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With a loud thud, his phone falls on his desk, its screen showing a collection of unanswered emails.
Ryusui leans back on his chair, tiredly covering his face with his entire palm. Not one reply, in all these years. Not once has his brother bothered to direct a single towards him. Ryusui tried harder when he was younger, with long life updates and questions to try and spark a conversation. By now, it’s usually a cold and simple ‘answer me, Sai.’ But it's not like he wouldn’t like to say more, he simply has understood it’s a complete waste of energy and time.
He feels the same way he did the day Sai left. Like that child standing sadly under a door frame, watching in disbelief the sight of an open window and a fluttering curtain, hands trembling as they hold an old chessboard. He understood that very second, even with his young mind, that Sai would not return to him. The only person he truly considered family, had left him for good.
And yet, stubborn to a ridiculous degree, Ryusui continues to not give up.
It might sound like nonsense, but he believes they have a connection, and not simply a blood one. As the unwanted children, the rejected and excluded. No matter how much Sai doesn’t want to see it, this shared experience is their iron link. Only they can possibly understand each other.
He picks up the phone. Stares at it as if his glare could force a miracle across oceans. This does not work. The device is discarded once again. Only a few days later, 3700 years passed by without his knowledge.
And now, he is happy.
Not just because Sai is back in his life, but because Sai chose to be back in his life. He walked into the ship, willingly, with his own feet.
That all does not, however, mean their relationship is quite where he wants it to be.
Sai still keeps a distance. He agrees to playing games and the like, even telling Ryusui old stories about the incredible feats of machines, but those moments often feel… shallow. As if Sai is only humoring his little brother, perhaps due to a faint sense of guilt.
Ryusui hates that thought. In his heart there is no resentment, no bitterness. He doesn't want that day to hold them back. He won’t ask about his ignored communication attempts, even if he is undeniably curious about whether Sai ever read them. He will not use guilt to his favor, not only because it would be pathetic, but also because a true brotherly bond can’t possibly flourish from underhanded methods.
They sit on opposite sides at a table in Sai’s bedroom, quietly moving chess pieces around.
He can’t beat Sai, this is a fact. As much as Ryusui craves to conquer everything there is, he is not expecting a miracle. A regular brain like his own can’t compare to that of a genius, they both understand this, even if Sai is too humble to admit it. Ryusui will never win, and so it is clear, that these game nights are not the game itself. Just like in their childhood, Ryusui can only find excuses to share the same space.
With no effort, Sai corners Ryusui’s king piece, ending their short lived match. “Do you want another round?” He asks his younger sibling, with much gentleness in both his eyes and voice.
“If I say no, am I expected to leave?” Ryusui asks instead of answering. He is looking down, away from the surprised expression on his older brother’s face. Why not be direct, right? He wants to know, is it so important to have a distraction if they are to be together, something to prevent them from thinking too much about each other?Is his presence an inconvenience otherwise?
“Not at all.” Sai responds, after an awkward pause. “You can stay for as long as you want. But, I understand why you would want to…”
“You are here.”
How isn’t that obvious?
“Right…” Sai is organizing the pieces now, leaving them in place for whenever they are to be used again. Most likely, he just wants a task to complete. But as he processes what he heard, his movements slow down, his cheeks redden, and his lips form a smile.
Ryusui can’t help mirroring that same smile. But he has to act, too, make sure this small moment of sweetness won’t die right away. So he extends his hand towards him, offering it.
Sai takes it, even if hesitantly.
Their hand holding is awkward, child-like, and perfect.
“If I can stay for as long as I want, then I want to stay the night. That’s alright, isn’t it?”
“Yes, it’s alright…” Sai seems like he wants to roll his eyes, but with playfulness and endearment. Perhaps he is thinking about how Ryusui never changes, still clinging to his older brother, still craving his attention.
Ryusui is happy.
At least up until Sai suddenly ends their contact, standing up from his chair with his cheeks still very much red. He walks towards him while avoiding looking directly his way. And, he wraps his arms around Ryusui, pulling him into a shy embrace.
Sai’s arms are around him, but they aren’t holding him. But, this is the first time he ever does anything like this. Ryusui’s childhood memories of Sai are vivid, and nowhere in them is there a show of affection. Not a physical one, at least.
Ryusui’s own hands tremble with excitement before hugging him back. It is childish to be this joyful, but he won’t blame himself for it. This is their first hug, and he is right to treasure it.
“I’m sorry, Ryu. I’m sorry I had never done this before.” Sai whispers to him, resting his head on his shoulder.
“I don’t want to hear apologies, Sai, I really don’t. Let me enjoy the moment.” His hand caresses Sai’s back, making sure it is clear he is being sincere. He just wants the warmth between them to last. And he wants Sai to be as happy as he is.
Then, he should say something.
“I love you.” Ryusui says, because it is the one thing he would like to hear most. What he has always wanted to hear most.
Sai’s hold on him tightens.
“Can you say it back?” Ryusui asks with uncharacteristic timidness. “Only if you mean it…”
Silence follows for too long. Perhaps his own nervousness is to blame for what feels like an eternity frozen in time, but Sai is still definitely slow to reply. All Ryusui hears is his breathing right next to his ear.
Sai nods, gripping Ryusui’s shirt. “Of course. Of course I mean it…” His voice quiets down even more. “I love you…”
I love you.
The line echoes in Ryusui’s head, despite being barely a whisper.
I love you.
He is so happy. So truly, genuinely happy.
“Come here.” He murmurs, pulling Sai closer, carefully positioning him on his own lap, having him sit on it.
“W-wait, Ryu…” Sai protests, trying to push him away, but it is already too late. “This is embarrassing.”
“Hmph. We are alone, there is no problem.” And, Sai’s flustered expression is amusing. He is like a cat, with messy hair and wide eyes. It’s cute.
The older brother struggles for a moment more, despite how obvious it is that his weak arms can’t do anything against him. That, too, is cute.
“I love you, Sai.” Ryusui repeats. While there is no way he can see his own expression, he is sure it is reflecting all the deep affection inside him.
“You don’t have to repeat it.”
“Isn’t hearing it nice?” Ryusui leans back, facing the ceiling while keeping his brother captive in his arms. The big smile is still plastered on his place. It is nice, at least for him. “I like saying it, too.”
“Of course you do.” Sai mumbles against his shoulder followed by a sigh, body relaxing as he basically lays on top of him. “Let me go.”
Isn’t it so funny, how he says that while closing his eyes and resting his cheek on him?
“No.”