Archive of Our Own

Nagi Seishirou has never fallen in love. This is a fact. Concrete evidence backs it up and it is likely that it will never change.

The evidence exists in the form of a short list, written in the notes app of his phone after overhearing a conversation about crushes from some of his classmates. It wasn’t a very long list, he hadn’t put much effort into it after all, but it was enough to get the point across: these were the reasons why Nagi Seishirou had never fallen in love.

1. Nagi Seishirou has never had an actual friend, let alone a romantic partner.

It was a rather crude way to start off the list, but it wasn’t wrong. Never in all 17 years of Nagi’s dull, monochrome life had he ever managed to make a friend. He spent his days alone, with only his thoughts for company. It wasn’t the worst way of living, it spared him the effort of having to communicate with others, so he didn’t mind all that much. Really, it wasn’t that big of a deal.

However, it did mean that he lacked severely in the experience he assumed was required for a relationship. Not that it bothered him very much, it was nothing more than an observation. Nagi Seishirou had never made a friend and would probably continue his life in a similar manner, perfectly content with his lack of connection to the rest of society.

The rest of society, much to Nagi’s dismay, had other ideas. Well, the rest of society was a rather broad generalisation, it was really only one person. A very persistent, very… pretty person who talked so fast and so animatedly that it gave Nagi headaches. The rest of society had decided to spite Nagi by providing him with Mikage Reo, the local rich boy who was determined to befriend him for whatever reason.

Mikage Reo, who insisted on just being called Reo, was an enigma. He was loud and popular and he liked weird things and he had awful taste in just about everything. Nagi couldn’t understand him in the slightest, couldn’t understand why he was so caught up on being friends with him. 

They had nothing in common, so Nagi failed to see what was so interesting about himself in the eyes of Reo, failed to see the unfiltered look of awe on Reo’s face when he spoke to him. But either way, Nagi now had a friend, of sorts. It didn’t make much sense but neither did anything else about Reo, so Nagi accepted it somewhat begrudgingly.

In the grand scheme of first meetings, Nagi didn’t think it was that extraordinary of a first meeting, but Reo seemed to think differently. From that moment onwards Nagi, who had been previously cruising through school relatively unnoticed, suddenly had the attention of the masses on him. Gone were Nagi’s days of peace and quiet in Hakuho, as it was now impossible to find Nagi without Reo by his side.

The students of Hakuho were very quick to notice this change, after all someone had managed to catch the attention of the Mikage Reo, and everyone knew that anyone who was able to do that must be special. But when they saw the enigma that is Nagi Seishirou come crawling out from the limo after Reo an awkward silence fell over the population of Hakuho high school. This guy was Reo’s current obsession? There was no way in fucking hell.

If Nagi was anyone else he would have probably been offended by how harsh these reactions were, but thankfully, Nagi was Nagi. In actual fact, he sort of agreed with them. He really had no clue why Reo liked him so much. The girls in his class were kinda justified for giving him weird looks whenever Reo came bounding into their classroom in search of Nagi, because it was weird. Nagi Seishirou was not the sort of person someone just takes interest in, especially not when that someone is Mikage Reo.

At first, Nagi found it sort of annoying, but Reo was ridiculously persistent so he had no choice but to accept it. And anyway, it wasn’t like Reo was the worst company in the world, he actually wasn’t too bad… Plus, he was pretty like everyone said, so it was easy for Nagi to spend hours looking at him without getting bored. Well, he did get bored, but not of Reo. The football was boring, it made no sense and Nagi wanted nothing more than to give up and go home. But Reo made it worth it. Sort of. He made it slightly less boring. And that was enough for Nagi.

Football was a confusing sport. This is something Nagi realised mere days after being dragged into it by Reo. There was very little point to it and it was incredibly dramatic for what it was. It suited Reo in a way, not because he was over dramatic or anything, but the sport had a certain energy to it that perfectly encompassed everything that Reo was - the boldness, the enthusiasm, the confident aura the sport exuded, it was all Reo. And so, if football was Reo, then Nagi would have no choice but to stick with it.

Really, it was no wonder Reo enjoyed the sport so much, he fit right into the scene as though he had always belonged there. Nagi, on the other hand, looked a bit out of place. Not once did Nagi actually understand what was going on when he played football with Reo. It was all just meaningless words and fast-paced movements that left Nagi’s head reeling. At least Nagi could follow Reo’s instructions in the game, telling him exactly where to go and what to do. That was easy enough. Scoring goals that way was easy enough. Football with Reo was easy enough.

Despite how easy it was, Reo remained equally impressed each time Nagi managed to score a goal. He was all bright smiles and excited yells as he would run up to Nagi, springing up onto his back or slinging an arm over his shoulder. The fleeting touches were strange, unfamiliar to Nagi, but not unwelcome. His skin burned where Reo’s had come into contact with it, but somehow, for whatever reason, Nagi felt as though he could withstand the burn if it was Reo.

And so, he withstood it. The fleeting touches lingered and lingered, bleeding into the rest of Nagi’s monochrome life, splashes of colour amongst the shades of grey. The warmth and vibrance was something Nagi had never experienced before, so gentle and yet so dangerous – addictive. Reo was addictive, really, every part of him. Nagi was beginning to understand what everyone else saw in him, just why he was so popular. Although he suspected not many other people saw Reo in the way he did, in the quiet moments where it was just the two of them. The true, genuine smiles that reached the depths of enchanting violet eyes, a sight that only Nagi was able to witness. It was magical, having Reo all to himself in moments like that, something he could never have imagined, not even in his dreams.

A few weeks had passed since their first meeting, something Reo had described eloquently as a fateful encounter that was destined to occur. Nagi didn’t really see it the same way, but he couldn’t deny how glad he was that they had met. Reo had gone and changed his life in the mere weeks they had known each other for, completely flipping Nagi’s dull little world on its axis. His presence had been overwhelming at first, a constant buzzing noise always following him around like a very persistent fly, but Nagi found himself acclimatising to it very quickly. Arguably, Nagi would find it weirder if Reo wasn’t by his side now, he’d gotten way too used to Reo being with him.

It was no surprise, really. Wherever Nagi was, Reo wasn’t too far away. He’d even started showing up in some of Nagi’s elective classes, something that had surprised Nagi when he woke up blearily midway through a lesson, only to make eye contact with Reo who smirked when he saw he’d finally woken up, barely managing to contain his laughter at the dazed expression on Nagi’s face. Nagi’s expression shifted, barely, but in a way that Reo knew would be as close to a smile as he would ever see on Nagi’s face. It was a daft look really, half-lidded eyes gazing softly at him, consciously fighting back the urge to fall back asleep just so he could maintain eye contact, but Reo found it ridiculously endearing. 

That wasn’t saying much though, because Reo found most things about Nagi endearing. It wasn’t something he actively thought about all too often, but it was glaringly obvious in the way he acted around the other boy. He felt his true self slipping out more often with Nagi, carefully constructed walls crumbling with ease at every word he spoke. It was almost embarrassing how easy it was for Reo to let Nagi in. It was unfamiliar, stepping tentatively into uncharted waters, and yet Reo found himself going in willingly. He’d never been this close to someone in his life, and any past friendships had certainly never come about as quickly as it had with Nagi. 

But it was okay, because it was Nagi. He wouldn’t have trusted anyone else like this, only Nagi. Nagi was his treasure, the boy he found and chose to become his friend. It felt like he was made for him, the way they connected so quickly. So it was okay that they had grown this close. It was almost as if it was destined to be that way.

His friendship with Nagi had, at first, been mainly about football. Nagi’s talent was out of this world, literally extraordinary in every definition of the word, so of course Reo got excited about it. Reo knew Nagi had very little interest in the sport, that much was obvious from the non-committal reaction he had to Reo’s praise, so befriending him seemed like the most reasonable course of action. 

Multiple bold claims later, and Reo had a new football partner and a friend of sorts. Nagi was… strange, to say the least. He wasn’t exactly friend material; he was blunt and openly showed his distaste for the majority of the things Reo was passionate about, he really wasn’t all that brilliant of a person. But Reo found himself coming back each time he was pushed away, only gaining confidence when he was rejected. He was inexplicably drawn to Nagi, like a moth to a flame.

It was odd. Reo had never been this desperate for someone’s attention in his life. It was usually the other way around for him, people flinging themselves at his feet just for a shred of acknowledgement. This, whatever it was, was very different. Reo didn’t quite know what to do with himself. He was confident that Nagi didn’t dislike him, or else he could’ve very easily been much harsher with his attempts to avoid Reo. But that didn’t necessarily mean Nagi actually liked Reo, and that was… Well. Call him spoiled, but it wasn’t something that happened very often so you can’t blame him for being upset at such a realisation.

Reo prided himself on being an approachable and friendly person, someone beyond the rich kid that everyone knew him as, so he hoped desperately that Nagi saw him for that. He also hoped that Nagi would come to like him eventually, it would be a bit awkward otherwise, especially with how he was basically forcing him into playing football.

Luckily, his charms seemed to work on Nagi eventually, and after a few weeks Reo could call the two of them friends with at least 70% confidence in such a statement. Apparently, a couple of weeks was all it took to become completely inseparable, as Reo found himself well and truly attached to Nagi.

And Nagi was no better, quite frankly. He didn’t know how it had happened, or when, but suddenly his life went from its usual mundanity to having Reo in it and then Reo became his new normal. It was strange, like most things that involved Reo, but Nagi wouldn’t have it any other way because now that he had a friend, he would not be letting go of him.

2. Nagi Seishirou does not like the things that romance entails (affection is gross, makes me itchy (- x -) )

Ever since he could remember, Nagi hadn’t liked affection. Not even the romantic kind, just affection in general. He would go to extreme lengths to avoid hugs from relatives at family reunions, ducking and swerving all over the place to make sure nobody touched him. 

His parents had readily accepted this fact about him, it suited their relaxed approach to parenting very well after all. All in all, Nagi wasn’t a fan of people touching him, growing uncomfortable when people invaded his personal space. It was gross and it felt suffocating, so he was glad people gave up on it quickly.

But of course, like with all constants in Nagi’s life, Reo seemed to do the exact opposite. Nagi realised it quite early on into their friendship, just how touchy Reo was. When they were with each other, which was more often than not, there was always some part of them in contact. An arm around his shoulder accompanied by a greeting in the morning. Hands intertwined as they walk down the corridor together to their next lessons. Legs pressed together as they sit in comfortable silence, hunched over a football video on Reo’s phone. 

The point was, Reo was always touching Nagi. It was weird, because Nagi didn’t give off the vibe of someone who would enjoy that and Reo had surely picked up on it by now. But he didn’t exactly stop Reo from doing it either, so he was probably giving him mixed signals.

Reo’s touch was… it was different. Nagi hadn’t pulled away at first because he hadn’t seen it coming, too comfortable in his personal bubble to realise it could be broken so easily if someone actually bothered to try. It scared him. Not the idea of someone touching him, breaking down his haphazardly created barriers, but the realisation that he didn’t hate it as much as he thought he would.

It’s kind of horrifying to have something you’ve believed in for your entire life suddenly flipped on its head because of one person and Nagi is no exception to this. He doesn’t quite know what to do with the realisation, thoroughly perplexed by Reo’s ability to singlehandedly make him doubt everything he knows about himself. It’s not Reo’s fault, not really, especially not when Nagi chooses to reciprocate too.

Where before he would stand rigid, Nagi now melts into Reo’s touch, completely at home in his arms. He doesn’t know how it happened but he finds himself longing for Reo’s touch, a concept so alien to him that it renders him speechless.

He lets Reo have his way with him, finds himself willingly dragged around to play football, because he knows he will get the warmth of Reo’s touch in return. He has no shame, letting it happen in broad daylight where anyone can see them. He doesn’t care, not enough at least, because Reo is more important.

Reo cares more, although not enough to stop. He knew other people had noticed, he heard the whispers of his classmates, saw the way Nagi’s classmates gave the two of them weird looks when he came looking for Nagi during their breaks. People really weren’t subtle. Admittedly, neither was Reo.

He hadn’t exactly been holding back on his affection for the other boy, pet names spilling out of his lips among all the praise as though it were second nature, not a single thought put into it. Nagi was his treasure, something so beautiful that had been hidden away for so long, only to be discovered by him, so it was only natural that he would tell Nagi this. It wasn’t only his words, it was his actions too. Reo had always been a physical person, but it was something he tended to hesitate with when he was around other people.

But it was different with Nagi. With Nagi, Reo was free to overindulge, he had never heard a word of complaint from the other boy, so he took it as a green light and let himself loose. He’d tried to keep it subtle at first, a quick brush of their hands as he leaned in to whisper a passing comment into his ear, an arm thrown around his shoulder almost instinctively after a particularly exhilarating goal, but eventually it had dragged out into something more. The touches lingered, felt more intimate, in a way. A way that Reo couldn’t really describe with words, but a way that he could feel instead. He wondered if Nagi could feel it too, if he knew what it meant to Reo.

Reo wasn’t entirely sure what it meant, in truth, but he knew his feelings went beyond what normal friends felt for each other. He wouldn’t call the feelings romantic, not yet, it was too soon, but platonic was far from the word he would use to describe how he felt about Nagi. Calling it a crush felt too juvenile, it was almost insulting to their bond, something much stronger that existed outside of silly high school crushes.

So Reo ignored his feelings. Well, not exactly ignored, it was pretty hard to do that when he spent nearly all of his time with the very object of his affection, but he instead chose not to think too hard about his feelings. It’s not like they really changed anything anyway, he was still acting the same way around Nagi, the fact that his feelings towards Nagi were different to Nagi’s feelings really had no impact on their relationship whatsoever. Reo didn’t think about it too hard, because it really didn’t make that much of a difference, he just cared deeply about Nagi, there was nothing wrong with that.

The affection for Nagi continued to pour out of Reo whenever the two of them were together, not at all heightened due to Reo’s realisation, just with a greater understanding of why it felt so natural.

Nagi ate it up like a starving child, leaning into the warm feeling of gentle fingers threading through his tousled hair. Leaning into the familiar weight of an arm comfortably slung over his shoulder, as though it was always meant to be there. Nagi had never thought of himself as someone who particularly longed for affection, but when it came from Reo, it was all he wanted. He sought it out subtly, knowing Reo would pick up on it subconsciously as he shuffled closer to him.

Reo’s touch was addictive, stronger, much stronger than any drug. As was his praise. Reo had such a wonderful way with words that always left Nagi feeling warm and glowy. He knew exactly what to say to bend Nagi to his will. Nagi was well and truly under his spell. And for some reason, Nagi was okay with that.

It probably wasn’t healthy to have become so attached to Reo so quickly, but a lot of the things Nagi did weren’t exactly healthy, so it didn’t matter much. Plus, it was Reo so Nagi didn’t care if it was unhealthy. He had grown to like Reo a lot more than he expected to, partly due to their forced proximity, but also because he was incredibly easy to like. He was ridiculously friendly, determined, and worst of all, stubborn. Nagi should have found this annoying, like he assumed he would at the start, but after Reo had started showing up outside his house in the mornings before school, and showing up literally everywhere else in Nagi’s life, he began to fall into a sense of routine.

Nagi was comfortable with routines, he found life much easier when he knew what he was expecting. So falling into a routine with Reo by his side had been easy. Some parts (mainly the football) had been a hassle to put up with, but Nagi was slowly getting used to it. Football wasn’t even as tedious as it had been at the start, but it would never reach the same level of excitement for Nagi that it did for Reo. 

Reo treated football like it was his entire life, he poured his entire existence into it. Nagi knew that the vast majority of people were more passionate than he tended to be, but Reo’s passion was much more than that. It was beautiful, in a way, to see how much Reo cared about it, and how much he enjoyed sharing it with Nagi. It made it feel like it was theirs and theirs alone, something special just for the two of them, another thing to add to the ever expanding list of moments between them.

These moments Nagi spent with Reo, the soft, quiet ones, were unimaginable to Nagi, like something taken straight from a coming of age movie. Sunsets, red bleeding into gold, spent together in silence that would’ve been uncomfortable had it been anyone else. Reo’s presence could never be uncomfortable, it was warm, so wonderful, and everything Nagi had longed for without even knowing he wanted it in the first place. Bike rides home in the gentle bliss of a spring evening, a soft breeze winding its way through his hair, a smile brighter than the sun on the face of the boy in front of him. Evenings after practice, the feeling of Reo’s arms around him as he lifted him onto his back.

It was soft, sweet and sickeningly domestic.

Not too dissimilar to how Nagi actually felt about Reo then. Somewhere along the way, Nagi’s feelings towards Reo had shifted from indifference to something else - something he couldn’t explain adequately with words. That dull sense of emptiness and boredom that had been following Nagi around for as long as he could remember no longer decided to rear its head whenever he was with Reo. Spending time with Reo wasn’t as dreadful as everything else in his life, it was the one thing he could almost bring himself to enjoy.

It was strange, really, that one boy had managed to single-handedly change Nagi’s life so much, but it somehow made sense at the same time. Reo was strange after all. For some strange, inexplicable reason he liked Nagi of all people. This, in Nagi’s opinion, was objectively strange. He had called Reo out on this before, calling him weird. He’d tried to explain himself but Reo had only laughed at him. Nagi couldn’t see Reo's face from his position slumped over his back, but he could imagine his radiant smile as he replied.

“It’s fun being with you.”

He said it like it was easy, like it was the most simple thing ever, like it didn’t actually mean so much more. To Reo, who had experienced nothing but boredom for his entire life, having Nagi by his side was the most freeing experience ever. The change of pace brought by Nagi was welcomed with open arms, slotting into place in his life so naturally like it was the missing piece he had been searching for all this time.

To Nagi, who had been alone, trudging through shades of grey for as long as he could remember, the colour Reo brought into his life when he crashed into it was mesmerising. The idea of fun was something he was yet to experience, but whatever he felt with Reo was close enough.

Decidedly, Nagi didn’t hate affection as much as he thought he did, he just had to receive it from the right person. And if that right person happened to be Reo, then so be it.

3. Nagi Seishirou has never experienced the joys of a cliche shoujo romance anime

It sounds completely ridiculous and it is, really, but Nagi swears there’s an actual point being made here. He’s not stupid enough to believe that romance animes are an accurate representation of what it’s like to fall in love, but he is convinced that there’s at least some truth in them.

And because Nagi is a true fan of shoujo romance (he watched one episode before falling asleep and promptly forgot he ever started watching it) he believes he knows everything there is to know about romance as displayed through shoujo anime.

He knows that the glittery sparkle effects probably don’t exist in real life, which is sort of disappointing but it’s understandable. He really wanted to see someone’s eyes light up like that, even if it was only once. It was such a stupid idea which only made it all the more intriguing to Nagi.

Furthermore, the ridiculous scenarios in shoujo animes probably don’t happen in real life either. Nagi has yet to experience anything like a beach episode, but that’s probably for the best because he’s not the biggest fan of sand. Or the ocean. Or other people, who were bound to be on the beach. There’s nothing to do on the beach anyway, what’s even the point?

Regardless, Nagi hasn’t experienced it, so he’s doomed if he ever plans on falling in love. (If he were smart enough he’d realise that nobody actually plans to fall in love, it just happens.)

He thinks it’d be kinda nice if romantic music started playing in the background whenever he locks eyes with the love of his life or something. A bit inconvenient, sure, especially if everyone else heard it too, but it’d be kinda funny which would make the experience worth it.

He’s reflecting on this again, wondering what sort of song Reo would like when he hears it. He's staring at Reo again, something he does more often than not when they’re together, and Reo looks up, smiling as their eyes meet. There’s this… music playing faintly, muffled by something but undeniably there.

Nagi blinks, wondering if he’s imagining it, but it doesn’t go away. He looks back at Reo, who’s still smiling at him, utterly oblivious to Nagi’s inner turmoil. It definitely started the moment he locked eyes with Reo, there’s no way it could be anything else.

Shoujo romance cliches were real and he was in love with Reo. Obviously.

It’s odd. He’s not quite sure how it happened, or when, for that matter, but there was solid evidence backing it up, so it must be true. He was in love with Reo.

“Oh, my phone’s ringing,” Reo breaks the silence between them, reaching for his bag, “Sorry, give me a minute…”

He pulls the phone out and the music gets louder before it stops altogether as Reo answers the call.

“Huh…” Nagi squints at Reo, confusion more than evident on his face.

If the music was from the phone then that means… he wasn’t in love with Reo?

But that’s… Oh, whatever, the details aren’t that important. Reo is Reo, that’s good enough for Nagi.

Reo hangs up the call a minute later, glancing back at Nagi who was still staring at him intensely.

“What are you looking at me like that for?” Reo laughs.

Nagi freezes, his thoughts crashing to a standstill. “Uhh… Nothing?”

It’s stupidly unconvincing and Reo laughs again.

“Okay, whatever you say.” he shrugs.

It wasn’t exactly nothing but Nagi wasn’t sure how to describe it. Being in love with Reo was probably a big deal, but he decidedly wasn’t in love with him so there was no problem. It was just strange and the fact that he wasn’t really opposed to the idea meant nothing. It was fine, just a coincidence. Something like that.

Okay, so maybe it wasn’t a coincidence.

A week later Nagi is slumped against the wall in the locker room, hunched over his phone. He’s focusing intently on a game, uncaring of his surroundings. He’d arrived at the locker room before Reo for once, something that shocked him more than he was willing to admit. Reo would probably jump for joy when he finds him there, thinking he’d finally converted Nagi to the wonderful ways of football.

The room is silent, the only noise is the frantic tapping of his fingers against the phone screen. It’s not a very interesting game, certainly not worth all the attention he’s giving it, but he has nothing better to do at this moment.

The silence is broken by the door bursting open, followed shortly by Reo crashing into the room rather inelegantly. He drops his bags at his feet, staring at Nagi with poorly contained awe.

“You’re-  you’re already here?” he says, voice wavering in disbelief.

Nagi looks up from his phone, about to move forward, but Reo beats him to it, tripping over his bags and surging forward suddenly. He stumbles awkwardly and Nagi would probably laugh if it weren’t for the fact that Reo literally crashes right into him moments later. Nagi barely has the time to react before Reo is completely in his space.

His back hits the wall and Reo’s arms are pressed against his shoulders, and his face is so close and-

Holy fucking kabedon, what the hell?!

Nagi blinks, momentarily taken aback. Reo is breathing heavily against his neck, so close that Nagi can feel each breath on his skin. He shifts back slightly, staring at Nagi with wide, unblinking eyes. Nagi stares back, unsure what to say.

They stay like that for what feels like an eternity, but in reality was no more than ten seconds. Given how close the two of them are, it shouldn’t have been any different from the usual but for some reason it was, the tension between them suddenly through the roof.

As if snapping out of a trance, Reo pulls away, clearing his throat nervously. Nagi pretends he doesn’t immediately miss the feeling of Reo’s arms around him.

“I’m sorry, I don’t- uh…” Reo fumbles over his words. It’s kind of cute.

Nagi nods, finally moving away from the wall.

“Practice?”

“Yeah.”

And with that, the moment is over. The rest of practice goes smoothly without problem, but Nagi’s focus remains elsewhere. His thoughts can’t help but linger on earlier, caught up on Reo’s touch.

That was definitely a kabedon, right? Like, straight out of a shoujo anime kabedon. There was no other way to describe it. The way they collided? The way Reo pushed him against the wall? It was the most cliche kabedon to ever kabedon.

Oh god, the shoujo animes are real. Nagi should’ve never doubted himself.

Wait. 

If it’s real, then maybe he is in love with Reo. Things like this don’t just happen to anyone in shoujo animes, it’s always the love interests.

Does that make Reo the love interest? Or is Nagi the love interest? Oh, whatever, maybe they’re both love interests, it doesn’t really matter anyway.

No, yeah, they’re definitely both love interests.

This is the conclusion Nagi reaches mere days later, at practice again, of all things.

Like most practices, it’s fairly mundane. Not a lot happens, at least, nothing out of the ordinary. Nagi complains like usual, plays football like usual, and does what Reo tells him to do like usual.

He collapses on the ground at some point, gasping for air like the privilege of breathing had been taken away from him. In reality, all he'd done was run around a field for what couldn't have been longer than five minutes, but dragged on for a torturously slow eternity for Nagi.

Reo stands over him, taking a sip from his water bottle. He takes pity on Nagi's collapsed form, laughing gently as he chucks the bottle at him.

Nagi catches it frantically, barely even sitting up before drinking the entire thing. Reo laughs again and sits down next to him, looking off into the distance.

Nagi puts the bottle down, no longer feeling like he was seconds away from passing out. It's only then that he realises it was Reo's bottle that he drank from.

Technically, this means nothing, but to Nagi, who has spent countless hours (read: minutes, he has made no actual attempts to do this) studying the ways of shoujo romance animes, this means everything.

This was clearly the most direct form of an indirect kiss ever, there was literally no other way to look at it.

Nagi had just kissed Reo (indirectly.) Oh god, Nagi had just kissed Reo (indirectly.)

His face heats up automatically at the realisation. Not even subtly, like, his face turns bright red and he has to start fanning at himself with his hand to cool down.

Reo tilts his head, worried, "You okay?"

Nagi just nods his head, not sure how to explain to Reo that he'd just had his first kiss (indirectly. He seems to keep forgetting that part.)

"Alright." Reo shrugs, chalking it down to Nagi being exhausted, "Should we go home?"

"Yeah, okay."

After sitting there for a moment longer Nagi gets up and follows Reo, pretending he hasn't just experienced one of the (allegedly) most romantic shoujo tropes of all time. He pretends he's not flustered, pretends it's totally normal to feel that way at the idea of kissing his best friend.

It's so platonic, it's literally the most platonic thing ever, he tells himself. He's not sure if he's telling the truth or not. Damn, the shoujo tropes have definitely started messing with his head.

So maybe shoujo tropes are real, and maybe Nagi is in love with Reo. Or maybe he's just going insane and has started hallucinating due to prolonged exposure to football. At this rate, it might be both, he acknowledges begrudgingly.

But the way Reo's eyes sparkle when Nagi looks at him sometimes, that's something he knows he can't make up. It has to be real, something he's seen too often to be fake.

Either way he shouldn't put too much thought into the shoujo tropes, even if they appear to be sending him subliminal messages about his somewhat ambiguous relationship with Reo. It probably means nothing.

4. Nagi Seishirou does not really understand love (this does not make him immune to loving)

There’s a lot that Nagi doesn’t understand, actually. He doesn’t understand why people try so hard, why they put in so much effort for fairly inconsequential things, why they care so much about everything. He’s not trying to be obstinate or anything, he just doesn’t understand.

Reo is one of those people who pours their absolute everything into all that they do and Nagi can’t help but admire him for that. It looks exhausting, and Nagi would rather die than do any of that. But Reo’s passion for life is kind of cute. He tells Nagi time and time again that he’s spent his entire life bored out of his mind but Nagi can’t understand how he can put so much effort into everything if he finds it all boring.

All in all, there’s a lot that Nagi doesn’t understand about Reo. It should push them apart, if it were anyone else then Nagi is sure it would, but because it’s Reo, they remain together. He likes being with Reo, even though he doesn’t understand him a lot of the time. Reo says it’s fun and Nagi can’t say he entirely agrees, but it’s not bad or anything, so he doesn’t mind.

Love is more confusing than Reo ever is though, which is kind of annoying. Having spent most of his life alone, Nagi has managed to avoid ever thinking particularly hard about it. This had never been a problem for Nagi before, but now that he was thinking about it, he realised just how little he actually knew about it.

To its core, love is a concept that is unfamiliar to Nagi. His previous lack of desire for affection meant that he passed through life relatively ignored. People often assumed that he hated all of it, when he really just didn’t like people in his personal space.

Living his life alone didn’t really provide any learning opportunities for Nagi, so he remained isolated, for lack of a better word. He didn’t really want it to be that way, but it wasn’t the worst way to live, so he made do with it. The idea of it being any different was almost scary to him anyway, too comfortable with the silence that encompassed his daily life.

Of course, like with all constants in Nagi’s life, Reo’s presence had rapidly shifted everything Nagi thought he knew about life. Going from an existence based solely in solitude to having every moment spent with someone else by your side was overwhelming. There was no way of sugarcoating it. No point, either.

It wasn’t Reo’s fault that he was so out of his depth. It was a problem born entirely of his own creation, his own belief that he would never love like everyone else does.

He doesn’t want to come across as dramatic or anything, it’s nothing more than an assumption he gradually came to believe in as he grew up and saw how the rest of the world interacted with each other compared to how he did.

Where other people would jump at every opportunity to discuss who they were attracted to and who they found hot, Nagi remained rather cold in comparison, content to isolate himself and keep his focus elsewhere. He wasn’t contrived enough to believe that attraction and sex were the only things that love involved, but when it made up so much of what people talked about he couldn’t help but think that it was important.

It wasn’t that people weren’t attractive or anything, it’s just that he didn’t really care enough to think about it. It was too much effort to even consider thinking about it, let alone actually thinking about it. It kind of sucked, people cared way too much about the wrong things in life, it’d be so much more interesting if people would talk about something else for once in their lives.

There was a lot else that Nagi didn’t understand about love. How do people just decide they’re in love in the first place? How do they even know if it’s love or just friendship? Hell, Nagi didn’t even know what friendship felt like until he met Reo. How on earth was he expected to know what love was like?

If there was a list of step by step instructions for falling in love, then Nagi would have no qualms with this issue. He could tick off each step with ease and be content with the fact that he knew what he was doing.

Or, even if he couldn’t fall in love, at least a set of instructions that he couldn’t follow would confirm his beliefs and he could leave his concerns behind. At least he would know how it works, even if he couldn’t do it himself. The least the world could do is put him out of his misery.

Maybe Reo knew more than he did. Surely he must, Nagi knew how popular Reo was before they met, he must’ve had at least some experience with love, or at least more than Nagi ever had.

Nagi decides to investigate this a few days later, on the way home with Reo. He’s on the back of the bike again, chin tucked comfortably over Reo’s shoulder.

“Reo,” he begins quietly, “do you know how to fall in love?”

Reo chokes, whipping his head around to stare incredulously at Nagi and temporarily losing control of the bike in the process, sending it lurching forward suddenly. Nagi collapses unceremoniously into Reo’s back, temporarily winding himself as he lets out a pathetic wheeze.

“Excuse me?”

Reo is no longer looking back at Nagi, more preoccupied with making sure they don’t swerve into oncoming traffic, but his exasperated tone gives away the exact look Nagi knows is on his face.

“I mean…” Nagi backtracks, realising he could’ve probably gone about asking that in a more normal way. “You’re… popular, right? Do you know anything about it?”

Reo laughs awkwardly, “Well, erm…” There’s a blush rising up the back of his neck. Strange. 

“It’s not like I know nothing…” Reo continues after a while, “Why do you ask?”

“Just… curious.”

Reo laughs, “Strange thing to be curious about, but okay.”

He shrugs slightly, pretending like he understands what is happening. Pretending like he’s not stupidly flustered by the idea of Nagi listening to him rattle off all his feelings about love, knowing full well that all his experience comes from his feelings for Nagi.

He wills away the blush burning at his cheeks, half tempted to stop the bike and smack his hands over his face until it goes away. He chooses not to give in to the temptation, knowing it would only make the situation even weirder than it already was.

“Right, well, I don’t think there’s any specific way to fall in love or anything, if that’s what you’re looking for, but…” Reo trails off, unsure how to approach the topic.

Nagi frowns, “Then how are you supposed to know if you’re in love with someone or not?”

“Why? Is there someone you have in mind?” Reo asks, waiting with bated breath. He’s not sure which answer would be worse.

“Is there supposed to be someone?”

Reo sighs, trying not to feel disappointed. He’s not at all surprised by the response, but part of him still longed for something more.

“Well, typically, if you want to figure out if you’re in love with someone or not, there has to be a someone in the first place.” He tries not to make it sound like he’s explaining it to a toddler, but sometimes Nagi really tests his patience.

Nagi nods slowly, “Okay, I’ll think of… someone.”

“Do you like being around this person?” Reo begins, all too aware of the fact that he is completely making up everything that comes out of his mouth. It’s not like Nagi knows any better though, so it can’t be doing too much harm.

Nagi nods again, before remembering that Reo can’t actually see him right now.

“Mhm.” he says instead, thinking of how he no longer minds spending all of his time with Reo. It was almost weird how accustomed he’d grown to always having Reo by his side, he would’ve never believed it to be possible a few months ago but here he was, with Reo, as always.

“Hmm, and are you… close to this person? Could you see yourself in a relationship with them?” Reo asks, allowing himself briefly to wonder who else Nagi could even be close to in the first place.

“Yeah, we’re close.” Nagi answers quickly, not even sparing the opportunity to think about it. Reo was his first friend, his first everything really. There was nobody else he could ever be closer to than Reo.

“And would you date them?” Reo follows up, reiterating his other question.

Nagi pauses. Would he date Reo?

He wouldn’t be opposed to it, not really. It didn’t seem that bad. He liked Reo a lot, more than anyone else, so if he were to date anyone then it would be him. Reo knew more about love than he did, so he’d be a good person to date anyway.

“Uh, yeah, sure.” Nagi responds eventually, realising he’d spent way too much time thinking about it.

Reo coughs again and Nagi frowns. This was the second time he’d coughed in the past ten minutes, was he getting ill or something?

“Well, it sounds like you know plenty about love then, there’s not much else for me to tell you…” Reo says before Nagi can ask if he’s okay.

Nagi frowns again, “I don’t-”

“You should probably ask them out then, if you like them.” Reo interrupts, not even realising Nagi had spoken.

Nagi tilts his head, “Should I?”

It was all moving a bit too fast for Nagi’s liking. He still didn’t understand anything about love, all Reo had done was confuse him even more. If he was really in love with Reo then he supposed he’d have to do something about it, but was he really? He’d only reached this conclusion because Reo had told him so, but was it even right?

What if he wasn’t in love with Reo, and then he told him he was and messed it all up? What would he do then? He can’t live without Reo, he’s too important. His life had changed so much since he’d met Reo, he wasn’t ready to leave that all behind. He didn’t think he’d ever be ready to leave it behind.

Nagi sighs, staring at Reo’s back, gaze lingering on the way the breeze brushes through Reo’s hair ever so gently.

Maybe he never would come to understand love, but with Reo by his side he might be able to fall in love either way.

+1.   Nagi Seishirou was wrong, completely and utterly wrong

It’s a peaceful evening, calm and quiet. There’s a gentle breeze in the air, coming in through the open window. They’re at Reo’s house again, sprawled across opposite ends of the couch. A book rests open in Reo’s hands, but it remains unread, Reo’s eyes on Nagi the entire time instead. Nagi is no different, gaze drifting instinctively towards Reo every time he pauses his game. The sun is setting slowly behind them and Nagi pauses his game again, phone laying abandoned in his lap, his focus entirely on Reo.

The light comes through the window at just the right angle and casts Reo in its warm, evening glow. It makes him look even more beautiful than he usually does, and when their eyes meet Nagi swears he could almost see the sparkly shoujo effects glistening in violet eyes. He blinks, expression shifting ever so slightly. Looking at Reo like this feels like looking at him again for the first time, only this time it’s with a newfound perspective.

It’s not as exciting as he thought it would be and it’s certainly less dramatic than the shoujo animes portrayed it as, but Nagi is surprised by the realisation nonetheless.

“Oh.”

“Nagi?” Reo tilts his head slightly, taken aback by Nagi being the one to break the silence between the two of them.

Nagi opens his mouth and closes it again. He inhales softly to start speaking, Reo gazing at him expectantly, silently encouraging him. That was another thing about Reo that Nagi would always adore; he was so incredibly patient with him, no matter what. Nagi was painfully aware of how… difficult he was to put up with but Reo did it anyway, always with a smile on his face. It was comforting, knowing how understanding Reo was, knowing that Reo was always there for him.

“I think…” he begins, cringing at the way his voice wavers, “I think I’m in love with you, Reo.”

Saying it out loud is dizzying, it feels so completely unreal. He hadn’t expected today to end with him confessing his love to Reo, hell, he hadn’t even realised he was in love with Reo until a couple minutes ago.

It was a shock, sort of. In hindsight, it made a lot of sense that he was in love with Reo. it explained the strange feelings, the unfamiliar sensations, why he was so eager to be beside Reo. It made so much sense it was almost laughable. Nagi was in love with Reo. It was so painfully obvious and yet he’d only just connected the dots.

“What?!”

Reo looks beautiful, even with his face scrunched up in confusion. There’s nothing that could make Reo seem any less than beautiful in the eyes of Nagi. He drops his book in shock. It falls to the floor with a soft thud and Nagi winces at the way the pages crumple. Reo doesn’t notice, too busy staring at Nagi like he’d just said the most outlandish thing he’d ever heard.

Nagi shifts awkwardly. It probably wasn’t a good idea to confess your undying love for someone as soon as you come to understand your feelings, but Nagi was not the type to have good ideas very often, so it wasn’t even that out of character for him. Well, maybe a love confession was a bit more extreme than the usual weird things he did, but it wasn’t that bad.

“I’m in love with you,” he repeats, “I think.”

He says it like it’s so simple, expression giving away next to nothing about how he feels. On the inside, he can feel his organs melting into a messy, lovesick goop, the only coherent thought his brain is able to come up with is equally as simple as his words. The only thing on his mind is Reo. Nagi, lightheaded and vaguely stupid, thinks this is okay, because he didn’t need anything else in his brain anyway.

Reo blushes, face burning a pretty shade of pink, and Nagi can only stare in awe, briefly questioning if it would be possible to get the image tattooed to the insides of his eyelids so he could always see Reo’s blushing face. Reo was so unbelievably beautiful in everything he did, Nagi had known this from the moment he first laid eyes on him. It was almost embarrassing how long it took to realise his feelings, he had never been very subtle with them.

“Do you mean that?” Reo laughs nervously. His voice is quiet as he looks up at Nagi apprehensively, as though he can’t bear to think that Nagi is telling the truth. 

Nagi nods quickly, “Of course I mean it, why would I lie about something like that?” He can’t help but frown at that, he’d never want to lie to Reo, that would be horrible.

“No, no! I didn’t mean it like that, I just- huh?” Reo’s response comes out so rapidly that he stumbles all over his words and Nagi thinks it’s the cutest thing he’s ever heard. The blush is yet to leave Reo’s face, only seeming to get stronger as the conversation progresses.

A thick silence encompasses the two of them as they sit there, unable to break eye contact as they gather their thoughts. They’re both staring at each other, blushing like idiots, but they wouldn’t have it any other way.

Reo is the one to break the silence, fiddling with his bangs anxiously, “Since- since when?”

“Since always.”

While not wrong, it’s not necessarily the entire truth either. This tends to be a recurring theme in Nagi’s words, he’s never been able to adequately get his points across in a way that other people will understand. Reo had been the first person to understand his lackluster communication skills, but even Reo has his limits.

Ever so dignified, Reo lets out a pained noise that vaguely includes the words “Oh god.” He buries his face in his hands – a poor attempt at disguising his flustered expression. 

“You don’t have to like me back. You don’t even have to say anything actually, I just thought I should tell you.”

It’s probably the most words Reo has ever heard Nagi say and the entire thing is so ridiculous that Reo can’t help but laugh, voice still wavering faintly with the remains of his nerves.

“Nagi, you’re-” he laughs, leaning across the couch to place his hand on top of Nagi’s, “Is it not obvious how I feel?”

Nagi looks down at Reo’s hand on his, eyes wide and unblinking. He looks back up, grey eyes meeting violet. He doesn’t even need to open his mouth for Reo to understand him, Reo is already nodding gently with a warm smile on his face.

“Oh, Nagi, I was barely even hiding it,” Reo shakes his head slightly, huffing out a quiet laugh, “Everybody else knows how I feel about you, it’s painfully obvious.”

Nagi frowns. It was not obvious, if it was then he would have figured it out already!

Reo laughs again, as if that’s an adequate explanation, “I’m in love with you too, idiot.”

He moves his hand to intertwine it with Nagi’s and suddenly it all makes sense, all the pieces finally falling into place.

Nagi smiles, it’s small but Reo thinks it’s so him and it’s so perfect and beautiful that it renders him speechless. And when words fail, actions take over.

He surges forward, free hand coming to rest on Nagi’s face as he leans over him. He looks down at him softly, a silent question written across his face. His gaze drifts down to Nagi’s lips before making its way back to his eyes. A quiet gasp escapes Nagi and he nods, a silent response to the unspoken question. He slides down the couch in Reo’s hold, taking Reo down with him. Reo giggles, holding them up with the hand he still has entwined with Nagi’s.

Reo smiles as he leans down, slotting their lips together with surprising ease. Nagi positively melts into his touch, hands reaching up to the back of Reo’s head, fingers tangling in his hair. Reo’s touch is so gentle and his kisses are no different. The feeling of his lips against Nagi’s is achingly soft and so utterly perfect that Nagi can’t stand the thought of pulling away.

Here, in Reo’s embrace, Nagi thinks that he would be perfectly content with spending the rest of his life in Reo’s arms. In actual fact, he thinks that it would be the ideal way to spend the rest of his life; Reo’s touch was all that he needed, the rest could be figured out later.

Reo moves to pull away and Nagi whines as they separate, mourning the loss of the contact. That soft, warm smile has yet to leave Reo’s face, only getting wider as he takes in Nagi’s blushing face under him. Nagi blinks up at him owlishly and the sight is so unbearably cute that Reo can’t help but dive back down to capture Nagi’s lips in another kiss.

Kissing Nagi was like nothing he had ever experienced before. He’d been holding back all this time without even knowing what he was missing out on and now that he had it, he was not planning on letting go. The joy he got from touching Nagi normally was nothing compared to how kissing him felt.

It’s far from perfect, Nagi doesn’t even know how to kiss, but they make it work somehow. Reo’s hands rest on the back of his neck and they’re so close but not close enough and Nagi can easily say that kissing Reo is his new favourite feeling in the world.

When they pull away again Nagi is breathless, staring up at Reo in awe. Reo collapses against him, face pressing into the side of his neck. There’s a feverish blush on his face, Nagi can feel it burning into his shoulder. His breaths fan out across his neck and Nagi shivers, unused to the sheer intimacy of the action.

“Reo…” Nagi says, voice barely above a whisper.

Reo pauses, his lips against Nagi’s neck. “What’s wrong?”

“I love you.”

Reo laughs, “I know.” He kisses Nagi’s neck again, “I wish I’d have realised sooner, we wouldn’t have wasted so much time.”

“Mhm,” Nagi nods slightly, “Wish I realised sooner too, sorry Reo.”

Reo shakes his head and the motion makes Nagi blink harshly, loose strands of purple hair falling into his eyes.

“Don’t apologise, we know now and that’s all that matters.”

Nagi hums in agreement, lifting his hand to tuck a stray lock of hair behind Reo’s ear.

“And besides,” Reo continues, “We can make up for lost time by going on lots of dates and being all mushy together, so it’s fine.”

Nagi nods, the faintest of smiles on his face. Going on dates with Reo… it sounded so unbelievable, the him of the past could never even imagine it. But it was actually happening, and it would continue to happen because he was in love with Reo and Reo was in love with him too.

It was perfect, completely and utterly perfect.

Nagi hadn’t thought he was capable of falling in love before he met Reo. He’d always assumed it was something off limits for him, something he would never be able to understand.

And he wasn’t entirely wrong in that aspect, he still didn’t really understand love and all its complicated intricacies but the act of falling in love in itself was much more simple than he thought it would be.

Here, curled up in the warmth of Reo’s arms, Nagi realises that there was never anything stopping him from loving in the first place. 

Never having friends was irrelevant because Reo had crashed into his life and thrown it off its regular orbit like it was nothing, only to rebuild it so it was centred around him as though it had always been that way. They were friends from the moment they laid eyes on each other, drawn in instinctively.

His perceived lack of desire for affection was clearly misconstrued, as there was nothing he loved more than Reo’s gentle affection; soft words and fleeting touches, achingly intimate. He hadn’t realised how much he longed for affection until Reo entered his life, but now there was nothing he wanted more. The complete shift in his attitude was almost embarrassing, but Nagi couldn’t bring himself to care about that, too caught up in the feeling of Reo’s arms around him.

And the shoujo romance cliches… In hindsight, Nagi really should have known that actually falling in love would be nothing like it was depicted in anime. But even still, there were a few similarities that he couldn’t help but notice. The way Reo’s eyes lit up when he was excited resembled so clearly the sparkle effects in those animes. And some of the things that happened between the two of them were way too specific to be coincidences, so maybe they are real after all.

Finally, his lack of understanding of love. That clearly meant nothing because Nagi remained utterly clueless about how to navigate a relationship even as he laid tangled up with Reo, completely smitten. He’d never imagined that he’d be in a situation like this, not even in his wildest dreams. His confusion didn’t even matter either because Reo was in the exact same boat, both of them going into the relationship completely blind. They were doing this together. Nagi knew they would be fine, even if they messed up sometimes.

“What are you thinking so hard about?”

Nagi is brought out of his thoughts by Reo poking at his forehead, laughing at Nagi’s dazed expression. 

Nagi hums non-committedly, “Just… how stupid I am.”

Reo shoves at his shoulder gently, scoffing. “Nagi, you’re not stupid, I’ve seen your grades!”

“Not that,” Nagi shakes his head, “I didn’t think I’d ever fall in love.”

Reo laughs softly, “Why would you think that?”

“Ehhh, I’m not really sure…” Nagi trails off, unsure how to word it. “Doesn’t matter anyway, ‘cuz I was wrong.”

He’d explain the list another day, he’d had enough emotional conversations for today, there was no way he would be explaining all of that to Reo too. They had all the time in the world anyway, it didn’t matter whether he told Reo tomorrow or next month, it would be perfectly fine either way.

Reo laughs again, bright and melodic. It’s one of Nagi’s favourite sounds, something he’ll never get sick of, no matter how many times he hears it.

“I love you too, Nagi.”

Nagi smiles ever so slightly, eyes slipping shut as he embraces Reo’s warmth. He’d been so very wrong about never falling in love but he didn’t care because being in love with Reo felt so right, more so than anything else in his life. And that was all that mattered. It didn’t matter how stupid he had been about it because he was in love with Reo and that was the only bit that was really important because Reo loved him too.