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Garcia reluctantly pulled back from his embrace. Spent tears still scattered around her puffed up face. Luke scanned the room. Finding and holding up a tissue box for her. Still out of it, she looked from the box, to the items she had been holding through that hug, to his concerned face.
He gingerly took the objects from her hands, placing them on the desk.
“Th-anks-” She stuttered, whilst taking the tissue he was handing her. Always so thoughtful, even now, when he was probably suffering more than everyone else. She pushed down the next volley of tears wanting out. She had hoped to speak to him in person. Make sure he was ok. Or as close as one could be under the circumstances. “I was about to come look for you-”
“I know, that’s why I came here. I thought I’d save you the trip.”
He thought she would want to comment on what had happened, perhaps offer her suggestions about his performance. Not always in the form of constructive feedback, however that was the way she coped whenever he had been in a work related accident or close to it. Thus, he was more than happy to offer himself up as a tribute for one of her rants. Of course, talking to her wasn't the only reason why he had made his way to her office as soon as he was able to.
Luke needed something, someone to anchor him to reality. Help him reorient his anger and sorrow into something positive. Draw strength and courage from someone he trusted. He wasn’t looking for a big gesture, or a big speech. Something as simple as a silent embrace would do the trick. Naturally, there wasn’t anyone else he’d rather hug than Garcia.
She could see he was trying his best to be upbeat for her sake.
“How are you holding up?” PG posed, concerned.
Luke shrugged his shoulders in lieu of a reply.
“I know, I’m barely holding on myself. I can only imagine what it must be like for you.” Pen referenced his strong bond with Tara.
Not wanting to dwell on that particular thought, his best friend fighting for her life after being shot. Luke tried to change the subject. Going back to his initial quip which Garcia hadn’t picked up on. “I’m sorry for worrying you once again.”
“What do you mean?” She asked.
“During the- you know when T was- injured. When everything just- temporarily fell apart. In all of the confusion, you were left to think that I was the one that got shot.”
“No, I knew Tara was the one.” Garcia confirmed. Wondering what would’ve made him think so.
“But-” He said pensively. “I clearly heard you call my name over the comms. I-” Had he imagined that? In the chaos, they had temporarily lost the feeds soon after he thought he had heard her say his name.
“ You heard that? ” When Luke nodded, Pen averted her gaze. Frack! Everyone must’ve heard her then. “I’m such a bad person.” She stated, mortified by her own behaviour.
“No, of course not.” He tried to reassure her.
“Yes, I am.” Garcia was adamant in her guilt.
“Hey it’s all good-” Luke was at a loss on how to help assuage her fears. He couldn’t understand how her calling his name would be such a bad thing.
“You don't understand.”
“Then explain - Please!?! ” Luke encouraged her supportively.
“I was aware Tara had been shot. My first thought was one of devastation about it-”
“Ok-” He gestured for her to continue since she was describing what sounded like a natural reaction to the events.
“But that lasted only for a few milliseconds.” PG dipped her head in shame as she continued. “My brain then just- jumped - to you.” She briefly looked up, finding him staring back at her with a questioning look. “Thoughts and feelings jumbled up- afraid of what this latest tragedy might do to you. Terrified of what it will drive you to do. How would you cope, potentially losing another of your best friends. You’ve suffered such losses, Phil, Matt- though I know it’s not the same, but because of his super duper secret assignment he’s not really available to you. Now- now Tara? You guys are quasi siblings. It’s not fair!” She concluded in outrage. For all the fear she held about Luke going off the deep end, his emotional state was what worried her most.
He moved his hand up and down her arm a few times, soothingly. “Thank you.”
“What for? Reminding you of past losses?” Garcia noted sadly.
“For thinking of me, my wellbeing.” He hated taking up so much of her sorrow. She was already hurting about Tara’s condition.
He hadn’t been a good Agent - he should’ve done more to prevent Tara from being shot.
He wasn’t being a good friend - Garcia had told him on multiple occasions in the past how his ‘daring attitude’ would one day come back to bite him in the ass (Well, of course she had called it his plush tush). That day, it seemed, had finally come. Unfortunately though, that payback had affected everyone , not just him. This time, Luke wasn’t sure he would be able to cope with the guilt and the possible loss of one of the pivotal people in his life.
“Always.” Garcia reassured him. Not that she expected any different, but he truly looked downcast. More than that. Haunted?
She had to nip his freefall in the bud. “Wanna come over for some dinner?” She offered.
“No,” He looked at his watch. “I believe there’s been a change of shift at the hospital. I’m hoping the new Matron on duty will be more accommodating. Let me in to see her.”
“Luke-” She reached up to wipe a tear that escaped the corner of his reddened eyes. “You know what they’ve said. It’s hospital policy. Gabriel is flying back and once here I’m sure he’ll be happy to make the relevant arrangements to allow us to see her.”
He nodded, but remained steadfast in his mission. “I have to try.”
“Ok, yeah, let’s try. You never know, right?” Pen spoke reassuringly. “Perhaps we can stop somewhere, pick up some refreshments… use some proverbial carrot to try and ingratiate ourselves to the staff?” Pen mentioned, skirting over making a direct reference to Luke’s earlier meltdown. When Rossi had to intervene and escort him out of the hospital after Alvez began to argue vigorously with everyone standing between him and Tara.
“I- ummm- I’d rather go alone, if you don’t mind.” He certainly didn’t deserve Garcia hand-holding him through another outburst. And if that happened, he certainly didn’t want her in the line of fire along with him. Alvez had been told Hospital Security would definitely call the Police and have him arrested if he made another scene.
“Newbie…” She tried softly. Hoping that by using his nickname, all the connotations associated with it, would invoke a spark of relief from his current doom and gloom outlook.
It had almost worked. Garcia could see the brief tug at the corners of his lips. The smallest sign of a smile.
“I promise I’ll behave.” He told her appreciative of her efforts.
“Mk- Call me later?”
“Will do.” With that firm oath, he kissed her cheek and walked out of her office.
_______________________
“Shit!” He banged his head lightly on the corner of his opened front door as soon as he saw Garcia’s thunderous frown. “I forgot to call you.”
“You did!” She scolded him. “You also switched off your phone, I’m guessing unplugged your landline?” She continued. “I called the Police Station-”
“Had that much faith in me, uh?” He quipped.
“Mmmppphhh, Newbie!” Her hand (not free he noted) on her hip. “What was I supposed to think when you didn’t call and I couldn’t reach you? I then tried calling the Hospital. After being sent from department to department, kept on hold listening to the most horrendous instrumental rendition of ‘Happy’ -Pharrell would most defo not be happy I tell you that much- They finally connected me with the correct Ward. The Matron said you were denied entry. When I started to apologise on your behalf, she said you were actually quite polite, nice and understanding- left pastries and hot drinks for them even when they said no to you-” Garcia’s tone had softened back to her usual comforting cadence.
This time Luke managed a small smile. “Someone suggested I try the carrot.”
“That person must be a genius! Seriously, though, I’m sorry it didn’t work.” She commiserated.
“That’s ok, you were right. Can’t blame them for doing their job. They have a tough time of it as it is already.”
Garcia nodded, Nursing staff were indeed, most of the time, unsung heroes. “It was big of you to leave the goodies nonetheless.”
“That’s what you would’ve done.”
“Look at that- you’re finally learning something. It's only taken what? Almost 9 years?”
_______________________________________
“Watcha got there?” He asked, seeing her inside his apartment.
“I’ve brought you some food.” She lifted the bags in her hands, making a beeline for his kitchen. “Have you eaten?” Reassured he was physically ok and not rotting in Hospital Jail, it was time to nourish his soul. The quickest way she knew. Through his stomach. Via some of her delicious home baked scones and cookies he loved, and some of her vegetarian dishes he didn’t completely hate.
“I’m not hungry.” Luke should’ve known better.
“That’s not what I asked! ” She reverted back to her more stern, still compassionate, demeanor. “ Have you eaten? ” She repeated.
“No-” Would it help to explain why he was punishing himself?
“Then sit.” She directed firmly.
“Chica…” He tried to no avail.
“ For me , pleeease!?!” Her tactic flipped, changing to a pleading tone. Her mouth folded downwards, her bottom lip pushed out, slightly quivering.
“Mmmhhh” He grumbled in defeat.
“I’ll make you a deal-” PG stroked his bicep until he looked at her. “You go sit on the couch and I’ll bring over something light.” - “Some baked goodies you can choose from. One , that’s all I’m asking of you, that you eat one item- then I won’t bug you anymore.” Her index finger in between them, confirming she would then leave him be, before he could remonstrate. “I’ll brew you a coffee or bring some water, juice if you prefer?” She offered.
“I’d rather have two fingers of scotch- neat !” Luke mentioned in a far off look. That was Tara’s drink of choice whenever they would be reeling from a tough day.
“Not the time to lose yourself at the bottom of a glass or bottle- maybe later- first, you have to give yourself time to grieve, sober , for a lil bit-” PG swiftly added on when Luke rolled his eyes. “If you allow the pain to pass through you, feel it, rather than bury it…” She sighed. “I’m not saying it’s gonna be all sunshines and roses on the other side. It will just make it a little easier to cope with the resulting emotions-” Garcia halted her speech mid sentence. That look on his face. Yep, perhaps it was too much.
“You’re the expert.” Luke commented.
“Frack!” - “Too preachy, uh?” She apologised.
“No- it was a genuine statement of facts. I was referring to your expertise as a grief counsellor. A very good one at that.” He clarified.
She smiled in relief. “How would you know?” He had never sat in on one of her group sessions. Citing that he didn’t want to invade hers or the attendees’ privacy.
“The few times I’ve come to pick you up at the centre, waiting in the parking lot. Since no one really knew who I was, people commented freely as they walked by me on their way to their cars.” - “Nothing but high praises all around.” He confirmed after a brief pause for effect. Perking up at her reaction.
Garcia was blushing. It was always hard for her to accept compliments or believe that her efforts did indeed have such a positive impact on people’s lives. “Thanks, I try-” She accepted modestly. “Does it mean you are open to follow my counsel, too!?!
“Yes.” He agreed, making his way towards his living room as directed.
_______________________
After setting the food and drinks on the coffee table in front of him, Garcia picked up the remote control.
“This good?” She asked, switching the telly on to ESPN on low volume.
He nodded. Though it hadn’t taken her long to join him on the couch, she had noted how his demeanor was quickly reverting back to his lowest point.
Garcia placed a hand on his thigh, calling his attention to her. She pointed towards the food, then raised her index finger with a sweet smile.
Luke grinned. Huffed. But as per their agreement, he picked up a scone. All the while using his own pointer finger to signal he was following her directions and silently implying he was expecting her to keep to her side of their bargain. He then took a bite.
His big gesture to highlight he was eating just to appease her, would’ve gone much better if his stomach hadn’t awakened, loudly roaring in sudden hunger. Just a nibble of her delicious goody had been enough to make him crave much more. Moaning in pleasure and stuffing his face, he had made short work of the plate stacked with food in front of him.
For her part, Garcia had quietly looked on in amusement. She was about to point out to Alvez that half of the food she had brought was for herself, however she was so glad he was not only eating, but enjoying her offerings, that she opted to remain silent. Giggling and busying herself on her phone so as not to embarrass him. Afraid he might stop eating if she made a joke at that moment.
His belly full, his Chica by his side, for the first time that day, Luke had allowed himself to be lulled into nothingness. Reclined against the armrest of his couch, his legs raised, bent at the knee, mindlessly rocking one slowly side to side. Not really following whatever sports updates given.
Alvez stilled when he heard Garcia’s strangled sob.
He switched off the telly, wary of how to address her. He wouldn’t last a day, not even a session, as a counselor for sure.
“Chica.” He called out softly. His fingers ghosted her damp cheek.
“I’m good.” She nodded. Turning towards him, wanting to reassure him. “It- just reminiscing-” She said bittersweetly. Turning her phone so Luke could see the picture she was looking at. “Remember this?”
Alvez chuckled. “Yeah, it’s the Halloween party when both Tara and I wore the same costume.” He shook his head remembering the night fondly. “The deluded way T kept insisting she wore it better.” He added.
“Cos she did!” Confirmed Garcia.
“Sure, always take her side no matter the truth.” He jested.
“She’s my Queen, and I'm her loyal-”
“Courtesan?” He tried to finish her sentence.
“Newbie!” She squawked, lightly swatting his arm. His face turned to crimson once he realized his mistake, along with the offence he might have given. Still trying to keep the dunking on the light side, Pen simply corrected him. “I believe you meant Lady-in-waiting.”
“Yes! Yes I did.” He nodded vehemently.
“C’mon, show me more.” He encouraged her. Garcia was seldomly without her phone. Its souped up storage files contained pictures and videos, detailing a comprehensive timeline of their BAU extended family, on and off work. “Can’t see properly.” Alvez complained when she twisted her phone each time she swiped to a new picture.
“Get closer!” She replied, annoyed. Glancing at the way he was sitting before squarely staring at him.
Men and their unexplainable need to take up as much space as possible wherever they settled!
He smirked. “You do!” He countered. Pulling her up to him. His lower limbs parted so she could fit snugly between his legs. He moved the throw pillows behind his back, sitting up slightly, gently tightening his hold on Garcia. “Comfy?” He posed when she finally relaxed in their new position. Her back flush to his chest. His hands rested on her wrists.
“Mh-mh” She briefly hummed. Anymore and she would’ve betrayed herself. She always felt safe and cared for when in close contact with Luke. Their current position made her feel - Frack, she wasn’t sure how to put that into words. She just knew she felt: some kind of wonderful, alive, protected, that she fit- there was so much more she couldn’t be bothered to describe.
The feels did all the talking after all. No need to ponder any longer on that. She just wanted to enjoy it.
PG adjusted herself slightly, further melting into him before resuming the (manual) slide show.
Some pictures depicted the whole family, some Tara by herself. Some at/with friends’ functions/outings, some around the office. In some, the Doc was serious, in some happy. In quite a few, with one of her trademark goofy faces. Especially if standing next to Luke in the middle of pulling some prank on him, or just after delivering one of her hysterically funny (not so much for Newbie!) put downs.
Both Alvez and Garcia somehow felt closer to the friend they were so desperately worried about. Commenting on the pictures and recounting anecdotes as they went along.
“Wait! Go back!” Luke’s hands tightened around her wrists when he saw Pen trying to swiftly move along. “What’s happening there, Miss Garcia!?!” He said after he had to take temporary control over her hands. Making PG swipe back to the picture he was referring to.
Penelope covered her eyes with one hand. “Not sure what you’re referring to.” She tried to cover, but he wouldn’t have any of it.
Amused at her reaction, he dug his heels in. “There has to be a good story behind that !” He noted of the compromising picture.
“Fine.” She relented. “It was Ladies’ night and Tara had the brilliant idea to spice things up. She took us to this ummm- male exotic dance club-” She admitted shyly.
“I thought those are usually strictly hands off.” He enquired, intrigued by her (delightedly) shocked expression in the picture.
“ Technically , there were no hands involved.” She stated nonchalantly.
“Yeah, just a guy's head between your legs, whilst his tongue is - what’s he doing? Licking something off of your thigh?” He added with a tinge of jealousy.
“Ummm, yeah- some chocolate sauce, nothing untowards, that was just his bit as the Candy King. I mean it’s all in good fun- it’s his job. You can see it much better in the videos.” - “It was all in good fun.” She repeated.
“Yeah, I can see you’re definitely having fun.” - “You mentioned there are videos?” He suddenly blurted out. Fuck! That guy seemed to be enjoying himself way too much, for it to be simply ‘part of his routine’.
“No, yes, no- I’m not gonna show them to you.” She said, swiping to the next, more innocent picture. Perhaps she should move all the records of that night in a separate folder. That way she wouldn’t end up showing them to the wrong people in future.
Although Luke had let the matter drop, a few pictures later, Garcia’s mind was still restlessly replaying their exchange.
Why was she feeling so guilty about that picture?
She halted her flicking. “You know, that- ummm- that outing was years ago. Before you joined the Team. Long before we met. It didn’t mean anything. I wouldn’t do it now.”
Why was she still going on about that? Why would Luke even care?
“OK-” He tried to maintain a neutral tone. Not wanting to let her know how furiously jealous it made him, seeing her with another man in a somewhat sexual context.
She hadn’t done anything wrong.
It wasn’t her problem. It was his .
And that in itself, was the biggest problem for Alvez!
“It’s none of my business.” Luke said, unable to sound as self assured and understanding as he had hoped to be.
Garcia half turned. Her side against his chest. Her hand on his pecs for support. Looking up at him. Holding his intense gaze. “What if I wanted it to be?” She posed in a wishful whisper.
“I'd like that- I’d like that very much .” He replied in a similar hushed, yet confident, tone. Lowering his head to place his forehead on hers.
“Then, can you make it so?” She requested, elated, turning all the way, laying on top of him.
Luke grabbed her sides to pull her up closer to him. Their faces millimeters apart. They both smiled, closing the gap and uniting their mouths in a searing kiss.
When they parted he couldn’t help but stare at her in content.
“What?” She asked, feeling self conscious under his intense scrutiny.
“I’m sure I have better moves than Candy Boy!” He stated in a smirk.
“First off, he’s the Candy ‘KING’.” She corrected him.
“And second?” He prodded.
She snorted with laughter, the thought of her Newbie wriggling around on a stage. In front of an audience of screaming, feral women. In nothing but buttless chaps and a thong. Seeming completely ludicrous.
Not that Luke lacked the necessary skills or attributes. Years of friendship taught Garcia he had those in spades. It was his reserved nature that didn't really suit that image.
A private viewing though… That sounded completely plausible and more than tantalizing.
“I’d pay to see that!” She ventured.
“You’ve earned yourself a free lifetime pass to this show, My Lady.” He retorted sensually, waving up and down his body.
“When did that happen?”
“When I fell in love with you.” Luke proclaimed, bringing her back up to him for an even more blistering kiss.
“Mmmppphhh, frack! I- Mmmppphhh! I- shoot- too- mmmppphhh good- I” Luke finally released her when she kept trying to speak.
“Seriously woman? You have to talk even now?”
She caressed the frown off his face. “I was just trying to tell you that I’m in love with you too, Newbie.” She giggled at his grateful expression. “Lips- back on mine- now!” She quickly instructed. She hated the cooling sensation overtaking her mouth due to the absence of his, on hers.
Their magical moment broke when they heard Tara’s muffled voice complaining. “ Ewww, stop that! ” She was yelling, over and over again.
An eerie sensation enclosed them. After a brief inquisitive glance at each other, they realised Pen’s phone had fallen between their bodies and the couch.
A video had begun playing.
Someone else must have been recording on that occasion. Probably Grant, since each Team member was in full view. Moving in on Lewis until she was cornered in the briefing room. Each taking turns placing kisses on her cheeks, fussing over her, calling her all sorts of cute and fluffy nicknames and adjectives in sickly sweet tones. Behaviour that Tara always made a show of hating. But not really hating at all.
“Her birthday last year.” Recalled Luke.
“Yeah, she thought, hoped , I would forget to ensure we celebrated that after two long back to back cases. But there’s no escaping the Birthday Party Fairy!” - “She was so mad at me for days.” Said Penelope in a self castigating tone.
“Hey,” He called out to her. Lifting her chin when she averted her gaze. “She loved that.” He reassured her. “She did. She kept talking about it. Of course trying to spin it as if she wouldn’t have cared either way if you’d forgotten. But she couldn’t have been happier that you didn’t.”
“Not sure. Sometimes I think I take things too far.”
“That’s what we need. You to be you . For you to go overboard, to bring some light and joy back in our lives. Reminding us the world is not all bad.”
“It was today. Crushing really.” Pen hugged Luke tighter as she spoke.
He kissed the top of her head, drawing strength from having her in his arms. “I know-”
She felt his hold falter for the briefest of moments. Time to return the favor. “Tara is strong, she’s not gonna go down without giving it a good fight. Most importantly, she’s not gonna give that b*tard the satisfaction of a win.” She concluded with renewed optimism.
“You’re right. She’ll fight!” He concurred.
“And we’ll be there every step of the way to support her.”
Luke nodded in agreement. No matter what, the whole family would be there by Lewis’ side to support her. Do everything in their power to ensure Tara would get the best chance at pulling through.
He placed a chaste kiss on Pen’s lips.
“More?” He suggested, pointing at her phone.
“Yeah.” Garcia turned. Sliding back into her earlier position, wrapped tightly in her Newbie’s embrace.
She set the phone on an auto,random slideshow.
Both silently enjoying the memories that flooded back with each new image until they fell asleep in each other’s arms.