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When Caitlyn was a child, her mother had always insisted Caitlyn look her best at all possible, conceivable times. Within reason, she had said.
Well, making her press her slacks and skirts and comb out her hair until strands of hair clung to the bristles of the brush and her hair was as straight as she was not– on a goddamn Saturday– was not ‘within reason’. Making her sit stiffly in said slacks or skirts in the sitting room, making small talk with her mother and her unwilling dad– about banal and mind-numbing topics like the drop in stocks and her personal life, which she hadn’t been too eager to divulge– all in the name of family time and socialization skill improvement, every weekend, was most definitely not within reason.
So here she was, lying in bed at past noon (and giving her mom the biggest middle finger) with her hair sticking in three separate directions, even though she combed it that morning, dressed in her oldest sweatpants and wrinkliest crop top, with her girlfriend wrapped like a pink koala in her arms, blackout shades drawn and a horror movie playing in the background. See, Mother? I’m actually relaxing, like the five million other times I did, and I’ve not spontaneously combusted yet.
She rested her head on top of Vi’s, breathing in the shampoo-ey scent of her hair, and when Vi shifted a bit, she adjusted their positions so they were propped up on the unreasonable number of pillows that made their headboard. Vi hummed in content bliss, although the setting of the movie was anything but.
The priest hollered the same, tired-as-fuck exorcism drivel, in Latin– of fucking course, while the frightened family members chittered behind him in Spanish. The disheveled young woman with the ripped apart nightgown, and who had, yes, torn through her restraints, for movie plot purposes (of course), started gyrating and jerking wildly in a highly suspicious manner. After about a minute in which the possessed lady screamed like a banshee, she fell back to the bed. Mission accomplished.
Cait and Vi stared at the screen (like, okaayyyy?). Then Vi broke the silence with the most logical question known to mankind, in that moment, that is.
“So did the demon leave her through her cunt?”
Caitlyn blinked. She couldn't believe Vi sometimes. “Pray tell, my dear, which awesome train of thought led you to this impeccable conclusion?”
Vi sat up a little straighter, and took in a dramatic breath. Been waiting for you to ask.
“OK, first of all, the demon was, as usual, trying to tempt that priest into having sex with the woman they’d possessed, which every other generic-ass demon in every generic-ass exorcism movie does. Secondly, did you see the way that girl fake-convulsed?” Vi makes air quotes behind Caitlyn’s back. “It’s kinda like she was having sex with this demon, right? But on the inside…I don’t know if you get me, but yeah, she looked like she was having the time of her life. Come to think of it, like you–“ Vi grinned.
“Hold up. Did you just compare my orgasms to an exorcism?”
Vi cringed. “No, eww. I’m just saying– never mind. Can we get back to watching this thing–?”
“Vi, you insinuated that when I come I look like a woman possessed!”
“And forget everything I said up to this point? Please, cupcake?” Vi looked up at her with the cutest eyes she can muster, which admittedly doesn’t take much, since her eyes are one of her best features.
“Alright.” Caitlyn relented, although she stretched the word to clearly inform Vi that her decision to let it go was a very hard one.
Turns out for all of Vi’s comments about exorcism movies being generic, she scared easily in the scary parts. When the dude muttering to himself in the shadows of the church turns around sharply to face the priest, eyes bulging with unnatural hate, spittle flying and face altered, Vi whimpered and buried her face in Caitlyn’s chest. Caitlyn holds her closer. “Is this too much? Do you want to watch something else?”
“Please.” Vi still hadn’t looked up, and she flinched when the screaming starts up, again.
“I’m sorry. Should’ve asked you before putting it on.”
“No, it’s alright,” Vi looked up to stare at Caitlyn, and giggles at the sight of her hair. “I’m the one that suggested watching a scary movie, so that’s on me. I’d like to watch Mickey Mouse now, though.”
Caitlyn opened her mouth, to either laugh or make a comment about her ‘big, buff girlfriend being scared of a little jumpscare’ but Vi cut in. “What? You don’t get to judge me. You have fairytale-themed plushies around, for god’s sake.”
“Okay, fine.” Caitlyn needed to extract herself so she can get the remote which had fallen from the bed earlier, but Vi wasn’t budging. Something jumped at the screen and Vi flinched, then she started laughing in embarrassment. “The remote’s on the floor. Can I get it?”
“Ten seconds.” Vi let go of her and snatched a pillow to hold to herself, basking in the warmth from Caitlyn’s back. The scene changed to the homepage and with a click, Caitlyn activated the keyboard function. “Are you sure you want to watch...Mickey Mouse?”
“That was a joke. Anything but that shit we were watching earlier. Come back to bed.” Vi patted the side of the bed, and her girlfriend slid in, clicking on a random title that had ‘romantic-comedy’ listed as a genre. “And...there we go!” Caitlyn announced, while Vi reestablished her spot curled tightly around her.
And then promptly fell asleep.
Yippee.