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Will’s form of love is suffocating. He endlessly needs to be reassured, to be held, to be heard, to be remembered. His soul screams when torn apart from his lover, and his mind spirals when he feels even the slightest shift of energy in his other half. At times, his love felt like a hurricane, unpredictable, destructive, and really fucking loud. It’s almost overwhelming how much he has to surround himself with reminders that he’s loved, unable to last a mere 24 hours without some form of contact. Will knows that this isn’t normal. But who could blame him really? He’d been left behind before, his lovers forgetting him, his friends moving on, his projects falling through. And he’ll be damned before he lets that happen again, not with his soulmate. He’s got far too much to lose.
James’ form of love is freeing. He loves openly and often, unabashed by any warnings or criticisms. There’s always a way to find love in even the most minute of things for James. He loved the sandwich he ate at a cafe, he loved the worker who served it to him. He loves his crew, his bandmates, his friends, considering them all family. He loves his cat like a son, loudly and with pride. James’ love was confident and unstoppable. The problem is, his love had been trampled on, crushed far too many times to remember. Loving so freely exposes one’s heart out to the worst of people. Disappointment, heartbreak, infidelity: all consequences of laying his soul out bare to the world. If anything, James loves harder because of it, channelling his love to those closest to him. Will falls into that category. James loves Will like it’s second nature, easier than strumming a chord. Somehow, even after his heart had been destroyed and rebuilt repeatedly, Will was safe to love.
In theory, they shouldn’t work well together. James is always on the go, his dreams taking him to new lands constantly. Will has to feel James’ presence consistently, or he’ll spiral. James pulls away sometimes, seeing Will’s love as undeserved, the result of years of lies being fed to him. Will needs James’ approval in everything he does, even in loving. Will is a black cat, James a golden retriever, Will clingy but violent, James unbothered but avoidant. Two people could not be any more different from each other, yet somehow, it works.
James leaves to go on tour. Will can’t bring himself to spit vitriol onto the other, instead overwhelmed by feelings of pride and awe. He leaves the country instead, fleeing his home (which, realistically, isn’t home without James) and travelling to places he never thought he’d end up in. He drowns himself in work, starting new projects that would last him months, recording videos twice as often, featuring on other channels, anything to pull his mind away from the fact that his love was oceans away. He turns James’ social media notifications on, changes his ringtone into the instrumental of Car Lights, never has his phone on Do Not Disturb, craving to consume whatever crumbs of James he can get. He has a playlist of just James’ music, hidden from his Spotify taste profile, hidden from the world because quite frankly, he could not be this pathetic publicly. He lays at night with the playlist on loop, doing anything to hear James’ voice, infinitely jealous that there were people around the globe hearing him live and in the moment. In times like these, calls with James were far and few. The tour life was busy, Will knows that and so he suppresses the pounding voice at the back of his mind, squashing down the fear of abandonment, and lets James live his dreams.
Will clings onto James for dear life. James certainly isn’t used to this, past partners only ever remembering him when it benefitted them. His instincts scream at him to run, to leave, he isn’t worthy, Will must be lying to him, and other falsehoods only the trauma of toxicity could conjure. But when he looks over, and he’s met by usually hooded eyes staring at him, wide and blue like the oceans Will was raised with, his mind settles. The awe in the older’s eyes quiets his insecurities, slows the tidal rushing of his thoughts, brings him peace. So he throws his whole heart into loving Will. He dedicates as much time as he can with Will, no matter how busy he gets. Calls from abroad are difficult, granted, but he never lets Will go too long without. He comes up to London more often, not just for filming, but to simply be in Will’s space, knowing that they both love it so. He gives Will his heart and soul, waiting for the gasoline to be poured over it and the lighter to be struck. But it never happens. Will soaks it all in and gives him everything back ten-fold, never once giving James a reason to question his unwavering need for him. When old habits push through, and James pulls away, Will sinks his talons in deeper, holding him close and keeping him safe.
And sure, neither of them know the other’s darkest thoughts. One day, they’ll reach the stage of discussing their deepest relationship fears. But for now, they worked in some strange harmony, their methods of love pulling them closer to each other.