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Being married to Shoto Todoroki was, for starters, the best thing in Azumi’s life. From his immovable determination to his almost childlike curiosity, she loved him with her whole heart and he loved her too.
There were some things however, like in all marriages, that seemed like patches of thin ice, certain topics that they skirted around, even though over time it got harder and harder to ignore them.
When they had first met, she had been his kohai at UA, one year beneath him. After a series of unlikely events in which they were thrown together, they got to know each other better.
Over time, they discovered they were drawn to each other and eventually he had asked her out. Once he graduated, she had worked hard to become a good hero before quickly following him.
As pro heroes, they worked well together and they soon found themselves spending more and more of their off time together. It was during one of these evenings, after a particularity tough battle, that he had proposed. She of course had accepted without hesitation.
Being married as heroes, however, and risking their lives together, was different than one of the two staying at home.
Recently she had come to the decision to quit her hero work to stay at home and support him as the number two hero in the country, and to start a family. However, she had now begun to see their relationship from a new perspective, one of a wife watching her husband leave every day and wonder if he would be coming back. She hated herself for thinking it but, was it selfish? For him to leave every day and risk his life when he had more than just his own to lose? When he had her waiting for him at home?
How could they possibly start a family when he could disappear from her life any moment?
Was she being selfish?
As she sat at the table in the dimly lit dining room, the said issue hung over her like an unavoidable balloon. Hands curled around her mug, she glanced again at her phone before her eyes flitted to the clock.
Almost eleven o clock.
She tapped the porcelain, anxiety and dread heavy in her chest, as it had been constantly for the past month. Every night he came home later and later and almost every night he was battered and bruised, not to mention exhausted. She knew that marrying a pro hero came with it’s costs but recently the stress had hit a level at which she found it hard to cope.
Today had been her breaking point.
He had told her he would be home at six but now not only was he five hours late, she couldn’t reach him. All her calls went straight to voicemail and her messages refused to send. It didn’t help that the television kept describing the ‘most brutal and nerve wracking battle that they’d seen in months,’ going on in the other side of the city.
She felt sick as she watched the coverage of the remnants of the battle and the heroes taking the villains into custody, her husband nowhere to be seen nor mentioned.
A knock on the door had her flying. Pushing her chair back she scrambled down the hall and grabbed the door handle, not caring to check who was knocking this late, she swung the door open.
There he stood in all his glory; Shoto, the AirCon hero and her husband. Even though his clothes were torn, his hair was disheveled, and he was covered in scratches, bruises, and dust, he still managed a tired smile and bowed his head slightly. “Sorry I’m late.”
Wordlessly she pulled him inside and into a tight hug, at which he winced but returned. Burying her face in his neck, she realized he smelled like fire and dust.
She pulled away, eyebrows knit together as she looked at him. “Do you have any idea how scared I was?” Her voice cracked. “Why didn’t you answer my calls?”
He sighed, remembering how he’d gotten launched and his phone had been crushed during the impact of the landing. He decided not to go into detail. “I lost my phone during the battle. I’m sorry it dragged on so long.” His eyebrows furrowed. “And the leader still got away, we only managed to catch the grunts.”
Her heart thumped in her chest. Did he know, how she had paced the house, how she had waited restlessly for some word from him, how many times in the past weeks she had played and dreaded the scenario where it was someone else who came to the door with the news that he had died?
Her mouth opened to say something but she closed it again. What could she even say?
A frown drew across his face when he saw her conflicted expression. He tilted his head slightly, his tired brain trying to decipher it. “What’s wrong?”
All her pent up feelings of stress, anxiety, worry, and frustration that had been begging for release finally got their way. Eyebrows knit together, her raised voice quivered slightly. “What’s wrong? What’s wrong is that I was scared to death Shoto!”
He looked a bit taken aback but he still bore the same concerned, calculating expression, which only aggrieved her further.
“Do you know what it’s like to sit here and wait? To hear those idiots on TV going on about how brutal the battle is when you know that the love of your life is in the middle of it? To sit here till God knows how late only for you to come back,” her eyes flitted over him, “Like this?!”
He took a cautious step forward, putting a little less distance between them. His voice was soft. “It’s my job Azumi. You know that as well as I do.”
Her face scrunched up as she struggled to hold back tears. Her tone was still harsh. “I know! I know okay? I knew it was tough but you almost seem to enjoy it! You go out, save people, get beat up, and you come home looking satisfied, but you’re being selfish!”
His eyes narrowed slightly but his tone was still relatively soft, like he was trying to calm her down. “Selfish? I lay my life on the line to protect people and I come home to you every night. I’m trying my best.”
She shook her head. “You come home every night only to leave again before I can even see you and the days you do have off you spend recovering your injuries and sleeping!” A small fire inside her burned to life. Hot and desperate, it lashed out with words she would normally never have dreamed of saying to him but they were rolling off her tongue before she could stop them. “You’re just like your dad, a hypocrite, all about the job and saving others while paying no attention to your own home.”
It was a low blow and it hit him hard. Staggering, his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes narrowed, his exhaustion did nothing to help with his usual patience. His words left him in a low hiss. “I am nothing like my father.”
“Yes you are, you’re just like him. Arrogant, self-centered, you take all this for granted-”
The rest of the words swirled together in his brain. A surge of anger, hot and blinding, absorbed him, controlled him. How dare she accuse him, compare him, to his father? Before he knew what he was doing he was lunging forward. The dull thud of her body hitting the wall behind her and her yelp was drowned out by the blood rushing in his ears as he violently clutched her wrist and slammed it against the wall above her head.
His tone was so menacing and foreign to him he didn’t recognize it as his own. “I am not-” The soft sizzling sound and her sharp intake of air didn’t register until the acrid smell of burning flesh flooded his nostrils.
Like a smack in the face his brain cleared and he saw her clearly. Tear filled eyes wide and pupils dilated, her face was contorted in pain as she cowered beneath him.
Pulling his hand away like he had touched lightning, he took a staggering step back as guilt and horror hit him like a wave threatening to drag him under. His heart thundered in his chest, each rapid beat like drums in his head as his eyes darted wildly from her face to her arm, which she clutched to her chest.
She could see him spiraling but she couldn’t bring herself to move. Her quivering voice reflected her shaking body. “Shoto…”
His chest rose and fell quickly as he stumbled back; he’d hurt her, just like his father, he’d burned her, burned his own wife. A suffocating darkness seemed to be closing around him. He couldn’t breathe as his hand grasped the doorknob.
Azumi looked like she wanted to call out, to say something, but he couldn’t stay. The door swung open and closed behind him with a thud that echoed louder than it really was.
Outside the cold air didn't help.
His long strides carried him quickly down the stone sidewalk, running from something he couldn’t seem to escape. Wallowing in a deepening mire, his thoughts continued to reflect his past, his father. Was he really becoming like him? The thought terrified him. He had done everything in his power to not become the monster his father had been and now... he got angry and he resorted to violence? Was that really all he was? His trembling fingers pulled his phone from his pocket and sent a message to the only person he could think of.
'Midoriya, meet me at the park. please.'
*
*
Midoriya had just been on his way back from the bathroom when his phone buzzed on the side table beside the bed. He sighed, glancing at Uraraka's sleeping form before sitting down on the edge of the bed and picking up his phone, praying it wasn't another late night mission call.
It was from a hero, and it was a distress call of sorts, but not the kind he had expected. Todoroki's message was vague but seemed desperate. It was also unlike him to text so late. Worry furrowed his brows as he answered a quick 'okay, are you alright?' before getting up to change. Practice from many emergencies made him quite proficient in quick clothing changes, as most heroes were and in less than a minute he was ready to leave.
Leaning over he pressed a kiss to Uraraka's forehead, who mumbled. "Deku? Where are you going..."
He smiled. "Don't worry, I'm just going to meet Todoroki-kun. He said he needed something. Go back to sleep okay?"
Uraraka nodded sleepily, watching him leave the room with bleary eyes before drifting back to sleep.
Midoriya meanwhile, pulled on his shoes and sent Bakugo a message.
Izuku: 'Hey, Todoroki-kun said he wanted to meet me at the park but could you come too? the message is vague and I'm not sure if the situation isn't bad.'
With it sent, he walked out the door, quietly shutting it behind him before jogging down the street.
*
*
Bakugo was finally home. After a week long series of missions on the other side of Japan, he was finally able to rest and enjoy his time.
"Katsuki..." Yaoyozuru already looked gorgeous pinned underneath him like this and he hadn't even started. Her face was flushed as he kissed her ear. "Yeah princess? What's wrong, you don't like this?" He smirked as he nibbled at her earlobe while his hand caressed her side. Her arms wrapped around his neck and she hugged him, burying her face in his neck. "I missed you" She mumbled.
He kissed her cheek and was about to respond when his phone buzzed loudly.
He and Momo stared at each other for a long minute before he groaned. "Damn extras... Hold on."
With reluctance he rolled off her and grabbed his phone from the edge of the bed. "It's the damn nerd." His eyes scanned the message and a bubble of irritation swelled inside him. Seriously? He glanced at Momo and back at his phone. He couldn't very well ignore it.
He got up sharply, throwing his phone to the bed as he grabbed his discarded shoes and pulled them back on.
Momo, who was sitting up and watching him, sighed. "Another call?"
He shook his head, an explosively irate expression on his face. "The damn nerd wants me as backup for something. Could be nothing, don't know what the hell he's going on about. Ruining my time. F*ck."
To his surprise, she smiled at him. "You can't leave Deku hanging. Be careful okay?"
He blinked, striding back over to kiss her roughly before smirking. "Just wait, princess. I'll be back in a bit." She flushed and pushed him away. "Just go, baka-go."
He left, a small sense of victory in his chest from her flushed face.
Once he was outside, Momo stared at the wall a second before kicking the bed frame.
*
*
Midoriya ran into Bakugo a little ways off from the park and flinched when he heard the blond's irate tone. "Hey, Deku, the hell you thinking, pulling me out here late like this." Despite his words, there was still an underlying sense of concern, in his own, Bakugo type manner.
Midoriya cleared his throat and straightened up, slowing his pace for half a second for Bakugo to fall into stride beside him before speaking. "Like I said, I'm worried about Todoroki-kun. He doesn't normally text late and his message was cryptic. I can't rule out that he may be in trouble, as unlikely as it may seem." They reached the park entrance and he added as they turned inside. "And he didn't answer my text back."
"Better be something good..." Bakugo grumbled, trailing slightly behind Midoriya while he scanned the area. It was hard to see but after a minute or two of walking they spotted the silhouette of someone sitting on one of the benches, his red and white colored hair slightly messy.
They approached him cautiously. As they got closer they were certain it was Todoroki, but something was off. Midoriya noticed it immediately. The way he sat hunched with his head in his hands, his face not visible, and his aura... he had a sad, tense, and dark presence around him, as if he was consumed by his thoughts.
"Todoroki-kun?" When he looked up they both flinched. His eyes, usually sharp, looked dull and tired, ringed with darkness but his pupils and irises were small and had an unstable look to them. His voice was quiet. "Hey."
Bakugo glanced around. Despite his irritation, he could tell this situation was just as unstable as a villain attack. Todoroki caught his gaze and he glanced at Midoriya. "You brought him along?"
The green haired hero nodded. "I wasn't sure what the situation was like."
Todoroki just nodded. "I apologize for the trouble."
Bakugo groaned. "Damn it Icy-Hot! Get to the point, I don't have all night!"
Todoroki’s jaw tightened before he spoke in a painful whisper. "... I hurt her."
His words were not what either of them expected. Filled with guilt and fear, they hung heavily in the air. Midoriya’s voice was softer as he tried to understand his friend’s current state. “What do you mean?”
Todoroki’s hands clenched around the fabric of his pants. “We got into an argument… I got mad and I reached out and grabbed her, I… I burnt her… my fire side... damn it Midoriya… the fear in her eyes, I don’t want to be like him but how can I help it if his damn blood runs through me?” His voice, slightly raised, was cracked and angry and his eyes were glassy, looking at Midoriya as if maybe somehow it would help the turmoil that was swirling inside him.
Bakugo raised an eyebrow. “What’s the problem with that, I slap Momo all the time.”
They both turned their eyes on him, both with concern as they looked at him as if he were crazy.
Bakugo huffed. “With consent you morons. Jeez.” He frowned and focused his gaze on Todoroki. “Listen dumbass, life is shit.”
Midoriya facepalmed but he didn’t interrupt.
Todoroki squinted and opened his mouth but Bakugo shut him up. “Shit happens but it’s your choices that make the difference. I don’t think your dad ever went out to cry about his bad choices when he was making ‘em.” He crossed his arms. “Blood doesn’t mean shit, so quit whining.”
Todoroki stared at him for a minute, his brain spinning as he processed the blond’s words. His eyebrows furrowed but his head felt clearer, Bakugo’s harsh but direct speech almost like a slap in the face. Who he was related to didn’t matter. It was his choices and actions that set him apart, the same way he’d become the hero he wanted to be, now it was his turn to become the partner he knew he needed to be.
That didn’t change the fact that he was terrified though. Terrified of hurting her, of losing her.
Midoriya smiled. “Thank you Ka-chan.” and Bakugo huffed as the green haired hero sat on the bench beside Todoroki. “Being scared is the first step Todoroki-kun. You have to act on it, not in a harmful way, but in a way you can harness that fear and anger and turn it into something useful, a tool, or reminder, so that you can use it to become what you want to be.”
Maybe it was because he was exhausted that he’s lost control like this and maybe it was for that same reason that he laughed, a little sadly, but he laughed anyways. He knew all this, how had he forgotten? His eyebrows were still furrowed but there was at least a small smile on his face when he looked at Midoriya. “Thank you. I apologize for dragging you out here for this.”
“Quit with the apologizing, jeez.” Bakugo grumbled at the same time Midoriya shook his head. “It’s not a problem. I can’t imagine what it’s like, but I know it’s tough.”
Todoroki stared off into the distance, at the moonlit branches of the trees dancing in the darkness. “...It’s disappointing I guess. After all this time I thought I’d moved past this.”
“It’s a damn scar.” Bakugo spoke, his tone still rough but more understanding. “They don’t go away.”
All three were quiet for a long minute, lost in their own thoughts before the spell broke. Bakugo frowned when Todoroki’s eyes met his. “Shouldn’t you be getting back to your woman?” His tone was impatient.
Todoroki blinked and stood, stepping away from the bench and bowing to the both of them. His eyes had returned to a tired but more stable look and his posture was back to his collected self. “Thank you. I have to go.” He looked away and added. “I’m… grateful to have friends like you two.”
Without giving them a chance to respond, he turned and walked briskly away from them and out of the park.
“Dumbass.” Bakugo smirked, reaching over to slap Midoriya over the head before taking a step to leave.
“Ka-chan.” Midoriya stood up and Bakugo turned with a low groan. “What.”
He smiled. “Thanks. You really helped.”
The blond stared at him for a few seconds before turning, throwing a hand up lazily in goodbye. “Next time call someone else, I have my own life you damn nerd.” His voice lacked any hostility though and Midoriya watched his long strides until he too disappeared, leaving him standing in the dark, moonlit park.
His phone buzzed. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled it out and opened the message from his wife.
Ochako: Are you okay? You didn’t get into trouble did you?
Midoriya smiled as he tapped quickly.
Izuku: I’m fine. Todoroki-kun just had a little problem to sort out. I’m on my way back now.
It was adorable how her response was almost instant.
Ochako: I’m glad, I was worried. Is he okay?
Izuku: Haha I’ll explain when I get back.
Tucking his phone back into his pocket, he jogged out of the park and back down the streets, the night air cool on his smiling face. He really was a lucky man.
*
*
Bakugo pushed open the door to his house and stepped inside. Silence fell like a heavy blanket and he stalked down the hallway, intending to make a beeline for the bedroom but stopping when he saw a warm light. It shone dimly through a crack in a door he knew to be the library. A few strides further and he was stepping inside, his nose assaulted by what Momo called the smell of knowledge.
Looking around, it only took him a second before he found her, slumped against her desk and head nestled in her left arm while the right arm lay stretched out over a book, as if she’d been in the middle of turning a page when she’d fallen asleep. He sucked his teeth as he stepped over but a hint of a smile played on his lips. He turned off the light before collecting her in his arms.
“Couldn’t wait huh Momo?” His voice was soft, unlike his usual loudness and his chuckle vibrated in his chest as he carried her up the stairs and back to their room. When he laid her down on the bed, she stirred.
Squinting in the dark she mumbled. “Katsuki?” He shook his head and shushed her as he covered her with the blanket. “Shush princess. Deku had me away longer than I wanted.”
She watched him in the dark as he peeled off his shirt and pants before moving to the other side of the bed and flopping under the covers with a groan. She could barely keep her eyes open but she rolled over to him anyways. He flinched before shuffling to lay on his side and wrap his arms around her. “Sorry…” She mumbled. “I can’t stay awake anymore…”
His laugh reverberated in the large room and rumbled against her and she pouted before he pressed a kiss to her temple. “Then close your eyes dumbass… I’m home all week.”
“..I’m not a dumbass…”
“Yes you are.” He grinned as he closed his own eyes and held her close. “You’re my dumbass. So go to sleep princess.”
His warmth made her body give up all protest and she fell silent, trying to mutter one last thing before she fell asleep, but only managing to finish half her sentence. “I love….”
He shook his head. “I love you too.”
*
*
It was cold and dark. The soft light of the living room lamp and the warm blanket wrapped around Azumi’s shoulders however did nothing to help the bleak emptiness she felt inside, gnawing at her as if her guilt and sadness had become a creature of its own. The raw, throbbing pain of her bandaged arm the only thing grounding her when she felt that she might lose herself.
How could she have said those things?
Why?
It had hurt him so much it had pushed him further than she’d ever seen. Yes he had scared her, his eyes at that moment still made her shudder but it was more the thought that it had been her who had dealt that blow and had caused it. That she had put him in that position and that he now had to deal with the guilt of not only hurting her, but of injuring her in the same manner that had caused him so much pain and so many sleepless nights in the past.
The creaking of the front door opening down the hall had a little flutter of hope and anxiety awaken in her chest, along with a new flood of emotions as she mentally repeated the words that she had prepared in her head.
She was still seated on the couch when he entered the living room. His hetero-chromatic eyes immediately meeting hers and he opened his mouth to speak only for her to stop him. “Shoto,” Her voice already cracked and she cursed herself for not being stronger. She didn’t get much further because while she struggled to keep a steady tone he had approached her and sat down beside her. His eyes filled with concern, his movements were hesitant as he held out his hand.
He didn’t need to speak for her to know what he meant and the simple gesture itself broke the dam she had tried so hard to piece together. All this and his first concern was to ensure that she was alright? Tears rolling down her face she reached out and hugged him. Her voice came out in choked whispers. “Shoto, I’m so sorry…”
He hesitated before he gently wrapped his arms around her and rested his head on her shoulder. He waited patiently for her breathing to relax before he eased her back and lifted her right arm in his hands. “It’s not as bad as it looks-” She tried but his eyes didn’t leave her arm, his fingers tracing with feather light touch over her covered skin. He took a shaky breath, Midoriya’s words that were still fresh in his mind keeping him steady as his eyes met hers. “I’m sorry. I had no right to touch you, much less harm you.” His eyebrows furrowed and he felt like a hypocrite when his eyes darted back to her arm, but he added anyways. “But I’m, not like my father…”
She could hear the doubt in his voice though, as if he didn’t fully believe the words himself but hoped saying them would make them true. Her eyes dropped to her lap. “I know. It wasn’t your fault… I was a jerk... I just had to keep talking… I…” Her voice cracked again as fresh tears escaped her eyes. “I don’t know why, I was just so angry… I wanted to make you hurt like I was…” She hid her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking and her stomach clenched at the sound of her own words. “God, that sounds horrible… I’m sorry…”
He closed his eyes for a moment. Of course she’d been hurting. If their positions had been reversed he doubted he’d have been able to sit and wait the way she did every day. “I understand.” His soft tone made her look up again to see that his eyes were watery, a quivering smile ghosting over his lips before his eyebrows furrowed. “But Azumi, I’m a hero. I can’t stop, I… don’t want to stop. I’ve worked all my life for this, this is what I want to do, what I need to do.” He ran a hand through his hair, his voice was pained and impossibly soft. “If you don’t want this anymore then I would respect your decision.”
She took in a breath. “No, Shoto,” Her hand reached out to grasp his sleeve. Her desperate voice broke and her lip quivered. “I love you, I’ll deal with it, okay? I can handle it, I’ll do what you need just please…” Her tears and words sent a warming sense of relief as he pulled her into a tight hug. He rocked her gently as he kissed the top of her head. “I’m not sending you away, I just want what’s best for you.” He felt her smile against his skin. “This is what’s best, even if I can’t see it sometimes…” She sniffled and nuzzled his neck. “I love that you’re so filled with determination Shoto, I wouldn’t change that for the world. I’ll continue to support you for as long as you need, so please let me stay.”
“Of course.” He shook his head, pulling back so that he could bump his forehead to hers. Looking into her shining eyes just reinforced how much he really cared for her. “Your points were valid though. I’ll try better to make sure you know I’m alright and I’ll try to be home a little more. I’ll hire more sidekicks, maybe then I’ll have a little less on my plate…”
She could still see the doubt in his eyes and she leaned forward to kiss him and stroke his cheek. “Thank you… Shoto…” She paused. “I didn’t mean what I said. You’re not like your father. You work so hard for everyone, you have such a good heart, you are an amazing hero and I love you, so much.”
To hear it from her lips had a surge of emotion hitting him so suddenly he couldn’t hold back the hot tears from rolling down his cheeks. He took in a shuddering breath and she hugged him again as he buried his face in her neck, his shoulders shaking. “...Thank you…”
They sat in silence that, for the first time that night, didn’t feel tense, or cold, but comforting and peaceful. After a few minutes, he finally let her go. His fingers sliding over her chin, he looked into her eyes before his lips brushed hers. It was a slow, tired kind of kiss, where they really were too lazy to do much more than savor the feeling but they content with it.
She pulled away when another question that had been bothering her rose in her mind. Her voice was soft. “Shoto, what about a family?”
He blinked, his body finally starting to relax. The exhaustion of the day was catching up to him quickly but he managed a tired nod. “I was never against it. Let me see what I can manage with the sidekicks and getting a little bit more free time…” He stood and helped her up. A gentle smile played on his lips as he kissed her forehead. “I won’t die before I get to see and be a part of it.”
She smiled up at him. Both of them were exhausted but they didn’t really care anymore. Somehow, they felt closer now than they had in months. As they headed to bed, he added, “Remind me to thank Midoriya and Bakugo tomorrow?”
She laughed. “What?”
“They’re good friends.”
*
*