Chapter Text
“Oi. Settsu, you’re not gonna believe this, but …”
“What, the applause? Ha, no, I believe it! We were pretty fucking great out there! Now move your ass, Hyodo - we’re gonna miss the curtain call!”
“No, Settsu-”
“What?”
“... I love ya.”
Banri gasped for air.
The applause was still going. Still going. Still going. Going, going, going … oh.
He wasn’t backstage. Just in his own bed.
And it wasn’t the audience clapping, just … his heart, and the thoughts in his head making all that noise.
Same fucking nightmare … again, he thought as he took one final deep breath before slowly turning around and propping himself up to fluff his pillow.
Beside him, his boyfriend slept undisturbed through it all.
“... dumbass Hyodo,” Banri sighed under his breath, staring aimlessly at Juza’s shoulder blades as he wondered if he’d get any more sleep tonight.
There had been a lot of that in this relationship: a lot of staring, wondering, feeling aimless, stumbling, sleepless, lost in the centimeters between them that felt like entire galaxies to Banri - distant, void, and suffocating.
A lot of nightmares too.
All of which Hyodo was none the wiser about.
… probably for the best.
Probably for the best, Banri told himself as he carefully reached out, touching Juza’s back just a little bit as he closed his eyes and tried to fall asleep again. Probably for the best that it was him, and not anyone else.
Well, but it wasn’t ever going to be anyone else, was it? Banri had always had good reasons for rejecting love confessions. It was too early for that kinda stuff, he didn’t know them that well, he was busy, he didn’t have time, it was exam season … and he wasn’t interested, that too.
Through it all, he’d never really been interested in love.
He figured that was fine. Maybe a little asocial, but- well, yeah. He was. Either way, it was fine. It was probably best not to rush those things anyway. He’d get there one day.
Except the years of bashful high school confessions were long gone, and he still hadn’t gotten there. He was a young adult with his life somewhat together, and so many future plans, and still … romance hadn’t clicked for him at all.
Maybe once he finds the right person.
Well, but his life was like 90% theater. Where was he gonna find anyone with that kinda lifestyle? Anyone new, at least.
If it was the person he already knew really well and shared a room with … it was probably for the best.
It didn’t feel the best though.
Oftentimes - like right now, shivering anxiously on too little sleep - it didn’t even feel good at all.
Perhaps he should have waited longer.
Perhaps saying yes when Hyodo asked him out was a mistake.
But he said yes because he didn’t have a good reason to say no. He thought he did - namely not being gay, hell, he didn’t even know Hyodo was - but … maybe Banri was? Or bi or not giving a fuck or whatever, who cares. It wasn’t something he wanted to think too much about. He just figured being confessed to by a guy would feel more … distinctly bad or something, who knows. But it didn’t. It felt about the same as all other confessions. A little better even. Because he did know Hyodo pretty well, and they already lived together and both worked at Mankai, so it wouldn’t be an extra chore to organize time together, and … and, well … he was probably old enough for a relationship by now? Like, it was probably time to give it a try at least?
Sometimes he wished he hadn’t.
It was probably for the best that Hyodo was out cold like a chopped log whenever Banri was having those thoughts.