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Lucy sighs as she reaches up into the closet looking for something. She had put some of the baby’s stuff in the closet and now she wanted to bring it out. Her hand hits something hard, and she grabs it without knowing what it is. It comes tumbling down and falls to the floor, a bunch of pictures spilling out.
“Damnit.” She mutters bending down to pick them up. They were pictures she had never seen before. There were some of Tim, and some of Isabel. And some of them together and they looked happy.
Isabel was pretty and it didn’t look like she was on drugs yet. And Tim was looking at her with a soft smile on his face. Lucy swallows hard, she didn’t know much about Tim and Isabel’s relationship before everything happened but they seemed to love each other and they seemed happy.
If she hadn’t gotten addicted to drugs would they still be together? Would Lucy be sitting here getting things ready for their baby’s nursery?
Would she and Tim even be together?
She looks back down at the pictures, at Isabel’s blonde hair. At her pretty smile and her eyes that sparkled when she looked at Tim. Lucy understood that look all to well because she usually had the same one.
It didn’t work out with Isabel but what if things had gone differently with Rachel or Ashley? What if Tim had gone to New York with Rachel, or stayed with Ashley and did whatever they did together.
What if—
She knows she’s being irrational. Tim choose her and he told her that he would choose her every single time but—
She takes a deep breath trying to slow down her beating heart and her breathing.
“Hey.” A voice says from the doorway and Lucy jumps a little. “What’s going on?” She turns to face him still holding some of the pictures in her hands.
“N-nothing.” She says. “I was just looking for some of Ava’s stuff and this fell down.” Tim frowns as he walks over and bends down. He starts shuffling through pictures, Lucy waits for his face to change but it remains passive.
“I forgot these even existed.” He says flipping through the pictures. “Where did you find these?” Lucy points the box that is overturned and still has pictures in it.
“Up there.” She says. “Maybe when we moved in you just shoved it up there.”
“Maybe.” He muses still flipping through the pictures and then he looks up at her. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Lucy.” He says a warning in his voice. He puts the pictures aside and stands up and then pulls her up. “What’s wrong?”
“You don’t think it’s weird you have pictures of your ex wife in a box?” She asks.
“No.” He says. “I don’t even remember them.”
“Right.” Lucy says. “You looked happy.”
“I guess.” Tim says. “But looks can be deceiving. I know for a fact some of those pictures are right before she went undercover. I didn’t like it but I also wasn’t going to stop her. We argued all the time.”
“Oh.” Lucy says and she feels a little guilty because she went undercover a few months ago while pregnant with their child. “I-I didn’t know.”
“Mm.” Tim says. “It’s in the past baby. I don’t even think about her anymore. Not that I would.”
“You were married and you were happy.” Lucy says. “It’s okay to talk about her.”
“It’s in the past.” Tim mutters drawing her closer. “I love you. I’m with you. I want you.”
“No matter what?”
“Yesterday, today and tomorrow.” He says. “I will always want you.” Lucy swallows down the words she wants to say.
Isabel. Ashley.
He could have been happy with them. They would have blonde, blue eyed kids and—
“Luce.” Tim says softly and he starts massaging her shoulders. She groans a little and looks back at him.
“You know how to distract me.” She says. He nods and presses a kiss to her neck.
“I do.”
Tim continues to massage her, and she forgets about the.pictures and the blondes of Tim’s past.
For now.
***
“You like blondes.” Lucy says to Tim one day out of the blue. They are making dinner, and Lucy is helping him get all the ingredients out. Tim freezes and turns around to stare at her.
“Excuse me?”
“You like blondes.” She says again. “Isabel. Ashley.” Tim raises his eyebrows at her in confusion. He has a inkling he knows what this is about and he thinks of the pictures Lucy found the other day and how he put them up in the attic as soon as he could. He didn’t even know why they were in the closet in the first place.
“Yes. Two of my exes were blondes.” He says. “What—”
“There’s a 50% percent chance our daughter will be blonde.” She says ignoring him. “Because you have dirty blonde hair or whatever.” Tim opens his mouth and then shuts it again.
“Right.” He says after a few minutes. “What does that have to do with anything?” Lucy slams down the knife she is holding and he jumps back a bit. Ever since she hit the third trimester she had been extra emotional. And he’s not sure if it was the anticipation of welcoming their daughter or—
But he had learned to tread carefully around her. He had learned to not make any sudden moves or she might attack him or attach herself to him.
“It—don’t you get it?” She asks stepping towards him. He is frozen in his spot because if he moves away it could be bad. “Your type is blondes.”
“I don’t think that’s true.” Tim says carefully. “I don’t really—”
“It’s true.” She says stepping more towards him. “Y-you like blondes and I’m not blonde. I don’t even know how you—how we ended up here.” Tim’s eyes widen slightly as he stares at his wife.
And maybe things hadn’t been easy for them. He did mess up and they were apart for awhile but they found their way back to one another.
Because they were in love.
And they were still in love. And best of all they were about to welcome their first child into the world.
Their daughter.
Their baby girl.
Ava.
“What are you talking about baby?” He asks. “I know exactly how we got to this place. I know it wasn’t easy but—”
“Y-you were happy with Ashley and Isabel.” She says sniffing. Tim snorts and shakes his head and this time he moves forward. His relationship with Ashley wasn’t anything more than a casual thing. He wouldn’t describe it as happy. Maybe fake but it was far from happy. And maybe at one time he was happy with Isabel but that was a long time ago.
“No I wasn’t.” He says firmly. “Ashley didn’t want the same things as me Lucy. She didn’t want marriage or kids. She wanted me to retire and travel the world to go to different beaches.”
Lucy makes a face and Tim feels brave enough to pull her into his arms. “My relationship with Ashley was never going to last. She saw a version of me that she wanted. Isabel choose drugs over me and Rachel left and I haven’t heard from her since. And—” He pauses for a few seconds.
“What?”
“None of them were you.” He says. “None of them were the love of my life.” Lucy’s eyes fill with tears and she pushes him away. He sighs a little his shoulders falling.
He almost had it.
“But you—you could have so much with them. You could have made your marriage work with Isabel. You could have gone with Rachel or seen the world with Ashley.”
“I didn’t want any of that.” Tim says. Lucy sniffs and turns away from him. She picks up the knife again and starts cutting the cucumber that he had pulled out.
“It all sounds amazing.” She says. “I never wanted to hold you back or keep you here because we are having a baby. I don’t want you to feel like you have to be with me because you—” she pauses and Tim stares at her open mouthed. He didn’t like where this was going and he knows she’s emotional and tired. He knows she’s probably just letting the stress of everything get to her but—
Lucy continues not looking at him but at the cucumber. “I think we should get a divorce.” She mutters. Tim stares at her and then steps closer to her and he can’t help but burst out laughing. This couldn’t be real, she did not just say what he thought she said. He catches Lucy’s eyes and stops laughing when she glares at him.
“I’m sorry.” He says. “I thought you just said we should get a divorce.”
“I did.” She says looking up at him her eyes full of tears. “I love you and I want you to do what you want and I don’t want you to feel like I’m holding you—”
“Lucy, put the knife down.” He says. Lucy doesn’t move nor does she put the knife. “Luce.” She puts the knife down and Tim gathers her in his arms and to his relief she doesn’t fight him. He rocks her back and forth it, pressing kisses into her neck and then he pulls back to look at her.
“I want to make this very clear.” He says and he can’t believe this started over photos. “This is silly. You are in no way shape or form holding me back. You lift me up, you love me even when I don’t deserve it and you are by far the best thing that has ever happened to me. You are the love of my life.”
Lucy blinks at him letting a tear fall down her cheek. And she closes her eyes as if she just realized what she just said. “Oh god.” She groans pressing letting her head fall against his chest. “I’m so stupid. I found those pictures of Isabel and you both looked happy. And then Ashley popped in my head and I didn’t even think. Stupid pregnancy hormones.”
“Lucy.” Tim pulls her up so she’s looking at him. “It’s okay. Your body is going through a lot of changes. Your hormones are all over the place. Remember when you were attached to me and you were eating all my food and wearing my clothes?”
“This is all your fault you know.” She says shoving at his chest. “You did this.” Tim snorts and pulls her down closer to him.
“It takes two to tango Luce.” He says running his fingers through her hair. “And you know what else?”
“What?”
“You are carrying our baby girl.” He says softly. “You are the love of my life and I get to spend forever with you.”
Lucy hits his chest again and shakes her head. “You really know how to woo a woman don’t you.”
“Just you.” He says pulling her up to kiss him. “Only you.”
“Good.” She says and she lays her head on his chest. There’s a long silence and then he speaks again.
“I can’t believe you asked for a divorce.” He says. “Baby girl must have gotten you really riled up.”
“Shut up.” Lucy grumbles. “It’s the pregnancy hormones. I don’t actually want to divorce you.”
“Good to know.” He says still grinning at her. Lucy just rolls eyes and another long silence follows.
“Hey Lucy?” He asks. She looks up at him a curious look in her eyes. “I have something to tell you.”
“What’s that?”
“You—you’re my type.” He says. “I am a Lucy Chen-Bradford guy.” The smile that lights up her face is everything.
It’s absolutely everything.