Chapter Text
“Take a swan dive and pray for a quirk in your next life!” rang through his head, over and over, and over again. He stared down at the pavement below, truly wondering what was stopping him from hurdling himself over the railing. Hell, his all time favorite hero just crushed- made him think realistically. Who was he to say All Might wasn’t right? What made him think that he of all people could actually make it in the hero world. Hell, people with heroic quirks barely make it. He was so stupid to actually think he’d get into a school, let alone survive long enough to be a public figure. He harshly wiped at his already swollen eyes, having long forgotten when he started crying.
He couldn’t help but remember all the words his classmates and teachers have said to him. He thinks back to how his teacher maliciously called out what high school he’d applied to, the grin that spread across his face was right out of a nightmare. Although he’d argue that the thick air that surrounded him was even worse. 29 pairs of eyes all turned on him in an instant as he shakily swore under his breath. He could still feel the anticipation that grew past that, worst of all coming from Kacchan. He thought back to the way the classroom smelt like caramel the rest of the day, the way slight cracks and pops sounded throughout the nearly dead silent classroom. He remembered the callous comments of his peers (Were they actually his peers if he was so beneath them?) that they whispered under their breath as they shouldered past him.
He paid no mind to the loud explosions that sounded out previously, he ignored the beautiful sunset that laid out in front of him. His eyes never left the harsh concrete below him. He watched bitterly as happy families walked below. The street below him really wasn’t that crowded or popular but the odd couple of people would pass by ever so often. He reminisced about the times before he got his diagnosis, like it was some critical condition. He thought back to when his mother actually acknowledged his presence, back when they’d bake cookies together and laugh over spilt flour. He grimaced as he thought about the chill that encased his home now, the silence being so loud you could hear a pin drop. He hated it. He wanted his old family back. He wanted his mother to actually pay attention to him, he wanted his father to pick him up and spin him around again, he wanted everything to go back to normal.
He let his mind wander, something he tried to fight against since that fateful day. I’m sorry Izuku. He shook his head and rose from the ledge and took a small step back. He toed off his ridiculous red sneakers that was just another indicator of how useless he truly was. He placed the shoes next to him quietly and sat back down in his previous spot. He took the liberty of pulling out a notebook and ripping a sheet from it. Sure he doubted the letter he was about to write would actually make it to anyone, he doubted that they’d care enough about his body to give his mother the closure of a note. Not like she’d actually care anyways, yet he continued to write. He couldn’t let himself be so useless that he couldn’t even leave a note to his poor mother.
To my dearest mother, I’m not sorry for what I’m about to do. His hand shook, making the writing almost illegible. He pressed on ignoring the wet spots that dotted the paper. I’m sorry for putting you through everything I have over the years. From the quiet judging looks from your friends, to the trouble I’ve gotten myself into as I’ve grown older. I can’t say I don’t miss how it used to be. Before I ruined our family name, before I ruined your image, before I made you into the person you are today. Truly I can’t thank you enough for what you’ve put up with because of me. I hope that you’ll find this letter and understand why I’ve done what I did. Hell, we all knew this was coming right? I was doomed from the very beginning. Just as he went to fold the paper and place it under his shoes he heard a loud * DING* ring out from his phone.
SleepFearsMe: Shut the fuck up you old man
CatsForDays: OLD MAN!?
MadScientist: You really didn’t expect us to think you were a teenager like us did you?
MegaPhone: When you’re as old as us you can only hope 💔
SleepFearsMe: Moving on from that, I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU WOULD DO THIS TO ME
SleepFearsMe: DURING PRIDE MONTH!?
CopyCat: It’s may.
SleepFearsMe: and?
Izuku paused his movements to read the messages. A pang of something shot through him. Surely they wouldn’t miss him too much? Sure they seem close and all that, and they all have undesirable quirks… but they don’t actually care . He shook harder than before, his odd sense of calm being easily broken. He let out a sob that built in the back of his throat, pushing himself away from the ledge and back onto the rooftop. He let memories of countless nights he’d stayed up giggling to himself while reading his friends' messages flood his mind. Why!? WHY is he letting this stupid little group chat get in his way?? He could finally feel free, he could take kacchans advice and throw himself off the ledge and pray that he isn’t useless in his next life. His thoughts were once again rudely interrupted by a loud ping.
SleepFearsMe: @HeroFanatic you okay? You haven’t been on like all day, which is weird bc your almost more chronically online than i am
CopyCat: ..yeah we haven’t heard from you in like years
CatsForDays: please dont make me hunt you down that’d be so illogical
Megaphone: oh please, like you wouldn’t kill someone for anyone in this group
HeroFanatic: pls no mrder
SleepFearsMe: oh your alive! Good I would’ve had to personally resurrect you just to kill you again
HeroFanatic: I’m ok I swear I’m js really busy today, i js wanted to message to say im alive
The irony of that statement really wasn’t lost on Izuku. However something in that interaction changed the way he thought. They wouldn’t even know if he actually jumped. It’s not like he could just put their discord on his stupid little note before ending it all? And he sure as hell wasn’t going to worry them by sending a message before he jumped. He couldn’t help feeling guilty, hell they’d gone and worried about him after not even being inactive for a DAY, how would they fair if he’d actually gone and thrown himself off the ledge. He sighed and pulled himself up. He couldn’t do that to them. Sure he hates himself enough already.. But the thought of hurting those who actually care about him? He would actually rather rip every single one of his bones out of his body before he did that to them. God he needs to shut his mind up. He dragged his earbuds out of his pockets and blasted a random playlist into his ears until he couldn’t think anymore. He sighed and decided to make his way back home, the paper from earlier having been long forgotten.
Shota ran across the rooftops, following a slightly different patrol path than his usual one. He’d been recently called in to help with a case that some of the newer underground heroes were struggling with. He stopped on a fairly high up building, it gave him an easy vantage point while he gave himself a small breather. Just as he moved to sit down on the ledge, he noticed a small crumpled up notebook paper floating across the empty roof. He almost wrote it off as some piece of litter, the streets really have been getting worse over the years. However his curiosity really got the better of him. So what if it happened to just be another piece of litter? At least he’s cleaning up the environment or something, well that’s just what he’s telling himself. Always trying to keep everything he does logical.
He reaches out and snatches the small piece of paper, now getting a full look at it. He takes note of the barely noticeable hand writing in the poor light. A sense of dread shoots through him, really praying that this isn’t what he thinks it is. He unravels the paper, straining his already tired eyes to read the uneven hand writing. He skims over the opening of the letter, slightly feeling like he’s invading something he really shouldn’t be. The farther he reads through the letter the more his heart rate picks up. Surely this being left here doesn’t mean anything, surely the person who’s written this simply walked away.. Right!?
He feels as though a bucket of ice had been dumped on him. He shoots up from his spot on the roof and quickly scans the perimeter of the building. He thankfully doesn’t see anything.. or anyone . He deflates with a sigh of relief. He sinks back down to the roof and shoots a quick message to the others he’s supposed to be working with tonight. There’s no way he’d be able to simply get back to work after that, hell he’d downright be a liability on the field with how unfocused he’d be. He flops onto his back and stares up at the stars that litter the night sky. He takes a second to appreciate that there’s less light pollution in this area than where he’s usually based. He promises himself to set out for more patrols in this area, if only just to save one more person. He irrationally shoved the paper into the pocket of his hero suit, was it illogical to take some long forgotten suicide note with him? Yes. Was he doing it anyways? Also yes.
Izuku sighed, letting the arm that was holding up his phone flop down onto his bed as he stared up at the ceiling. He felt oddly numb. He hadn’t quite faced the reality that he almost flung himself down many stories, or the fact that he had so easily written a suicide letter. Surely that was just a bad breakdown… right? He wasn’t actually going to kill himself.. right!? He let his eyes fall closed, trying to will away those pesky thoughts that plagued his mind. He’d been scrolling through old messages in the group chat. He really wishes they could’ve been friends in real life. He hopes that somewhere down the line they end up actually being able to meet up. He groaned and rolled over and attempted to actually get some sleep for once.
SleepFearsMe: guys I cant sleep
CopyCat: shocker to who
Madscientist: it’s funny that you’d think any of us are asleep
SleepFearsMe: why am i getting jumped rn
CopyCat: bc your funny to mess with
Izuku sighed, its looking like he really isn’t getting that sleep he’d wanted. He rolls back over and snatches his phone from its long forgotten spot on his bed. He giggled to himself at the messages he saw before quickly typing something out himself.
HeroFanatic: I for one, was actually trying to sleep
CopyCat: so whyd you come here!?
HeroFanatic: while clearl y it wasnt working
SleepFearsMe: at least we can all be insomniacs together </3
MadScientist: well idk about u guys but im actually exaughsted so im going to bed
CopyCat: yk its bad when they cant spell
HeroFanatic: whaattt…..
SleepFearsMe: ur different you can never spell
Hero Fanatic: HEY
HeroFanatic: your right tho 💔
CopyCat: …you’re*
HeroFanatic: okay fuck you guys im going to bed
SleepFearsMe: woah. Not before marriage
HeroFanatic: I HATE YOU GUYS!!! GOOD NIGHT.
CopyCat: you love us and you know it
SleepFearsMe: good night or something ig
Izuku huffed and threw his phone back into its original spot. Of course he was just joking, he literally stopped himself from jumping off a building because he didn’t want them to worry about him. He let the happy memories he has with his friends lull him to sleep, blatantly ignoring the hollow feeling from before.