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It felt as though the entire ship was spinning. She couldn't get to the lift fast enough; Pushing through faces she recognized but names she couldn't recall. Some calling out to her, others mumbling tomorrow's lounge gossip:
'Is the Lord Captain alright?'
'She looks.. ill.'
'I had a feeling she wasn't cut out for this-- you heard about her past-- only a matter of time before she cracked.'
'You might be right.. look at 'er. About to make a mess on the deck..! Or worse..
'Lord Captain..?'
"Lord Captain..!" A firm hand stopped Lilith in her tracks, fingers painfully close to pushing the button for the lift. She almost thought she heard it's machine spirit sigh in frustration. Or perhaps it was just her Seneschal, who's infuriatingly stern grip kept the woman from escaping.
"What happened down there? A scrambled vox signal was obtained and then nothing!" His concerns came out as per usual: demands rather than concern. Why did men always demand and not ask? Lilith closed her eyes for a moment, attempting to gain her paper thin composure. She could feel every eye in the room trained on her. Like when you looked into lasfire for much too long; a burned afterimage behind her lids.
"Roaches. Genestealers. Hidin' like vermin on that carcass of a ship. We barely got out." Lilith's response came hoarse. As the tremor in her voice dissipated with each clipped sentence. She gestures a hand behind her, still not turning to face her audience.
"If it wasn't for Heinrix... I'll draft a report. Goin' to my quarters. Don't bother me unless it's absolutely necessary."
"Lord Captain I mu--"
"That's an order, Seneschal! Do I make myself clear?!"
Abelard's expression faulters for the briefest of moments, a mix of his typical patronly stoicism and something more.. concerned. He stands at attention, nodding his head,
"Yes, Lord Captain."
The silence that followed her outburst lingered on the bridge like a miasma. Only broken by the furious clicking of the lift's hailer and the machine spirit's staccato protests that the lift *would* arrive. But those were for her ears only. Not that she was really paying much attention-- or hearing anything but her own racing thoughts.
She just needed to get to her quarters. Get drunk. Sleep it off. Busy herself with things that didn't involve the mountains of skeletons that hid within her thinly walled closet. Lilith stepped into the lift, taking off her hat so she had something to look at that wasn't the Bridge crew.. And if she were to catch a glimpse of Heinrix; the disappointment, the judgement that would no doubt be there. With a clunk and groan of servos, the lift descended.
⋘ later... ⋙
Lilith swallows hard, trying to finally stuff the hard lump of shame that grew in her throat down with a smooth gulp of whiskey. The bottle sat half empty on the round regicide table, among other various items. She had some mind to set the regicide board and it's pieces aside; but not enough to keep track of the last game her and Heinrix had played. Its pieces lay scattered on the well loved marble surface and some rolling onto the floor.
Her bolt pistol, freshly scrubbed of xenogunk and blood, lay in pieces to air dry. The sight of the fetid remains of those horrible things was enough to make her gall rise once more. However, the fragrant unguents and blessed oils mixed with the warmth in her belly from the whiskey was salve to her frayed nerves.
Felix, her personal servo-skull familiar, sat on the table. The servos held within the cranium whirred and clicked as the pict data transferred from his memcore to her portable cogitator. He stared impassively back at Lilith as she tended to her bolt pistol. Lilith, in turn, flashed him a weary smile.
Lilith moves on to her boots. Uncorking a bottle of black, viscous polish and dabbing a rag to it's lip. It's been too long since her boots have gone without polish. It was at least ten lashes worth of scuffs, grime and blood on the leather.
But she was no longer a cadet at the Schola Progenium, nor serving the Gaurd as a Commissar. She was a leader on a completely different scale. With more lives than she could even fathom looking to her for guidance. For protection from monsters untold.
These worries felt smaller as Lilith slipped back into a familiar routine. Finding a small comfort in the buffing of her boots. So engrossed was the Lord Captain in her old cadet's duties that she almost didn't notice the rumbling of the lift. Nor the pair of steady footsteps approaching her.
"I don't think our last game went that poorly, Lord Captain."
Heinrix van Calox says, picking up a scattered knight and queen from the floor.
Lilith's head snaps up, "Oh... It's just you." She says, relieved that it wasn't Danrok or, Emperor forbid, Abelard. Even at the best of times, her and the senior Seneschal butt heads.
She'd like to avoid biting it clean off.
Heinrix looks at Lilith. His once hard and inscrutable features soften with concern. "It's the twelfth hour. You had asked for a regicide match."
Lilith looked at Heinrix like he had grown a third eye. "Oh! Yeah, right.. I asked before we left for.."
"The Wasteland Wayfarer." Heinrix finished, moving closer to where Lilith sat crouched over her polished boots. He hesitates for a brief moment before taking the nearby chair and seating himself next to the Lilith.
"Right." Lilith croaks.
For a long while, they both sit in silence.
Heinrix's jaw works; mouth parting then closing in false starts of a conversation. With a deep exhale of breath, he decides on something.
"This ordeal reminded me of my time spent in the Imperial Guard. I had just been cleared to serve after sanctioning. "
Lilith looks up from her boots, listening intently to Heinrix as he speaks.
“By the will of the God-Emperor the very first assignment my regiment received was at…”
He stumbles, frowning and shaking his head.
“Names don’t matter anyway. The thing is, the star system was besieged with Xenos forces. Not sure if you heard of them… they are called Orks. No matter how much you listen to priests spouting about the viles and monstrosity of enemies of Humanity, the first time seeing the said enemy will leave scars on your psyche.”
He fell silent for several seconds. Then, as he continued, his voice changed.
“They were terrifying, Lilith. After all the trials and challenges of leaving the planet, going through sanctioning, surviving the training and being the walking anathema to everyone you serve with, I didn’t think something can rattle me. I had nightmares of Greenskins for months. I shuddered every time a sound of machinery reminded me of their roars.”
He glances at the woman at his side, their eyes meeting. “The God-Emperor’s blessing of righteousness can go only so far, as well as our own nobleness of spirit. Remember this, because knowing your limits might be the only thing that keeps you alive one day.”
Lilith held Heinrix's gaze, her eyes grown glossy. "Bit harder to boil than a grink, it sounds like." She chuckles, an awkward smile curling her lips.
Heinrix stares at Lilith, stunned, before breaking into a low, sincere laugh.
"You are a mean woman." The Interrogator sneers, his crooked smile turning warm.
Lilith laughs in kind, taken by how much younger Heinrix looked when smiled. And how rare his smiles were. The Lord Captain fumbled for a lho and her lighter. Looking to keep her hands busy with something other than reaching out to Heinrix for an embrace.. or more.
They were colleagues--- Heinrix was, no doubt, here to *survey* her as much as endear himself to her. Both provided leverage for the Inquisition and its growing establishment within the Koronus Expanse. Lilith was not so stupid as to think otherwise.
She was, however, starting to believe she might be stupid as she flicks her lighter to no avail. Her profanity muffled under the lho stick held between her lips.
"Here."
Heinrix reaches over and offers his hand. Then, tentatively, takes the lighter from Lilith's. Two small flicks before the lighter ignites. Heinrix leans in, and Lilith follows suit. Their eyes meet as the lho connects with the flame. For a moment, the world slows.
The Lord Captain leans back, taking in a languid pull from her lho, savoring its taste and allowing the stimulant to wash over her nerves.
"I don't think I got a game in me, Heinrix." Lilith exhales, a small, guilty smile on her face.
"I had assumed as much before coming." Heinrix said in earnest. He hands the lighter back to Lilith before standing. "We will reschedule. I'll make sure you have no distractions to rely on for when I win next." The Interrogator bows, hiding his smile.
"Arsehole." Lilith snickers, waving him off with a free hand.