Chapter Text
“Do we all need to be here for this?” Remus aggressively whispers a couple inches for Sirius’ ears, it’s enough to make him shiver. They’re in a corner of the greenhouse in the middle of the night to collect Chinese chomping cabbages they’re planning to hide under the Slytherin table in the great hall so they’ll activate once the snakes sit down at their table. James starts to pluck them out of the garden, choosing the smaller ones, because they won’t seriously maim anyone and they’ll be able to carry more to the hall in one go.
“No but it’s nice! Like we’re bonding or whatever” Sirius doubts Remus is going to like that answer, or Sirius’ blatant disregard for the volume of his voice, but that’s kinda the point. Lately it feels like it’s the point of anything he does, to rile Remus up. Everything is a desperate attempt to annoy his stupidly attractive friend into doing something.
”Keep your voice do-!” Remus’ yelling/whispering is interrupted by the sound of someone giggling, specifically a giggle Sirius knows all too well. Remus turns his head to look at James, then Peter.
”Was that either of you?” Remus asks after a moment. Both boys shake their head. Everyone stands still to listen for the voice again, and eventually it comes. Sirius knows for sure now. That’s his little brother. Despite the change in his voice after puberty, after everything, it’s the same childish giggle. Sirius hasn’t been close enough to Regulus in years to hear it, hell, he almost assumed his brother didn’t giggle anymore.
”I think that’s… Reggie?” Sirius sounds a little like he can’t believe it, he sort of doesn’t. What the hell is his posh, teachers-pet, little brother doing out after curfew?
All three marauders simultaneously raise their eyebrows at him.
”I’m serious!”
“Yeah we know” James says immediately and Remus rolls his eyes at him, the Sirius-serious joke got old by their second year.
Sirius high-fives James before continuing. “No but, really. I really think that’s him.” Sirius looks up at a door leading out to one of the greenhouse balconies. It’s hard to see in the dark but the moonlight shines through and he can see someone move on the outside of the dirty, foggy, green glass.
”I’m gonna go talk to him.” Sirius decides. All three of his friends immediately turn to a look of disbelief and disapproval.
”No, mate, cmon. You can’t even know it’s him for sure. Let’s just get out of here.” James and Remus wince at him. He knows Peter doesn’t mean it in a you don’t know your brother because you left him with your shit bag parents way but, rather a I don’t wanna be caught way, yet his immediate thought is to valiantly defend his knowledge of his brother by running up the stairs to the balcony door and opening it. All the marauders follow him, Remus first then James then Peter.
As he opens the door he and his friends file onto the balcony after him he’s met the sight of his brother, ha! He was right , and two of his friends. He recognises his Ravenclaw friend, Barty Crouch, who’s leaning with his back on the railing and smoking. Then there’s Reggie, sitting on a bench, furthest away from the door with his feet up on the bench and his back to the armrest, head leaning on the railing behind him. And lastly it’s Regulus’ blonde friend, the youngest Rosier, though Sirius isn’t quite sure of his first name. He’s also sitting on the bench, closest to the door with his feet on a tiny wobbly table.
They all whip their heads around to look at the four seventh years.
They stare back. They keep staring.
A beat passes.
Reggie and his friends all turn their heads back to look at each other and promptly bursts out laughing like the funniest thing in the world just happened. Crouch sinks to the floor and puts his head in the hand he isn’t holding a cigarette in and shakes with laughter while Reggie and Rosier put their hands all over each other in an effort to communicate something that gets lost in their ridiculous amount of laughter. James and Sirius communicate with looks, what the fuck? I don’t know either, James shrugs. So Sirius looks back at Reggie, then at Remus, who looks like he’s come to a startling realisation. Reggie and his friends seem to calm down for a moment, sniffling a little and catching their breaths before looking at each other and starting the whole thing over again.
“Oh. My. God.” Remus says.
“What, what Remus?” Sirius is genuinely clueless here.
”They’re high, Sirius, they’re really fucking high.” Remus says, huffing out a small laugh. Regulus and his friends seemed to find this all sorts of hilarious, continuing to buckle over in laughter.
Sirius doesn’t even know what to say, but he sees it now. He himself had only been high a couple times before when Remus brought some muggle weed to Hogwarts during their sixth and seventh years. He mostly just got sleepy from it, which was a bore, but James and Peter got proper giddy, just like Reggie is right now. It’s completely, utterly, unbelievable to Sirius. His brother? You mean the black heir who’s never gotten a lick of detention in his life? No way, this has to be a boggart of sorts.
What feels like an eternity pass before their laugh awkwardly turns into sniffling, laboured breathing and breathless huffs of air.
Crouch seems to suddenly realise his cigarette- actually a spliff - has just been burning and murmurs something before desperately trying to get a another puff from the stub between his fingers, tough he practically eats the damn thing because of how small it is now.
He looks at Reggie, who’s wiping his face with both sleeves in a manner that is distinctly undignified and out of character for him. His face is red from laughter and eyes teary but he’s still smiling. Sirius can imagine his cheeks and abs hurt in the way Sirius’ does often. It’s a nice thought to know Regulus gets to feel that.
“So…” Sirius immediately winces at his awkwardness but keeps going. “What’s uh- what’s happening over here huh?”
Crouch looks him dead in the eye, clearly trying to deliver something seriously, but failing to suppress his smile.
“A threesome.”
Reggie and Rosier starts laughing again and Sirius can hear the James and Remus snort next to him. Sirius has to admit it was kinda funny, but he really hates Barty Crouch. He might be a ravenclaw but he’s practically an honorary slytherin. Not that there’s any honour in that title.
Rosier and Reggie seem to calm down again while Crouch takes out a metal tin presumably with more spliffs. He looks to Regulus questioningly, then to the Gryffindors, then back to Regulus. Regulus seems to consider something with great thought before giving Crouch an upwards nod. Barty holds up the tin case to the four sober ones and cocks his head to the side while looking up at them.
”Want one?”
And that’s how Sirius and his friends end up high with his brother that he hasn’t spoken to in over a year, a guy he hates, and a guy who’s name he doesn’t even know.
Luckily, Remus, their resident weed expert (meaning their only friend who had ever bought any) started the conversation easy by asking if they had a contact from hogwarts, which Crouch responded to by telling them “Rosie” grows it. Sirius doesn’t know anyone named Rose or Roselyn or anything like that, but Remus just nods like he knows who so he doesn’t ask for a last name. Sirius is also reminded of how grateful he is for James as he carries most of the conversation for the next half hour, mostly chatting with Rosier and Crouch while Sirius awkwardly tries to make eye contact with a high Regulus.
After a while Sirius realises it’s gone quiet again. He sits up, suddenly uncomfortably aware of how he’d subconsciously leaned into Remus, who’s sitting crisscross next to him on the floor. Regulus cocks an eyebrow at him before turning to gaze at James.
“So, how often do you smoke weed Regulus Arcturus Black?” Sirius tried to sound… serious, but it just came out too quiet and awkward like everything did with his brother. Luckily all Regulus did was snort, he was glad at least someone found a little humour in the situation.
“Oh just once every hour!” Okay. That really wasn’t all that funny, like it wasn’t even a good joke okay? Everyone’s just laughing because they’re all high as kites.
“Ha ha, real funny, I’m being s-“ James snorted and Sirius caught himself mid sentence. “-Real . I’m asking a real question, okay?”
”It’s really not that often, just every couple of months or so, when we’re not busy with homework or exams.” Rosier answered.
“Ha! Speak for yourself!” Crouch giggled, which was almost even more disturbing than finding out his little brother smokes cannabis. “ We-“ Reggie points between him and Rosier. “-Don’t smoke when we have school work because we don’t want it to affect our grades, this idiot doesn’t seem to about care about his scores.” He glares at the brunette.
“And yet I’m the one who gets all Outstanding’s! Funny how that works.”
“Ravenclaw” Rosier and Regulus agree solemnly.
The conversation seems to move to what classes everyone enjoys as James takes the lead back, it’s a weirdly simple conversation for the seven of them. Sirius starts to tune it out, feeling a little sleepy from the buzz already, leaning back onto Remus now. Maybe a little less subconsciously this time though.
He can’t see Remus’ face because his head is on top of his and Sirius is leaning on his shoulder, but he can see his hands. And merlin aren’t they just so nice. Sirius didn’t know you could find hands attractive until he started looking at Remus’. The way he’s slinging the lighter up and down, holding it between his thumb and pointer, back and forth, hitting his leg each time it comes down again. It’s the special lighter Sirius got him, with a fancy metal exterior that made it heavier than other lighters and had an R.J. Lupin engraving . Occasionally stopping to flick it on, all without even looking down. It’s charmed to keep filling up from a big box of lighter fluid that’s somewhere in the dorm, it’s yet to go empty no matter how much Remus chain smokes.
Sirius keeps staring until he eventually puts the lighter away and starts picking at his nails. He’s not a biter, but he’ll pick at them till they start to bleed. Without thinking he grabs Remus’ left hand, the one at Sirius’ side. Just to get him to stop. No other reason. He can feel his cheeks heat up but damnit he’s in it now and he is not one to back out. So with as much determination and courage as he can muster up he moves their intertwined hands closer to him, they’re now between the two of them. Sirius realises it’s probably more comfortable for the both of them if he holds Remus’ left one with his own right instead of both their left ones, fucking idiotic really, so he switches and wraps himself around Remus’ left arm and readjusts his head on his shoulder.
”For the record I still think I could pull it off though.” What was Crouch talking about again?
”Not this again!” Rosier says. “Oh Don’t even get him started” Reggie quickly follows.
”What, what are we talking about?” Sirius asks. Reggie and Rosier groan simultaneously.
“No no, don’t dismiss me this time! I’ve ironed out the wrinkles now okay!”
”You can’t iron! You don’t even know how!” Regulus argued, okay seriously what are they on about.
“I’ve done- I’ve figured it out alright? First we brew Felix-“ “My brother? What are we brewing my brother for?” Rosier interrupts. “-Not your brother Rosie!-“ Oh so Rosie is Rosier ahhhhhhhh that makes sense- wait- The youngest Rosier kid grows weed? At hogwarts? “-Felix felines? or something, the luck potion, whatever it’s called.”
“Loop me in here what are we brewing liquid luck for?” James was also intrigued now.
“No- don’t encourage him! He does this every single time!” Rosie complained. The fact that he’s called Rosie is pretty fucking funny to Sirius who’s always seen him as some pureblood arsehole who follows Regulus around like a pet.
”He wants to break into a Gringott vault.” Reggie answers. “It’s impossible! There’s like a million foolproof enchantments all over the damn place!” Rosie argues. Sirius assumes they have this discussion often, sort of like how he and Remus can endlessly discuss the logistics of making a Wizarding telephone.
“Which is why it would be so cool if I did it!”
“I bet he could do it.” Sirius chimed in, he surprised himself. He was really just saying it to argue with Regulus.
“ He could not! ” Rosie and Reggie chimed in at the same time
Sirius quirks up as the conversation moves onto music, possibly his favourite topic ever and is shocked to find out Reggie and his group actually listens to muggle music. Though like the true prat he his brother still prefers classical and dignified music, as he puts it, not rock n’ roll, much to Sirius’ disappointment. Rosie actually has decent taste for a slytherin and Crouch says he listens to literally anything and everything, Sirius wonders how true that actually is. Bartemius Crouch Jr. listening to country is a funny thing to think about.
“Pandora got us the record player but it’s charmed to be able to play since there’s no electricity at hogwarts” Crouch made goose fingers at the word electricity, which made Remus laugh and Sirius could feel it in his bones. Not just because he’s clinging onto Remus and can feel the actual movements he does as he laughs but, because he always feels it anyway. Remus’ laugh is possibly the most beautiful thing Sirius has ever heard. It’s a cliche, he knows it, but it’s truly better than any music he’s ever heard.
“Who’s Pandora again?” Peter asks, breaking Sirius free from his spell. “Willhelmsen, Ravenclaw, our year, she’s Norwegian, weird accent but really smart and pretty.” Reggie answered.
Is Reggie dating this Pandora girl? Sirius came to the realisation he didn’t know if Reggie had ever had a crush. Their relationship was already strained by the time Sirius got back from his first ever semester at hogwarts. He ached a little at the thought. He used to think he would be the one to teach his brother to talk to girls, he feels a little ashamed at the thought now, a little because he’s gay as shit and wouldn’t know fuck about girls, but also because they seem so impossibly far apart nowadays.
”Are you and Pandora dating?” He blurts out, even though he’s pretty sure James was mid sentence.
Regulus just stared at him, then at his friends. They stared laughing again, absolutely howling with laughter actually.
Okay. Got the message. No dating.
“Merli-“ Regulus tried to huff words out between laughter. “-No-“ he started laughing again and put his hand over his face while he shook with laughter. James also seemed to find something particularly amusing about this. Godric, those evil little snakes, how did they get James on their side???
“-No. Sirius. I am not dating Pandora.” He smiled has he removed his hands from his face, dried the corners of his eyes and tucked his overflowing curls behind his ears.
“Fine! Well are- you know, dating someone?” I’m your brother, I deserve to know . He leaves that part out, a shockingly wise move from him, as he suspects it would only make Regulus retreat again.
”I’ll tell you some other time I’m high.”
Some other time. He’s just saying that because the weed is taking an edge of his usual sharpness but, it’s a nice thought, isn’t it?
“Okay now that we’re on the topic-“ Crouch starts. “-Would you rather give up all kissing forever or all sauces forever?” “We’ve had this discussion before!” Rosie complained. “Yes, I know your stance and I’m forever flattered darling.” Sirius was too high to connect the dots. “But I want to know the gryffindork stance on this.”
“I wouldn’t give up Kissing.” Peter started. “I could live with plain food, hell most of British food is plain and unseasoned.”
“And we’re 4-2, kissing in the lead” Crouch states in a quidditch commentary voice. “Who’s the other kissers and who’s the sauce people?” James asks.
“Regulus and Pandora are for sauce, mostly because they’re kiss-less virg-“ Regulus threw his sweater at Crouch’s head. “Let the record state that I’ve changed my stance since being posed this question months ago, kissing is awesome and I’d give up sauce for it.” “Oooooooo~, That good huh?” Crouch says, not even slightly deterred by Reggie’s nuclear exceptionally soft expensive designer sweater attack. James seemed to smirk at the teasing. “Okay, Pettrigrew, Dorcas, Rosie, Me and Reggie for Kissing. Pandora for sauce. 5-1, not looking good for sauce.”
“I honestly don’t know, I don’t have anyone important to kiss right now, so I’d want sauce.” Remus ponders. “But I’d wanna be able to kiss people I’ll fall in love with in the future.”
“Is soup a sauce?” Sirius wondered, Remus liked soup after the moon.
“No.” Remus said.
”Yes.” Sirius declared.
“It totally is not.” Remus scoffs at him.
”Then what would you classify soup as?”
“Soup!”
“But what if you just make soup and pour it onto your other food, that’s a loop hole you gotta cover. Therefore soup has to be sauce.”
”No! It becomes sauce when you pour it on top of something else! That’s when you can’t eat it!”
”So what? It’s okay to eat sauce but only when there’s a lot of it in a bowl?”
”That is so not what I’m saying”
The discussion ended with Pettigrew, Dorcas, Rosie, Crouch, Reggie, and James for kissing and Pandora, Remus and Sirius for Sauce. 6-3
It’s probably late by now, or rather early. Cabbage prank long forgotten and coming down from his high a little, he leans back onto Remus who puts an arm around his waist and Sirius leans into it. Usually he’d be verbally assaulting himself, or Remus… or both, instead of touching him but, this one is all Remus, right? Stupid fucking Remus can’t expect someone not to fall in love with him when he does stuff like that. Stuff like offering his knitted sweaters when Sirius is cold. Stuff like putting a hand on his shoulder when he knows Sirius is about to break. Stuff like looking directly into his eyes while love songs play in the background at parties. Honestly it’s almost just Remus’ fault. He got him into this mess, with his attitude that has an underlying niceness. Him and his stupid forgiving nature. Him and his idiotic tall lanky-ness.
Sirius closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Smelled the wool of Remus’ sweater, the cannabis smell in the air-
”I have to ask, is my brother and Lupin finally a thing now?” Say what now.
“Uh-“ James turns to look at Sirius. Deny it James just deny it please please please deny deny deny. Regulus seemed to find this particularly amusing. Remus really didn’t, Sirius could feel his friend grow tense and still next to him. Come on James.
“Not yet?” Damn it James.
Sirius doesn’t dare turn his head to look at Remus.
“Jeez, get on with it already.” Regulus responds lazily as Crouch and Rosier snickered. Sirius could feel a pit form in his stomach.
”Seriously, you’re worse than these two-“ Regulus point at his two friends. “- and that’s saying a lot, I share a dorm with them.”
Honestly it’s ridiculous that Regulus thinks there something between him and Remus. Sure, Sirius does have a big fat crush on Remus but-
Wait.
Did Regulus just imply that Crouch and Rosier are dating? Sirius looks at them as Crouch gets up, moves Rosier’s legs off the table, plops himself in his lap and kisses him. Nothing crazy, just a peck on the lips while slinging his arms around his neck. Actually, it is crazy. It’s crazy that they just did that in front of them. They basically just came out to four people they really don’t know.
”See? That could be you two right now.” Regulus looked at Sirius and Remus while pointing at the couple. But it couldn’t be, right? They could only be that if Remus was gay and liked Sirius. Which he doesn’t. His brain is going about a million miles per hour. How does Regulus even know? Sirius has ever only come out to James and although he probably has his suspicions about Sirius’ crush it’s still not something they ever talked about. Please stop talking Reg. He tried to communicate with a look, but his git of a little brother just keeps marching on with his stupid fucking speech.
”I mean- ugh-“ Regulus fake gags and James snorts. “-I don’t wanna see that. But I’d bet 20 galleons you’d want that.”
He knows Regulus is just joking, He’s trying to joke with Sirius but, it hurts. Because it’s true. He’s pathetically in love with his best friend and he doesn’t want anyone to know. It was fine, before he said it out loud, it could just exist for a couple years in his head and then once they graduated and moved out Sirius could put some distance between them. Just physically, no more showering right after each other or sleeping two meters apart. It would go away. But Regulus just took that away from him, for what? A joke? Did he even mean to be cruel? He knows Regulus has a habit of stepping over boundaries and not realising it but, this seemed excessive. Did Sirius do something to piss him off?
Sirius once again didn’t dare move. Didn’t dare look. Just went still as he considered his options. And as evident by his sudden snatch of James’ cloak and departure, he chose to run.
“Siriu-“
“We’ll be here next Friday if you’re itching for more extremely invasive and honest comments about your personal relationships!”
”Bring some girls!”
Fuck Regulus and his stupid fucking friends.