Archive of Our Own

“HiMERU-san, is it true you’ve accepted such an… intimate role?”

Accepted? HiMERU has accepted nothing yet…!

✦

Cafe Cinnamon is quiet early this morning. However, it’s the exact kind of calm that makes HiMERU feel like a chaotic storm is about to blow in at any moment.

He’s seated in one of the back corner booths—lowest probability of anyone overhearing this meeting, naturally. Across from him, the producer sits with unbounded energy. She’s new and rising fast in the industry. Has a reputation of being a visionary, which usually means unhinged in business jargon.

“You see, HiMERU-kun,” she begins, one hand wrapped around her glass (alcohol this early?), “with your, ah, unique public rep lately—”

HiMERU internally braces himself.

“—you’d simply be perfect as a lead in this drama! It’s a romance—an adaptation of a famous BL novel.”

Well, in hindsight HiMERU should’ve expected this. On the surface, he keeps a pleasant smile plastered on his face. Privately? He starts to sink in a swamp of despair.

Why does this keep happening?

First, there was Kazehaya Tatsumi. That idiotic dating sim game mess. A hallucination inducing nightmare that only ended after a kabedon and a marriage proposal that somehow got greenlit by a producer of questionable sanity.

Then it was Oukawa Kohaku. PBB’s sudden popularity and subsequent influx of doujinshi. So many questionable scenarios involving HiMERU and a sixteen year old who feels more like a younger sibling than anything else.

Finally, most recently: Shiina Niki. More private in nature, but still a huge misunderstanding. Anzu (of all people) somehow came to the conclusion that the two of them were getting married rather than marrying their fans for the thanksgiving event. He blames Shiina more than Anzu for explaining it so poorly.

He can feel a headache forming at his temples, yet HiMERU simply dips his head politely. He’s certainly been through worse.

“HiMERU will take the role into consideration.”

In other words, he’ll spend hours contemplating it. Will weigh the pros and cons until he’s absolutely, completely sure it’s the right fit. And really, he needs extra time to thoroughly investigate whoever it is he’d be working alongside too.

There’s a dangerous glint of ambition in the producer’s blue eyes as she beams at him. After finishing off her drink she’s shaking HiMERU’s hand far too eagerly and bouncing away from the booth. A wave over her shoulder and she parts with, “Wonderful~! I’ll be waiting to hear from you soon, HiMERU-kun. Ah, this’ll be a masterpiece…”

HiMERU inhales slowly through his nose. Exhales five seconds later. And, as he predicted, the chaotic storm blows in as Amagi enters Cafe Cinnamon next. Oukawa trailing behind him.

“Oh…? What’s this I hear about our Merumeru now?”

Moments later, Amagi is slouching into the chair the producer just vacated without any sort of permission. (Even if HiMERU denied him, he wouldn’t listen.) He looks at the empty glass and then up at HiMERU with a lazy grin.

He caught the end. Of course he did. A pestilence upon HiMERU’s already painful morning. His eye twitches once and he finally takes a sip of his coffee. Leaves the food untouched.

“Simply a business proposal, Amagi,” he replies, setting the cup back down onto the table.

“Is that what we’re callin’ it these days? ‘Spose ya do already have some intimate acting experience…”

Amagi is already bad enough, but naturally it gets worse.

Walking over, Oukawa perks up. “Is HiMERU-han pickin’ up another hubby? Hope ya aren’t breakin’ hearts like this.”

Shiina, who was simply cleaning the bar in peaceful silence before this, pauses in his motions. Confusion is all over his face as he looks over at the (now crowded) booth. “Eh? What’s this about husbands?”

It’d be nice if HiMERU picked the table by the door, he thinks idly. At least then he could easily escape. For now he merely sighs. “It’s nothing—go back to cleaning, Shiina.”

Meanwhile, Amagi continues on with his bullshit: “Can already see it clearly! Merumeru gettin’ typecast as the tragic uke. Can’t see anyone ever puttin’ ya in the other role. Gyahaha!”

That does it…! HiMERU snaps his head to directly glare at Amagi. His pride will not be damaged like this. Who says he can’t be the seme? He totally could be if he was 1. gay and 2. in a homoerotic relationship for real.

Neither of which are true and never will be, but the principal still stands.

“HiMERU could easily fulfill any role required of him,” he argues.

Amagi simply stares, his eyes narrowing and lip quirking upward. Two taps on the table. “Uh huh.”

“Gross,” Oukawa adds, taking a seat on the boothside next to HiMERU.

At this point, Shiina has grown even more confused. He stops cleaning entirely and roams over to the table. Blinks cluelessly and asks, “Wait, am I missing something here?”

A quick demeanor switch-up and Amagi is saying, “Nah Niki-kun. Nothin’ to concern yourself about. We’ll discuss it after our weddin’ anyway~☆”

“What wedding?!”

HiMERU pinches the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes for just a moment. He can already see that this is far more trouble than it’s worth.

Truly, he’s already growing tempted to reject the offer altogether.

Rumors spread faster than Tatsumi’s driving (which is a horrifying trophy to bestow on its own), even when they shouldn’t. HiMERU hasn’t even had the chance to confirm his involvement in production, and yet everyone’s already talking.

Frankly, it’s exasperating.

He’s barely taken a sip from his coffee when Cafe Cinnamon’s doors slide open. Mint green hair is what HiMERU sees first in a reflection, and then he hears that gentle sound of shoes drawing closer, and finally his eyes land on that horribly outdated fashion sense. It’s completely out of place in such a modern setting and can only belong to one singular person: Kazehaya Tatsumi.

Well, there goes his peaceful midday break.

“Good afternoon, HiMERU-san.”

Tatsumi’s greeting is pleasant, his smile polite and steadfast, like he’s trying to hide something. It stands no chance against someone like HiMERU—someone who has keen eyes. He can tell there’s something off almost immediately. The way the saint’s eyes flicker away every so often. It’s suspicious.

“Tatsumi.”

Tatsumi mumbles an apology as he takes a seat at the bar next to HiMERU. At least he has basic manners unlike Amagi, even if he’d prefer any other seating arrangement. No, no, he’d prefer Tatsumi leave entirely.

“HiMERU-san, is it true you’ve accepted such an… intimate role?”

Accepted? HiMERU has accepted nothing yet…!

Furthermore, why does Tatsumi care about a role like this? HiMERU studies him carefully, every idle movement. It’s oddly fascinating; the saint looks like he’s come down with a mild case of miserabilism.

Kazehaya Tatsumi has never made the faintest lick of sense. The way he throws himself into other people’s problems while remaining wholly blind to his own slow decay; his body and mind crumbling to dust whilst he stays none the wiser. He pours everything into everyone else, yet somehow manages to miss the mark entirely when it comes to reading their feelings. But this isn’t a problem—well, not in the traditional sense, anyway.

So why is a tiny, barely even visible, crease forming between his brows? And what’s with this weird silence settling between the two of them at the bar?

Realization finally dawns on him only milliseconds later: Tatsumi is jealous in a way only a complete lunatic like him could be. It’s unprecedented and a bit weird, because they’re not a thing. Nor are they even friends.

In any case, what a joyful misfortune this is for Tatsumi to stumble his way into. One HiMERU can exploit immensely for his own amusement. What better opportunity to crack that saintlike composure? Surely he’ll have better success here—there’s no malfunctioning tastebuds to account for.

He fights the instinct to smile maliciously. Keeps a pleasant front instead, tilting his head and leaning against a propped up hand. A perfect angle to casually observe the saint squirming like a worm. His lips curve into a half-smile.

“Tatsumi can call it what it is. There’s no need to dance around the topic with words like ‘intimate role’...” His other hand gestures vaguely in the air. “Hm, are you here to tell HiMERU romance between two men is wrong once again?”

“No, that’s not quite…” Tatsumi sighs, slightly flustered but not broken. (Yet? HiMERU still has hope until—) “I’m only worried about you, HiMERU-san.”

…?

“The idol industry can be especially brutal when it comes to intimate matters. Accepting a role you may not be entirely comfortable with… Ah, I’m worried it may be a burden.” Violet eyes pierce through him, searching for something HiMERU knows not. “If there’s anything ever troubling you—it doesn’t strictly need to be job related—please don’t hesitate to rely on me. As a friend, I wish to support you through all things, HiMERU-san.”

…Again with this friend talk. Truthfully, HiMERU would prefer they stay strangers for eternity, but Kaname would be sad if his relationship with Tatsumi was completely ruined by the time he woke up. Probably—HiMERU’s still not entirely sure what went down there privately.

He knows Tatsumi isn’t exactly stupid. Knows the man sees through the cracks of the persona. The way he speaks is always gentle and just vague enough to not outright accuse HiMERU of it. Tatsumi doesn’t back him into a corner in an attempt to pull a confession free, but he doesn’t let HiMERU fully retreat either.

Fine, try number two.

Tapping his index finger against his cheek, HiMERU keeps his voice even, lightweight, and casual. “Tatsumi, could it be you’re jealous?” He raises a thin brow. “That by taking this job, HiMERU would be taking a new husband?”

As much as HiMERU hates to recall that day and the fake proposal born entirely out of torture, at this point it’s ammunition. He’ll mercilessly load the gun, point it toward Tatsumi, and pull the trigger even if the recoil harms him as a result.

Except the recoil hurts far more than he anticipates and the victim is somehow magically wearing a bulletproof vest?

“Jealous…? Oh no, it’s nothing like that,” Tatsumi says after a beat. A faint flush coats his cheeks as he earnestly continues, “Though, I do still vividly remember that day.”

“...Do you now,” deadpans HiMERU.

Tatsumi nods, smiling like this is a pleasant memory that’s just now resurfaced. There’s no world where that’s true. “Mm, I do realize it was required of us with the circumstances and all, but I must admit my heart fluttered then. Apparently that means something?”

Pause. What the hell did he just say?

But Tatsumi does not pause, does not relent. “Technically speaking, HiMERU-san, we never did get divorced…”

Rewind the entire thing. How did he end up in this situation again?

“So, if you should need someone to lean on, as your reliable husband, I will willingly bear that responsibility once more~♪”

They are absolutely, irreparably, and disastrously on separate wavelengths…!

“HiMERU declines.”

Maybe the refusal escapes him with a bit too much haste. But how could he respond any differently?! This isn’t the direction the conversation was originally meant to go. It’s the health drink incident all over again, isn’t it?

The sheepish smile Tatsumi wears falters a little and guilt(?) begins to pool up slowly in his eyes. “My apologies. I realize I’ve overstepped terribly with this… Your affairs are yours alone and not mine to question or interfere with, HiMERU-san.”

“Tatsumi—”

“Forgive me. But please keep my earlier words in mind, okay?” Interrupting him, Tatsumi stands. He quickly nods as a farewell, and before HiMERU can regain a semblance of composure, Tatsumi absconds from the building. The doors slide shut behind him.

HiMERU stares at the empty space before him. It’s irksome and so very annoying how Tatsumi always seems to throw him for a loop like this. How…?

He’ll never understand Kazehaya Tatsumi. Never, ever, ever.