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She made love seem effortless, and Matt found that more intimidating than any mob boss, ninja, or assassin he’s had to face before. This whole relationship was new, with only a few dates so far. And even though Matt had dated and seen a handful of women in his life, he still felt so foreign to the particulars of Y/n.
She laughed so much. There was seldom a conversation where she wasn’t throwing her head back with a smile. Overall, she was an excitable woman. Whether it was a cute dog on the street or the bakery section of the grocery store, she always ended up squeezing his hand and practically jumping up and down. And as much as he wanted to match her excitement, he felt like he couldn’t. He adored just watching her and feeling the pure joy radiate off. But Matt wasn’t exactly going to start jumping up and down in his suit with her. So instead, he’d always let out a chuckle and support her moments of joy.
Around a month of dating without a label yet, he woke up to his phone reading out her name over and over, signaling she was calling him. He picked it up, rubbing his eyes. “Hello?” He groaned
“Good morning! Sorry to call you so early. Did I wake you?” She asked
His chuckle came out with that morning rasp, “Yeah, but it’s okay.”
“Sorry about that. I wanted to call before my workout class.” She started, and Matt smiled a little at the thought of her working out this early. That was the difference between them; she did all her work and living during the early day, and of course, he lived his life at night. She was all sun, and he was usually up in the dark.
She continued, “But I was gonna ask if it’d be weird for me to swing by with lunch for you? I was trying to do that whole meal prep thing and made way too many grilled cheeses…”
Her voice sounded nervous to ask, and that just made him want to ‘aw’. They were in an awkward part of their relationship. They were starting to dip into more serious territory. But neither of them wanted to assume anything and dive into the deep end. Was coming by his office with lunch too much, too soon? He didn’t think so.
“Sweetheart, I don’t think grilled cheese is something you meal prep. It’s gonna get soggy and old pretty fast-”
Her little gasp over the phone made him fully laugh now.
“DUH! Dairy. Oh my god. Well, that’s okay. That just means Foggy and Karen can have some sandwiches too.” She said, so quick to make the mistake positive.
“We’d love to have you.” He said, “And your still fresh grilled cheeses.”
She groaned, slightly embarrassed. “Okay. I’ll see you then! Keep your stomach empty!”
“Will do. Bye.” And when he hung up the phone, there was a fluttering feeling in his chest. It was something he wasn’t very familiar with. He was usually so confident around women, yet, for some reason, the girl calling him at seven AM about grilled cheese made him feel things he thought only existed in books.
At work, Matt was on the edge of his seat waiting for her. Every little noise. Every creak and step on the street below the office, he listened to it and ruled it out whether it was her or not. It was difficult to focus when he knew he’d get to smell her fruity perfume that drove him crazy and eat her cooking soon.
Foggy leaned out of his office and called out, “Hey, anybody wanna get lunch with me?”
Matt quickly got up and walked out of his open office door.
“I wouldn’t. Y/n’s coming by with food for all of us.”
Foggy’s eyebrows raised as he looked over at Karen, who sat at the front desk with a knowing smile.
“Ohhhhh… Coming by with lunch for you. Things are getting serious.” Foggy sang, leaning on the wall.
He waved him off and rolled his eyes. “She just made too much food that was gonna spoil.”
“It’s okay to be dating someone, Matt.” Karen said, “It’s nice to see you actively committing to someone.”
“You guys make it official yet?” Foggy asked
Matt shook his head, “Uh- no. We’re taking it slow.”
And by that, he meant that he specifically was taking it slow. She was very good at respecting his boundaries and making sure they lived their own separate lives, which he appreciated. Because the feelings he felt towards her were all-consuming. He knew that if he let himself indulge in her, he’d never leave her apartment… Or even better, her bed. She was so distracting in all the best ways possible.
Plus, there was the matter of him feeling that he couldn’t possibly deserve her. It didn’t matter if he was handsome or ugly. Or the fact that he had dated supermodels in the past. Y/n was so joyful and carefree, and he… wasn’t. He felt like a parasite leeching off of her and dampening her joy. That if he continued to see her, she’d eventually run out of sunshine to give. He hated that.
“I have a good feeling about this one. She’s not your usual type.” Foggy said, grabbing his coffee mug from his desk and walking back.
Matt shook his head with raised brows. “And what’s my usual type?”
Foggy scoffed at that with a little ‘oho-’
“Let’s just put it this way. If there’s a stunning woman with questionable character in the room, Matt Murdock’s gonna find her. And Foggy Nelson is gonna suffer.” He pointed towards him, making Karen laugh
“Is she not stunning?” Matt furrowed his brows with a smirk
“Smokeshow.” Foggy said, “I don’t know how you manage to find every hot woman in New York while being blind as a bat. It’s like you’ve got a Babe Radar or something.”
Karen laughed, “Just be happy that Matt’s found someone, Fogs. Even if she’s significantly more stable than any of his exes.”
He rolled his eyes again, and in divine timing, the faint smell of vanilla and lemon wafted near. Matt’s head whipped over to the door before she even opened it, signaling the bell to chime.
Y/n poked her head in to see the three standing there. She smiled and came in holding a flowery lunchbox that was sure to have the sandwiches inside. She was dressed like the definition of a Park Avenue princess. In a pink and brown Burberry blouse paired with a sweet white skirt, she looked straight from a romantic comedy. Her hair was held back nicely by a white headband.
Sure, she was gorgeous. But Foggy and Karen had come to know Matt’s type as the girls who looked effortlessly sexy. Tight dresses and red lipstick. Models and strong women in high CEO positions. Women who could step on you. Y/n owned the romantic bookstore a few blocks down, which was powerful in its own right, considering how difficult it was to snag retail property in New York. But it was safe to say that to Foggy and Karen, it was a surprise every time they saw her.
“Hi guys!” She smiled and walked over to Matt, who was already making his way over.
“Hi, sweetheart.” He said gently, leaning down to kiss her. He’d been waiting all morning, and now just wanted to keep his face in the crook of her neck. Her perfume was like a sedative. It relaxed him. “I’m sure you look lovely today.”
She smiled at that, and he could hear her heartbeat ramp up just slightly. He loved that. Her heartbeat was almost always changing with her excitement. So it made him happy to know that it sped up when he talked to her. It was like he had Pavlov dogged himself into doing things she liked just for the chance to hear her heartbeat spike.
“I got the goods.” She said, grinning, “Foggy, Karen, I was totally dumb and was like ‘I’m gonna start meal prepping’ and I meal prepped grilled cheeses until Matt reminded me that was a bad idea.” She said, walking over and putting the lunchbox on Karen’s front desk. “They’ve mozzarella, got tomato, red peppers, and mushrooms.”
Foggy rubbed his hands together. “My god, I’m in heaven.” He said, watching her pull out the wrapped sandwiches, giggling at his comment.
Matt came up behind her and put his hand on her lower back as she organized and counted the sandwiches. She looked back up at him and smiled. He couldn’t see it, yet he could feel her contentment, hear her heartbeat slow, and of course, feel when she reached up to scratch the back of his head gently.
“Patience, Murdock. Let me feed your friends too.” She joked.
Matt laughed and kissed her temple.
The next few weeks were only sweeter. She started bringing by lunch more often. Not every day because that would be insane. But she’d call him some mornings and ask if she could swing by with something else she made.
The dates only got better as they got more comfortable with each other. She’d bring over new desserts to try, and they’d spend the night in Matt’s candlelit apartment. She’d plan out dates and go with him to places around New York. Tactile adventures specifically for him. Picnics and pottery making. Dancing. No movies or museums because there wasn’t a point for him. They slowly fell into little routines and planned out more adventures and excursions.
But the longer this went on, as they went over two months without either of them putting a label on things, Y/n started getting nervous. Did he not want anything serious with her? She had been trying to keep things slow for him, but they saw each other practically every other day. Why wouldn’t he ask? She didn’t want to bring it up because she didn’t want to rush him.
It gets to a certain point, though. And she was hitting the point where she was unsure if Matt really wanted her… or just wanted free lunch.
The doorbell rang, and she naturally smiled at the idea of Matt at the door. She ran over and opened it.
“Hi!” She smiled.
“Hi.” His voice was smooth as a smirk overtook him, and he casually wrapped his arms around her waist. They both backed into the apartment. “How was your day?” He shut the door behind him.
She reached up to kiss him, but he pulled back teasingly. So she answered, “Boring. Just work and cleaning the apartment.” She leaned up again, and he spun her around, making her pull back with a laugh. No kiss yet.
“Yeah? Wanna tell me more?” He reached up and brushed her hair out of her face and behind her ear. Looking up at him with big eyes, she huffed, and he laughed, knowing exactly what she wanted. He leaned down and kissed her gently.
She sighed, relieved, and pressed her lips against his. Begrudgingly, she pulled back to rest her forehead against his and look up at him through her brows.
“How was your day?” She asked with a small smile.
“Just as boring.” He rasped before tilting her face up to kiss him again.
She wrapped her arms around his neck and allowed herself to get lost in him. He always smelled of apples and clean laundry. And it surprised her, as most men in New York would go for a more masculine Dior Sauvage type scent. But he smelled warm and inviting rather than cold and steelish.
It was intoxicating. But as they continued, she felt… off. Her worries were flurrying through her mind, and she couldn’t silence them. Even as Matt moved down to kiss the pulse point of her neck, she took a deep breath- not in pleasure, but in an attempt to relax.
Matt almost immediately sensed this. “What’s wrong?” He asked, pulling away, not before landing a few kisses on her face.
She smiled, unable to resist the giggle he spurred on. But then it sadly dropped.
“What are we doing?” She asked softly, nervous beyond comprehension.
“We’re kissing,” Matt replied as teasing as ever.
“No, Matt, I mean… what’s the plan here?” She asked seriously, looking up at him. His hands moved back down to her waist, keeping her close but with enough distance to actually talk. “We’ve been seeing each other for two months… Are we…?”
He gave her a sad-looking smile. “I-I don’t know.” He admitted
That hurt. That really hurt. Why wouldn’t he know? She stepped back and out of his hold.
“Are you seeing someone else?” She asked
He shook his head, “No. No, I’m not.”
“Well, I’m not either, so why don’t we move forward?” She crossed her arms.
Matt sighed and walked toward her. “I just-” He was hesitant, and that hurt, “I don’t want to hurt you.”
And for the first time, she scoffed. She actually shook her head and scoffed. It surprised him to see his happy girl so… jaded. It just furthered his beliefs.
“What you don’t get about that cringy line is that you’re hurting me right now.” She said, and she couldn’t help the tears that sprang in her eyes.
Matt’s face dropped in shock. This wasn’t right. This didn’t feel right. She was crying, and it felt like the earth was shattering.
He walked forward, “Hey-hey. I just- I need more time.”
“I feel like you’d know.” She explained, “I feel like if you actually liked me, you’d know by now.”
And she wasn’t wrong, but also-
“I do like you. I like you so much.” Matt said, feeling like an embarrassed school boy confessing a crush. “I just… I have a lot that comes with dating me.”
And when she sighed exasperated, throwing her hands up, he continued.
“I mean it. I really mean it. You just don’t know.” He said.
She looked up at him and let him walk forward to wipe the tears off her cheeks. It felt like a loss for her. All her friends would’ve told her to run for the hills. But… this was Matt. This was the nicest, most charming, and smartest guy she had ever met. She wanted to keep this going. Even if she felt awful for letting him lead her on.
He kissed her forehead. “How about I cook us dinner and you search for a movie?”
“None of the good ones have audio descriptions.” She sniffled.
God. She really was too sweet for him.
“Or you can pick a book we can read. Or a game. Whatever you want, sweetie.”
“Okay…”
He just wanted to fix everything. Yet the so-called man without fear… was too anxious to initiate.
It was a full week of brooding and sulking. Matt knew he was wrong. Matt knew he had messed up big time. Especially when she didn’t come by with any lunches that week. She wouldn’t initiate calls, and they hadn’t seen each other in person since.
He sat at his desk, practically snapping his pencil in half with one hand. His whole body was tense without her there to relax him. It had only been two months, and going cold turkey on her felt impossible. He didn’t want to return to life without her. No guessing what fruit her perfume was based on. No laughter that pierced through the air. And no heartbeat to favor. Without her to think about, he felt like he was drowning in overstimulation and negativity all the time.
“Someone’s in the dog house,” Foggy said, peeking his head in. “No lunches this week.”
Matt sighed and put his head in his hands, “Shut up, Foggy.”
His friend walked in and shut the door, quickly realizing this wasn’t a joke. “Oh no… Dude, what happened?”
He leaned back and dropped the pencil on his desk, defeated, “I messed up. I haven’t asked her to be official, and she naturally assumed it was because I was using her.”
“Otherwise, why not.” Foggy completed the thought.
Matt nodded. “Bingo.”
The redhead pulled out the chair and sat down in front of Matt.
“Well… why not?”
“Come on, Foggy. You’ve seen her.” He said, “She’s the happiest girl in the world, and I beat guys up in a mask at night. I drink whiskey to go to sleep. And I’m not… this carefree guy. I’m not the kind of guy who dances with her when she does. I-I’m not… good for her.”
Foggy sighed and looked at Matt. He put his cheek in his hand and raised his brows. He was much more of a romantic than Matt was. “But you love her, right?”
The L Word. It was very early for The L Word.
“I-” He started to deny, but then he realized there was no point. “Yeah. Yeah, I do. She lights up my day- my life.”
“Okay, I’m hurt.” Foggy joked, raising his hands.
“She’s kind to everything and everyone. Dogs. Kids. Strangers. She’s so fun. And- and she doesn’t care what other people think about her. She’s so… just her.” Matt went on. There was a pained expression behind his loving words.
Foggy groaned. “Jesus, save it for when you go talk to her.”
Matt shook his head, “I think I missed my shot.”
“You obviously love her. Do you think that she could’ve loved you?”
Now there was no denying that. She was the one doing so much of the initiating. She was the one bringing lunch for him and being ever so thoughtful about everything. Matt slowly nodded.
“Then go. Go commit, asshole.” Foggy said, “Stop being edgy and self-deprecating and actually get your girl. If she loves you, then why the hell is there a problem?”
Well that was a swift kick in the ass. Matt’s eyes widened, and he stammered, but Foggy cut him off.
“If you don’t, I’m gonna swoop in myself. Y/n doesn’t seem like the type to homie hop but-”
Matt laughed, “Okay! Okay. I’ll stop being an ass.”
Matt showed up at her specialty book shop that sunset. He had only been a few times, and he’s realizing how he should’ve been there more. He could smell the pink flowers that climbed up the blue wooden columns against the brick building. They rustled in the breeze. Sensing the decorations and hand-painted signs that she had put up. She had put so much love into one of the most decrepit buildings in Hell’s Kitchen. Now kids were running past it laughing.
It was right when Y/n showed up at the door to turn the sign from open to closed, when she saw him standing there with a bag of Mediterranean food. Slowly opening it, she took in the sight of him. He looked like a wreck. His hair was messy. His tie was too loose. And she could see the bags under his eyes poking out under the rims of his red glasses. The orange sunset hit him beautifully and reflected his red lenses onto the sidewalk.
“Am I too late to bring you lunch?” He sounded pained.
“Matt…” She said softly, “Come in.”
He felt like he wanted to go on his knees in front of her. Her soft voice welcoming him in was the biggest relief he had felt in over a week. He trailed her in with his tail between his legs.
The bookstore was gorgeous. Cozy but spacious, as aspen bookshelves lined the long walls. Matching tables had book displays up for different types of romances. It was warm and tender: a true reflection of her. Matt set the food bag down on one of the emptier tables.
She shut the door and changed the sign to closed. “I-I’m sorry I’ve been distant.”
“Don’t apologize to me,” Matt said, sounding like he was aching all over. “Are you kidding me? Y/n, I’m sorry. I threw every… stupid excuse I could because I was scared.”
She blinked, taken aback. “I shouldn’t have rushed you-” She said softly.
“You should’ve. You should’ve because I’ve known for a while that I want a future with you, but I didn’t want to admit it.” He explained
Her face dropped. Sucking in a deep breath she leaned her hand on one of the display tables. “Why didn’t you want to admit it? What’s wrong with me?”
He walked forward closer to her. “You’re the sweetest girl I know.”
Her brows furrowed. What kind of answer was that? She studied his desperate face with skepticism.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Matt sighed. “You are sweet and thoughtful, while this is maybe the third time I’ve been to your bookshop. You’re always up at the crack of dawn when I can’t even get out of bed at ten. You love everything and everyone… and I’m too much of a coward to do so.” He explained, “You deserve someone who is going to dance with you in the grocery store aisle when you do. Not a guy like me.”
“Matt, I like all those parts of you.” She walked forward and raised her hand to his cheek. “Because even though you’re not throwing your arms up and dancing with me… you’re smiling and nodding your head. And even though you’re not getting up at the crack of dawn, you’re going to bed with me at my grandma bedtime. You’re there for me. Whether you know it or not… You’re sweet, too.”
He looked down at her with a sad smile. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he couldn’t believe it. It felt so good to be this close again. And she smelled like pineapple. He hadn’t blown his chances after all.
“I was so worried I blew it there,” Matt admitted.
“Mmm… Just a little.” She teased with a small smile, “I’m waiting to see if you’ll do it again.”
He chuckled and shook his head, looking down at his shoes before looking at her again. “Please. Please be official with me. Can I be your boyfriend?”
The smile that lit up her face could’ve powered the whole store. She nodded.
“Absolutely.” She leaned in and just before reaching his lips, she added, “Thank you for asking.”
Their lips pressed together, and Matt had never felt more relaxed in his life. Her lips savored of strawberry gum, and it was addictive. He pulled her in closer, never wanting to let her go again. How could he when his girl tasted so sweet?