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If only I knew it would have led to this.
I am writing this primarily to maintain my own sanity. The dark has taken everything from me, swallowed me whole, and then filled my being with itself. I've lost track of time; I don't know the last time I've eaten pizza, or any food for that matter. I don't even know if I have to breathe anymore.
My name is December Holiday. I was called “Dess” instead of my real name, because it was way easier to refer to me as “Dess” than to confuse my name with that of the last month of the year. I was given that name out of the hopes that I would be a bundle of joy, a sort of holiday gift to the world that would only make it better. I am the exact opposite of this name in every single way, now.
I was 19 years old when what happened to me happened. I was friends, perhaps a lover of, a certain Asriel Dreemurr, and his human sibling, Kris, was also dear to my heart, despite their many differences. I used to be a “rebellious” girl, fighting with Mom on a lot of issues. Now I am nothing but a slave to fate, my neck and hands tied up like a puppet. I am nothing more than a marionette in a puppet show, playing the dragon that the heroes will have to overcome. I miss the touch of fur that my armor has replaced.
Everything I had before all fell apart one day, that one day from years ago, or Gods know when. I remember that day thoroughly, down to the weather and what I talked about, all the way to the fall.
Kris and I were on summer vacation, and we didn't know what we could do with ourselves. We were bored beyond belief, but we didn't want to take out that boredom on other people, like others of our stature did.
“I heard…” I spoke with Kris as we walked downtown, “That scary-ass looking door in the forest is actually a bunker! I heard that it was made to protect people and stuff, but it got abandoned. Maybe we can go check it out?”
Kris simply nodded. I understood their body language more than anyone, except maybe their own family. They never really had a way with words.
Soon, the both of us made our way to the mysterious bunker right at the edge of town. Predictably, it looked very much abandoned. I remember vines surrounding the red steel door, and an electronic panel that looked… surprisingly modern for an abandoned shelter.
“Huh…” I muttered, looking at the panel in front of me, “Weird. Kris,” I turned towards the brown-haired kid. “You are a smart cookie, aren't you? Can you give your future sibling-in-law a hand here?”
Looking towards the panel, they only shrugged their shoulders in response.
“Oh, c'mon!” I tried to cheer them up. “I know you're smart. You can do it! Just think!”
I always knew a way with words with Kris. Shortly after I met Asriel in middle school, he introduced me to his brother at his home. He wasn't as academically proficient as my lover was, but he was still such a great presence to be around. I still remember that time when I first met him.
He looked so cute.
I guess it was just the amount of time that I spent with him, years of fun and joy we shared, that made me probably the only person able to break through his seemingly emotionless shell. And so it was again with the bunker.
If only I had just left back then. If only…
After some thinking and effort, we finally managed to crack the code. The door let out a shriek as it opened right in front of us, as if Alibaba's sesame was opened.
We swung open the door and entered the bunker at last. The light shining from the outside was the only light reaching out in a sea of darkness. Everything else was shrouded from view. It was like entering the abyss.
Dammit. I should have brought my flashlight, I thought to myself.
I could have told them that the bunker was completely empty. Literally. It was just an enlarged shelter with nothing in there, no treasures that Kris and I could have stolen. Not even graffiti was written there.
I saw, even in the dark, Kris's expression turning into one of latent fear and anxiety.
“Oooh, spooky!” I chuckled at Kris's expense, trying to lighten everything up.
And then, before I knew it, the earth was shaking up behind me. Deep cracks started to form, cracks whose insides seemed to lead to darkness.
And suddenly, I was falling.
The seemingly endless fall I was suffering through ended with me landing on the floor of nothingness.
At first, I was shocked by the fact that I didn't die , or at least get knocked out. That fall felt incredibly long. No way I didn't suffer numerous injuries at the least.
But as I got up and looked around to see where I was, I saw there wasn't anything that could be seen at all.
I could only wonder: “H-hello! W-where am I?”
A face suddenly started coming out of the shadows. It slowly formed, bit by bit, until it finally appeared in full.
It was like nothing I'd ever seen before. An unnatural smile whose edges gave off an appearance that looked like it was going to swallow me whole. White, snow-like skin. Eyes that looked into an ever-deepening abyss, broken only by two white dots on each. Two scars on each of the eyes, one on the opposite side of the other.
I never felt more scared in my life than in this moment.
“☟︎☜︎☹︎☹︎⚐︎📪︎ 👍︎☟︎✋︎☹︎👎︎📬︎” The being made a series of unintelligible sounds that confused my mind more. The sounds must have come from the void itself, because his mouth didn't even move when he said that.
He, or it , was simply staring at me.
“Ah, you seem not to understand.” It finally spoke with a clear tongue, though the facial expression remained spine-tinglingly the same, "No worries, I will speak in your language.”
"I am Doctor W. D. Gaster, but you may simply call me Gaster. And I brought you here because you are very special.”
Its name was Gaster? Maybe it was a surname, and he had an actual name that he wouldn't reveal to me, beyond mere initials. Maybe it was just a nickname?
Whatever. It was irrelevant compared to what I feared, and what I was asking myself:
What the hell was it talking about?
“...special? Special for what?”
“You are a peculiar specimen, Miss Holiday.” For a moment, I swore I saw that mouth of his move by a tiny bit, in an unsettling fashion, “You have a destiny to fulfill. Everything that has ever happened has led up to this moment.”
“Wha-what destiny? What do you want from me?”
“Come and see.”
And suddenly, a slide show of memories, of what would happen in the future, showed up in my vision. It went so fast, but I grasped every single detail of what was shown to me.
It was nothing less than bloodcurdling.
I saw giant creatures roaming and destroying the Earth. I saw people trying to run for their lives only to be squished to death, or be turned into statues out of nothing. I saw beams of light and beams of darkness glowing in their glory.
I saw three heroes standing in the midst of it all. A human, a monster, and a “prince from the dark”, I learned what that meant.
I saw the truth of the world that we lived in, everything.
And I saw a masked knight in the midst of it all.
Myself.
“Do you now understand what role you will play?” Gaster asked.
I didn't let out a word. I simply stared at him, tears falling down my cheeks at the shock and horror of what I saw.
“You will be the villain of this story, my experiment." Gaster continued, “You will be the one keeping this experiment going further. You will be the masked Knight.”
I could not believe this was happening. This had to be a dream. It had to. There was no way that what that thing was saying was true. There was no way that thing talking to me was even real.
I tried to believe in it. I pinched myself the hardest I ever did in my life, hoping that it really was a dream. Hoping that I had just fallen asleep, that Kris was still there to bring me to reality.
But I pinched myself for who knows how much time, and I was still here.
In desperation, I tried to run away, desperately running to find an exit, any sign of life from this dark, wretched place.
Instead, the only thing I saw was its face, with all its features, surrounding me from all sides.
I was trapped.
“But do not worry, Miss Holiday.” Its tone softened, as if trying to somehow reassure me, though it was of little avail, “It's not like you will do it without some… opposition. They will stop you, or at least try to.”
I was confused, “They? Who?”
“The higher force. One you cannot comprehend, only made distinct by their bright red soul. They will possess one of the three heroes.”
“Who?”
“Kris.”
It was at the mention of that word, Kris, and all that it implied, that I finally broke down completely.
I couldn't, and I still cannot, describe what I was feeling at the time, if only because there was so much that I felt that it almost broke my mind. It was at that point that I grasped the full severity of where I was and what I would do. I wanted at that point to end myself completely. A primal part of my mind wanted someone else to take my place, regardless of how terrifying it would have been for that person.
Because at least I wouldn't suffer. I would still be with my beloved ones.
Kris.
Kris.
Kris.
“What will happen to them?!” I shouted out in fear.
“They will be possessed by that higher force.” The creature stayed calm, as if completely unbothered by either my reaction or the meaning of the words they were saying to me. “They will serve as the hero of the story. Otherwise? If you dare to disobey me, the will of the universe, I will make sure there is no more Kris in that shell of theirs entirely.”
I couldn't find it in me to say anything else. I had my tongue, as well as my hope, and any idea I had of resisting that horrid being's commands.
After all of this, after everything, I only had one question to ask the entity for an answer.
“Why?”
“Do not ask such needless questions. It is all foretold in fate and destiny. Everything that has ever happened in your life has happened for a reason. They wanted it to.”
They? “...who are they?”
“That, you will never know. But they are on the other side of this reality. Everything that's being done, the prophecy, and what will happen in the future. All is made to fit their desires. They want… a show after all.”
I felt, and I probably was back then, a lesser being. That feeling was permanent, no matter how much Gaster could have explained to me back then, precisely because of him doing that.
What was the other side? Was it another plan of reality? Was it the Gods? Was it another universe? If so, what interest did they have in us , mortal beings who were only leading normal lives as children prior to this moment?
Was it because we were somehow special? But I couldn't grasp it. I still can't grasp it to this day. Why did that damn prophecy choose us? Why did it choose Kris? Why did it choose his friends? Why did it choose me ?!
Why?! Why me! Of all people! What did I do to deserve this?
I asked back to him: “What will happen to everyone? Will everything be ok after?”
The creature didn't say a word. It let the deafening silence speak for itself. It spoke, and I could have never been more horrified than if simple words were used to answer my question.
Then, as if he sensed my anguish, my inability to comprehend the language he spoke, the creature finally spoke:
“Please raise your right hand and repeat after me.”
I didn't know what he was going to do, but I did what he asked anyway, out of fear and a tiny sense of curiosity.
“✋︎📪︎ 👎︎☜︎👍︎☜︎💣︎👌︎☜︎☼︎ ☟︎⚐︎☹︎✋︎👎︎✌︎✡︎📪︎” He began
“I, December Holiday,” I repeated what he said, understanding the language perfectly, as if someone were whispering its translation to me.
“❄︎☜︎💧︎❄︎✋︎☞︎✡︎ 🕈︎✋︎❄︎☟︎ ❄︎☟︎☜︎ ❄︎☼︎🕆︎❄︎☟︎📪︎”
“testify with the truth,”
“❄︎☟︎✌︎❄︎ ❄︎☟︎☜︎ 🕈︎⚐︎☼︎☹︎👎︎ ✋︎💧︎ ☺︎🕆︎💧︎❄︎ ✌︎ 👌︎✌︎☼︎☼︎☜︎☹︎📫︎⚐︎☼︎☝︎✌︎☠︎📪︎”
“That the world is just a barrel-organ,”
“🕈︎☟︎✋︎👍︎☟︎ ❄︎☟︎☜︎ ☹︎︎⚐︎☼︎👎︎ ☝︎︎⚐︎👎︎ ❄︎🕆︎☼︎☠︎💧︎ ☟︎︎✋︎💣︎💧︎☜︎☹︎☞︎📪︎”
“which the Lord God turns Himself,”
“🕈︎☜︎ ✌︎☹︎☹︎ ☟︎✌︎✞︎☜︎ ❄︎⚐︎ 👎︎✌︎☠︎👍︎☜︎ ❄︎⚐︎ ❄︎☟︎☜︎ ❄︎🕆︎☠︎☜︎📪︎”
“We all have to dance to the tune,”
“🕈︎☟︎✋︎👍︎☟︎ ✋︎💧︎ ✌︎☹︎☼︎☜︎✌︎👎︎✡︎ ⚐︎☠︎ ❄︎☟︎☜︎ 👎︎☼︎🕆︎💣︎📬︎”
“Which is already on the drum.”
And before I knew it, he was gone, as if he had never been there in the first place.
In his place, however, came a set of armor placed on a table. Helmet, torso, legs, and arms. It was all there, sitting peacefully.
The oath edged itself into my mind. It was like a specter, commanding its servant and whispering its commands. I knew that something was wrong. I feared what was waiting for me, but I still walked forward to the table, as if the universe itself was forcing me to do its bidding.
I put on the heavy armor that was exerting a force greater than my body could withstand for long, but by a miracle, it was able to withstand it until I finally put the helmet on my head.
I put on the helmet and…
Pain! Pain everywhere! I felt my flesh twist and turn from inside, the dust merging with the black metal, latching me onto it. I felt my fur ceasing to be, and the hotness of the crafted armour greeted me with a feeling I could only describe as anything but living.
That armour combined with my skin on every part of my body. I swore I was even growing larger, as I felt my limbs increasing in length, bones rising and twisting. I fell to the ground in excruciating pain, like an animal having a seizure. I felt my eyes merging with the visor on my helmet, shaped almost like a permanent, malicious smile. I felt my insides going about in new forms, in ways no normal being would be able to imagine.
I was no longer a monster.
And at last, the hurt stopped. I felt… completely different, as if what happened had stripped me of who I was before, and made out of me a new being.
I looked at the reflection on the floor, one of the few places where there was a flicker of light, and was petrified beyond belief.
The transformation had been completed.
I was reborn.
My name is December Holiday. I was called “Dess” instead of my real name, because it was way easier to refer to me as “Dess” than to confuse my name with that of the last month of the year. I was given that name out of the hopes that I would be a bundle of joy, a sort of holiday gift to the world that would only make it better. I am the exact opposite of this name in every single way, now.
I am the Roaring Knight. A beast of unimaginable power. A being that can create worlds and life out of nothing. This is my destiny:
I will bring about the Roaring, the end times. With the power vested in me, I will create enough Dark Fountains to spawn the Titans, giant beings who will sow destruction upon the Earth, leading to the Apocalypse.
The sky will be filled with the mountains I will have created. The land will be scorched bare and destroyed. The Darkners will all, one by one, be slowly and surely turned into statues. The Lightners will be left alone to fight for themselves in the new world, a world drenched by an eternal night.
That's why you three are here.
To stop me.
“Please… please, don't do this…” Ralsei, the little goat monster, cried out to me, trying to reason with me with fear latent in his voice, “If the Roaring happens, then… then… Please… stop…!”
“Heheh…” Susie, the kind and brave girl I wished I could have been, smirked in defiance, “Didn't… think we'd still be standing, did you?
I stayed silent, like a coward.
And likewise, Kris remained silent as well. Looking into their eyes, it was as if they wanted to be anywhere but here, fighting their friend with whom they went to the bunker that day and never saw again.
Their eyes looked so tired, and they gave an expression of guilt.
I thought about my friends, my family.
Asriel. I'm sorry we never explored our love for each other further. It must be so hard for you to deal with everything you've got in life. I remember telling you one day that no matter what happens, with college, Kris, and everything else, I will always be there for you. I'm sorry I broke that promise.
Dad. You were so jovial and so much fun to spend time with. You were the opposite of Mom in every way. I hope you kept that mood even though I'm gone. You were the best father I could have ever asked for, and I'm sorry I failed you as a daughter.
Mom. Things weren't always perfect between us. We always argued over silly things, and you were always strict, especially with Noelle. But I know that deep down, you always loved us and only wanted the best for my sister and me. I should have listened to you more often, I should have been wiser and cautious, like you wanted me to be. I ruined everything.
Noelle. Please be strong. I know you are so worried about me. I know you miss me every single day of your life. You probably think it's your fault for not doing anything. Don't think like that. You were just a kid. I walked into that bunker knowing that something sketchy was hiding behind it. I was an idiot, and I paid the price for it. And not just me, but you and everyone else, too. I'm sorry I left you behind that day. I'm sorry I wasn't a better older sister for you. Everything is going to be ok.
Kris…
In the darkness of the void, in the middle of the limbo between existence and non-existence, an entity watches everything that's happening in a higher plane above him.
“☜︎✞︎☜︎☼︎✡︎❄︎☟︎✋︎☠︎☝︎ ☟︎✌︎💧︎ 👌︎☜︎☜︎☠︎ ☝︎⚐︎✋︎☠︎☝︎ ✌︎👍︎👍︎⚐︎☼︎👎︎✋︎☠︎☝︎ ❄︎⚐︎ 🕈︎☟︎✌︎❄︎ ✋︎ ☟︎✌︎✞︎☜︎ 🏱︎☹︎✌︎☠︎☠︎☜︎👎︎📬︎” he chuckled to himself, smiling at the work, his work.
“✋︎❄︎ ☟︎✌︎💧︎ ✌︎☹︎☹︎ 👌︎☜︎☜︎☠︎ ☝︎⚐︎✋︎☠︎☝︎ 🕈︎☜︎☹︎☹︎📪︎ 💣︎✡︎ 👎︎☜︎☹︎❄︎✌︎☼︎🕆︎☠︎☜︎📬︎”
…forgive me.