
…
…
WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO? WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO, D? WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?!?
John Tate made me and Mark tell Phil and Leah how it was, I was so not feeling Adam’s death then, but now I do. I never cared for him, I never did him any good actually and this is
i’m not to blame,im not toblame imnot right im not
I was’t there then, I was not throwing that stones, that was not me who made him climb the grille
I WAS NOT EVEN THERE THEN
Phil’s going to make it alright. And John. Phil will make it alright, I’m sure. Adam is not coming back, we need to stay together and save ourselves, we don’t need to make it worse with the police and our worried families.
Well we can’t save Adam’s family from this
We are going to get through.
June, 30
D, It’s not the ‘getting through’ and ‘making it alright’ I wanted. It’s not.
We killed Adam. Not at the grille, not even now. We killed him when we came to his birthday, I killed him when I was asking him to bring me coffee. All the little things we did and he did led to this
I’m so sorry.
P.S: Leah ran away. Nobody knows where did she go.
September, 9 14
Hey D
I can’t look people in the face. I know they don’t know, I know they won’t judge, I know I did nothing anyways. But their eyes, so alive, so…I almost see their thoughts, their life, everyone has something and this annoys me, this ANNOYS ME
Everyone’s life is so pre Stole some chips from Costco, so did Mark. He told he’d done it before a million times, which looks like truth. His face and walk are so casual, Mark’s a pro.
Stolen chips taste better than usual.
I’m thirsty
September, 23
I gave up smoking, can you imagine? It just doesn’t help, and who needs things that don’t help? I don’t
But stealing cigarettes for Mark still. He somehow sucks at that, god knows why. I can get the whole 12-pack block under my hoodie! Mark says I rock.
Mom wants me to study somewhere. But I’m not getting anywhere with my shitty grades and nobody can make me study now. Mom says If I wouldn’t read so much, I would’ve forgotten English by now. She says I hardly speak to her. Bullshit, I do speak.
I did not expect to miss Leah. Let along missing her this much.
October, 9
We got caught, now spending 2 months in prison. Finally
I’m staying with other creepy girls and Mark is in another section. I don’t miss him, surprisingly. The last thing he'd told me was that Brian died 4 days ago. Drowned in his vomit. Crazy, giggling. I almost threw up when i heard this mycelf.
We did this to him. To him and Adam. To Leah.
To ourselves.
I feel somehow calm in here. I feel I belong; feel I deserve it. Here I am not worried, and I know I won’t do anything too bad. It’s alright now.
All right.