Work Text:
Ever Hungry
Ahajas quietly followed her mate out of their quarters on Chkahichdahk. Lilith had been odd since
she and Nikanj returned from the training floor. At first, Ahajas and Dichaan had thought her behavior
only due to her grief for Joseph Shing. However, now Ahajas was beginning to suspect that there was
more to it.
She caught Lilith's scent as the wall of their home closed behind her. Human, young, female,
and that faint trace of Nikanj's mark on her, as it was on everyone Nikanj had mated with.
Family.
Yet...
Lilith had kept away from them since returning home. She refused, without explanation, to
join them in their matings with Nikanj. She would not allow the ooloi to touch her.
Ahajas had detected that Lilith was pregnant, also, but the woman hadn't spoken of it
directly.
This couldn't continue, she decided, trailing along the same corridor that Lilith had taken
a few minutes ago.
She caught up to the Human woman by one of the thin membranes that allowed people
to look out, into the void. Stars' blaze was visible against the deep black of space.
Earth was also visible from this lookout. Lilith's gaze was firmly fixed on the planet.
She half-turned as Ahajas approached.
"Beautiful," Ahajas said softly, looking at the restored planet.
"And I'm never going to see it again." Lilith smiled bitterly. "Not from the surface."
"What? Why not?"
Ahajas was startled. She had heard nothing to confirm any such
fact. If Lilith had done something to cause her to be exiled, even if she didn't tell the
others, the family would have been informed. Yet she could tell by the woman's body language that
her mate honestly believed it. No wonder Lilith had been upset!
Lilith touched her stomach. "How welcome do you think I'm going to be among Humans when this...
whatever she'll be...crawls out?" She laughed. It was a harsh, heartsick sound. "Especially once
they realize they'll never have children of their own."
"Construct is the word we use," Ahajas told her. "For the first generation of children that are born
between Oankali and a new partner species."
Lilith faced her. "Nikanj tells me you're pregnant, too."
"Yes. The child I give birth too will be your son and Joseph's, too, as much as it is mine. "
"I ...I guess I'm glad about that, at least. But..."
"Tell me?" Ahajas hesitantly held out a hand.
Lilith took it. She didn't speak immediately, when she did, some of the bitterness had left her
voice.
"Why did you and Dichaan want a human mate? I don't...really understand that. You don't need
me. You two and Nikanj could have children."
"Need? Maybe not. I don't know how you define that. I do know I wouldn't want to have not
known you, Chka."
"Breeding stock," Lilith said flatly. "A plaything. Is that all?"
"No!"
"Then what?!"
"Everything," Ahajas said without thinking. "Lilith, haven't you felt it,when you're away from Nikanj?
The emptiness, as if there were something that had been wrenched from you? You are as much a
part of us now as our ooloi mate. A lover, a friend, one of us. 'Chka' means just that.
Partner. Another adult member of a family."
Lilith blinked furiously. Wiped at her face with her free hand. "I still...part of me still hoped I'd have
a chance to live the life I once had. On Earth, if not as I remembered it. But every day that I spend
with you...No. I don't want to leave. It's just knowing that Humans may never trust me again.
You didn't see how they looked at me after I helped Nikanj heal itself. I disgust them now.
It hurts," she whispered. "Now I can't even hope for the world itself back."
Ahajas moved closer, wrapping her arms around Lilith. The woman shut her eyes, but hugged
her back.
".I am sorry. We have not been listening. " She smoothed the woman's hair. "I can't promise anything about the Humans. However, I can assure you that you will set foot on Earth again. If nothing else, Lo--our kinship group--will move down there, and build homes on the surface. Not in another two or three hundred years, either," Ahajas added. "Perhaps six, seven years from now at the most. And yes, any Humans who are adopted or mated with Lo families will go with them."
Lilith's eyes opened. The mix of hope and mistrust in them almost made Ahajas want to cry.
She felt the tension go out of their bodies when Lilith nodded, accepting that assurance.
"So all I have to do is stay alive and healthy until then."
"Are you not feeling well?"
"So far! I take it they didn't mention I'm also supposed to 'parent' the next group of humans
they Awaken and send for training?"
Ahajas was abruptly furious on Lilith's behalf.
"No, they didn't. " Nikanj was going to get an earful, as Humans said, when its mates returned home.
Even if the Oankali didn't, technically, have ears.
"I've tried to tell them it won't work, but ..."
"Keep telling them. So will I. If the people want you to risk yourself like this, they can
learn from you, instead of repeating past mistakes."
"Ahajas?"
"Hmm?"
"Do Oankali name their children, or do you pick names for yourselves later? I never thought to ask."
"A child is customarily named by the parent who gives birth to it, shortly after birth. Names can change later;
they have individual meanings, like yours. If someone feels a childhood name doesn't suit them as an adult,
they can choose something different."
"What does yours mean?"
" Oh. It's...an emotion; I'm not sure of the word for it in English. Wanting. Hunger...but not of the
body. " She pointed several of her body tentacles toward the view of Earth. "When I first saw
Earth, I'd sit and watch for hours. I was among those who were sent to learn how to restore the
blighted areas. I loved it; the land's richness and so many new things I'd never seen or touched
before. I've heard a word in your language--homesick--but that's not quite it either.
It's what makes us Dinso, instead of Toaht or Akjai. Those of us who have this yearning to
explore, to find and create what's new. And to learn."
"Innovation or growth, over tradition?"
"I suppose that's part of it."
"Roots in the past though..." Lilith rubbed at her abdomen. "I'm going to call her 'Ayre'."
Ahajas' tentacles went smooth in happy agreement. As they did, Lilith's stomach growled.
"I think she heard you. Shall we go back? It's almost time for the noonmeal."
"Sounds good to me." Smiling, if briefly, Lilith let Ahajas lead her toward their home.