Chapter Text
NOT SIDEKICKS CHAT
7:00 AM
Night: So. Update: The Batlings were born. Good day.
Flashing It: NO NO NO. You are NOT dropping that info like a Marvel post-credit scene. Come BACK.
Flashing It: BATLINGS??? Plural??? You're kidding. Tell me you're kidding. Nightwing, I am SHAKING.
Best Super: WINGS WHAT THE HELL. You dropped that like it’s a grocery list.
Trojan Horse: Language, Kar.
Trojan Horse: Also WHO CHANGED MY NAME??
Trojan Horse changed their name to Donna.
Flashing It: Literally no one respects you, Donna.
Best Super: OH MY GOD HOW MANY. GENDER?? STATS?? ARE THEY CUTE. I NEED BABY CONTENT FOR MY SOUL.
7:02 AM
Flashing It: OKAY OKAY OKAY NOW I NEED DETAILS.
Flashing It: Names? Gender? Powers? Bat-powers? Hair Color? Feather Color?!
7:15 AM
Donna: Wally, chill. You’re vibrating through the screen. It’s only been 15 minutes since the drop.
Flashing It: HOW CAN I CHILL WHEN BATBABIES EXIST NOW?
Flashing It: THIS IS LIKE THE DAY I FOUND OUT STAR WARS HAD A NEW MOVIE WITHOUT ME KNOWING.
7:32 AM
Flashing It: NIGHTWING! I SEE THAT YOU’VE READ THIS AND CHOSEN SILENCE. THAT IS NOT HOW YOU DO BAT-FRIENDSHIP.
Flashing It: I’m officially threatening to give Bart your phone number.
Best Super: I volunteer as tribute to give Jon your sleep schedule.
Donna: Go, Katniss.
Flashing It: I HAVE OFFICIALLY DECIDED TO SEND BAT-EMOJIS UNTIL NIGHTWING ANSWERS.
Flashing It: 🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇
Flashing It: 🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇
Best Super: 🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇
Flashing It: I’m going to start sending you hourly riddles until you cave.
Flashing It: RIDDLE ONE: What’s small, wrinkly, loud, and allegedly came from Batman? ANSWER: THE BATLINGS. SHOW. ME. PROOF.
Flashing It: Still nothing. I’m going to eat a whole loaf of bread out of spite.
7:32 AM
Flashing It: It says read 7:04. YOU SAW IT. Don’t ghost me like a bad Tinder date, bro.
Flashing It: GIRLS. MOB HIM. MOB HIM NOW.
Best Super: Deploying emotionally manipulative gifs in 3... 2... 1...
Best Super sent “Puss in Boots Sad Eyes” gif
Donna: I’ve got “Baby Yoda Whimpering” on standby. Tag me in, coach.
9:45 AM
Flashing It: If you don’t respond, I will leak your Totally-Not-A-Phase-Emo playlist to the League. Including the Panic! deep cuts.
Best Super: OOOH. I still have the screenshot of his “Bat Feelz 4Evr” Spotify blend.
Donna: I’ll throw in the Batcave selfies. You know the ones.
Flashing It: The duckface ones?
Donna: The duckface ones.
10:12 AM
Flashing It: NIGHTWING. ANSWER. I SWEAR I WILL WRITE A STRONGLY WORDED YELP REVIEW OF YOUR FRIENDSHIP.
Flashing It: “Nice guy. Good flips. Terrible at texting back when his friend’s having a baby-related meltdown.” ★☆☆☆☆
Best Super: Wally’s spiraling again. Who’s got the emotional mop?
Donna: Let him spiral. It’s beautiful. Like a flaming peacock on a unicycle.
Flashing It: I’m about to start journaling in all caps about this. Don’t make me break out the glitter pens.
Donna: You should, honestly. Add pressed flowers. Make it Shakespearean.
Flashing It: “Lo! The bat hath birthed, yet the news his son keeps, tight to his breast, like unto yon grumpy squirrel clutching thine acorn.”
Best Super: I would read that fanfic.
11:56 AM
Flashing It: Nightwing. It has been almost five hours. You owe me emotional compensation and at least ONE headshot of a BatBaby. I’m spiraling.
1:13 PM
Flashing It: I bet you're asleep, aren’t you?
Donna: They're nocturnal, Wally. You know this.
Flashing It: No one asked you, Wonder-Snark.
11:00 PM
Flashing It: I’m texting the League. You forced my hand. I hope you’re happy.
Night: Walls, breathe. Please.
Flashing It: YOU'RE BACK. FINALLY.
Flashing It: DROP THE INFO, YOU MYSTERIOUS EMO OPERA GHOST.
Night: I literally just woke up. Give me like… five seconds?
Flashing It: You get two. After that, I start sending you glitter bomb links.
Night: You’re really going to threaten me after I had to catch three squirmy chaos goblins with demon teeth?
Flashing It: Wait. THREE?! TRIPLETS? You said Batlings as in plural but I thought like… two MAX.
Night: Well, surprise. Two boys and a girl. Names are Swallow, Sparrow, and Farrow.
Flashing It: 🥹🥹🥹 That’s disgustingly adorable I’m suing you for emotional assault.
Best Super: I’m naming my future band after them. Opening act: “Screaming Robin and the Sidekick Uprising.”
Donna: Pics or we riot.
Night: Can’t. Dad says no photos until they’re a month old.
Flashing It: A month??? That's like… twelve business eternities.
Best Super sent 'HAVE YOU NO COMPASSION FOR MY POOR NERVES' gif
Donna: I demand artistic renderings. I will take stick figures. Also, why is he so dramatic?
Night: He’s literally raising demon children. Give the man some credit.
Flashing It: I would give him credit if I had photos. I need BatBaby content. For my mental health. For science. For the culture.
Flashing It: Are you sure no pics? Not even one?
Night: Not even one.
Best Super: I’m going to punch a comet.
Donna: I’m gonna paint what I think they look like.
Flashing It: Donna, please no.
Donna: It’s already halfway done. I gave the girl laser eyes and bat wings.
Flashing It: …I support this.
BOUNCING BABY BAT CHAT
11:09 PM
Flash II: NW said the triplets are named Sparrow, Swallow, and Farrow.
Flash: WALLACE WEST I SWEAR ON THE SPEED FORCE PUT. YOUR. PHONE. DOWN.
Supergirl: WELL THERE GOES MY DRAMATIC ANNOUNCEMENT.
GL: THREE?????
BC: Ollie just passed out. I'm not kidding. Someone get a screenshot.
WW: How wonderous, three new warriors to carry the flame of justice.
WW: May they be strong, cunning, and impervious to the sins of their father.
Superman: They’re babies, Diana.
WW: I said what I said.
MM: My sincerest congratulations. May they be spared their father’s dramatics.
GL: Do they come with baby grappling hooks?
Supergirl: I WILL punch you, Lantern.
Flash II: Can I tell the press? I'm really good with press. I’ve been practicing my “no comment” look.
Flash: WALLACE. I WILL DEACTIVATE YOUR DATA PLAN IF YOU DO NOT GO TO BED.